My husband and I were always splitting everything 50/50, until he bought a new car and things got financially tighter for him. I stepped up by working two jobs, covering his half of the rent and bills, and most of the grocery shopping. This was fine until I lost my second job, cut 70% of my income. Now, things are chaotic because I can't cover everything anymore. To make matters worse, he recently got a reckless driving ticket, which shot up his car insurance rates.
Now, he's constantly panicking and griping about needing to cut back on basic things like food. He says he "can't" work another job because of his high anxiety and doesn't think he can handle more than his current overnight security job, where he sits in a guard shack for a private community. He keeps hinting that about me getting another 2nd job soon, or we're in trouble. I've still been paying his hair if the rent even after my layoff. I've tried to stay understanding, but I recently caved and told him calmly that it’s not just on me to work a second job. He said it's not, but what other choice do we have? He got defensive when I told him he needs to take more responsibility.
Honestly, that was the nicest way I could put it. My parents think he needs to stop being a baby and get another job. Now, I feel stuck. He shuts down or gets defensive whenever I bring up getting professional help for his anxiety, saying we can't afford it. How do I handle this without just giving in or losing my patience?
Now, he's constantly panicking and griping about needing to cut back on basic things like food. He says he "can't" work another job because of his high anxiety and doesn't think he can handle more than his current overnight security job, where he sits in a guard shack for a private community. He keeps hinting that about me getting another 2nd job soon, or we're in trouble. I've still been paying his hair if the rent even after my layoff. I've tried to stay understanding, but I recently caved and told him calmly that it’s not just on me to work a second job. He said it's not, but what other choice do we have? He got defensive when I told him he needs to take more responsibility.
Honestly, that was the nicest way I could put it. My parents think he needs to stop being a baby and get another job. Now, I feel stuck. He shuts down or gets defensive whenever I bring up getting professional help for his anxiety, saying we can't afford it. How do I handle this without just giving in or losing my patience?
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This is a difficult situation sis, but you gotta take care of yourself first here. A few thoughts:
- Your husband needs a reality check that his anxiety can't prevent him from being financially responsible as an adult.
- It was kind of him to acknowledge it's not solely up to you, but actions speak louder than words. He needs a plan beyond expecting you to rescue him.
- Maybe start by exploring lower-cost treatment options like his doctor, support groups or work-sponsored programs. Compromise is key.
- Set a deadline that if he hasn't made a solid effort by X date, you'll have to reconsider how sustainable this is long-term.
- Taking control of your own financial situation is empowering. Look into lower rent or getting your own place if he won't step up.
- Make it clear his lack of initiative is the real issue here, not the anxiety itself. You're happy to support, but not enable.
Stay loving but also firm. Your well-being is what matters most right now sis. This may be a wake-up call he needs to really confront things. Wish you the best working it out!
Ask yourself this, if someone were to tell you that how things are right now is as good as your relationship was ever going to get, would you stay? My guess is that your answer would be hell no, because this is bullshit. You’ve got a lazy man who is fine watching you struggle with two jobs but doesn’t care as long as he’s taken care of. He can blame it on anxiety all he wants but there’s some of us struggling with crippling functional anxiety that we have to work with because we’ve got lives to live, things to pay. Someone who loves you would never ever watch you struggle, especially not a man. You’re better off on your own.
Anxiety my ass. He is LAZY.