My girl left me, now wants to be roommates. Do I have a chance?

[rager69]

me and my girl were together for 2 years and we were really madly in love we couldn't spend a whole day apart. but the past couple months we were mostly arguing and getting at each others throats. one night we were both drinking and I snapped on her and her friends.. I fought her friends and she was scared and got hurt too. I realize what my problem is since we've had a break and barely even talk. and I'm going to get anger help so I can control it and be at peace. just recently we talked and she says she cares about me and misses me a lot. but also said that she doesn't see us together right now or see us working out and then says right after "but who knows what might happen later" I know that I messed up bad and I told her and I confessed to her it was my fault and ask for forgiveness.. she knows I'm not angry like that but she also doesn't believe I can change. she is going to move in and says she still wants to hang out because she loves to hang out with me.. she still wants to hug like before because she's comfortable. she even wants me to sleep in the same room as her just on the floor. there's been times when she looks at me she has a big smile and gives me that 'i love you' look she always gave me. my big questions are... can I get my girl back? is it to late? does she still have love for me? is she giving me signs saying 'fight for me'? I'm really hurt and I love her so much. I need some tips or advice or anything.. please

Updates

+1 y

its not like she doesn't have a place to stay her freinds house is big and has an extra room she could move into. an since she is over me why would she come back and stay, or want me in the same room. CAN I WIN HER BACK? even if she comes back to stay.

Updates

+1 y

does anybody think I should stay in the same room? or just stay in the living room even though she wants me in the room.? does anybody think this will be a better idea if I stay somewhere else.. I brought this to her an she said she will feel weird.

[acubed25]

You should take it slow which means moving in together is pretty much a bad idea. If she isn't sure about you two working out right now you should approach this from a different angle. Start over completely. Hang out and reaquaint yourselves. Show each other that you've both changed. You aren't the only one at fault it takes two to argue and two to fight. I understand having those feelings and thinking you can just jump back in where you left off but that's a bad idea and could cause more harm than good. She has to know that she can trust you and not have anything to fear and you need to be able to express yourself and know that she won't hold the past over your head. You made amistake in losing your temper but after a few drinks tempers tend to flare. You guys have a lot of work ahead of you but she has to be willing to work with you. Until you guys know that you can work through your past issues you shouldn't make any huge decisions like moving in together even as "just friends". Be careful and don't put your heart on your sleeve. Take things slow and be open and honest. Good luck

[ekuchic91]

I have you know that reading your passage brought tears to my eyes and I wish that the guy that I am on break with right now would feel that way about me, but I don't think he does. To be honest I never know how he feels because he never expresses his emotions he doesn't open up to anybody not even me. First off staying in the same room with her but on the floor? She has to see that you love her that much that you would sleep on the floor just to be in the same room with her. In my opinion she just needs time to get over what had happened and with you two living together and always being with each other could help bring you two back together and faster. The main thing to do is show her that she can trust you but draw a line to between trust and doing everything she wants you to do, because there is a difference. But just take it slow, time will bring things back, and slowly build your relationship back up with her, yes it sucks starting over but sometimes it's worth it in the end.

[rager69]

Thank you 91... and I'm sad that you got tears.. believe me there were sometimes where I didn't want to open up to my girl. but when a man sees that he has his queen next to him. its like talking to your best freind. you open up and they won't judge and will still love you. that's how I saw her. I wasen't afraid cause I knew she got me no matter what. a lot of guys are to prideful.. member. don't want to show weakness.. maybe he's just not that comfterble.

[askingalexandria]

Keep your distance for a bit. you can live together, and bond. get closer every 2 weeks.

you have a chance at winning her back IF she clearly told you "who knows what might happen later".. unless she wants sex.

xoxo

Lexus

[thetheme]

DO NOT live with her. It will just cause you misery in the long run. Since you will be "friends", she just wants you in her life, but not to be a part of it. You would have to get her back BEFORE you move in together. Think about this. She moves in, then starts seeing another guy, and tells you that you are just friends. She gets all the benefits. A place to stay, seeing who she wants, and you being there for her. You are already broken up. That "smile" that she is giving you is the "I am happy that you are there for me" smile, nothing more. Only live with her if you two are together, but if I were you I would just move on to other girls out there. Just because she is comfortable with you doesn't mean that she wants you back. We all are comfortable with things and people that we are used to. If she wants you back, it should happen BEFORE you both move in with each other.

[Nashton]

your girl sounds really confused, she wants to be friends then move in with you?

yeah she still likes you

but I wouldn't make any moves on her unless she does it first.

so I would just build sexual tension with her. I mean you two where together for two years right?

make her a little envious; bring a friend of yours that is a girl to your place for a day

the two of you are not together anymore.

just living in the same place in the same room. =/

but in the end maybe... just let her go.

with time comes healing. the memories won't be so painful...

[Americanman]

Don't let her move back in with you. You're going to fight just like before unless you've both made major changes in your behavior. This isn't just all on you because you snapped, you two had issues for months before that, issues which likely will keep coming back. If you couldn't get along as a couple being roommates isn't going to be any different.

Another thing I thought of, although I could be way off on this, is that she just wants to use you for a place to stay for awhile longer.

[KERMlT]

Let her go. That is a really bad situation. The feelings are still there and you won't be able to act on them. Then you add the normal roommate fighting stuff and that's gasoline on the fire. I wouldn't do it.

[acubed25]

It's better if you stay somewhere else. Things won't miraculously get better just because you guys move in together.

[rager69]

So its safe to say.. that I should stay in the living room and try to win her back. I know that's not what's in mind but. I got to do something. I know she still has something for me. and your right Acubed.. I have to start out new.. fresh. show her that I have changed and that I am the man she fell in love with the first time she we met. I also think staying in the same room might not be good. one question ACUBED25 in your opinion.. do you think she still feels for me.

[acubed25]

She's said as much and most people don't just drop their feelings at the door when you end a relationship. She said she misses you but mai guess would be that she's afraid it will just be the same drama as before. And I don't think she would want to live with you or spend time with you if she didn't still care for you. You just have to show her that you really are working on your anger problems and that she can trust that she's safe with you. I've been through a similar situation and before I

[acubed25]

Could give him another chance I had to see that he was serious about changing. We started from scratch and once I saw the changes start we just kept getting better. It gets hard sometimes being patient and taking it slow but in the end it was worth it. I think if you both take it slow and be mindful of each other( because both of you had a part in your relationships demise not just you) you can have a really great future together.

[rager69]

Thank you I mean I really hope so.. I told her freinds I'm sorry for disrespecting them. but I mean they hate me anyways.. but.. I really hope I have chance.. I know I'm being doubtful.. and cause sometimes I can tell that she is giving me a chance. and sometimes she won't even want to talk to me. so I start thinking that I'm done an she really doesn;t want anything. but like you said if that was the case she would have stayed at her freinds. its just really confusing and I don't know what to beileve.

[acubed25]

Don't feel bad darlin most girls aren't sure of what they want til their late 20's early 30's. She's probably confusing herself.

[rager69]

Ya and earlier today she told me she wants to set boundaries between us.. its like she's acting like what we had never happend. it seems like its so easy for her just to throw me to a freind zone no problem.. I don't get it... it hurts bad. or what do you think?

[rager69]

Should I just talk to her and give it my last shot?? or just wait it out. and not do anything.? this sucks.

[acubed25]

You need to be friends again darlin. But you do need to tell her that you hope one day you guys can be more than friends again. If she needs you to be a friend then that's what you need to do. But sit down and have a serious heart to heart TALK ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED and come to an agreement about where you guys are headed. eep your emotions and tempers in check but bring to the table what each of you wants and sees for your possible future.

[rager69]

I think that's exactly what needs to happen.. a serious talk.. and I know she's going to say.. she doesn't see us together anymore. and it wil hurt but.. I have to do it.

[acubed25]

If she doesn't see you together again at all then it's not fair of her to ask to move in together and especially not in the same room. That's cruel. If she wants to be friends and ya'll can handle that then great but not as roomates. Imagine if she started dating again and you still feel for her? How painful and uncomfortable would that be? Either way whether friends or on the track for more moving in together is a bad idea. Sorry hun.

[rager69]

Thats what I probaly need to talk to her about... I know its going to kill me.. badly. so I mean I just have to know.. serious.. if she does later on.. then maybe. but I have to know what she is really feeling.. cause its going to drive me to the edge and hurt. and I've known her for this long.. she isn't the cruel type. but people change. I guess..

[rager69]

Well today she is gonna stop by and I think this is the perfect time to talk to her and clear my head a bit.. and figure out if I have a chance or no.. but basically I wanted to tell her that.. I know I mest up I know I f***ed up.. and I realize my mistakes and I see the consequences and I am gonna change so I can be at peace with me. but I want to know if you will give me the opportunity to show that I have changed to give me chance to show you and I promise I will not fail.. an see what she say

[acubed25]

Thats good hun. I hope it works out for you. Let me know?

[rager69]

Well she said she will think about it... and that's about it. so ill see later during the week.

[rager69]

She actually said today she kinda already had an anwser... so? is it a good sign or bad sign that she made a decision already??

[acubed25]

I honestly can't say hun. She didn't seem need much time which tells me her mind was already kind of made up. I hope its good though. I'll keep mai fingers crossed.

[rager69]

Why is she confusing me so bad... that night she came over. she was always close to me. she kept hugging me..she kept touching me.. she even said I could sleep with her on the same bed. and at the end of the night we even kissed. but on the phone or txting. seems like she don't want to talk to me. and I had the same fear that it was fast and she might give me a bad awnser. I'm so confused.

[acubed25]

Sounds like she's trying to keep you hooked while she decides what she really wants. Keeping you interested in case she does want to try again.

[rager69]

Well I hope its a good anwser... :-) even though I feel like its going to be bad. :-( and it sucks knowing that I wanted the chance to show her but that she never let me have it. it just dosen't make sense.. we were so in love. she loved my family,,my family loves her. it was great. I wanted to meet her family. her dad wanted to meet me... everything seemed cool.. but then out of nowhere I started to change and I didn't talk to her bout it. and she was losing me but didn't talk bout it. and now..

[rager69]

Im here trying to figure out if she even likes me.. if she even really misses me cause she don't say it no more.. and now I'm waiting for her to break my heart and act like its ok.. I don't understand. we wanted a future together. and now it seems like all that was a lie. it hurts really bad because I ment every single word I said. and now it looks like she never really felt that way. but everyone keeps saying that she feels for me. but I can't see it. I moved away from home to be with her.800 miles

[rager69]

And enough money to just have gas.. and I know she loved me too. and I know she wanted to be with me. and now I know why we were falling apart.. we didn't communicate our feelings to work together to be in the relationship. we just let it go an hoped it will fix itself and it never did an we were tired of it. but I realize now. and I know I love her. but now I can't see or feel how she feels for me. and its weird. were going to talk today again. and it might be the last time I see her smile. ugh..

[acubed25]

You need to tell her all of that hun. Be completely candid.

[rager69]

Well I did.. and I was.. and the at first she did have her mind made up and she didn't want to give me the chance.. and then later on she said she would give me that chance because she wants to see me change. so.. I told her it wasent the chance for us to get together but the chance for me to win her heart again. and if I lose I lose but at least I know I lost trying. and not runaway like a coward. she said she already sees a change in me. and I told that the way I was.. wasen't the way it should

[rager69]

...be. the way she felt like I had no ambition no drive.. and always getting annoyed with it. that's not the way it should be.. the way it should be and it will be is every time she comes home she feels safe, secure, and no stress, she feels happy. happy to come home and see her man. and knowing that he can provide and that everyday he wants to make his life better. knowing that he will protect her and love her. that's how it should be. and I told her I will be that man. if she lets me show it...

[rager69]

..to her and make her feel it.. so she feels that when she's home nothing can harm her and there won't be no stress at home. she will be happy to come home and be with me because she can feel it. she was still scared that there was a chance I might explode again. and I told her that I want her to feel and know that, that part of me won't ever happen again. she doesn't need to fear me. and know I will be there for her to protect. and so she changed her mind and said yes. she would like to see it....

[rager69]

So I'm guessing she wants me to change.. and she wants to see it.. she said that it isn't a guarrantee we will be back together.. and I told her the choice is hers. if she likes the new and real me then I would love to have her in my life again. but if she really isn't in to me even after I change. then so be it. but at least I changed for me and I know I won't be like that anymore. so lets see what happens? ACUBED25 you think in the end she will come back?

[acubed25]

I would. Good luck hun and keep in mind that you are doing this for yourself.

[rager69]

Yeah. thank you.. I need to believe in something.. lol the only thing that kinda bugs me or worries me.. is that now she says we don't HAVE to tell each other everything like we use to.. cause I ask politely who she was going to the movies with and she told me but said it wasent my business an she thinks I'm trying to control her. it worries me cause I don't know if she will tell if she goes on a date or not. cause I don't think its fair giving me the chance to win her and she goes on a date with some other

[rager69]

Omg its so hard to be patient.. it just seems like no matter what I do or try to do. nothing works out.. I am very worried that she might go on a date even though she said she's not ready to do that or interested in doing that. because she is very exhausted.. oh on top of losing her. I lost my J.O.B. so now I really mest up my chances.. this week is just not going good. lol but if ACUBED25 if you think that if I do everything I said she would come back. then I'm a beliver.... :-)

[rager69]

Well I'm gonna try my hardest and my best to do something great and different.. and hopefully she will like that and would like to start all over again. dang I love her so much. and I just had to take the things she did for me to regret... and I never appreciated what she did or wanted. its gonna be really different and kinda weird being like this but who knows. maybe being close an seeing each other can help.. and maybe not I'm gonna believe its gonna help. I just hope she doesn't break me more.

[rager69]

Well she finally moved in today... and right away its hard.. its so hard not to tell her how I feel and I much I want her back. but I know I got to be strong and wait. it seems and it felt like she really is trying to seperate everything from me. it hurts not to tell her.. and of course I got that jealousy feeling that she's already seeing someone else. even though she said she wasent and had no plans too. I don't know I'm back to 0 my head is spinning again. this sucks.. any tips??

[pba24899]

My Opinion: Slippery slope. Do what you want, but proceed with caution.

[Upperlower]

its all or nothing!