Why was he so persistent?

[Anonymous]

I was out with some girl friends the other night at a club. And since clubs aren't really my thing, and because I'm dating someone (he wasn't there) I just spent the evening drinking water at a table and watching people's coats. Lame yeah, I know :p

This guy came up to me and asked me to dance. I politely said no thanks.

He then asked for my number, I told him I wasn't giving out my number.

He then offered to give me his. I told him I didn't want it.

He then offered to buy me a drink (alcohol) three times and each time I said no because I don't drink alcohol.

He then asked if I wanted to go to the after party with him. I said no.

He then asked if I wanted to go back to his place and I said no.

He then asked if I wanted him to come back to my place and I said no.

When he asked why I said no, I told him I was just there for a friend's birthday party and that I was already seeing someone and that my relationship was very serious.

He didn't seem to accept that as a reason to say no to his offers and requests.

And later, I went outside the club to the parking lot to take a call from a friend and he was out there and wanted to give me a ride which I declined.

So. Guys. Why was he so persistent? Would you not accept her answers and leave if you were involved in this situation with a girl at a club?

He also seemed nearly 100% sober. He didn't smell of alcohol or anything and did not show any sign of having been drinking.

[livelymonkey]

Ok, there's a few possible answers here (or a combination which may have all played a part to a greater or lesser degree)

To summarise:

1) He may have been a bit drunk/on drugs

2) You are a nice person and are conditioned not to want to offend anyone (go you!) so you didn't just cut him down. Guys are a bit less "emotionally intelligent" than girls most of the time so the signals you thought you were giving him were read incorrectly.This means your body language, smiling politely etc may have been misconstrued - he wasn't listening to your words just noticing your sweet smile!

4) He had a big ego or was maybe used to doing quite well with girls (doesn't matter whether he was actually attractive, by virtue of the fact that he was brave enough to ask means that he will invariably do better than "the next guy")

5) He has learned that If he tries this enough times, he only needs one in 20 girls to go "yeah OK then" to have a pretty good "hit rate"!

The combination of the above led him to think "yeah, she's saying she has a boyfriend but only because that's what she HAS to say because her friends are there etc. He's already invested time and effort into the hardest part - coming to say hi. Until you tell him to f*ck off, he has nothing to lose by keeping trying to wear you down!

finally, I suspect there was just a tiny bit of you that liked the attention? which is also why you made the post maybe?

so, in short, men are stupid, you have to spell it out so next time, say no thank you I've got a boyfriend, don't smile, turn your back and then ignore him I guarantee he won't waste any more time with you!

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Well, some people are like that because, believe it or not, it works!

YES, unbelievable, but I've seen it with my own eyes. I won't even make a move in a club (even though they exist for that reason) but I have friends who are regulars. There are two main strategies. One: insist until she says yes. Two: hit on every girl. If you choose the first move, as the night progress (she drinks more and the "good catches" get caught) so will you chances of her changing her mind. If you choose the second move you have to be careful, if the other girls notice your strategy your chances of success will lower. But again, as the night progresses and the most exigent girls get their hookup, your chances of success will increase.

I've seen both strategies work, and as I said, I have friends who live this life. It wasn't you, it wasn't him, it was the environment. If you want to avoid these things, don't go to clubs. If you go to clubs, expect these things. The best you can do is not taking it as something personal.

[pr3ttybr0wn]

Some guys are really persistent because they think they can pressure you into getting with them. The fact that you were still polite to him and open to talking to him (and didn't just cut him off and ignore him) meant that he still had a chance in his mind. With guys like that, you have to be on the rude side for them to get it because they take any slight politeness or hesitation as a green light. Think of salespeople, everyone has a different style. some sales people are really aggressive and won't take a "soft no" for an answer. as long as you're still in their vicinity and have not given them a "hell f***ing no" they will still keep trying because they think they can bend you

With guys like that you have to be harsher and more direct. Once you say no and you realize he's too persistent, say no louder and more harshly then turn your back to him to close off interaction