Was he flirting or not?

[Xaniihya]

So, I want to say first and foremost that I was diagnosed recently with AuDHD, so I am not confident with my interpretation of what happened. So here it goes.

Basically, I was walking around Walmart a few years back, by myself, waiting for the people I came with to finish their shopping, scrolling through my phone, just overall minding my business in the electronics section of the store.

A guy that worked there approached me and asked me to pretend to need help because he hated his job. I took this at face value, since guys usually are more straightforward than women in my experience. As such, I rolled my eyes at him and explained I wouldn’t be his distraction and if he hated his job so much, he should quit. He asked me to just play along, again, and I quirked a brow and laughed, asking him “Why should I? Why shouldn’t I just report you to the store for accosting a customer to slack off?”

To add some context, I am a very antisocial person, I dress very alternatively, tomboyishly, most days and just generally try not to attract attention from men because it has only spelled trouble for me in the past, with a handful of SA attempts behind me because of guys ‘approaching me’. So… I’m not sorry for how I handled the situation, I just want to know what you guys think? Was he trying to flirt and missed the shot? Or was he really just trying to be a lazy asshole? He got really upset with me at the end and called me a bitch, so I am unsure.

[Valdemort]

in the least, he was trying to by funny and hoped you'd go along with it... I guess that didn't work out 💀

[Xaniihya]

Yeah… I’m not the best person for strangers to approach randomly, my responses range from freeze to evisceration depending on how threatening it feels, regardless of the other person’s actual intentions... 😅

I struggle a lot with facial expressions and tone, which I recently found out is because I’m Autistic, so I’ve had a bunch of interactions where I’ve misunderstood a situation. I’ve never had an employee from a store try to strike up random conversation before, aside from at the checkout. It made me angry, I guess, because I know plenty of people who struggle with job searches and would kill for an opportunity. I forget that a lot of people don’t say what they actually mean and that jokes exist sometimes. 😅

[Anonymous]

You could have saved yourself a whole lot of time and just typed that you're just a a**hole. If you're antisocial what does it matter if he was flirting? You were rude to him, he was rude back. Everything ended just as it should have.

[Xaniihya]

By your own logic, you could have just typed “You’re just an asshole.”

You sound like one of those guys that cat call and tell women to smile more and get offended if they’re not constantly receptive. I’m sure you’re real fun, though. It really shows.

Maybe a guy should take a hint and not approach a woman with earbuds in? That usually means they’re not open to being approached by others.

I was asking because I’m autistic and I tend to take things at face value, but I’ve had one or two friends say he was trying to flirt. It “matters” because I am trying to understand an interaction that confused me. ‘Why does my life matter so much to you if you think I’m an asshole?’, is the real question.

[Opinion Owner]

Well you're batting.000 I don't think I've ever catcalled a woman. Yeah I read that you're "autistic". That's the new in thing with kids today. They don't want to learn how to read people so rather than try they just claim they autistic.
No that altercation with that guy was probably going to go south whatever you said. But we'll never know for certain, because you stonewalling him. Which I'm totally fine with. Do that to every guy person you meet if you like. But know the majority of the time you're likely the cause of the negativity.

[Xaniihya]

One, I’m 31, far from a kid. Two, I was diagnosed by two different therapists. I never once thought of myself as autistic, I’ve always just considered myself unapproachable and guarded because I dealt with sexual harassment and assault when I was a “kid” (16-22) and a lot more friendly to acquaintances and strangers. Also I studied psychology and sociology in college in an effort to learn more about people and their motivations. Your batting could use work as well. 😂 I was asking BECAUSE the way he approached me didn’t make sense to me and has never happened before/since and I wanted to understand it, but I understand if you struggle with reading comprehension. We all have things we struggle with and have to work on. I can just admit mine. This interaction is toxic, so I’ll be excusing myself. Have a good life, or don’t, you can reply, but you’ll be arguing alone. ✌🏻

[Opinion Owner]

So you like to play the victim. You found a couple of quack to tell you what you wanted to hear. And you took a a couple psch courses so now it's official. You like playing the victim. Here you are on here, playing g the victim. You're right this is toxic you just want to somebody to tell you what you want to hear. You want somebody else. And i'm not going to do that. I'm only interested in helping people that want to be helped. That starts with accepting reality. Goodbye.🤙

[bowenw]

It seems like a clever way he has created to flirt.

[Anonymous]

He was most definitely flirting.

[Xaniihya]

I am a little mortified, but that tracks. I never have been one to pick up on indirect methods, especially in real time. 🤣

[Opinion Owner]

Just stay calm and be yourself.

[Xaniihya]

Thanks for the advice and input :)

[Opinion Owner]

You are most welcome.

[WhitneySnow]

He was flirting with you

[Xaniihya]

That’s mortifying. I don’t think I’d change how I handled it, but I do kinda feel bad for him with that in mind, though. I try to keep the earbuds in to avoid interactions in general to avoid stuff like that happening. 😅 Thanks for your opinion! :)

[WhitneySnow]

You’re welcome!

[Anonymous]

who woudlnt flirt with you, you're gorgeous!

[Xaniihya]

I’ve honestly done my best to appear less so because the attention has led to some bad situations in the past. Cutting my hair short, dressing more masculine, dying my hair a lot, often wild colors… but I guess you can only do so much… hahahaha… Thanks for the compliment and opinion. 😅

[Opinion Owner]

What do you mean bad situations? Funny but that is what I like about you the short hair and colour they are so nice, then again I love short hair generally watched like thousand of videos on youtube, I think women with short hair rock!

[Opinion Owner]

anyway I am sorry in a way for an uncalled opinion I am pretty bad with contact with people

[Xaniihya]

At 16 I was… harassed…while touring big university for the weekend by an older guy, and when I reported it, nothing happened to him. He continued to stalk me and text me nonstop, and nothing was done. If not for a janitor, I would have likely been full blown assaulted. Had a ‘friend’ try the same thing on a backroad in his car, didn’t stop until I was physically fighting him, had an ex full blown assault me and try to baby trap me. Have had two men try to baby trap, actually. So… I just try to appeal to as few men as possible these days. Cut my hair off, often keep it shaved on the sides and the back. Less to grab onto or sexualize.

Though, I’ll admit those were all men that prefer long hair, so… who knows. I just try to keep others at arms length because of those experiences, and because I’ve always been touch avoidant and a bit reclusive as a person with Autism, anyway.

I do prefer the white, but most times I keep my hair dyed green or bright red, like a poison dart frog.

[Opinion Owner]

Ohh wow, sorry to hear that something that misfortuned happened to you, but it was kind of long ago, I never encountered such people in my life, seem out of this world since in the end soul connection, harmony and peace are most important and roots of a relationship, WOw hair shaved on the back or sides is really nice also. You do look really nice, I adore your haircut and colour and eyes, not in a manly way but rather in a shy way. I always liked tomboys since I tend to be very peaceful and sensitive. And punk kind of hair is just really awsome to look at :)

[Xaniihya]

Well, the exes were in my 20’s, so not nearly as long ago, but the first two instances were in my teens, so I am mostly past those. Working on healing, while also not being as available to others to avoid situations like that happening again.

I don’t mind a compliment, especially over the internet, it is a lot safer than in person, that’s for sure. I guess I can be shy in the right context, but most people don’t get to see that side of me, just my inner circle of trusted friends.

[Opinion Owner]

I just love your hair very much, its magical and hypnotizing to look at

[Xaniihya]

K-pop inspired me to try white hair.

[Opinion Owner]

Ahh yes, no wonder they have all kind of pretty extreme haircuts and haircolours

[Xaniihya]

Yeah, it has always inspired me. I’ve gone: dark green, light green, dark blue, white, bright red… and I’m about to try dark purple soon.

[Opinion Owner]

OMG you have gone through so many colours , that sounds really lovely ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[Xaniihya]

I’ve been meaning to try light blue, but I wasn’t sure 🤔

[Opinion Owner]

Light blue like the sky sounds actually nice, why were you not sure?

[Opinion Owner]

How are you today?

[In_Trance]

Nope