Girls, shy girl acts hold and cold with me? why?

[Anonymous]

im so baffled by a woman i know. one minute she seems open and fine with me, she talks, (when i initiate, she even made a point of jokingly telling me off, which isn't like this girl at all) all seems fine she asks me questions etc then the next week she's cold with me. not really looking at me, not saying much when i do say something she replies quite bluntly. it just seems like I've done something to her. she is quite shy.

[Anonymous]

Bahahaha, this is so me!

It doesn't sound to me like you've done anything. She could just be sussing out your personality to see if she likes you or if she can let her guard down around you. How did you react to her jokingly telling you off? Were you visibly upset? Did you find it funny? Your reaction to her attempt at humor could very well shape future interactions. If you took it well, she may be willing to joke about other things and open up more. If you didn't, she may be going back to the drawing board to figure out another approach. She'll probably be more reserved until she figures it out as a way not to intentionally hurt your feelings.

When you say she replies bluntly, what exactly do you mean? Does she succinctly answer your questions, but you were hoping for more conversation from her, so it seems blunt? Or does she give curt one-word answers and take a dismissive tone, as if you're disturbing her? In the last case, I would just like to mention that you may have caught her off-guard (i. e. her mind was on other things), so her response may have been more from a place of disorientation than of disturbance, but it's possible she was dismissive also.

What are you hoping to get out of your interactions with her? Do you like her, and you're just baffled by her behavior, or are you concerned that you may have offended her and just want some clarification?

[Asker]

I like her yes, and I haven't just met this girl, I have known. Her for two years! I took the telling off very well, and even chnaged my behaviour and asked her if I'd done well lol. I'm just confused by her behaviour with me, one minute she seems fine the next it's like I've done something wrong. She also often 'fiddles' when I approach her like she'll touch her face or grab her ponytail or hair, or pull her clothes. someti es she turns to look when I come into the room, doesn't look me in the eye, looks at my chest area and then quickly turns away. She very rarely looks me in the eye, unless I've noticed if she's in a heightened mood. Sometimes she'll totaly ignore me

[Opinion Owner]

Ah. She likes you, but you make her nervous in a good way. The fiddling is just preening to make sure she looks okay, and the lack of eye contact is a big tell. Eye contact is an intense thing (there's some truth in that whole "eyes are the window to the soul" business), and she's not ready to handle it, so she looks elsewhere. As for ignoring you, she's probably collecting herself so she doesn't feel like she's "giving everything away," where in actuality, she gives nothing away at all (much to your dismay).

The nervousness comes in waves. There are some days where she'll be okay and will talk to you, and there will be days when she's feeling particularly self-conscious or just simply not focused on what you're doing. If you were to ask her if something was wrong, she might tell you no, but she may also become more aware of the impression she's giving off. Try this and see if she relaxes a bit or if she gets even more nervous.

[Asker]

thing is im a shy guy also especially around her and when i talk to her my mind goes blank. she must think im so awkward but the again so is she sometimes. the eye contact thing is strange she ver rarely looks at me BUT she is a shy girl in general

[AmusicAddict]

i've read what you wrote in comments below, and as a shy girl, i could tell you that most probably she likes you! because i reallyy see myself in her and tat's what it is for shy girls , because a shy girl is most of the times insecure and well.. shy so it's hard for her to determine either you like her or not and if you did something or said something or even ignored her for a bit even though it's not on purpose, she could think that you don't like her or whatever even if she used to think that you do. and in general a shy girl won't talk to someone if she feels a little bit that the person isn't that interested in her, she would feel as if she's wasting the person's time or she's disturbing. and in her case i can clearly see that she gets nervous whenever you both interact. and even though you're shy, try to always do the first step because a shy girl and a shy guy, well.. it's complicated so you have to get the courage ;)

[SilenRose]

She's lost interest.

[ArabianPwincess197]

Maybe she is unsure