I used to be very against ghosting. I thought it was the worst thing you could do to someone. Now I wish I had ghosted him when my instincts told me to. I'd be surprised if anyone cared enough to read through this, but here it is.
We met on here, GaG. knew each other roughly 6-8 months before he was driving cross country. He said he had always wanted to visit my city, and asked if I could show him around. I live in Detroit, Michigan. It's a very rough placed. My instincts screamed at me not to meet a stranger from the internet in Detroit, of all places. But I ignored my fear and I went to meet him.
We had an amazing time, clicked so well together. Felt as if everything was right. I was in disbelief that I'd never see him again after he continued on his way. We didn't kiss then or anything. Very platonic. But I had never missed someone as much as I did when he continued on his way.
For the next year we talked. We dated other people. We found a time eventually when we were both single, and we realized our feelings for each other were not platonic. Even when dating other people, we talked almost every day. He moved from Texas to Michigan and moved in with me within a month of dating. He had to go to North Dakota for schooling. We knew once we left Michigan, we'd never go back. So we got married, around 4 months of dating. I loved living with him. Being with him. Everything was good when he moved in, but my roommates and friends despised him for some reason.
We moved to North Dakota. Things got stressful. I wasn't used to being away from my family but I was trying to cope. He didn't have a job since he was in full time classes. It was hard for me to find stable work. But we stayed strong, I thought. We traveled a lot. It was incredible, I had always wanted to but never had the opportunity.
He convinced me to give up my car because I was overpaying, and couldn't afford it with rent. He convinced me that my friends treated him poorly. He didn't like my family and they were stupid because they made poor financial decisions at times. I lost contact with a lot of people. Only talking to my friends occasionally. Calling my family once every few weeks. He told me that he never said things I thought he had said. Said I said things that I didn't remember saying. Constantly making me question my reality. He said my dog attacked him so I left her with my family to be cared for. I didn't have friends in North Dakota. He didn't want me to start conversations with people in public when he was with me. And he was always with me, because I couldn't have my own car. He would refuse to take me to work if I ever worked in the morning, because he didn't want to wake up early. But I again, wasn't allowed to have a car. So I couldn't keep a job. Uber was nonexistent in our small town.
I slowly and steadily lost my sense of self. He constantly stared at other girls, very blatantly, even if it was just to mock the fact that I didn't like it, and told me to wear clothes that didn't suit my body type. Then he'd make fun of the same clothes he had told me to buy, making me self conscious, and again questioning my reality. He would distract me during my homework so I'd do a bad job. Especially when I told him I needed quiet because I was doing my homework. But he wanted me to help with his. He'd tell me he wanted a baby. He'd finish inside of me during sex. Then he'd tell me to take a plan B emergency contraceptive. I couldn't take birth control due to it making me severely ill, and he refused to wear a condom.
My grandmother got sick. She was in the hospital for a week before she had a stroke, and when she had a stroke I told him I needed to be there. The last thing he said to me in person was, "I don't care". With no clarification. No kiss goodbye. I just got out of the car because I had to catch my train. I didn't know it at the time but I was pregnant.
I was there for 2 weeks before my grandma passed away. The day of my grandmothers funeral he messaged me with a list of 10 ultimatums to stay in the relationship. One, being I couldn't have a car. Another was I had to sit and do his homework with him every night or he would cheat. 10 ultimatums like this. On the day of my grandmother's funeral I also had my first positive pregnancy test. It was barely positive but it was definitely positive. I tested again. faint positive. and again. negative. Then again. positive. negative. For 2 weeks, at one point they were all positive. faintly but definitely positive and getting darker. All the while arguing with him and I didn't tell him for a few days. When I did, he said it was my mind trying to convince myself I was pregnant so he would stay with me. I was throwing up daily. My period was 6 weeks late (2 weeks late is normal for me, not 6). I had a blood test (negative) done about 3 or 4 weeks after I got my first positive test, and that same day I started my period. I was no longer pregnant.
He told me I wasn't welcome back. He kicked me out, I had to move my things immediately after my grandmother died. I flew my things home in two suitcases while he was on the vacation we were supposed to go on. This was at the start of the Covid19 outbreak in my state.
My uncle died too, 2 weeks ago. He had cancer. I couldn't visit him a final time because of Covid19. I lost my last months with my grandmother. I went through a miscarriage. This all started in March. I am going through a divorce with the man that had promised me the world. It is now May 13th, 2020, and I haven't even begun to heal. He thinks I've moved on so soon because I don't want to talk to him. But he doesn't understand all the pain I'm going through because of him. He wouldn't even give me the courtesy of a phone call, we ended our relationship over Facebook messenger because he is a coward. He wouldn't wait for me to come home. He wanted to have our fight then and there.
I wish I had ghosted him. And from here on out, I will ghost people when that instinct tells me to. I used to get upset when people ghosted me. Now I wish I had ghosted him, and I'll never hesitate to do so again.
I hope he sees this and I hope he knows the hate and the anger I harbor for him. He said before that he has read every MyTake I've ever written. Well this one is written for him.
Most Helpful Opinions
Holy shit, I’m so sorry you had to go through something like that. I hear online dating horror stories like this pretty often, but this is the first time it’s ever happened to someone I actually kind of know and it hits so much harder. At least you’ve learned from your mistakes and you can read the signs of an abusive and exploitative relationship before it’s too late in the future. But I’m sorry you had to learn it like that, no one deserves that.
I believe you'd actually know who I'm talking about on this. I think you knew him.
I didn't recognize it because it happened so slowly. I did have someone I dated for longer try to propose to me and I ended my relationship with him because he had started showing signs of being abusive. With my marriage, I didn't know until it was over. Even then, it took me weeks to realize everything he had done as far as gaslighting and everything.