Was my married boss flirting with me and then suddenly pulled back?

[Anonymous]

I’m an assistant to an executive manager - we get along great. I’m single and he’s married.

Recently in the odd meeting we had online he would (usually before we took time off) would start being a bit playful (nothing OTT) to the point I’d think this has got to be a bit of flirting but I kept thinking no because of who he was. It wasn’t anything major, just minor teasing me about how I am at work and leaning in on the calls and the eye contact he would give me. (I always remained boundaried).

then one catch up he was in work mode and he just suddenly pumped up the gears and said something so out of context whilst staring smiling at me (it sort of felt he forgot where he was for a second and it was me he was talking/looking at.. how he was). He then said he was just kidding around.

ever since then, I’ve noticed I’ve never had a playful conversation with him again and I’m just wondering if you think he was flirting and he’s hit the brakes as he’s realised what he was drifting into?

im not wanting anything/never encourage anything, he has never done anything wrong i think just he’s gotten a bit playful and nothing wrong with that. But the recent example I don’t know whether even he thought I’m acting odd with the ‘I’m just joking’ it sort of seemed like he thought crap what have I done. Am I imagining things or highly likely he’s reigned himself in especially as he’s married and my boss? He would previously ring me to check about things when he was free and now he doesn’t. Our meetings are always purely functional and he’s not playful at all now

[HollyK21]

I guess I don’t know what looking any deeper into this would accomplish for you. This can’t be about peace of mind, since only he can do that as the person in question. We are just opening the door to more questions, more overthinking, when at the end of the day it just shouldn’t matter. If he’s joking one day then the next he’s not, what’s so significant? You’re there to work, not be playful and have fun every day.

[Asker]

That’s true! I think I just don’t get it as the playful is so opposite end of the spectrum compared to how he usually is so it throws me a bit. So I didn’t if genuinely the last thing was actually even he’s thought this is drifting a bit

[HollyK21]

I went ahead and deleted the other guys comment, don’t know what he was on about, breasts and bulges nonsense lol. Anyway, On one hand I get where you’re coming from, I’ve had managers and coworkers alike switch up with how they interact with me, whether it’s weeks apart or the very next day. I just don’t bother trying to understand it, because ultimately I have one job during those hours, and it’s not to make sense of other people’s moods or attitudes. Your boss could be going through any number of things, whether it’s stress at work, at home, even just his own internal moodiness that you wouldn’t be privy to knowing. There’s no immediate need to make it about you, and instead just focus on work. Maybe this means it’s best to be more professional with him going forward and not so jokey-playful, that way you are consistently cordial and there’s no major fluctuations, to where you’d think he’s borderline flirty one day and dull next.

[FrodoSkywalker007]

It would be best not to get involved

[Asker]

I don’t want to, I just don’t know if I’m imagining things and he’s being just really friendly?

[Nikki1989]

He is married, ignore him.