If "Nice Guys" Exist, Do "Mean Guys" Exist Too? Why is This Paradoxical Phrase So Popular?

There's a very common concept among the dating world known as the "nice guy." This is the guy who seems nice and friendly up front, but in the end, just wants sex, or has some ulterior motive. But I must ask, then WHY are they associated with the word "nice" at all? They have an ulterior, selfish motive it seems, so therefore, why aren't they just called "fake" or just plain asshole? Why should "nice" be associated with them at all? Doesn't that then make the word "nice" or "friendly" more toxic? Also, it applies to guys, but I NEVER hear women be called "nice." They are either nice or they're a bitch. Way more bluntly up front. And why is there such thing as "nice guys" but NO such phrase as "mean guys"? Nobody calls a guy who is mean up front, but nice on the inside a "mean guy," so why is it ok the other way around and so popular?

Ah hypocrisy. The horrid smell of it everywhere.
Ah hypocrisy. The horrid smell of it everywhere.

DO women want friendly, honest, nice guys, or not?

Perhaps, most women don't nice guys at all. Perhaps they do in fact want mean guys. The excuse we often hear is that they are at least up front and bluntly honest, more so than "nice guys," but this is hypocrisy then, as most women who seem to go for these mean guys ALSO would say they want somebody friendly and respectful. They aren't honest then about that. They are LIARS. They are HYPOCRITES. They apply a standard to others they can't apply to themselves. They obviously do NOT want somebody friendly and respectful, but they have to make excuses so they look better. And JUST for writing this, most people won't even bother with half of it before assuming I am just a bitter, angry "nice guy" myself, but I pose the question, what if I was a woman writing this? Would I get praise? Especially if I had a picture of myself before all this? This is not to say women are all to blame for this either.

If

What about men though?

Men are at full fault too. They are OK with this paradox and bow before it because they want to do ANYTHING to impress women. People can call me a loser for this. Or whatever. It's meaningless to me to deal with people that are sheep. The one who stands against the crowd is ALWAYS going to be bashed. Some of the smartest people of all time were among the most bashed, ignored, bullied, etc. Look at em now though. So instead of writing stupid condescending comments like I expect from people here, maybe think about this a bit before you type. I wonder if anyone will actually even see this, or more likely, GAG will put "How do I look" BS pages before this. I challenge women here to actually understand this more than most men who will see this. But alas, I doubt it. Maybe I can be proved wrong. Call this "sexist" all ya want too. But keep lying to yourself, as I 100% but blame on men too, so that's not possible. There's good reason I don't listen to the bullshit music out there that many of these hypocrites listen to. Hell no. Hopsin is my tune for this. I will never stop posting Hopsin videos. He speaks TRUTH, but let's see who's brave enough to listen and who would rather just hear a word or two repeated 20 times with a few beats and call it good music.


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Most Helpful Girls

  • I know that, from a woman's perspective, I don't trust most men including the paradoxical "nice guy" stereotype you've mentioned. This really isn't news to me.

    I'm at a point in my life that I've realized one thing: these men are the same. No woman can foresee the true intentions of supposed "nice guys." It's not like we know they're fake assholes right from the start. AGAIN. Not news to me, as I would never settle down with that type of guy. Those aren't real, genuine, men; they're manbabies that have yet to drop their mama's teat and learn how to treat a woman. That applies to those that you reference as "mean guys," too. The only difference between the "fake men" and the "douche-bag type/mean guys," is honesty. At least most of us know what we're getting ourselves into with someone who is more upfront about themselves. It stops us from becoming too emotionally involved on this ever-fucked-up search for someone who is decent and stable. That doesn't mean that every woman is going to naturally turn down a man that appears to have some level of decency to him. However, it might prevent those of us that are damaged from proceeding because time after time again those same guys have left us brokenhearted and alone. I'd describe these types of people as hopeless and given up on love.

    And by the way, that image of the woman is completely irrelevant to your argument, as she is looking for something temporary, as most people are when they're in a bar--- ALONE.
    It's true! Some women DO have poor judgement; most in fact. There's no reason to deny that. They'll naturally ignore the real, genuine, men because THEY TOO are immature and unready to settle down. These noncommittal folks are the reason for all this confusion. I think you should separate those types of people from the others that are in fact looking for someone, but too afraid to enter something they think might work out, but be left devastated in the end. There really is no paradox here. Just a difference in one's readiness to find love and whether or not they've given up. Nice guys DO exist, I know for fact they do. I think you might be one of them.

    I really do see where you're coming from, though. I can see how it might seem like all of us are the same. But, we're not; not really... :/

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    • Not sure if by calling me a nice guy was literal compliment or condescending, but either way, you are the only open in the comment section so far to agree that there's a paradox or at least use that word. Or at least I think you do. I appreciate that. But I do have a bit of an argument though. My argument would be this. Be careful who you date. Be selective. Be ready to reject. It's hard to do, but if you are OK with meaner guys cause of their "honesty" being up front then you need it yourself. If you expect a guy who's friendly, yet honest, then you need to make sure you are the same with anyone who approaches. Or break up with them if you got thrown off. Don't get attached from the start. Isn't that honesty? Do you want to date a guy you don't truly like? That's not honesty. Give what you expect. TELL them up front change or you leave. Nothing is easy, but living a lie is worst. But tell me, if mean guys=bad, nice guys=fake, whats a ACTUAL OK guy? Do they not exist?

    • Good point that you mention not ALL women are the same. And I'm glad you admit fault of many women as self critique is important. The actual selection of people to choose from on both sides is specifically small and only shrinks all the time. But this isn't the paradox I refer to. Again, maybe it's not a paradox per say, is the whole fake nice guy thing is not labeled well. You skipped that part. It should be just "fake". The nice only seems to be applied to guys. Why not women? There are this so called "fake" nice women that are clingy and have no life besides their male counterpart and they act like babies as well. Is that OK? No, it's not. Apply the label to men and women or don't use it. This goes for slut and other words too. Man sluts exist. I'd be fine if women started calling those men what they are. Desperate for sex. Instead of "players" that somehow have a cool ring to it, call man whores or something. I am A-OK with that. Why don't women use that wording as well?

    • Again, not sure if you were trying to be condensing or not. If so, I shake it off easy. I knew condescending nastiness would come from women due to this take. WAY too predictable. Ironic too, since condescending remarks are NOT honest. In fact, like fake guys, it's a face of being polite while not actually being polite. Hypocritical in itself. I'm proud to share the same opinions about women as Hopsin. And Hopsin is plenty successful, even got a shout out from EMINEM in his new album, so I KNOW my opinions have value. If you meant literal nice, I'm posting the video anyways. Hopsin says exactly what I say in an amazing way. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wlb-HWpDDx0

  • Damn.. You went from nice guy, to judging the way you look, to what kind of music you like and dislike.. that was interesting!

    But I completely agree with you. Nice mytake.

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What Girls Said 1

  • There are honestly nice guys. And then are the self-proclaimed "nice guys". Those are definitely not the same thing. "Nice guys" being dubbed such is humorous because it's ironic.

    Women do genuinely like and want nice men, at least if they're mature and not into "bad boys" or something equally juvenile. No woman wants a "nice guy". "Nice guy" is synonomous with an immature douchebag who throws tantrums when he doesn't get his way and views women as sexual objects.

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    • i think what hurts though is that girl won't go for the "nice guy" which i get, but why does being honest about how shitty they are make them more appealing? Fuckbois are rampant from what my friends tell me.

      I get it, i know guys who are "nice guys" and they are bitter as all hell, but i do know fuckbois, and they're so grimy. I think when the "nice guys" see that the fuckbois get rewarded, it fuels their bitterness, because they aren't completely wrong in their logic, but they are immature and unattractive for their entitlement.

    • @Armourdillo I agree. This is a huge part of my point. Hell, just by making this take, I get called a "nice guy", sexist or whatever! Where are the people who call out fuckbois? Is flat out saying "hey I want to fuck you hard" up front so much better suddenly? ?

What Guys Said 6

  • What a lot of guys don't get is that women get a choice. They think if they project the right "image", be it "nice guy" or "mean guy" women will HAVE to date them.

    See that's not how it works. It doesn't matter how you approach women, women will always reject you because YOU suck and they're not interested.

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    • Eh, just because a woman rejects somebody doesn't mean that person sucks, but only sucks in that woman's opinion. Idgaf what women think of me, and same for men. They aren't a measurement of my success.

  • Well the “mean guy” is the bad women young beautiful fertile women sleep with for the first 15 years of their life. Then they drag their saggy Vag, infertility, and inability to pairbond and psychotic behavior to the “nice guy” when she is ready for you to pay for her, mean “settle down.”

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  • An opposite to "nice guy" in the sense that it is meant, is "assertive" I'd say. Ill willed people exist, regardless (the meanies). You should rethink your basics.

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    • No, you should Re- read my take and not be such a snotty smartass. Of course ill willed people exist! DUH! I meant that nobody uses the term "mean guys" at all and especially not near as often as "nice guys." Learn to fucking READ before acting like a smartass! You are thirty years old for fucks sake! READ!

  • The um... Cartoon may be a serious hyperbole, if not inaccurate.

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    • I know it's meant to be ironic, but it's not resulting in constructive things! Why should nice EVER be associated with something bad even if it is? It leaves a bitter taste of hearing the word nice then so then, people may actually be meaner.

    • Genuine people.

  • I used to be a nice guy. I genuinely wanted to get to know girls and if I liked them I wanted to spend time with them bonding over hobbies and activities and then dating and then find someone I wanted a real relationship with. THIS DOES NOT WORK. No women exclusively date, all women will mostly hook up. Now I just call girls sluts and aggressively grab them and stuff like that and they love it and I have too many girls to date than I need. Now I am just so jaded because all these supposedly "nice" girls are actually huge sluts.

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    • For real? Or trolling? It also depends where you live sometimes too. I'd be careful with that. There's going to be that one girl one day who will press charges. I'm not actually too surprised by this. Tbh, I have a theory that perhaps most women really are more superficial and dumber than guys. Just look at how they work. If you are a nice guy whether for real or fake, you are assumed to be fake, but that penalty doesn't exist for meaner guys does it? Also, just look at who's more likely to go for philosophy? Who's more likely to love deeper music? Or deeper shows? What girl you know loves Slayer compared to the amount of guys? And Slayer has some of the brutalist, yet most realistic and blunt lyrics out there. But the girls I know into "metal" think they're hard for listening to Nightwish. They just go with the flow more often it seems. Not every girl, but i feel more likely than guys. This is just theory ofc. There's other aspects too and I don't know if it's all true, but just a thought.

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    • Ok not all women but maybe 98.5% of them. So I feel comfortable saying all. And no, you should be honest and truthful. Women respect you when you call a dumb slut a dumb slut. If a girl doesn't want to be called a dumb slut she shouldn't act like one. I don't care who gives me shit about it. Only dumb sluts would give you shit about calling them out on their behavior.

    • I guess it's not too bad a point. Honesty is important even if hated. Still be careful out there m8. Women can also be quite fake. One second flirting with you for a slap on the butt and the next suing you for everything you got.

  • I think 'nice guys' generally come off as desperate, weird or boring. Also a big misconception is girls go for mean guys which is untrue, girls like guys who are fun, have good body language and can hold interesting conversations. When other guys see a guy like this they automatically think that guy is a dick because he is flirting with a girl he just met a few mins ago and they probably start thinking stuff like 'he just wants you for your body, if she gave me a chance i would always make her happy.. blah blah.'

    The biggest mistake i see a lot of 'nice guys' make is they ask such boring questions and it sounds like an interview. Your main goal should be make the girl laugh, especially the first few mins because you'll already be doing better than 95% of guys by keeping her attention for that long then when she is interested enough she will ask you questions about you and you can keep the convo going back and forth from there.

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    • Wow, congrats on being like the 7th person to let the take completely go over their head. Read it again. "Nice guys" don't exist cause they aren't nice. Period.

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