How can you tell if you're a second choice?

[Anonymous]

For instance, me and this guy almost started dating. We were really flirty and he'd always pay for me when we'd go out. He introduced me to his friends and always told me how much he wanted to kiss me. People kept saying he was treating me as if I was his girlfriend already so I should've been expecting him to ask me to be soon. Well, within a month he'd gotten back in touch with some ex and she told him she wanted to date him again. He started pulling away from me and I found out about her after. Now that they're together I'm still angry at him so I don't talk to him much. I stopped doing nice things for him and it bothers him a lot. Now, he's always trying to be really nice to me and always offers to help me with stuff.

I think he feels guilty about what he did, but at the same time, I think he might just be trying to get me to like him again in case things go bad with his gf.

But, I can't tell the difference. Is he just feeling guilty or am I his second choice?

Updates

+1 y

I guess I'm just asking guys: how would you treat a girl if you were just keeping her as a friend in case things didn't work out with your current gf?


There's a lot I didn't mention about this guy and why I think he could be acting so nice around me. He still flirts sometimes and he's always kissing my butt about everything. It's like it bothers him that I'm not treating like I did before he screwed me over.

[rudy37lee]

Sounds like he wasn't single long enough to get over the ex. If things didn't work out last time, they probably aren't going to work out this time either. She has been in his life a lot longer than you have and it's hard to just let someone go when they have a place in your heart. We rarely stay with the first person we dated, so most of us, are technically going to be number two or number ten or whatever. That doesn't mean we are worth any less, it's just that's when you met. I'll always love a couple men I've been with, and they'll hold a special place in my heart. Experiencing life with them helped make me who I am today. So, my fiance' def isn't my first boyfriend, but he's going to be the last, and that's the one that really counts! I understand your pain and frustration, but his decision is not a reflection of who you are as a person, or even necissarily of what he thinks of you, it's just really hard to let some things go (the ex). I'd just give them their space and avoid contact with him too much. Give him an opportunity to miss you. Maybe you two will want to try again when the relationship with the ex goes bad again, because it most likely will.

[AskChloe]

I really don't think he's guilty or that he considers you to be his second choice. If he was really interested in starting a relationship with you he would have done so already by asking you to be his girlfriend. Regardless what other people think or say it's really his choice whether or not he wants to make you his girfriend or not. You can't be angry at him just because his ex got back in touch with him afterall he is allowed to do whatever he pleases to do. I think that it's for the best that you consider this guy as nothing more than just a friend. Don't worry about his life & his choices go out & live your life without being a stand by to anybody :)

[rudy37lee]

He didn't screw you over. You two dated for a bit, checking it out, and he chose another direction. That's what dating is. Haven't you gone on a date with a guy then decided he wasn't what you were looking for? Same thing, just now you're on the rejection end and ya don't like it. It probably does bother him a bit that he's not getting your attention anymore but he chose to be with someone else so he shouldn't be looking to you for those things anymore, you reap what you sew.