Dear Women, Being Hit On Isn’t That Big Of A Deal

Hi. Yeah. Someone asked me after I made some mytakes shitting on silly guy behaviour to do one targeting silly female behaviour. I’m all for #equality so I figured, why not?

This is a topic that is going to trigger a lot of people. So, as usual, here’s my typical warning letting you know if you’re sensitive, this likely isn’t the material you want to read. If you want to disagree, you can go ahead.

I don't like Amy Schuemer, but this photo fits.
I don't like Amy Schuemer, but this photo fits.

This subject is touchy even for me because I’ve been the victim of harassment and such before. The thing is though, I realize the difference between actual harassment and simply not enjoying being hit on by someone I’m not interested in. A lot of women these days don’t understand the difference, and with the #metoo movement gaining traction, I feel it’s both helped and hindered women. It’s helped many get their stories out there, but it’s also made women further take on a victim mentality and hyper-analyze their previous interactions with the opposite sex.


Suddenly, everything is harassment. A man saying: “Hello beautiful,” on the streets is now considered harassment by a lot of women. A guy looking at you and smiling can be considered harassment. A guy asking you out is often labeled a “creepy stalker.” Some women just take this shit too far with a high tendency to lump all men in with evil, sex-crazed perverts.

But … can we have a moment of harsh honesty? The women who complain about men simply calling them beautiful and asking for their number … are kind of spoiled.

These same women would likely suffer from low self-esteem if the opposite sex refused to acknowledge them in any kind of way – you see them on G@G all the time.

“All my friends get hit on but me, am I ugly?”

I’ve experienced this behaviour first-hand. Go to a bar with a group of girls some time, and you’ll see it too. It everyone in the group is being offered drinks and to dance except one girl, even if said girl isn’t there to hookup, she’s going to have a permanent pout on her face. Even if she isn’t necessarily devastated, she will wonder: “Are my friends prettier than me or something?”



Why? Because whether we want to admit it or not, as women, most of us like being regarded as attractive, especially by men. Having that approval assures us that we aren’t the bottom-of-the-barrel, that on the attractiveness totem pole, we have a little height and sway.

This doesn’t necessarily mean the only reason women try to look attractive is for men, but having a man regard you as beautiful isn’t a negative thing either. It just reassures us that we’ve got something going on.

However, bitches still complain.



“Oh my god, all of these guys are asking me out, it’s so stressful. Like, I just wanna be left alone.”

Oh shit, the woes of being HOT. It must be so difficult to be desired by the opposite sex, you poor thing. What a cruel, cruel world we live in…

*Looks over in the corner to see a bunch of very average girls slapping their foreheads*

Listen, I agree it’s wrong for dudes to yell sexual shit in public. I agree it’s wrong for someone to grope you or proposition you for sex in a situation where it’s clearly NOT appropriate. There’s a time and a place to hit on a person, and not all guys understand this. However, this doesn’t mean you need to demonize the guy who says hello, pays you a compliment and kindly asks you for your phone-number.

ALSO! A guy isn’t creepy just for asking you out. Creep-shaming is literally the male equivalent to slut-shaming. If a guy is unattractive, maybe a bit shy or socially awkward, there are girls out there who just RAG on them for being creeps. I’ve seen it in my own female friends, forcing me to shake them out of their self-righteous bullshittery.

The same guy could ask you out in the same way, and if he was HOT, you’d be TOTALLY okay with it.

A guy being ugly, awkward, or a little quiet doesn’t make him a creep. You stringing him along, not giving him a direct answer to his multiple requests to ask you out, doesn’t make him a stalker. It makes you a passive-aggressive, spineless woman who is clearly loving being pursued by someone. If he was genuinely bothering you, you would tell someone or simply give him a straight “no.” But instead, you simply say “you’re busy” or “maybe another time” to keep the poor guy chasing you for the sake of your fat ego.


So, a little advice for guys: don’t stop approaching women just because you see them complain. Just be intelligent about it. Choose appropriate places to approach (public places in the day time usually) and be friendly, cordial, and if she says no, smile and move on. You’re not a creepy pervert just because you see a woman as attractive. Just be polite, don’t sexualize the ever-loving shit out of her, and you should be safe. No need to go MGTOW. There are women out there, like me, who appreciate your compliments and your efforts.

~ Love Jane.


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  • "Creep-shaming is literally the male equivalent to slut-shaming.[...] The same guy could ask you out in the same way, and if he was HOT, you'd be TOTALLY okay with it"

    Great points, very true some girls tend to never take in consideration that guys are also judged in this society because of us.

    How many shy guys never got past their fear of rejection because they overheard girls classifying a guy as a creep because he stared at her but fangirling about another who checked them out and was good looking.

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  • I don’t know about the other girls, but I remember when I was little my mom would often tell me to avoid guys at all costs if they approached to me. Whenever I’m about to step outside my house, she would tell me stuff like don’t listen to what guys tell you you should run away if they get closer to you blah blah blah. What I’m trying to say is that when moms say these things to their daughters they kind of grow up with an impression that guys are creeps if they hit on you?

    And I feel like girls who complain about guys looking at them or giving them sweet compliments secretly enjoy it. It becomes a bothersome when it’s repetitive I guess, but c’mon now who doesn’t like receiving compliments? now whenever I’m outside and if a guy smiles at me or compliments me I smile back or say thanks.

    Great take by the way Jane

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What Guys Said 51

  • Good timing, I’m sitting here in this park eating my lunch and there is a hottie sitting on the grass in a cute little skirt. We’ve exchanged glances and smiles a few times already...

    Light is green but the parking brake is on.

    Girls give off so many signals when they are ready and be approached, I don’t understand how guys can either ignore or not spot them.

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  • I think it's mostly because most guys suck at hitting on women. Not to say women shouldn't be more respectful when a guy fails. But, most guys don't know anything about how to treat women when they approach.

    "Oh shit, the woes of being HOT. It must be so difficult to be desired by the opposite sex, you poor thing. What a cruel, cruel world we live in…"

    I mean. As a pick up artist, I get it. I see a lot of guys do absolutely horribly and make the girl feel very uncomfortable. Or, yes, try to talk to them while they're on the phone or doing something important. Problems are problems. Even if someone has first-world problems, they are still problems. I might not be starving like someone from a 3rd world country; but, if I can only afford eggs and tuna, it's still kind of an issue.

    And, I think women are just a bit scared to be direct. After all, men are typically much larger and stronger than women.

    I think there are definitely some things women could do better when they're hit on. But, I mainly blame the guys on this. Although, it's ultimately not really their fault, either; because, men don't inherently know how women work--they tend to just assume they're like us. It's an issue of ignorance. I personally don't blame someone for that; but, I do think it's something that needs to be rectified: the guys need to try to learn. Which I think a lot of them do.

    It'd be nice if some women weren't she-devils, though. But I'm learning how to handle them, too.

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  • Well, it also depends on her past experiences, and, above all, how he hits on her. I've always been respectful, and at least had good convos even if nothing serious came out of it.

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  • Probably relevant to this
    Girls: do you ever just want to go out without being hit on? ↗

    😂😂😂😂😂

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  • guy is attractive to her: sweet, confident

    guy is not attractive to her: creepy, invasive

    This is why when I hear a woman say a guy is "creepy", I don't believe it at first. Gotta see for myself.

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  • If an unattractive guy compliments you and it's sounds genuine, don't call him a creep when you're talking to your friends later and don't give him a fake number or throw your drink in his face. Don't react to a guy's compliments the same way you would've if he gave you proof that he has a kill count higher than Stalin's.

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  • Jane I love you. I really enjoyed your piece, it was good that it came from a female. I know what you mean about guys they just don't understand the consept of the word NO.. But thanks anyway I really enjoyed it ,...

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  • This one seemed a little tame actually. Still really good though. I guess cause of the subject? Anyways. Ya. Great points. I'll keep those in mind. Thanks.

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  • Girls who equate being hit on, catcalling and sexual harrassment are simply socially stunted. They are incapable of differentiating these things and are probably socially developed at an age of a 12 years old.

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  • It's just another man hating trend. These days, anything a man do must be labeled as sexist or misogynistic.
    Hell even being a gentleman is called sexist. Fucking 21st century, I swear.
    And on the other side, those who complain about that still demand all the good side of being a man, like paying for dates, providing for the home, or making the first step, which they complain about after, because it's apparently sexist, unless you're 6ft rich dude.

    Kinda reassuring that not all girls think that way, and that many girls start going against it. For that, thank you.

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  • Awesome article, thanks for taking the time to share.

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  • Women HATE getting hit on UNLESS it's a hot guy. Normal guys are pigs for doing so!!!

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    • I wouldn't mind getting hit on at all, but that's probably because I've never been hit on.

  • This was really well-written and so on point. I'm glad you wrote this because I doubt it'd be taken as seriously coming from a guy. Really well done. I just hope this isn't the minority view amongst woman these days.

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  • I think... I think I get it now! So instead of saying "Nice tits. Can I motorboat?"

    I should say "You have really pretty eyes! May I motorboat?"

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  • Men approaching women will become history at this rate. Thank you for actually appreciating men and NOT being the usual hive mind misandrist man basher. Women like you are becoming extinct !!

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    • To be fair , the seeds of misandry are planted into the heads of girls from an early age , they have been conditioned to view men as predatory , sex crazed , inferior beasts.

  • Good take but I disagree on one part. Many of the stories/accusations going out aren't even proven and people jump to denigrate the accused without a second thought. The #metoo movement is very negative and have messed up male/female interactions indefinitely.

    I see your trying to take one for the guys, and I'm glad you do recognize women just don't like being hit on by someone they don't attractive. But I don't buy #metoo being good in any shape of form when I think long term. So in that sense I think you were very soft on that.

    Rants aside it is well written I hope women learn for once. At work pretty much all men keep a very noticeable distance from women for the most part. There's just no reason why risk a false accusations and faux gossip. Men are very aware of all this shit, including employers trust me.

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  • Excellent and accurate. Asking a woman to simply hang out in a G-rated way shouldn't wind up generating an e-mail to an H. R. department.

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  • Yup, it had to be said. No matter what, girls will find something to complain about.

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  • It's especially annoying when they'll be selective about who to react negatively toward. If its a 6 foot freshly groomed white man, complements are appreciated. If it's a 5'10 slightly overweight black man, it's time to call human resources.

    Why? Not only because of race issues, but because a lot of these women want someone they fine attractive and prince status to court them, and since they take compliments as courting, anyone they don't find interest in is a creep.

    That being said, as a demisexual I will rarely unironicly compliment anyone about their looks, like maybe 3 times a year.

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  • All men not bad as well all women not bad there are bad men and bitch or whore women too. no one can defend one gender. because both got good and bad.

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What Girls Said 30

  • Yoooo I fucking hear you! I hardly ever meet other girls who share this opinion too so this is refreshing as hell.

    Honestly while there are also very real stories of harrassment, which is the whole purpose of encouraging women to speak up, the whole thing however has just turned the entire movement into women overinflating any sort of interaction with the opposite gender that they didn't entirely appreciate and labeling it as harrassment, and that isn't what #metoo is about, and it's certainly not what the women who started it and the women who it was started for would've wanted.

    The #metoo movement has simply been distorted to the point where it's almost hard to tell the difference between actual harrassment and just not liking when a guy you aren't into hits on you. And then what sort of effect do these claims have on women who happen to be the survivors of actual abuse? Of real harrassment that made them so uncomfortable to the point where they felt an obligation to remain shut up about it until encouraged by other women doing the same and sharing their own similar experiences? They get shunned, dismissed and called liars and no one takes them nor their experiences seriously because she could, for all we know, "be lying"

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    • Many corporate workplaces are now taking lessons from the #metoo movement. I've a couple of friends whose companies no longer have company events that involve alcohol or any sort of mingling between co-workers in an environment that would traditionally be seen as a "party" environment (bars, lounges, etc.) The only "safe" company events for them are stuff like sporty events: cricket, soccer, club house (only in the daytime), etc.

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      I'm glad you said that about the #metoo movement. I could say it but it wouldn't be effective coming from a guy

  • Handsome is as handsome does. I have a client who gets hit on by various men. If he is gorgeous looking and well dressed, mean and married she ends up in bed with him and lets him lie to her, use her and treat her like dirt. If he is ordinary looking or scruffy, even if he is single, nice, honest, kind, she says he has a cheek to be interested in her.

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  • Pretty much. I don't know maybe because it doesn't happen to me that often. Not saying that guys can't be creepy, but usually if you just say you aren't interested they'll back off. Nice Take.

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  • Just because you might enjoy having a random guy come up to you and try to talk to you, doesn't mean other women do. The problem is a hot woman has high standards and wouldn't be interested in most guys anyway. So these guys hitting on them is just annoying.

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    • My point isn't to say you have to love being hit on. Sure, being bombarded gets annoying - but it isn't that big of a deal. Some women act like being seen as hot is somehow a curse, when people would kill to be in their position. I'm just saying, check your perks and don't act like you're being raped every time a guy says good morning.

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    • If a girl were to approach me, and I rejected her and acted all annoyed, and she went back to her friends in tears, then I’d be the world’s biggest asshole to them.

      Just saying.

      So yes, excuse yourself.

    • @QooLipBite

      Being rejected shouldn't make you want to cry. It's a part of life.

  • I agree, most of the time it's no big deal, until you have the guy that is too pushy and doesn't graciously accept a no.

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  • I feel like with the me too movement a lot of this stuff has come to mind. I feel like if a guy dm's me or asks for my number that's a compliment but only if he does it in a nice, and polite manor. If I'm at a club and some guys is drunk or high and kind of forcing it on me the obviously no.

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  • I agree with pretty much all of that. But unfortunately, I am one of those women who do feel uncomfortable if a guy stares at me for a second too long, I would never say it's harassment nor do I know what they're thinking, they could just be day dreaming and happened to be looking my way, whatever. I think past experiences have made me uncomfortable with some things men do.

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  • "A guy looking at you and smiling can be considered harassment." It's not harassment but creepy enough for me to wish that I was invisible. I don't like it when I'm stuck in traffic and dudes from other cars or busses stare at me through the window. I'm not even considered beautiful where I live. I get stared at and hit on simply because I'm a girl and those creepy dudes only see meat and nothing else.

    Tell me why I should appreciate it.

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    • Well, because you never know what's goin through they head.. You just assume because "society won't deem you beautiful, so that means every guy who looks at me must only want somethin sexual".. LOL..

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    • Dirty* stares. (why do I make such stupid typos tho)

    • Well, yeah I admitted that those guys are pigs.. I get that it's VERY Uncomfy for you to basically see literal objectification of you, through these guys eyes.. But in the end as you get older.. I hope you learn become more unbothered by those stares bother you (unless they are lookin to try and follow you.) and just write them off as perverted men.. And I hope you know to differentiated admiration of a pretty girl, from thinkin about you... Not havin clothes on.. Or somethin like that..

  • The same women that complain about getting hit on are the same women that would complain if they DIDN'T get hit on.

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  • I've always loved receiving compliments - they're very sweet and well intended. But, you're right: saying rude things isn't very nice.

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  • Contrary to popular belief, women are actually very straight forward creatures when it comes to this kind of thing.

    If we think a guy is good looking, attractive, or we just like him - then everything he does is romantic or sexy or cute. He would have to really do something bad to put us off (like start murdering all the men who hit on us or take us away from him, hell even that's romantic).

    If we find a man ugly or unattractive or we just don't like him then everything he does is creepy and stalkerish. If he does something nice for us like help us out at work, he's creepy, if he coincidentally goes to the kitchen at the same time to make a cup of coffee then he's stalking us. Everything he does makes our SKIN CRAWL.

    It's all subjective of course, one woman's Heathcliff is another woman's Lionel Richie.

    Or maybe it's just me who behaves like this.

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    • If you understand that it's irrational then why put the blame on guys instead of correcting the bias in yourself?

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    • Translation: "I know its irrational but im gonna keep doing it anyways"

      I appreciate the honesty but not even trying to correct this behavior just in itself irrational.

    • @Toad-1 I agree with you. I know that a lot of my female clients who come to me for psychic readings are unhappy or disappointed or wasting their time with a guy they are with just because he has the right colour of eyes or is good looking or some other irrational and childish reason for wasting their time on someone who ruins their life.

  • well, it is when a creepy stranger's following you and complementing your tits

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  • 1d

    You are right. What many girls will accept for a hot guy, they would be filing police reports if he was ugly.

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  • Well-thought out :) abd thanks for the male advice at the end

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  • You sound insecure

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  • I agree

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  • I like you

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  • Nice take

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  • Well written. I agree

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  • Great Take, as always.

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