Are guys intimidated by girls who are beautiful, smart and confident?

[itawtitawapuddytat]

- beautiful

- smart

- confident (in the way they carry themselves, not afraid to approach a guy, appears to be sexually confident)

- nice, happy, warm

- a leader (school captain)

- involved in school and community

- well liked, has good social standing (not like super popular but has good connections)

i'm not saying I am all this, I promise I am not arrogant. but I truly believe a guy who has a crush on me and whom I like in return feels as though I am all this, and has built me up to be a goddess in his mind.

i grew the balls approached him and we had a really good, albeit short, first conversation. previously we were pretty much strangers at the same school. I have no doubt in my mind that he has liked me for well over a year - trust me, I would not cold approach a random guy whom I did not 100% think was attracted to me. his friends always tease him when I'm around. I have a crush on him, too.

but why, even after I approached him, will he NOT try and talk to me again, even though I put myself out there, approached him, and broke the ice?

he still shows signs of liking me (including being nervous, preening, changing his behavior completely when I'm around) and he still always tries to be around me but he never tries to strike up a conversation with me. I'm still so sure he likes me.

the kicker is that he is a super confident guy who is so good with girls. the thing is, the girls he usually associates with are hot, popular, party/club a lot, not very intelligent (this sounds so judgmental and mean - it is, but they truly are your stereotypical high school bimbos). this guy is very good looking, confident and charming, but he isn't that smart either.

am I reasonable to think that he's intimidated by me because I bring out his insecurities, especially the one on intelligence? I'm so different to the girls he usually associates with. like I said, I don't think I'm super attractive or super smart, but he obviously thinks I am (I just know that I'm not ugly and that I do quite well in school). or am I just self-deluded and that I should just accept that because he hasn't tried talking to me after I approached him, he must not like me enough?

argh this is so frustrating because I truly think he likes me :(

Updates

+1 y

can I just add that I don't think I was being desperate with regards to approaching him - we had previously been staring/smiling/flirting with each other with body language for well over a year before someone (me) had the guts to do anything about it.

[TKoz93]

You should grab yourself a copy of the book "Bargaining for Advantage." I had to read it for a negotiation class I took, and it's really good (and applicable to guy/girl relationships).

If you take a moment to go through what "you wrote" in the body of your question, ask yourself if you're really objectively trying to get into his mind and sympathetically and selflessly derive what's "actually important to him" and what "his" interests are. Or, are you trying to "justify" your own interests in him, and create this web of self-serving rules and statements that paints him negatively if he doesn't want you, but positively if he does in order to support why "he should" be interested in you (i.e., otherwise, if he isn't then he must be insecure, or something else that's negative)?

He's good-looking and in high school. Guys at this age are building their sexual self-esteem and confidence. It's not like he was born with it. This is a critical time in his development as a man to validate that he's sexually attractive to women - generally. The way he does that is by having sex with a lot of attractive girls. What happens if he doesn't? Sometime in his 30s or 40s, he's going to go through a crisis where he wants to "then" validate his sexual self-esteem as a man by proving to himself that he's sexually attractive to women - generally, and he's going to start cheating on his girlfriend or wife, and making all these outlandish purchases and life changes. So, what's psychologically important to him "right now" is actually not leaning him towards being with you.

Who is more compatible with his interests right now? A girl who wants something serious and magical forever and ever, or girls who just want to party and have casual fun? The "deal" your proposing simply doesn't satisfy his interests right now. Maybe you satisfy 60% of his interests, but these other girls satisfy 90% of his interests. They're not "better" than you. They just "satisfy more of his interests" than you do "right now."

Maybe he does like you. Maybe he thinks you look great, and that you're a great person, and he enjoys talking to you, and all of that. But if you're an attractive guy in high school, it's really not in your best interest as a man to essentially settle down. It would be psychologically damaging to him to prematurely cut his stream of sexual validation short before he's ready to. So, just enjoy looking at him, enjoy being friends with an attractive guy, and enjoy the sexual tension from time to time, but you have to cope with the fact that the two of you aren't compatible yet.

[ManaX]

This was brilliant.

[itawtitawapuddytat]

I totally agree with this. the thing in my situation, however, is that he hasn't even bothered talking to me! I'm not expecting that we're going to get into a magical relationship - we don't even know each other! I just know that he likes me but won't talk to me, even after I broke the ice after over a year of staring. all I want is a conversation with him and a chance to get to know him - no expectation of being in a relationship.

[DermalPunch]

@itawtitawapuddytat it still applies. Guys know who are quality women and that they are hard to keep. men know work when they see it. The fact he jasn't spoken is a even further indicaion that he knows itnwould mean a relationship and henisn't interested in that

[Anonymous]

One month later and I'm in the same situation. Admittedly I met the guy a year ago at a party where we almost made out, but was always preoccupied with other men. He made small advances, was super nervous when around me but occasionally gave some activity on Facebook, called, texted. he told my friends he thinks I'm hot etc. blah blah blah It wasn't until we started seeing each other randomly by chance that he admitted he wanted to plan to see me. Asked me out twice with bad timing I was always in a different city/country. Saw him again randomly at the station by chance again he looked pretty nervous and gave me a hug etc.) and he said still wants to see me BUT...Now he has the chance, it seems as though he's chickened out. I could in the same way you've stated do better, a lot better but I thought he was cute and was up for giving him a chance. I refuse to chase him though, not my style. Hope you've found a way to resolve your situation atleast!

[Anonymous]

Yeah if he's not on your level.

Why would you want to date a guy who's not on your level? Don't even try to decipher whether he's insecure or just not interested. Move on to a guy who is on your level and has the balls and interest to do something about it

[blackeagle007]

Define Level

[DanteSparda]

Never never never "check" your self confidence or your brains at the door. If you find that some men are intimidated by those...you don't want those men anyway. I think confidence, brains, and fitness are EXTREMELY sexy. I want a well read, well traveled, OPINIONATED, worldly woman. If the best discussion she can participate in is why a certain person should win American Idol...well, she is bound to find someone OTHER THAN ME who appreciates her more. If she can't tell me the pros and cons of Bolivia's recent nationalization of the oil fields...and what the ethical issues are in stem cell research...and quite frankly, tell me why my opinion on the war doesn't make sense...well...then she isn't much interest to me. Anyway, NO, don't doubt yourself in this case...simply change the venues where you are meeting men. They are out there.

[toulouse]

Never never never "check" your self confidence or your brains at the door. If you find that some men are intimidated by those...you don't want those men anyway.

Agreed.

[DanteSparda]

@toulouse - Thank you Miss ^_^

[Anonymous]

Just ask him out already. You need to take responsibilty for your own happiness.If there is any intimidation here it will be gone after all the uncertainty is gone.

[itawtitawapuddytat]

gah but I was the one who was the first to talk to him. I hate how it comes down to these stupid rules but I'm really worried that if I try to push it more myself he will see me as desperate and clingly. I'm pretty sure guys like to chase I already made my move and he's not making an effort to take it further :(

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah I hear you. You just wanna be happy. We all do. I just say continue talking to him and flirt every now and again. With girls like your self it does take a few initiates to understand that you are being serious

[ARWINGx1]

For me, the reason why I'd be too scared to approach (or being the one approached) that kind of girl it all boils down to this: Excessivly high expectations. Whether it's actually being able to achieve that, or keeping it (relatively) consistent enough.

... or both.

[blackkid4]

It's a good thing that you have a high self-esteem.

It is a bad thing that you cannot manage to use the search function to ask the same questions with the same damn result answers.

[Jonny_]

No not in particular, I'm just shy... The fact she's attractive and smart doesn't make it more difficult.

[MikeK]

I would not compromise any part of yourself... but also don't project too much confidence, because yes - it can intimidate people.

[AustinPowers3]

Not me. That is my ideal girl. I've actually friendzoned 4 girls that were the typical bimbo types that had no talent and only thing they knew was looking good, friends, gossips or parties. What a turn off.

[Anonymous]

Its true! Most guys are average looking and we think we aren't good enough for attractive girls. Since you all wants hunks with cash that is

[Anonymous]

Yes, generally I find not-smart people are intimidated by smart people. But why would you want to date a not-smart guy?

[Anonymous]

Honestly, yes. Every girl like that that I've appraoched has rejected me.

[Anonymous]

Yes they are