Why are women never straightforward?

[Anonymous]

Not to seem sexist or to demean women, but it's true, I have NEVER met a women who has said to me exactly what was on her mind (not to say that there aren't any who do). Past girlfriends and current female friends are never as honest, at least compared to my male friends. It shouldn't be that hard to just say what you think. Why are girls like this?

Updates

+1 y

Why are some women not straightforward with men they are comfortable to be around (for example a loving husband for x number of years)? Do they still fear of being judged negatively?

[lumos]

Insecurity mostly. Being afraid of not being taken seriously, or being mocked for opening up. You know, how men are quick to claim we're just PMSing when we speak our minds. We get labeled crazy, or bitches. Or drama queens. A lot of women are also worried that their bluntness/honesty is going to make them look like they're being rude or mean on purpose. My friend had this issue yesterday, some guy has already asked her out for Valentine's day and it's not even February yet lol. She didn't know how to respond because she doesn't want to break his heart, so she keeps procrastinating rejecting him by being vague as fuck. I told her to just be upfront about it and to tell him that they're only going as friends. She claimed that her entire group of friends will judge her if she rejects this boy. I told her that that's highly unlikely considering that leading someone on tends to be perceived as more rude and dishonest thing, than rejecting someone. But, I know for a fact that some people in her life would love to see her get together with him, so I don't doubt at all that those people would be disappointed and judge her for her decision. Which is fucked up.
Anyway, I'm rambling. We've been conditioned to always be as empathetic, understanding and nice as possible, because that's lady-like. And for some reason, this means that some girls think it's more hurtful to be honest, than to be vague and distant.
If you ever want honest advice concerning something, hit me up. I'm a blunt person and I don't give a fuck, I love being honest and straightforward because people don't expect me to be. It's hilarious. You don't get far in life by glossing over things or by sugarcoating your thoughts.

[SparkleQueen]

Awesome question! I'm definitely guilty of this - and no, I don't think it's a sexist or demeaning question at all - very valid. :) There are multiple reasons... 1) She could be naturally reserved. 2) She may feel her comments don't matter or will upset a man (this is usually from one/both parents sending this message). 3) She may have had a negative experience of being direct and open. 4) She might think letting you know what she's thinking won't interest you and could even frustrate you. 5) Her personal go-to is only her girlfriends. 6) She could believe and be afraid that saying what she thinks reads to you as "I know by telling you this, I'm scaring you away. I can't lose you." 7) She might be a deep intellectual and feel frustrated that words seem totally useless as getting her point across - she probably keeps a journal or you might catch her deeply pondering some mystery. 8) She could have a male phobia - many reasons for this, but she might be very vocal with females and not 1 bit with any male. 9) Lastly, she might believe that males and females think about life SO differently that you couldn't possibly understand what she wants to say (and I'm NOT meaning in a demeaning way towards you. Instead - she's at a loss of how to communicate.) Anyway, these are most reasons (myself included) why we don't always share our minds as often as would probably be VERY helpful! :D My best wishes to you! :D

[SparkleQueen]

Oh - to respond to the update... yes, fear can absolutely be a factor for her (but not always - you kinda will have to put your Sherlock skills to the test ;))

[lacorine197]

sparkle queen can u please answer my mytake or question pleasee?

[SparkleQueen]

@lacorine197 Sure - which one do you want me to answer?

[lacorine197]

the most recent one and seconfd to most recent

[bomba78]

Because of social conditioning.
Women are taught to be submissive, to be understanding, to never ever be mean, to have a lot of emphaty and to be quiet. to be a lady, skinny and beautiful.

It sounds absolutely nuts and very backwards, but unfortunately it is true. We basically get infused with self esteem issues from very early on. Maybe our opinions were dismissed a few times too many.
someone with low self esteem will always think about what the other person will think of them before saying anything out of the norm.

It takes time to understand that direct and honest communication is always better and more efficient than just keeping quiet.

most girls here say that they are straightforward, and they probably are most of the time. But there are just as many who are not.

It took me years in an abusive relationship to realize I gave too many fucks and in the process forgot about myself and what I wanted and thought. I was permanently walking on eggs. After the wake up call of leaving and starting over, I made a vow to myself to never keep quiet ever again. so now I can be just as blunt as a dude and actually be appreciated for it.

[ReneDS]

It's true your statement, they all tell you a bunch of crap that wasn't true anyway. Like i had been seeing one girl and we had a lot of fun, we kissed and i thought it went great. Well after that she sort of grew cold on me, and it took her a few days to stop being a bitch and telling me she didn't feel a spark, it didn't feel like fireworks as she said, what ever that means. Dimwitted stupid ass. Then a week ago i had met up with a different girl, we had lots of fun, she was teasing me and we made out several times. She kissed me goodnight when she left and also grew cold next day. Several days passed i barely got any answers or just lame boring answers. Well she met some other guy she knew who she had a better connection with, i think he has a better wallet then i do. Funny part is, she told me during our conversations that she is really direct and always tells others what is on her mind, well that explains why you are none responsive or dull. good luck with your boring dickhead. You know its not that bad to have a girl who admit she is shy at least she is being honest.

[DasVoz]

It's a survival trait. Women are generally weaker, and mouthing off to men in patriarchal societies meant getting severely beaten to death or disowned.

Women are much more vocal in the Western world, relative to where they've been and where they are in more theocratic societies.

It's much safer to save her opinion for later, when her targets arent' around to defend themselves and put a stop to her self-serving vitriol.

But hey, we all gotta let off stream at some point.

[vonasaurus]

it a woman is dishonest, either 1) you've put her in a position where she feels that she can't be honest with you, 2) she's not comfortable with you, or 3) social conditioning.

1) have you shamed or berated her for her opinions, or dismissed her feelings as "hormones", even as a "joke"? if you have, chances are that she won't ever open up to you again.

2) are you hitting on her, after she's asked you to stop? are you respectful of her space, her opinions, and her wishes? if not, then perhaps she's uncomfortable around you and she's afraid of how you'll react if she tells you the truth.

3) there are certain subjects (ie: marriage, the future of the relationship) that women won't talk about because it's not socially acceptable. in today's "hookup culture", women are told, "don't ever discuss commitment with your man because it will scare him away"... and we're labelled "crazy" if we hint that we're even remotely interested in a future with you.

of course, there are exceptions, and some (wo) men are just plain old dishonest. however, those are the exception, rather than the rule.

[snowangle]

Great answer!

[Melirain]

I'm pretty straightforward and blunt. I've been told this can be both a good and a bad thing.
That said, girls who aren't straightforward could be 1. trying to be tactful, or trying not to hurt a guy's feelings; they won't come out and say what they're thinking because it's something he won't want to hear. 2. indecisive; she may not know what she thinks or what she wants, so she's wishy-washy in her answers or evasive; you can't tell what she's thinking because she's not sure herself. 3. along those same lines, she may be waiting to find out what you're thinking. If her own opinion isn't strong, she may be willing to change it based on the guy's thoughts, to align more with him. 4. similarly, she may not want to be judged negatively for her views, so she'll wait until hearing what the guy says before deciding whether it's okay to come out with her own thoughts. If he states a view that disagrees with her own, she may never speak straightforwardly. 5. she may want to be understood without having to come out and speak bluntly. I can kind of agree with this last one, personally; it's rare for me to meet someone who not only is very observant, but also cares and knows enough about me to understand what I'm thinking without me being obvious and specific, and of those people, only one has been male. In my (limited) experience, guys just tend not to pay as close attention to people as girls, and that can be aggravating to us, which may lead some girls to speak vaguely out of pure frustration at the guy's lack of understanding.

[Randomnumbers]

I think men and women both have the same problem. You'll probably hear a lot of women say this too. "Why won't he just tell me the truth". Some people aren't good with conflict or confrontation and to them telling the hard truth is a confrontation. There's no way to make someone be honest, I think someone has to be extremely comfortable and open before they can be honest no holding back. This is not including other relationships but kind of applies in those too. Girls are just over analytical and we just can't tell you the straight forward truth. Then we wouldn't be women. Lol

I'm a chick and my brother gave me great advice when it come to listening to my friends and trying to decipher the truth: Listen to the key points. That's it. Lol

[HookingSwan]

I am straightforward with my boyfriend because he is too.

The relationship allows it, if u know what I mean. He makes me feel comfortable to do so.

Also because I know guys are not mind readers and not everything u see in rom coms about ur perfect guy is true.

Makes things easier and saves both of grief and misunderstandings for both of us.

One of the 1st things he told me when we started dating was to be honest. Because even if the truth hurts, it won't hurt so much in the end. honesty is the best policy haha

Yeah thats when I knew I was dating a mature guy. Sexy 😉

[Miss_Behave]

It depends on being straightforward with what. If it's to voice my opinion or thoughts, I'm straightforward and with tact. I hate leading people on because I hate being led on (do unto others...). However, I sometimes find it hard to be straightforward about my feelings because I'm afraid of being rejected or just simply afraid that my feelings won't be reciprocated, or even just be acknowledged. And it feels even worse when it's someone you really like or care about because that's when it hurts the most :(

[SinghSong]

But that's exactly what men are expected to do with women, and to shrug it off every time no matter how much it hurts. As men, we know that we WILL be rejected, and our feelings WON'T be reciprocated or even acknowledged by members of the opposite sex in the vast majority of cases. That's how dating works- men have to be straightforward about their feelings, because no women ever will be. And when men are, and get rejected without their feelings being reciprocated or even being acknowledged, then they're expected to shrug it off and get over it, no matter how much they really liked or cared about the person they had feelings for, and no matter how much it hurts. So why is it a one-way street? Aren't women supposed to be just as brave and resilient as men?

[HaitianBeauty_12]

Not really sure where it started from, but it does relate to how we like to be communicated with.

Girls are emotional so we like being spoken to indirectly and in a caring manner even if there are some white lies or fibs included because we don't like to have our feelings hurt. In turn we speak to others how we would want to be spoken to, which is more indirect and caring.

Men are more interested in getting to the bottom of things. So they like to communicate in a straightforward way and appreciate being spoken to frankly. But women don't really like that tbh. So it's kind of like two different ways of communicating

[Kaylove96]

I'm straightforward, honest, logical, but sometimes I just won't communicate because I'm unsure of what exactly I feel and what exactly is going on with me, or sometimes I feel weird about speaking up. I've always had that problem my whole life with speaking up for myself and along with that, I expect or hope that someone knows me figures out or guesses what the answer is. Like testing even though I know "people aren't mind readers". Or if it's something that a previous conversation goes against, I won't feel like it'll be a good idea to bring it up. Like if it's something that we've already discussed before and it won't have a good outcome. OR just like guys, I won't be real about my thoughts and feelings because of uncertainty

[nicole_SOA]

I was about to go I do say exactly whats on my mind though! But honestly I don't. Insecure I guess is the main reason, not that the girl is insecure but that she doesn't want to be disappointed or let down, basically nit picked for stating her thoughts. I feel like Sagittarius girls speak a little more freely. I speak very freely and very blunt as long as it doesn't have anything to to with what is going on deep down or if I'm afraid I'll get hurt or if i feel as though that person doesn't really care. Thats another big one. Why would I be straightforward if the person doesn't care. I think you just got to find the right girl to be straight with you.
What situation made you ask this question in particular?

[Kate266]

For me it's usually because I don't want to hurt the person I'm talking to, or get hurt myself my saying too much. Sometimes what's on my mind isn't necessarily the best thing to say in the situation. If one of my girlfriends asked me how she looked in something and in my head I'm thinking "holy crap NO" I'm going to tell her in a very kind way as to not hurt her feelings. Same thing when I talk to a guy, especially someone I'm dating. If he asks what's on my mind and I'm thinking "I want to be exclusive" or something along those lines, but I know it will freak him out I'm going to say something else. Its really more of reading the situation and feeling totally comfortable with what you're about to say.

[AngryGoddess]

Not all women are like that. My ex boyfriend wouldn't take my word for anything. Despite me being frank and telling him repeatedly that I'm not like other women. He constantly assumed that I had some hidden meaning behind everything I said and broke up with me in the end.

Besides, it's better to not be frank with someone you're dating. Women have always been frank with their guy friends. It's their boyfriends and husbands they keep secrets from. It's usually harmless. There are just some things better left unsaid.

[Anonymous]

Oh please. Most guys PREFER the girls who are passive aggressive and indirect, whether they're willing to admit it or not. I don't think they consciously seek those girls out, but the appeal is there. Straightforward women are FAR too intimidating for most men (and no I'm not talking about women who call themselves straightforward but are really just brash and rude). If all you keep attracting are immature women that don't know how to clearly express their thoughts and feelings then look at YOURSELF instead of blaming the whole gender.

[Anonymous]

I try to be straightforward. But I've had so much negativity from it that I tend to hide my feelings and wait to see how he feels first.

If I like a guy, I will contact him. But I've been holding back recently because I'm afraid of guys just going along with it because I'm convenient. I've had that happen so many times where I really like a guy and he doesn't really care either way for me. But he sticks around because I am talking to him.

I definitely fear being judged negatively. I want a husband eventually, but I've never felt like I could open up fully to any guy without being judged harshly. I'm a very understanding individual and I don't judge people easily over things. I like to try and understand them. But unfortunately the guys I have met have judged me so harshly for little things.

[justbanANNAz]

some girls are like this because they're essentially wanting to see how well you can read them, which is considered an attractive trait. we like to feel like someone actually knows what's going on with us

[skeptic007]

lol wow thats dumb

[ihatethiswebsite]

I think that's incredibly dumb that some do that lol

[lacorine197]

that sounds like a waste of time lol

[serious]

@justbanANNAz.

Well, according to my observation men are not good at reading minds, hence they expect to tell them whatever is on their mind, they expect women to tell them how they feel rather than reading their mind and coming to know on their own.

I mean some guys may be good at reading the mind of a woman but according to me, I am sure majority of men are not good at that, not at all good at this.

I am just being honest about my observations. I honestly admit I am also not good at reading the mind of a woman.

[TheSpartan]

Haha that's so unbelievably dumb.

[justbanANNAz]

lol wow wow wow at the bitterness.

[RandomPerson1324]

You've been on this site since I first got on it almost two years ago...

Are you ever going to find something better to do?

[justbanANNAz]

oh i have a wonderful life outside of gag. thanks for asking. @randomperson1324

[RomansToPhilemon]

Yea, I can relate to this. I love reading women. It makes for great attraction too bc you come off as super smooth. It can backfire tho if you misread :p

[RandomPerson1324]

Yes and the difference is that I've had to use 4 different names because I keep getting kicked off..

It really is a great site...

[NearlyNapping]

That's called game playing. Most guys hate game playing. For me, and probably a lot of other guys, it's a total deal breaker. I would never ever tolerate game playing.

If you want to feel like someone knows what's going on with you, then just tell them. Communication is important. Why would you intentionally create miscommunication? Even if I pick up on the signs, I'll most likely ignore it. If it's not important enough for her to come right out and say, then it's not important enough for me to bother with.

[COCOCHANEL]

the word dumb is contagious

[FakeName123]

@serious

"according to my observation men are not good at reading minds"

Thats the point of women wanting you to read their minds. It makes you stand out and above all the other guys by showing empathy and social competence.

Dunno why this comment gets downvoted so badly, because it has quite a lot of truth in it. I mentioned the same in my most recent MyTake as well. Women love to have a guy who is capable of reading her with little to no words from herself. It makes her feel understood, special, trusting and vulnerable while at the same time making the guy definitely more attractive based on his empathy and social competence.

[justbanANNAz]

THANK YOU. @FakeName123

[FakeName123]

@justbanANNaz

You are welcome.

[Azara]

i am not interested in him reading my mind. if im being honest then why would he need to read it? what i want is for him rot be direct with me so i dont have rot read his. i definitely dont want a guy who thinks reading minds is necessary. him reading mine nor so my reading his.,

[justbanANNAz]

there's no mention of mind reading at all. Im referring to reading your character. @azara

[ChromAzonyx108]

I think part of the problem is not saying what you mean and/or not giving enough details. Even guys have that problem; it's laziness of speech.

Or perhaps, some women believe that the less you say, the less you say wrong (again, this isn't limited to women).

It could also be that women are just trying to be tactful. Sometimes it's hard to be honest and blunt without being hurtful.

Not that I'm disagreeing with what you said, that women are never straightforward; I'm just trying to understand the other side of this argument.

[Anonymous]

I do in a lot of situations, but some you just can't because men have egos that bruise easy.

Here's what's on my mind in my relationship. My boyfriend sucks in bed, he only thinks about getting himself off. Rarely any foreplay and when there is its 2 mins max and he busts so quickly. I would love love an intimate massage before sex, something more sensual. Let him feel my body and get me going really good and tease me up before sticking it in. It would be easier for me to climax quicker if there's a build up.

So your suggestion should be I tell him straight up he sucks in bed? You think he'll appreciate that or you think it's going to start a huge fight?

[Anonymous]

I've been told I dont think very girly, for example when my friends with benefits asked "what do you think of this shirt?" And I was like "I think it's blue".
However, I do not always know what I want or feel, which might seem confusing to guys. I try to tell them literally that I don't know for sure yet though. Also, I might be too shy to tell peope about my emotions. I might lie when I am in love by saying Im not, but I'd never lie the other way round. (Did that when a friend of mine liked the same guy, plus she was first and liked him more)

[MissNowhere]

Well... when I am, guys get intimidated, so go figure -_-

[Aud_Queen]

Preach!!

[Jager66]

then those aren't the guys for you, don't change who you are to suit others. There are men for every kind of woman and if you act as your self you will end up with a group of like minded friends, if you act as you are not you will end up being with people who you do not match with.

[RJGraveyTrain]

I wrote a whole take about it. I am the QUEEN of straightforward.

[OrangeBoy]

Oh nooo, not another queen on gag, this can be dangerous:p

[apple24]

@OrangeBoy WHOA WHOA! I AM QUEEN HERE HAHAH!

[underatedLG5]

because they are either (a) not sure how you'll react (b) not used to just SAYING what's on their mind or (c) nervouse and somewhat insecure basically it all comes down to how she doesn't exactly know how u'll react so she isn't straightforeward just to be safe

[Starfishlover]

I would like to consider myself as a lady of virtue and straight-forward.
But sometimes, like everyone else, I tend to shy away from calling someone out. It could be because I like to give them another chance and maybe I am doubting myself as to if they are being malicious with their actions.

When someone doesn't say anything, it is normally because they are biding their time and analysing you. Not because they are meek.

[KDA20]

Very mature and sensible approach.