What do you consider to be desperate behavior in romantic interests & do you think it would be desperate behavior for you, or only for other people?

[VIVANT]

Internet pic.

Beywbior I find desperate in others I likewise find as desperate in myself.

It’s different. There are things I do that would creep me out if someone else did.

Other

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1 y

I don’t personally classify people as desperate.

If I like someone I’ll get to know them if i have a problem, I’ll discuss it. If I tbh k it’s fine to move in, I’ll discuss that.

I’m wondering what other people think of as “desperate “bc I hear that thrown around and it doesn’t make sense to me, so I’m asking lol

I tend to think if someone seems “ desperate” you’re just not into them, so I think rather than worrying about being desperate people should focus on spending time with people—

Updates

1 y

—they get along with who are willing to be honest with them.

One dude dies not fit all. I think trying to curb your personality to suit someone who doesn’t like you is a bad way to go. Better to be who you are so you can click with someone who genuinely gets you.

But anyhow I’m wondering what makes people feel like someone is desperate and if they think it’s objectively desperate or only desperate when someone else does it & not themselves doing it or when someone “hotter” does it.

[Aakash_Hangargi]

Desperation is a mental state or an act and need for some Value.

Now let's say Value is any desired outcome.

Desperation can be situational.

For example

Aakash would do any job he is desperate for money as for he is in need for money for so and so purpose.

Now for people to come to this conclusion there should be a common bunch who should know me to discuss about me and i should have asked them for jobs.

So seeing the need for me to get job and money and the dependency on it they could call me desperate for job.

Now this desperation is in urgency of things and situation



So basically desperation is need for the Value to be obtained and the action you take defines your level of desperation for the value


Let's say Aakash is in love with Vivant , but vivant haa friendzoned aakash.
But aakash still considers love as value and not friendship as value.

So he goes extra mile in showing it to Vivant by any means like it's not a normal friend would do but vivant would still be friends.

But Aakash would be desperate for love , he already has friendship but needs love but he knows he can't get it but still gives a try so 9 would say desperation is something that you need which you can't get but you still try to attain that value against all odds and hopes.

Now this point of view that is from the third view of public is act if desperation like aakash did something so desperate to get vivants attention.

Like i am writting this big comment because i am desperate to get your attention 🤣🤣🤣

[NathanDavis]

I honestly don't know...

I don't really have experience with these kind of dynamics and behaviours that other people might deem 'desperate"

I just simply don't have them on my radar... and I could only assume things

but I could make a safe assumption... for any person that causes themselves a damage or hurt just in order to feel loved by someone else (that doesn't love them by the way if they are doing this damage and causing hurt) then I would safely assume that this person is so desperate it cannot longer what real romance and love is

[VIVANT]

Yeah she I don’t see things through that orbs and I have the impression being ready to look at people that way will cause unnecessary complication and or waste time. Bc you aren’t seeing what’s happening rather a trope.

[NathanDavis]

well, a desperate state of mind, and actions, behaviours... those are definitely unusual for most people

but I am looking at the true meaning and concept of "desperate"

other people might use this adjective too quick or too simply

for example, a lot of people tend to think that if any woman asks out any man... she is only doing that because she's "absolutely desperate"

I just do not agree with such simplistic and also wrong views of reality

[VIVANT]

😂 I almost used that as an example but changed my mind bc I don’t even want to give that any attention it’s so dehumanizing and irrational. People who believe it are just so attached to that belief I don’t feel like messing with it. Waste of time. And honestly, what a way to sabotage yourself lol

[Pinay_ako]

I’m a yes or no person. If you say, you don’t like me, I won’t allow you to reject me again. I’d expect the same with the other person. Desperate is thirsty. Even if there’s no mutual reaction from the other party yet you still expect and keep pursuing, that’s really thirsty.

[melanieeeB]

For me desperate is if someone can't understand and respect a no and still comes at you and be so damn thirsty or stalking and obsessive behavior

[Lliam]

I'm thinking of things like
- low self worth.
- begging.
- groveling.
- acting pathetic and undignified.
- being willing to do 'anything' just to get someone to like you. I'm thinking of sex acts or degradation.
- caring more about another person than yourself.
- making you uncomfortable by not taking no for an answer.

Desperation in a man looks weak.
A desperate woman just looks like she would be easy to take advantage of.

A person can feel deep desire without acting desperate. Desire is attractive.

[VIVANT]

I think the things you mentioned look weak in any gender tho if it gets to that point there’s got to be some communication or boundary problems. Why would engine still be around someone that they so don’t want to be with that the person is begging or groveling. I don’t see that as desperate but done dysfunctional co dependency

I ephifnt choose to engage in any of these behaviors in the pro toon or receiving end. I think there is a silent involvement on the part of people condemning.” Desperate” behavior which is why I think focusing on your own boundaries is good. We do not have to worry about calling other people desperate if we are not bothering with anyone who can’t respect boundaries.

Altho if the things you mr toned were actually the reasons most people use the term desperate, I’d understand it more lol mostly it’s stuff like dressing “ too sexy” or having enjoyable sex with whomever they want, or asking a question someone doesn’t want to be asked or calling at a tine that turned out not to be ideal lol like mostly petty stuff tubal either isn’t our concern or, can be ironed out with discussion.

Desierate psyxho unhinged etc get tossed around like candy and it usually just means someone is acting like someone you don’t want to date - which is going to be millions of people 😂

[Lliam]

I think I see what you're saying. This is a question I never thought about before and you make some really good points.

You nailed it when you mentioned "dysfunctional codependency".

I think what you are talking about when you mention people who toss around demeaning words like desperate, simp, alpha, beta man, slut, cum dump, etc. is true. Those people are more dysfunctional than the people they describe. They have really bad attitudes about male-female relations.

And codependency for people who are in relationships is as bad as narcissism.

I don't use names like that or stereotype people. I deal with situations as they come along. If I thought a girl was cute, I'd think it was charming if she was obviously trying hard to impress me. On the other hand, if I wasn't attracted to her, I'd try to let her know that I wasn't interested without hurting her feelings and would be uncomfortable if she wasn't gracious about it.

[KostasKouvalis]

I won't deny that if I catch feelings for someone I become really obsessive, often to the point where it becomes creepy and uncomfortable. Which is messed up, because I hate when girls do that to me. I think I've gotten a little better at controlling it though, because I've finally realized how creepy it was.
I'm still somewhat persistent though. When I want something I want something, so if you give me even a glimmer of hope, I'm gonna keep pestering you until I either get what I want or you straight up tell me to fuck off. It's not a good idea to dance around things with me. You'd better make your boundaries/intentions clear from the get-go, otherwise I'm gonna end up crossing them.
Like for example, you said straight up that you don't wanna fuck, AT ALL, so I'm not even gonna bother with you😂

[Aerolyn]

To steadily pursue someone once they've already rejected you.

I believe it would be desperate behavior for me and for other people.

[VIVANT]

It’s unbecoming but who knows if it’s desperate might be a game to them. 😅

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

If one becomes obsessed with one in a relationship that could be a form of desperate behavior in romantic interests in one or the other in a relationship.

[VIVANT]

What would that look like to you?

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

@VIVANT It might scare me away in a relationship not quite sure.

[VIVANT]

I understand But what I mean is what things would she do that would make you think she’s that way?

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

@VIVANT She call me all the time on the phone and left messages on my answering machine it made me shy, and nervous, maybe I needed to grow up not too sure

[Anonymous]

I consider this a "woman's" word. Women typically judge guys as "desperate" or not based on thier actions. And they also seemingly worry about being seen as desperate. Conversely I see actions that women would construe as desperation as bold acts. Every time a guy or a woman puts thier heart out there. There's a chance the other person is just going to step on it. That's not desperation, that's bravery. I don't even worry about whether I'm seen as desperate or not. If I think a person is worth it I'll sing thier name from the rooftop. Only problem is that instance is very ver rare.

[AmeerX]

It's not desperate if someone is trying harder. It only gets creepy when someone is spending too much time overthinking messages and not calling.

Just remember people are strangers before they become friends

[VIVANT]

I didn’t disagree however if someone was thinking Instead of calling we wouldn’t know so it wording look desperate 🤔

[AmeerX]

Plain words just seek them out. Call on them. Don't waste time about what ifs.

[Jamie05rhs]

I don't ever consider any woman to be "desperate." I believe everyone should be free to speak their mind and express their feelings, and I will honor what they say and treat them with respect. I do not wish to be mean to anyone.

[VIVANT]

Yeah basically sane snd if at least ask about something I thought was uncomfortable for me, not just insult them lol

[Jamie05rhs]

@VIVANT. What do you mean? I didn't really understand.

[VIVANT]

I said same for me and if there was something bothering me I’d talk about it or move on— not just call them desperate

[Jamie05rhs]

Ohhhh. You mean like something bothering you about their actions or words? Or more like about who they are?

[pizzalovershouse]

The guy who always says after you start seeing him he says to you always want to have sex with me that's why you are seeing me

[VIVANT]

😬😬😬

[pizzalovershouse]

👍👍

[Juxtapose]

Desperation is where you exalt the other person at the expense of yourself just so you can get some companionship.

[VIVANT]

Yeah that’s objectively unhealthy it’s not just a bad match 🤔

[Makeushiver]

I think neediness or feigned helplessness is shitty. Men can easily be as guilty of this mow than women. If you have or currently am dating a guy- outside of the first 60-90 days when he he's chivalrous, who is the more "suffering" when they get a head cold or other relatively miner illnesses. The 60-90 day caveat is because even men can behave like men during the infatuation period

[Jennz6]

I am doing a job most people would think maybe I am desperate for money or work but yes it would be creepy for you to do what I do.💃

[VIVANT]

Loli ehh I don't know money is money we all need it

[Jennz6]

I know

[Aakash_Hangargi]

What job curious now

[Still-alive]

when you spam them with texts or messages or even calls demanding they pay attention to you and not at all being respectful about their time.

[VIVANT]

What do you consider demanding attention? I mean has anyone ever said I’m demanding you pay attention to me? It’s vague. 😊 I think sometimes when you’re not into someone, anything they do can feel like a lot even tho it’s normal, that’s why I ashes to flip it around, if you did the sage would you see it as “ too much”

[Still-alive]

i mean when its like ill say 5-10 texts or even phonecalls that go to voicemail and its all in one day.. yeah thats too much. thats what i mean

[VIVANT]

Yeah that is. I wouldn’t like that either but maybe more accurate to say we don’t like it and don’t want it. If it’s something the other person enjoys they should be with someone who likes it. I don't know that it’s desperate it’s just a completely unappealing form of communicating to me and you but who knows someone else might dig it 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Rockstarrrrr]

Pretty much anything one-sided... And some people like to convince themselves that it's not one sided while it still is... And it becomes even more desperate...

[Fuentes]

I think it's desperate if a women tells me she needs to be married in the next 6 months to. a year run🏃‍♂️🏃‍♂️💨

[VIVANT]

Lol who does that tho

But if that’s her thing it’s a bad match. Some guy might want that 🤷🏻‍♀️😝

[Fuentes]

Lol I met a few women who said that and I blocked them after

[Alex8736]

Can you be more specific?

[VIVANT]

Im sorry, I wish I could but I can’t bc I don’t personally classify people as desperate.

If I like someone I’ll get to know them if i have a problem, I’ll discuss it. If I tbh k it’s fine to move in, I’ll discuss that.

I’m wondering what other people think of as “desperate “bc I hear that thrown around and it doesn’t make sense to me, so I’m asking lol

I tend to think if someone seems “ desperate” you’re just not into them, so I think rather than worrying about being desperate people should focus on spending time with people that get along with who are willing to be honest with them.

I think trying to curb your personality to suit someone who doesn’t like you is a bad way to go. But anyhow I’m wondering what makes people feel like someone is desperate and if they think it’s objectively desperate or only desperate when someone Else does it.

[Alex8736]

In my opinion the term desperate has different meanings for instance you have some that are very needy and others are very insecure. Communication is very important to me. If someone has a habit of practically smothering me by calling 30 times a day always asking what I'm doing and not giving someone their personal space that to me is desperate

[Ms_Facesitter]

Simping!

[VIVANT]

Can you define simping (I’m your opinion) for me

[Ms_Facesitter]

Doing something nice without ever getting the signal that you like him back. You don't or barely know him and he goes above and beyond to fulfill your every wish. You can make him do whatever you want and he usually will. Anything for your attention. He does anything for you while you did nothing to deserve it. I call that simping.

[Pohjolan]

Not taking no for a answer.

[msc545]

Blowing up my phone counts as desperate.