My boyfriend has five kids and two baby's mothers?

[Anonymous]

I knew he had this baggage when we got together and I was fine with it Because I want a fam but I personally am not ready to pop out kids just yet. So I was happy that he already had kids, that way I got a fam with out having to have any kids. I asked him why his past relationships didn't work out and he told me so nothing to make me raise any red flags. First kid he has really young and got the girl prego on accident and then the next one was super serious.

His ex is prego with his 5 kid and every time I see her I get so depressed , I have to hold back tears Because I feel like he values her more than he dose me . I also feel like when she first has the baby I'm not going to get to see him Because he's going to be helping her with the baby.

Before she got prego he use to talk to me all the time about having kids and randomly bringing it up, I never thought he was serious but I liked the fact that he did , and no he says that 5 kids is enough, but if I wanted then he would do whatever I wanted Because I'm his girl . But that kinda makes me feel like he would only give that to me to make me happy , like he doesn't want them with me but will just give me a baby so I stay happy. He has brought me getting prego a few times but I didn't really take him seriously Because I don't want to over think it.

He just confuses me Because sometimes he will bring up me getting prego then I say something jokingly back and he just says 'your not ready' . I mean I know that that's why I said in a few years we can bring that subject back up and talk about it seriously.

SO I have a few questions to guys and gals in some what similar situations. One since the guy already has kids are his kids that he has with his current girl hold as much value as the first kids? Do you get a little jealous when you see him or her with their baby moma/baby daddy and their kid that they had together? Anny suggestions? I'm so confused on this he's giving me so many mixed signals.

[pr3ttybr0wn]

OMG he sounds like the catch of the century! How did you get this winner and where can I find one like him?

Ok seriously I m gonna give it to you straight up. This guy is a serial baby daddy. You are with him BECAUSE? You do know that if you had 5 kids and 2 baby daddies most intelligent men would not see you as relationship material, right? So you should be objective and personally think about why your standards are so low that you see this guy as relationship material.

I can tell by your post that you have a lot of understanding and sympathy for this guy. You probably are a good woman but you're wasting it on him. He has 5 f***ing kids yet he's repeatedly made comments about having MORE KIDS WITH YOU? I feel sorry for his poor children. There is no way that all 5 of his kids can receive proper attention and fatherly guidance. He can't possibly have the time to be in all of their lives equally, especially not when he's working on making a 3rd baby mama.

Don't get mad I just don't want you to be another statistic. This guy is a loser. I don't respect men who have babies scattered all over the area and doesn't value his children. Real men value their seeds no matter who the mother is. Please stop being an enabler of this ghetto trash and think logically here. why would you even want a guy who gave you the impression that SOME of his babies are more or less valuable than the others? Really?

He doesn't help out with his children, spends his free time in bars and clubs (looking for more baby mamas to knock up) and you're with this guy? Either you're desperate, or you're crazy in love, or you're just as much ignorant trash as he is. I'm sorry but I call it how I see it. You're willingly dating a guy who gives no f*** about his children he put on this earth and you're OK with that? Girl I just cant...

PS, not that this REALLY matters, but I hope yall aren't black. There are enough racists on this site as it is and people like your man just give the rest of them ammo and bring the entire community down. I'm disgusted I gotta go.

Even the Bible says a man who doesn't take care of his children is worse than an infidel.

[Asker]

your 100 % right I should leave him and I have many times . But I'm crazy in love or as I call it stupid as f*** in love. When I first met him was when I was young and he was my uncles friend , I got older and leagle and he showed intreset in him. He seemed to be a good father I mean he did fight to get custody of his first kid even tho I don't think he won. For the most part he is a somewhat good dad he might not always spend the most time but the time he dose spend with them he is a good dad

[Asker]

when we first got together he wasent as bad he was good it was the middel of our relationship wear things took a odd turn. ANd he is black but I'm hungarian/french so yea. I'm not sure if he favors one or 2 of his kids more cause I don't spend that much time together with him and the kids But I was just wondering if he might favor his first girl and first boy more cause they were first . ANd I know it's stupid to want kids with him one day but he's got me love drunk and I know I need to move on

[pr3ttybr0wn]

He doesn't always spend the most time with him? I'm sorry if he has enough time to be talking about making more illegitimate kids with you and hanging out in the clubs, why can't he use that time to spend with his kids? He still sounds sorry to me. You better leave him before you end up baby mama #3

[pr3ttybr0wn]

thanks for best answer, by the way :)

[komotion]

The euphemism "prego" isn't something I hear very often. Is that word becoming more popular now?

I do have some experience in this area as I dated a woman who also had two children, though one of them was not actually hers, but another woman's. She was just nice enough to take the child as her own. Anyway, onto your questions. :P

1. No child should be held in higher esteem than the other children. Whether they are children born from the first woman or last. You can damage a child psyche by showing favor at such a young age.

2. Wish I could say no, but I always did get jealous when she would go see the father. Of course time showed me I had good reasons to be suspicious as I found out they were actually still married and she "forgot" to give me that information. Now that I am a few years older, I realize that the jealousy I felt was selfishness on my part since it should be about the kids. As adults we sometimes forget that such changes in a child's environment can affect a child emotionally.

3. The best advice I can give is make sure you can accept his kids as your own and love them just as you seem to love him. I'm guessing the kids are young, which means they will start asking question like "are you my other mommy?" That can be a rough spot to be in if your still not sure where you stand in the relationship.

I don't think he's trying to send you mixed messages. I think he's just trying to be a good father. If he didn't spend more time with the woman having his child, I would be concerned then as that would mean he would be placing you above his own child, and in my opinion, the child comes before the person your in a relationship with. And I don't mean that in a bad way.

He probably really doesn't want anymore kids. 5 is a lot of kids to raise much less send to college. That'd break the bank for sure. o_O

[Asker]

yea I do love his other kids, and yea they have called me mommey on ocasion when I would watch them . Well I mean it's just when he brings up getting prego with me at the begenning of the conversation he makes it seem like he wants to have more and I don't want any. They we get talking and I show I do want them just not now he starts to act like I'm the one who brought it up and that he doesn't want any . When he was the one to bring it up. ANd yes he should spend time with the girl when the baby

[Asker]

comes but I'm a little scared he will want to be with her again and dump me . Even tho iv'e told him about my thoughts and feelings he says it won't make him want to be with her. BUT their is that bond he's always going to have with her and not me . He should help out with all his kids and be their , but when he as free time he goest to bars,clubs,friends and already doesn't spend any time with me , I'm just scared he's going to neglect me completely

[komotion]

Yea that is kinda messed up. Do you think he does it on purpose? It's kinda unfair to you if he is bringing it up and then setting you up to fail no matter how you answer. You should talk to him about that, cause I could see that becoming more and more annoying. He needs to make up his mind.

I like up attitude towards the hole situation though. You seem 2 have thought about evthing, even so far ahead as to entertaining the thought of having your own with him one day which should make him happy.

[komotion]

Sorry about that, I didn't see second part of post. If he is spending his free time at bars and clubs, then he should be spending that time with you. And your fear of him going back to ex. isn't unfounded and I can relate to it as I lost a woman I loved to the father of her child. You've expressed your thoughts to him, so there's nothing else you can really do since the balls in his court now. Sounds like he needs to get his priorities in line.

[Anonymous]

F***er's setting up franchises! =P