What are your opinions about having a fling with an older guy?

[sunflower44]

My best friend did and it cost us our friendship🥺she was 19 and he was in his 60s😣she actually broke up with him and married someone else since tht but I still can't get over the fact of how repulsive tht was🤢

[DaveJord]

WOW, 19 and 60 years old... puke!!! Okay, I say if you want to have a fling then have fling have fun, knowing exactly what it is and move on from it. But for 19-year-old to get with a 60-year-old, sound like more than a fling to me.

Definitely more going on with that then meets the eye, that's my take on it.

19 and hooking up with guy in his 30's or 40's I can see that as being fun. I mean older guys have more experience and I will tell you at 22 I thought I was hot shit, but I was a child. 38 to 42, really isn't that old, and plenty of attractive older guys out there, that can show you what a real man can do. But again, that is if you just want to fling it and have fun. If not, then stay in your weight class until you grow a little more and gain some maturity before trying to hang with the big dogs.

[sunflower44]

He wanted to take her away and I think she thought that was her only ticket out of her family,, she did NOT like her family 😬but I kept telling her to move in with me it's not like she didn't have any other options

[lightbulb27]

I'd say likely poor training by the parents or prior traumas. I'd say gross, but then again, can't judge others... Bible says not to do that... dang it!

Back in the olden days the emperors would do that, the kings and powerful would do that. So... that pattern exists in human society. Not so many examples where old wmen have young guys

. There are some "old souls" which are drawn to older or more mature people, some people who are just stupid as dirt (relationally) and developing, and there's people whom think they are going to get something out of it. Look at all the "chicks" that showed up when the playboy owner opened his doors. sick, but that's the chick brain!

What can you do... you have to let people make their decisions and hopefully they aren't life altering misery.

[sunflower44]

Thank you,, i was starting to think I am the only one who thinks like tht ,, according to @ kylee 2437 I'm a horrible friend 🤦‍♀️

[kylee2437]

@sunflower44 you aren’t because you are judge mental and victimizing someone in this situation that doesn’t deserve sympathy

[sunflower44]

@kylee2437 I only posted this because I want to know how I can get over my hard feelings towards her,, no hate please! I'm not victimizing anyone!!!

[kylee2437]

I am explaining how you can, you are taking what I am saying personally. You are in the wrong. Your friend deserves people in her life that are non judgmental

[lightbulb27]

@kylee2437 I think you have to conclude what you can stomach and thus hold your mental health, based upon who you are now. Maybe another time in life, you're in a different place. no shame in that. generally speaking though, friends don't judge their friends and wish the best for them. your call, no judgement.
like... if she dated a cannibal, might be a problem for a vegetarian... ya know... It's all just emotions:)

[kylee2437]

@light bulb nah honestly good riddance to people that don’t see themselves and their ways as an issue. How are you going to want to fix how you are towards people but then write an entire paragraph of how disgusted you are with an old friends past? I’m sure her friend is happy and doesn’t need some old news bad friend reminding her of what she grew from

[lightbulb27]

@kylee2437 what do you mean be "what she grew from"? you mean being reminded of what she lived makes one feel gross and can't get past that? I get that, you want to keep yourself emotionally healthy and getting away from "poison" is wise. But, you'd be surprised how screwed up people are and it takes decades to repair, if ever. There's reasons she did what she did, and people do what they do... they may not be good reasons. e. g. maybe she was abused by an older man as a child. statistically, very likely. When I started to realize why people do what they do, it helped with empathy and concern for them, and communication. Doesn't mean I live in their "junk "though nor accept it.

[kylee2437]

@lightbulb27 I think you are not comprehending what I am saying at all

[lightbulb27]

@kylee2437 that's possible...:)

[sunflower44]

I have reasons to believe she may have been abused by her father or brothers as a child which I think is horrible and I wish I could help her but I'm not a great one to help someone like that and we just don't talk about it,, I just think I should be able to at least be friends with her again but I can't seem to get over it,, yes I know thts pathetic so help me please!!!

[lightbulb27]

That would make sense, is possible. When I was younger, I became aware of a neighbor girl that was abused by her psycho brother and his friends. Later in life I learned what that does to a person... to violate their space... I don't want to think how her life turned out and her abuser brother later started to deal with his guilt.
Like I said, the answer is to understand and have compassion. She's likely/possibly doing what she was "trained" to do... that is... trained by trauma. You can't fault someone for that, that's humanity. But you can stay away for your own sanctity. This why therapists have to be really strong... to deal with sick people. Recognizing your own flaws, humility, then having compassion for her would be the way. Otherwise, you are right, leave it to someone else. She has to find her way out, but others can provide guidance and support as she runs into obstacles of life and decides to reflect. That's most of us... we're all flawed...

[kylee2437]

You don’t seem like a true friend if you are still crap talking her past and aren’t looking at the fact that she could’ve went through abuse from this guy.

[sunflower44]

Ik I feel horrible about it🥺but I honestly can't look at her anymore,, I know the guy and he's a really nice guy actually she's the one who intimidated it,, he almost lost his job about the whole ordeal

[kylee2437]

Once again, you aren’t understanding that he is the one in power as he is so much older. Please change your perspective and realize he is at fault for everything that could’ve happened from upholding a relationship like that. He knew better, she was barely an adult

[sunflower44]

She is older than me and I know better 🤷‍♀️ she knew what she was doing,, I don't feel like she was innocent which makes this whole thing worse

[kylee2437]

You may know better because you learned from her situation and overall may have a better upbringing , she is a victim. You are victimizing a creepy 60 year old that had the choice to be disgusted at the thought of dating someone just barely legal. You aren’t a good friend

[Anonymous]

gross.. however, safe sex and be careful are the main points.

[sunflower44]

Thanks for replying 🤗

[Anonymous]

It depends on you and your "realpolitik" view of life. What I mean by that is we all have different desires and fetishes. I don't know your friend but to her it could be dick is dick, she wanted a new experience or had alternative motives like seeking money. Personally I think such an age gab is indeed disgusting and shows me either the woman is something akin to a whore or has ulterior motives which makes me question her motives with men. For strictly someone who is my friend it depends how it affected the friendship, if she was a good friend to you but her choices repulsed you so much then its your loss since who she bangs isn't your problem. Otherwise since it cost the friendship, you clearly have your boundaries as to what you can accept, move on with life then.

[sunflower44]

U r right,, her guys are not my problem, maybe thts just what I should do is move on ,, I don't think we'll ever get back to where we were.

[Opinion Owner]

What I learned over life is that in "most" situations people are replaceable, even if you feel you don't think that way I assure you many others do so if you're not the one being replaced then you're doing the replacing. Situations also happen with literally anyone be it family, friends, spouse etc that change the dynamics of the association so things are never the same again, even worse is YOU may never be the same again. It may hurt or seem confusing now but its not worth your time to dwell on it. Take care and good luck :)

[sunflower44]

Life kinda sucks, huh?😣😏btw I don't think such a wise answer deserves to be anonymous,, just saying, tht was so true and probably the best advice I got on this post ,, who are you🧐

[Opinion Owner]

Lets not look a gift horse in the mouth ;)

[Anonymous]

What was it about this guy in his 60s that she was willing to have a fling with him?

[Opinion Owner]

I don't blame the Old Man for wanting to bang a Young Attractive Woman since was willing.

[sunflower44]

I'm not sure,, am kinda scared to reply,, I got more hate on this post than I expected

[sunflower44]

She told me that he was the only one who understood her ,, and he wanted to take her away like overseas but then after everything was over she just moved on like she married another guy tht same year 🤨

[Opinion Owner]

I'll remain neutral. By the way, I wouldn't hate to begin with. That's not who I am. What was it about this 60 Something Year Old that she had a fling with him?

[Opinion Owner]

it makes sense now.