12 Thoughts I Have When I've Been Ghosted

[Anonymous]

The dating process is a roller coaster, and there's nothing worse than realizing the person you've been pursuing isn't feeling you anymore. Shooting over a text saying they've met someone else or letting the relationship slowly fizzle away from existence is never fun, but there's one method that burns more than any other: ghosting.

Whether you've been ghosted, or perhaps you ARE the one who ghosts (WHY do you do this?!), this one method of ending a fling is quite possibly the most frustrating way ever. As you sit there staring at your phone day after day wondering when their next text will come through, it's easy to get lost in a series of self-criticizing thoughts that go a little something like this:

1. Maybe his phone is broken

2. Maybe my last message never sent. Should I resend it?

3. Maybe he accidentally blocked me

4. He hasn't viewed my Snapchat. Maybe he's swamped with work.

5. False alarm. He HAS viewed my Snapchat. Why hasn't he texted me?

6. I thought we had a connection. Maybe I imagined it and he didn't enjoy all of those dates with me.

7. Did I talk too much on our dates? Did he think I was annoying?

8. Did I sleep with him too early and now he thinks I am a slut?

9. Was I bad in bed?

10. Maybe it's because I was a brunette. Should I dye my hair blonde? Do all guys like blondes?

11. Will I be single forever?

12. I guess it's time to move on

Have you ever been ghosted? If so, how did you handle it?

If you've ever ghosted someone - Please tell us why!

[Anonymous]

The answer is simple, you and the women who get "ghosted" chose to date "bad boys" who lie, cheat, and only want you for sex. Once they get it they "ghost" you until they need it again, because these guys know you will wait around for them to call rather than dating a guy who likes you, respects you, and actually wants a relationship.

[myTake Owner]

As harsh as that is to take in, I think you are actually spot on..

[KawaiiPie67]

Lots of girls ghost too fyi.

[Opinion Owner]

@KawaiiPie67 yea but most guys are smart enough to realize what those sluts are doing, and unless they are the "ghosting" type too, cut that bitch out of their lives.

[Azara]

why do you assume women who tolerate it wouldn't do it themselves?

[cherryxox]

I've never tolerated such behaviour but I think the larger issue that is at play here is that most of the "bad guys" are the only type of guys that are confident enough to approach girls. Most girls will tell you they want a nice guy but they don't want to be the one to approach. It's a fine line between wanting a guy who is good to you and who is confident enough in himself too approach you. Unfortunately for us women these guys tend to be the asshole type who sleep with a ton of women.

[likelyOK]

Yeah but if a guy he doing it he is Slut too

[RJGraveyTrain]

I literally just look at my phone, chuckle and say:

Guess he's too much of a coward to just be upfront. Forget that guy.

[ObscuredBeyond]

It's not always cowardice. He's waiting for a cue that you give a damn, before he sticks his neck out. Possibly he got burned really bad once before? It only takes a few double agents, cheaters, flakes, et al, before guys become very paranoid about giving away too many of their feelings at once.

[Anonymous]

I've ghosted quite a few girls. Usually I just think they aren't interested so I quit contacting them before I become a nuisance. Usually it's because they've been consistently waiting hours to send text or only replying with a couple words. Or on dates they seem like they're not really eager to be there. So I just stop contacting them with the thought that any normal human being would notice when someone disappears and reach out to them if it's someone they like. The number of girls I've met who've complained about me disappearing out of nowhere who never once tried just simply contacting me first is ridiculous. So excluding those women and only focusing in on girls that actually did try to reconnect several times: I tend to ghost on those girls as a last resort. Like I've had subtle talks to them about not wanting to date them. I've dropped the friend bomb several times. Sometimes I even try to hook them up with other people. I've learned from experience that when faced with girls like this I have two options disappear or tell her straight to her face why I don't want to and will probably never want to be with them. The second one sucks because it's usually not their fault and it's usually nothing they can change but they always take it personally. So the weaker the relationship I have with that person the easier it is for me to ghost her instead of having to beat the idea that I don't like her into her ego until it shatters. I'd rather a girl think I was a cold disrespectful jerk then walk around beating herself up over the (most likely arbitrary) reason why I didn't feel comfortable pursuing a relationship with her. A lot of girls just want a decent boyfriend but I've never really craved or cared for a relationship. Usually the only time I even bother with it all is when I've met someone that I think is just awesome. So most of the time if I'm ghosting someone it's because they were pursuing me and I was never interested or something about them has shattered my previous belief about who they were. Either that or dating them makes me feel more like a filler for the guy in her mental storybook than a person she actually likes. In that case I ghost because I honestly doubt my presence will be missed for long and whatever I would've said would've been irrelevant anyways.

[KawaiiPie67]

When a guy's stopped msging me, I assumed he was really busy or wasn't interested. It would never have occurred to me he wanted me to contact him. I did send a few more msgs that they didn't respond to, but I thought they saw me as annoying anyway.

If someone stops msging isn't it totally normal to assume they don't want to speak with u? Like if this was all in person and a guy just flat out ignored me, I'd assume he didn't take me srsly.

[Opinion Owner]

It works both ways. I stop messaging girls only when it appears that they aren't really interested in having a conversation with me. Like they take hours to reply to every text message. Or don't try at all to keep the conversation going. So yes if someone stops messaging it is totally normal to assume they don't want to speak with you. The same can be said about someone who never attempts to contact you first.

[cherryxox]

I think in this case ghosting implies the girl texting you and you never texting them back. If a conversation with a guy I was seeing just died out I would take the hint that he is no longer interested after maybe texting him one more time and checking in with him... however if I asked a guy a question and did not text me back I wouldn't bother with it anymore and move on with my life. To be honest why would you want to continue seeing someone when neither of you are interested enough to bother trying? Clearly there is something missing there. In any case ghosting someone is a really immature way of dealing with things. Shoot them a text saying hey im not that interested in dating you and problem solved. The fact that you would expect someone to chase after you trying to desperately salvage whatever half-assed dating scenario you guys had is really silly. (Not trying to point fingers are you I just mean in general)

[likelyOK]

What have you found out that shattered your world?

[likelyOK]

What have you learned that shattered your belief about them? Examples please

[Anonymous]

I don't know if this will classify as "ghosting". However, a few years after I graduated high school I enrolled myself into a local community college a few blocks down the street. There was a guy I had met who didn't seem interested in me (never made advances or said anything to me to make me think otherwise) so we sparked up a friendship. I considered this guy to be one of my best friends. To the point where we even talked regularly about women he found attractive in his class and the men I found attractive in mine. Like I said, he never made any advances on me. He never even sparked up a conversation of what could have become of us. Months down the road he started talking about this girl he could potentially see himself dating and I wished him good luck. I also had started to see someone a few weeks later. When I came to him about my newly sparked up romance he flipped out on me and said that I had toyed with his emotions the entire time and that I was pathetic for doing so. We had been friends for a year and a half at this point. He said that he had feelings for me the entire time and that I should have "grasped onto his hints" (hints that I never saw). He stopped speaking to me afterwards and told everyone at that college that we surrounded ourselves with that I was a user and liked fucking with peoples heads. It bothered me a great deal but I moved on from it because I truly did nothing wrong in my eyes. His feelings toward me had never surfaced and we had never done anything further than a one armed hug that I initiated. Maybe I should have looked deeper into his feelings. Or perhaps he should have just told me instead of expecting me to be a mind reader.

[Miss_Behave]

I've been ghosted before but I don't do it. In fact, I don't think I'll ever do that. It's such a cowardly (and immature) thing to do, in my opinion. Seriously, what's so hard about being straightforward and direct? I've never had a problem with that.
in my opinion, it's better to know the cold, hard truth and be hurt by it than to just suddenly disappear. It's so unfair to the other person because it leaves them hanging and wondering what's going on.

Anyway, thoughts 2, 3, 4, and 5 have come across my mind when I got ghosted.

And when I get ghosted, I give them a few days to see and confirm that I've been ghosted. After a certain time period (usually a few days up to a week... Depending on how frequently we communicate), I'd just sign them off and boot them out of my life... unless of course, they come back later and tell me that, oh, they were stuck on a deserted island during that time... Then, yea, ok... Second chance granted. Otherwise, nope!

[myTake Owner]

I agree! It's so much easier to hear the truth (no matter how harsh it may be), than sitting around waiting with no communication!

[Anonymous]

I think I have. My Last contact with him Was because of his birthday. We were talking of many things, in the end, I asked him if everything Was ok, he told me That yes, he Was ok.

I stopped the contact for five days, and on Friday night, I decided to call him. He didn't answered. Next Day i sent him a message, he didn't answered, then in the afternoon i called him once more, he didn't answered. I sent him crying my Last message, saying That i release him, That i accept That he can't give me a stable relationship, That maybe in the future we can rekindle our friendship.

I am still mourning for it, but he hasn't called or contacted me yet, so he just ghosted.

I think I am still in thoughts 7 and 8. I am overthinking if I did something wrong in the relationship.

[myTake Owner]

I completely understand how you feel. I have been there so many times, and it really is the WORST feeling! Trust me though - you did NOT do anything wrong. Any type of guy that "ghosts" a girl is immature and a coward. You deserve better than that, and I believe you will find a great guy :)

[krash2002]

I use to be an accidental ghoster.. I'm a software engineer, and have my own projects outside of work that I work on quite a bit. Which takes up a lot of my time.

My ghosting was mainly due to me getting caught up in projects, and working 15+ hour days on my own accord, and just being oblivious to my surroundings for the longest time. I'd go on dates with a girl. Then a buddy and I would start a new project, and I would lose track of time and then a week would pass by without me contacting them.

I know now that that was never an excuse, but a reason. However, it's the honest truth, and building my career was the most important thing to me at that time in my life. When I finally got to the point of being content in my career. I stopped ghosting, and now im married.

[mermaidrocketship]

I'm glad you learned from it. The guy I was seeing is a super nerd, and he didn't return texts for an entire week b/c of a project. We met up again, and it's been a month. I tried texting him 4 days ago, but he hasn't even read it yet. And there's no possibility of him dating other girls. I was pretty much the only girl around him. Kinda sucks...

[purpleglitter8661]

I think that if you are seeing someone even if it's not serious it's better to be honest and not waste anyone's time.
I've been what I call semi ghosted where someone disappears and then reappears to then disappear again. The frustration for me was just having my time wasted especially as the guy I was seeing i later found out was getting his ex back at the same time as he was playing games.
I would have respected him more if he had just text to say it was over.
But your right before I knew about his ex all those things ran through my mind. Did I do something wrong? Did I sleep with him too early? In the end it wasn't to do with me, it was him.

[meesh1220]

LOL I'm quite certain I have thought all of these. I was ghosted in December of 2014, 2 weeks before my birthday. I met this guy in a bar, invited him to be my "date" at a wedding, and continue to hang out with him after that. He had plans for my birthday. Then one day, he stopped responding to my texts. Poof, bye bye. I ran into him a couple months later at the same bar, and wouldn't you know, he acted like nothing happened. He proceeded to kiss up to me, being all nice and shit. I blew him off, never acknowledged him. He left the bar with a stupid grin on his face. His roommate and brother's girlfriend, whom I totally clicked with, came up to me and told me she was so glad I never ended up with him, because everything he had told me about himself was a lie, just to impress me. I was saved that day. So sometimes being a "victim" of ghosting can be a good thing.

[meesh1220]

*continued

[bomba78]

I have been ghosted, but it didn't really bother me, because it takes more than a few dates for me to get emotionally invested in someone.
and because I had a very active dating and social life (dating, not necessarily sex) I basically always had stuff to do and people to meet. No biggie.
I ghosted a few myself as well. when the chemistry just wasn't there at all and both knew that there will be no follow up. When a guy did follow up, I'd tell him that the spark didn't catch on and sorry.
Others who I had been casually seeing for longer, I sent a text letting them know that I met someone and that it was getting serious. (when I met my now fiance) we wished each other all the best and that was it.

So it really depends on the situation and the history with the person.

[M_A_X]

This only works because people think online conversations are different from real life, and they're really not, so it doesn't work.

Imagine talking to someone IRL and then they just stop, and walk away. Nobody would do that because it would be rude, but online it's fine for NO REASON AT ALL

[M_A_X]

I have the WORST CASE OF THIS AND I PROMISE YOU~~

The girl who ghosted me lives right down the hall. One apartment down. Nobody knows this like I do

[myTake Owner]

Exactly, people think it's easy to get away with things behind technology. A real man wouldn't leave a girl hanging - rejection is easier than waiting endlessly.

[likelyOK]

I tend to agree if you met the person IRL they are more likely to be a decent person than if u first met them online

[Anonymous]

Well atm a friend of the opposite gender is pursuing with asking me out and sending me hugs etc, I know he is on a look out for a girlfriend... but I am not ready and have let him know that going through tough time atm... he is a nice guy... but after telling him about my recent break up, and that I am trying to pull myself together by keeping busy and doing things for me... he stills pursuing... quite honestly... as much as I like him as a friend... Im not feeling like explaining myself every time he txts... and all of the things he is trying to get me out for are dating... I don't mean to be rude to him, but there is only so many times one can let the other know they are not ready... before stop replying to their txts... I don't feel bad for it

[Almostoverit]

That's not ghosting. Ghosting is basically two people dating and for some reason (mostly lack of romantic interest) one person goes radio silent. From the sound of it, you never intended on dating this guy and he's just not taking no for an answer.

[Opinion Owner]

I saw "He is not that into you" last night... great advice from Alex guy who was helping Gigi to not hang on men who were not interested. if he/she is not replying then they are not interested in you. Stop making excuses and come up with reasons for their behavior... if someone genuinely likes you they will be in touch despite of what their circumstances are... death or coma is pretty good reason for them to never contact you though.

[Opinion Owner]

@Almostoverit

[Opinion Owner]

@Almostoverit I guess so.

[Anonymous]

I was ghosted recently by a shy nerd guy. Which is funny because aren't shy nerdy guys the guys who men claim women friend zone? And who claim they are the nice guys?

Anyways I called him and he agreed to hang out He was out of town and I contacted him a week later because I already texted him and I just met the guy so of course I gave him the benefit of the doubt. But he next responded so I called him again and I texted him some days later, no response.

So I deleted his number

[myTake Owner]

Seriously, I always think a shy, nerdy guy will be a nice guy - which makes it even more frustrating when he doesn't reply :( Deleting his number was a smart move. What a jerk.

[Opinion Owner]

*but he never responded

[fiego]

To ghost someone is pretty lame, with all the communication tools we have at our disposal today, it speaks very poorly of someone if they "ghost" you.

[Xoxoxooo123]

Yes I've been ghosted before. It felt pretty shitty and I was very upset at the other person because I did nothing to deserve that. I think someone with balls can at least explain to the other person what they did wrong or how they feel so the person being ghosted doesn't feel like shit after being ignored repetively.

[Hannah591]

I've ghosted people because I'm terrible at replying and I genuinely forget about texting someone back. I barely use my phone nowadays. People then are too afraid to text me again. BUT if I'm really into talking to you, I won't forget. ;)

I've been ghosted too but by guys I've literally spoken to for less than ten minutes so it's not a huge deal.

[ClassicRocker]

I've never really ghosted anyone in the way you've described. The worst I've ever done is not called at all and that's mostly just because I get caught up in other stuff. Then a week later when I'm ready to get out there again I remember "Oh yeah I got that girls # last weekend, but then I feel like it's too late and then I go out and do it again...

I feel like that's an expected pitfall for women just like getting a fake number is for dudes.

[SomeOtherGuy]

I've ghosted, hated myself for it, and have made efforts not to do it anymore.
Didn't do it with bad intentions though.

[myTake Owner]

It happens - as long as you learned from it and won't do it again, it's ok!

[cherryxox]

What were your "good" intentions?

[Starfishlover]

Yes I have been ghosted maaaaaaaaaaaany many times. I can't ghost anyone. It is so hurtful and rude. But when I get ghosted, I just roll my eyes and move on. Someone will love me... soon :( 24.media.tumblr.com/.../...2jFEvV1rwx83mo1_500.gif

[BertMacklinFBI]

just keep swimming, just keep swimming

[prettychik115]

This whole "ghosting" trend is effed up and now that there is a word for guys blowing off girls it somehow makes it even more acceptable! I met this cool guy out a couple weeks ago and we really hit it off then all of a sudden he just went MIA. It's so frustrating bc I see on Insta that he's out with other girls. I wish he at least had the decency to say he wasn't in to me rather than just continually blowing me off!

[Azara]

if you're getting ignored , i guess its time to move on. give yourself a time limit then decide its over. if ghosting means inning. im not exactly sure. is that it?

I've done it unintentionally but i tried to straighten it out afterwards.. took years. jeez.

[Azara]

oooh. its about being ignored online? pfft. i would never leave a relationship or potential relationship situation at the mercy of texting. i hate texting. so I've never been ghosted or ghosted. i do things in person. make the guy say he's not interested if thats the case.

[LilWeezey]

Ok. I keep seeing this on my feed and I have to know.
WTF IS GHOSTING

[myTake Owner]

Ghosting is when the person you are dating (or seeing) completely disappears - stops texting, stops responding, basically leaves forever. Rather than telling you they aren't interested in dating you, they stop contacting you all together. It's very frustrating!

[LilWeezey]

I see.
I've never really had that happen but I can image its frustrating