This has got to be one of the most common themes in questions about the opposite sex- do guys like girls who (insert specific action or characteristic), are girls turned off by guys who (insert action or characteristic).
It’s difficult to avoid when you really like someone because you want to impress them, you want them to like you so you’re willing to change little things if it will make them notice you. I’ve certainly been guilty of it- thinking that if I acted a certain way I could get the guy I was so in love with to love me back. But, once the haze of infatuated disappeared I realized he wasn’t perfect and probably was not the one for me. But, of course that was after I’d spent hours reading up on basketball and freezing my butt off pretending to be as excited as he was at our local team’s latest free throw percentage.
Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we try to be the kind of person we think the opposite sex wants instead of just being who we are? I’m not saying exhibiting an interest in your significant others' hobbies is always bad, it certainly isn’t and sometimes you end up finding something you really love, whether the relationship goes the distance or not. But it alarms me to see so many questions from people who want to know if girls like short guys, guys into gaming, tall guys or if guys like sporty girls, girls into filmography, curvy girls or skinny girls. The answer to pretty much all of these questions is that, some do and some don’t.
We’re all, regardless of gender, unique in our tastes and styles, so when it comes to choosing a potential partner, it holds true that such individuality still applies. Aside from the obvious social mores and manners that we’re all pretty well versed in (don’t burp in someone’s face, saying please and thank you etc.), there is no bible out there for what men want or what women want in a perfect mate. Since realizing this, I’ve caught myself wondering if I should change to attract a guy who’s caught my eye. But, my answer is always no- if he doesn’t notice me the way I am, he’s not the one for me.
Now, I know that’s a tough one when you’re single, lonely and totally into someone. You’re always so certain they’re right for you, if they’d only turn around and notice you. Let’s assume you’re right- you two are perfect for each other, he/she just has to figure it out. But, if you change yourself because you think guys like girly girls as opposed to sporty ones or girls like guys who are into reading as opposed to sports you might end up changing one of the things that makes you two so great together. And, if in the end it doesn’t work then you’ve spent a long time pretending to be someone you’re not and undermined your self-esteem because you think he/she only fell for you in the first place because you weren’t yourself.
I don’t know about everyone, but I want a guy who likes me for me and all of my little quirks, even the ones that drive him crazy. I’m not talking about the idealistic fairytale relationship where he thinks I’m a flawless princess- I’m talking about the kind of relationship where he can lose it one day because I left the bathroom window open again and I yell at him because he refuses to rinse his coffee cup out. I want a relationship where we can both be real- not the kind where we have to hide the ugly parts from each other. To me, love isn’t just about thinking the person is amazing and adoring the little things about them- it’s being able to accept the things you don’t like so much because they’re part of the person you love.
So, bottom line- I think we all need to worry less about who the person we’re interested in wants us to be and more about being the kind of person who respects themselves and has the self-esteem not tailor themselves to fit someone else’s vision of who they should be.
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