So what's the reasoning for women acting hot and cold?

Question

Lot's of women flirt with me, then ignore me, then flirt again. What's the reasoning behind it?

Lightspeed-Lemon · Accepted Answer

"Hey, he's kinda cute. Wonder if he's worth knowing. I'll flirt with him a bit to find out..."

"It worked, he's showing interest back. But now that I know he likes me, I'm kinda not sure I really like him after all. It was all too easy. With my interest waning, I naturally pull back a little..."

"Uh-oh, he's starting to drift away. Thought I was uninterested. I realize I miss his attention and want him to come back! Time to flirt again before he disappears completely..."

"I've reignited his interest, but worried about looking too eager or desperate. Don't want to feed his ego. Guys like the chase, right? Gotta pull back and let him chase me..."

"Saw him talking to that OTHER girl today. They were smiling and laughing. For some reason it bothers me and plays on my insecurities. Suddenly it's like I'm competing with her. Who does she think she is? Ima turn up the volume and be all over him today!"

"After my aggressive flirting, he's talking to only me again and seems confident that I like him. A little TOO confident. Does he think I'm that easy? I should remain a mystery, keep my intentions unclear. Will give him the cold shoulder again for a while..."

"Can tell he's irritated and getting fed up with my hot and cold act. I may have gone a little overboard. Time to show him how affectionate I can be..."

"He finally asked me out! But a prize easily won is never highly valued. I'll play it cool and say I'm busy this weekend. But maybe next weekend if you're lucky!"

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CoolSky01 · Accepted Answer

look iam going to advise you based on my own experience... girls between the ages 17--30 are hard to unerstand they are easier to understand under 17 and when they're in their thirties and over, why they act like that?

Iam a 22 years old guy who have been told a lot by multiple women, directly and indirectly that iam good looking, locals, foreigners and even when vacationing in other countries , its always nice to hear that but it means close shit when women say it, usually that same woman girl who complimented me and stares at me often and can't seem to keep her eyes off me is in a loving relationship of few years or due to some cultural differences knows we can't date but that never stopped women from staring at me, giving me signs or acting like they want to be with me so bad...

just ignore it, dont stress it and be you dont care about every single girl you meet, dont be an asshole but as i said it means close to nothing most of the time, unless she tells you she wants you or she flirts often for weeks or months it means nothing, so it happens.

ThisDudeHere · Accepted Answer

Whatever said reasoning is, when a woman does that, you then know whom to cross out of your dating list. That shit should not be tolerated.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

don't think of it that way. just go with the flow and try not to attach any hope or feelings to the girl you're flirting with. Girls like the seemingly unattainable just as much as guys do. Just don't overdo it. That can hurt if she's naive and a more experienced girl can spot it a mile away if you're playing. Be independent and subtle about it, while still interested in her. Although this might not work with every single girl, shy girls might prefer you to be more open lighthearted and genuine- obvious about your feelings. Girls who are confident usually get a lot of attention, so if you're hot and cold towards her, it will make her wonder and give her the illusion that there's something special in you (I'm not saying there isn't, I don't know you) Anyway, I'm giving away all the secrets :D Just don't play with a shy girl, she can't handle it. Outgoing girls will play along, shy girls will feel defeated.

Almostragan · Accepted Answer

I do that sometimes because I'm shy. Sometimes it's the guy. It's easier to flirt with him if he's really friendly than if he's trying to be impressive. I obviously can't speak for all girls though. Some guys seem nice. Then, when it's obvious they like me, it's a little scary, so I get really shy and awkward. Then, he looks discouraged, sad, and frustrated, which makes me want to encourage him. I don't know if that's usually why women do this, but a lot of girls might flirt with a guy more because, after being rejected, he seems less immediately available and slightly pitiful.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I flirt when I like a guy - it jist happens naturally and I don't think about it.
I go cold for a number or reasons:
1) because he's responded in a big way and come on really strong and I feel like it's moving too fast. Usually in this scenario the flirting hasn't been going on for all that long.
2) Because he hasn't responded and I think he isn't interested
3) the flirting has been happening for a while and I suddenly realise I like him a lot and the fear of rejection sets in.
4) Because I find out he is unavailable.

taksuga · Accepted Answer

Guys do this too. It's a flirtation technique. If someone praises you and then takes that praise away, replacing it with coldness, it will cause you to wonder "what did I do wrong" or "how can i do something so they will praise me again". It's a very manipulative technique, but I guess that's the essence of flirting.

Valdemort · Answer

In my case: People often think I'm very open and outgoing, but that's only when I get comfortable around them. In general, I rarely feel confident enough to interact with people.

Once I realise I'm getting a little too comfortable, I become very self aware and try to distance myself in case my behaviour is too open for them.

This is especially the case when I develop feelings for someone. If I like a guy, I want to talk to him all day long, tell him everything, and ask him everything. But since I don't want him to feel like I am desperate, or make him feel forced to interact, I have to restrain myself and start backing off, keeping to myself.

It's only when they make fully clear that my attention isn't bothering them, I'll feel safe enough to enthusiastically interact again.

Mainly because I was often told I took up too much space, when I was younger. So its a vicious circle of wanting to interact and feeling like a burden hah.

But again, that's my experience. With regards to other women, I don't really know. Maybe some of us entertain the idea of playing hard to get, because we're often told that women shouldn't come off as 'too invested' if they want to win a man over.

Anonymous · Answer

The I like to remind myself that at some point in time every person on other was 3 years old. If you've ever met a 3 year old you know how quickly they can shift from "you're my best friend in the whole world" to yelling and screaming and throwing stuff at you. All toddlers have these crazy confusing emotional shifts. People like to think that we grow out of these but to me it seems like we simply get used to some stuff and respond less to it. We learn that you don't have to scream because you're hungry or cry because you have to go to sleep. The common stuff that we experience every day becomes simple to us. But we don't encounter people we're really attracted to on a regular basis. There's a reason the people we're attracted to stick out in our mind. It's like throwing a rock in the pool. It breaks the stillness. It breaks from our usual day to day. Just like hunger for a baby it sends our emotions into a frenzy. And a lot of us aren't prepared to cope with that kind of emotional shift yet. So like a three year old we respond in nonsensical ways to a normal feeling. Some of us figure out how to handle it some of us don't. Add in the fact that we're older and often try to solve our problems through thinking and words and often cobble together our own crazy ideas to go along with these emotional shifts which usually just makes it all even harder to figure out.

bluenose1872 · Answer

They're nutters. Women lust after men one minute, sleep with the guy then hate themselves after. Not all obviously but they're there. Dresses up to the nines to try and get a man and then acts aloof all night. Tells you you better be this way and that way or you can't have her and you're thinking get off your pedestal darlin you're not that attractive. You ever see the ones that sneer at you if you look at them lol. They think your eyeing them up and all your doing is looking over to see if you know them. There's good women, normal women who know what they want and won't blow hot and cold but they're rare I'm sorry to say. Most of the women I've ever known all had some kind of complex. Usually tons of them bordering on mental illness.

Ratiocinative · Answer

Could be a variety of reasons:

Maybe they just like the attention.

Maybe they're attracted to you but you did something wussy to turn them off.

Maybe they wanted you to ask them out but they lost interest by the time you got around to asking.

Maybe your body language is giving off signals that you're nervous and lack confidence.

Maybe they're using you to make another guy jealous.

Maybe you're misinterpreting being nice for being flirty.

Maybe she's bored.

Maybe it's that time of the month.

Need more information to determine which reason why.

randomWhiteGuy86 · Answer

They are probably just fucking with you.

You must be a "nice guy". They flirt with you because they can tell you like them and it builds their self esteem, then when it looks like you are gonna try and make a move, they retreat and act cold. Then when you aren't giving them that attention anymore, they start to flirt again. Welcome to the friend zone.

The only way to stop this is man up and tell them you want to be with them, if they don't want that, then you don't have time for their bullshit. The problem is they don't respect you because you put up with their bullshit.

Next girl that does this to you, just completely ignore her. Better yet hit on other girls in front of them, and then treat them like a guy, like you don't give a shit. They will be all over you after that, promise.

Amber1799 · Answer

We are testing the waters, seeing if the guy is good boyfriend material. I flirt a lot around the guy I like, and then I would get days where I don't flirt and see his reaction to see if he is interested in me in that way. Hope this answers ur question

idkkkk24 · Answer

For me personally, I try to flirt but then in my head I’m like “shutup he’s not going to like you back you’re making a fool out of yourself” and then five minutes later I’m like “wait what if he does maybe I should flirt more”. I think it’s sometimes fear of rejection. I can’t speak on behalf of anyone but myself personally though

bolverk · Answer

Women do not need a 'reason' to act 'hot or cold' but they react with the shocked Pikachu face when Men drop them and walk away after their mucking about. And  Lightspeed-Lemon  below nailed the progression they go through, but with most men they get to point 5 and that is when they walk away, which end up with the woman whose blowing 'hot or cold' going 'what did I do wrong'.

BuchitaBuchys · Answer

Have you ever thought maybe your "signals" aren't clear to her either? Women often get shit for it, but men can be as confusing.

Or she's not that into you? But I'm willing to bet she's as confused as you are.

XRabbitHeartX · Answer

They are keeping their options open and just want to flirt when they are feeling lonely or when they don't get attention from someone else...

Deft_maiden · Answer

Simple! She is not that into you. Men do it for the same reason.

BackAgain · Answer

I've done that with guys I didn't want to know that I liked him esp since I couldn't tell IF he liked me back. Or when a guy did so I gave him a taste of his own medicine

AlohaKitten · Answer

Could be a few reasons. For me, usually it's just boredom and loneliness. I rarely ever be hot and cold to a guy I'm actually interested in however. Sometimes like the other responders said, sometimes you get to know the guy and realize he's nothing to pursue seriously and just for fun and when a guy who is worth pursing comes along it's hard to want to keep flirting with the "just-for-fun" guy.

blueonblack22 · Answer

They aren’t dumping when they are chasing. Ignore then when they do this and when they do reach out  make plans on your terms.

colaman94 · Answer

Some women don't even have the courtesy to, talk to me/ask me out 😋👄😁🙃😊 so I feel where your vibes are, Asker. I feel, ya vibes 👋🏻👌🏻😋

Mesonfielde · Answer

They probably don't see ignoring you as ignoring you, and you only see it that way because you are clingy and desperate.

truthhammer · Answer

trying to keep you around through challenge and at the same time letting you know she doesn't give a fuck to lose you.. because women will dominate and ruin you if you dont take the dominant position.

dominiquois · Answer

They're probably trying to reel you in like a fish, lol, or they're just using you for the ego boost.

Smells-like-lavender · Answer

I get this a lot to, to me is nothing. I can interpret this just as a bad day. Just like you have a bad day and don't want to talk to anyone I mean she'll have days like that too. It's just the ups and downs of the day. I think

Anonymous · Answer

Maybe they're still figuring out how they feel about you. Or maybe you're misunderstanding what flirting is... maybe they're just being friendly but back off once they realize you like them.

epiper888 · Answer

Woman are like cats, they come and go as they please, some will do it to test you, see how much your into them.

LifeEqualsLove · Answer

Hurt by other men in the past. Hoping that you won't be one of them.

Anonymous · Answer

I've experienced this with men. The only thing I can think of is that they are unsure of their feelings, or unsure how you feel for them.

Anonymous · Answer

Because you're not clear about what u want

msc545 · Answer

During the time that they're not flirting with you, they're either flirting with somebody else or at least thinking about somebody else. Women always juggle three or four guys simultaneously.

Phoenix98 · Answer

Probably still a bit up in the air about how they feel about you.

Belliebella · Answer

She isn't into you but likes the attention on her terms

Moose2coolvargas · Answer

Funny women exhibit all these signs, but yet they're not interested. Hmmm

ShayanMortazavi1 · Answer

I don't deal with people who do that. I have a busy lifestyle and I have no patience for that bullshit.

Anonymous · Answer

That tells me a woman isn't emotionally stable, so I choose not to deal with her.

Quigly · Answer

Same reason they can't decide on what parking place they want at the store.

WombRaider · Answer

It's probably because you're acting wishy-washy too.

sp33d · Answer

Does it matter? Question is, what do you wanna do about it.

Anonymous · Answer

Interesting, maybe they are trying to talk with you when they are alone and feel loneliness? If so; it is very rude.

lacorine197 · Answer

Yet another thread where girls blame guys for everything, lmao, time to read the other comments :o

Anonymous · Answer

That's just how we are f***** up in the head with our mix feelings.

whistlingwh0res · Answer

Because you are pussy sometimes bitch sometimes… women enjoy controlling men

thewolfprincess95 · Answer

I dunno, I thought it was guys who did that so I guess it goes both ways haha

Anonymous · Answer

They're playing hard to get, they know that's what men like. We like the chase, more than the catch

justbanANNAz · Answer

they're still deciding how they feel about u lol

Monalisa77 · Answer

Confused if yoire genuine on my part

RJGraveyTrain · Answer

Attention without commitment.

karahiri · Answer

they don't know what they want

blondfrog · Answer

I don't know man women are just weird.

DreamLife7 · Answer

She doesn't like you..

Afro-dite9 · Answer

Menopause

Anonymous · Answer

Very simple: They are attention whores

Anonymous · Answer

Ego boost when they feel less appreciated.

Socialrealist · Answer

because women

Anonymous · Answer

Horny and not horny

abc--123 · Answer

Hormones

Anonymous · Answer

It's all about money

So what's the reasoning for women acting hot and cold?

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