Is this just his way of saying “I’m interested but not that interested”?

[Anonymous]

A co worker of mines approached me. We have been working together for a year and he decided to finally talk to me and ask for my number. That was about three months ago. Nothing has really happened. We text then and there. We flirt, buy each other lunch but nothing serious but he hasn’t offered to take me anywhere outside of work. He attempted to once but our schedules didn’t align but he never tried again. He dropped me off after work once but that was it. He often says I live too far and that if I didn’t we would hang out more outside of work but to me it just seems like he’s isn’t interested enough to go that extra mile. As the saying goes “If they wanted to they would.” Which is fine but he often tries to make it seem like it’s the distance keeping us from getting to really know each other but it seems more like an excuse. Something tells me if he felt like I was gonna put out (have sex with him) he would but I don’t cross that line with him. All our flirting is casual.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like he just has fun flirting with you at work out of convenience but once you clock at and go your separate ways, that’s where his effort and interest ends. You already know that if he wanted to he would because it’s not hard to do. I mean the man doesn’t live in Timbuktu, you work together and he’s dropped you off at home before. He’s just making excuses to keep you at arms length and if I were you I’d be over it. You are human, and a woman, you aren’t made to be flirting and getting close to a man who’s even conventionally attractive and expect yourself to catch no feelings.

[Asker]

I’m all for the keeping it at work and having a work bae as they call it lol but it’s him who still texts and communicates outside of work and makes it seem like he wants more. We flirt back and forth on IG when replying to one another stories. We have real conversation about things going on in the world etc but as I said it’s all playful. I even called him work bae to his face. I’ve called it for what I know it is. I’m not oblivious or delusional but he seems to be playing sort of a game and I’m playing along too. I just believe he thinks I’m crazy enough to fall for his game. Believe his words over his actions type of thing.

[Opinion Owner]

So just to be clear, you’re saying it’s all playful and you have no romantic interest in him whatsoever, you just find it funny to think that he thinks you’re falling for his game?

[Asker]

Yes on the it’s all playful part. No, I don’t have any romantic interest because I don’t even know him outside of work. He’s a nice guy who’s attractive and I work with him. I have had enough conversations with him to know he’s not Michael Myers or anything so good enough to talk to at work and text and flirt etc. No, It’s not that I find it funny that he thinks I’m falling for his game. I find it rather interesting and I’m just going with the flow and whatever happens happens and what doesn't happen just doesn’t happen. We might continue to stay flirt buddies at work or we might go out and have fun together and get to know each other more. I’m not putting him or a pedestal or expecting things from him but I asked the question on here to validate that what I think is going on is true and not just something I made up in my head lol but the more I look into it. I understand exactly what’s going on.

[Asker]

I just never like to overplay my role so I ask questions like these to know I’m not overdoing it or not doing enough.

[Opinion Owner]

I don’t want you to get up in arms about me saying this but honestly, how could anyone else aside from him validate your thoughts or what’s going on? You don’t even seem to really know what his intentions are yet you’ve come to this conclusion that it’s just friendly flirting lol. You find him attractive, you flirt often and you’re open to the idea of going out to have fun together if it came up. You’re open to sexual encounters (as you mentioned to another commenter), I mean you are very clearly starting to like this guy more than a friend. With all this considered, you may want to try getting out of your head and having an actual conversation with this person rather than drawing your own conclusions. That way you know exactly what your role is or if you are overplaying it. How can you ever play something you don’t know you’re doing? That makes no sense.

[Opinion Owner]

Nevermind you don’t need to respond. I don’t know how or why some of you people on here take offense to opinions that aren’t covered in glitter but I don’t feel like getting some scathing, defense-ridden response. I’m not trying to fight or offend so let’s just not lol.

[Asker]

I think you’re still missing my point. Me knowing what I would like/want doesn’t mean I would force it. I’m not in my head but more so just understanding what’s going on with the situation with him. I never said I didn’t like him or find him attractive but he’s still just a friend because other wise hasn’t been stated by him or me nor has actions by him or me proven for it to be more than just that. I hope that makes more sense. I believe that you took me having interest even sexually as to meaning I expect more from him or that I like him more than he likes me or more than I should but that’s not it. When I say validate by asking this question it doesn’t mean I don’t have the answer but this just further prove what I knew anyway. He already validated it through actions so I didn’t have to ask him. I do everything with intention so believe me when I say I’m aware of what I’m doing.

[Asker]

I’m open if more comes but I’m also open to more never happening as well. I’m good either way. I didn’t loose anything.

[Opinion Owner]

So respectfully, if you already know very clearly what’s going on, what his intentions are, there is zero confusion, then what was the point in this post? You last said to me “I asked the question on here to validate what I think is going on is true and not just something I made up in my head”, yet you’re saying he already validated with his actions, giving you the answer. It’s like you want to over-verify the fact that you are only friends that flirt lol. I don’t see how you can say you have zero romantic feelings but open to more if it comes, I don’t have a single male friend I’d be open to more with. I just don’t think you’re being very honest with yourself about how you feel about him and what you want. And that’s totally fine if it’s your prerogative!

[Opinion Owner]

When you blur the lines you make a big old confusing mess.

[Asker]

Okay. Again. I think you’re seeing what I’m saying but you have your own opinion/view on what was said which I get but for me any guy, rather I like him or not (Also, liking him doesn’t mean romantic interest. It just means that he intrigues me enough to say I like him and it keeps me conversing and flirting with him) is just a friend until otherwise is said. Not through sex, not through dates, not through simple flirting rather with actions or words but until we both communicate that’s what we want, then friends is what we are. Two people. Attracted to one another getting to or trying to get to know one another with no time limit. Just going with what is right and what isn’t. Yes. I did say he validated it with his actions but as I said before I’m only human so I ask myself more questions on top of more questions. Sometimes I use this site just to free my mind in a “Okay. I was right” kind of way. That has more to do with me than him. The post is about him but the bigger picture circles back to me. Does that make more sense?

[Asker]

There are no blurred lines for me. It’s no confusion. No delusion. Just a girl who thinks wayyyy too much lol. Over things I already know.

[Opinion Owner]

I’m not a fan of condescending tones — I am fully capable of grasping what you’re saying. I get what’s going on. My perspective of this is just not one that you agree with and that’s fine. I never said you were delusional but I DID say you were in denial and all the backflips you’re doing to make it anything but that and gaslight me all in the process is outstanding. Call this what you want, I’m not here to argue or refute whatever it is. You’re the one who came here and made your venting all of our business, sorry if my view on it doesn’t validate your every thought about this situation. Only he can do that. None of us can give you your sigh of relief or “okay I was right”, only he can give you that. The lines are entirely blurred once you’re flirting with a friend, I don’t flirt with any of mine or know other women who flirt with theirs but hey, that is your oddity of an arrangement I guess.

[Asker]

I’m coming off “Condescending” when all I did was break down more what I already said because you understood it differently? I’m not gaslighting you and I’m not doing backflips to avoid saying it’s deeper than what I’m saying it is. If I had feelings for him that I’m deflecting from as you’re saying I am the question would have been totally different. I wouldn’t have asked about his interest in me. I would have asked about my interest in him and should i just move on? You turned it into something more because you took my words and made them into something they weren’t. If anyone is gaslighting it’s you. You’re trying to tell me what my true feelings are as if I have any reason to lie or do backflips around my feelings to a stranger on the internet. I didn’t tell all business either. All you know is that I talk to a guy that I work with. We flirt, we haven’t seen one another outside of work and that I’m attracted to him. I didn’t say where I work, where I live specifically, his name, my name etc I gave no deep information. All surface level. From the start to went off saying that you didn’t want to argue because you had assumed I had no response when I in fact did. You made this into something it wasn’t. Not me.

[Opinion Owner]

Sure thing girl lol have a good weekend!

[Asker]

That I will. Same to you.

[EmmaMary]

Just ask/beg him to give you a damn good fucking... Simples!

[Asker]

Lmaoo I mean that’s straight to the point but I genuinely want to get to know him outside of work. I literally only the know the work him lol

[Asker]

It’s crossed my mind. Of course, I’m human but it’s not a boundary I’m trying to cross just yet.

[EmmaMary]

Thank you so much for the MHO.

[NicholasRedone]

Sarah is that you? Lol jokes 😂 🤣 👀 👀 👀 👁️ giving me deep eyes from afar 😅

[Anonymous]

Yes, I think so, he is moderately interested.

[Opinion Owner]

Thanks for the MHO

[serious]

Well, maybe he likes you only as a friend and nothing more.

[LiamS95]

How much distance?

[Asker]

I mean he lives in a different area of the city we’re in So we’re not close but I’m not in an entirely different city/state either.

[Asker]

It’s not like he lives in Chicago and I live in Indiana lol.

[LiamS95]

Ok, so he could be where you live within 30 minutes of driving which is nothing

[In_Trance]

Stop it