Why do girls love confidence so much? why are girls minds programmed like that?

[Anonymous]

It f***in' pisses me off because girls just have to be cute or decent looking, average, they're so turned on by it. It's like guys don't care if a girl has confidence or not, just as long as she is cute or decent. But it seems that no matter how a guy looks, no matter what other good qualities he has, they always want the guy to have confidence. Why? It pisses me off because Confidence is not something you can develop overnight, you can't fake it or pretend it, why do girls want guys to be an object, or power and stuff? why does the guy have to be all like Hercules or Superman? I prove to you that I am "Masculine", "Manly" enough for you by kicking your boyfriend's ass.

Updates

+1 y

I wish us human males can fight like animals do, the male animal that kills or wins the fight against the other male, gets the girl, I will admit I get get very jealous and envious of guys that have a girlfriend that I find attractive, I know people say " don't hate the player, hate the game", well I hate both, I hate how we guys always have to initiate everything, take the lead at all times, overall, do all the f***in' work in order to get a girl and keep her as well

Updates

+1 y

yes I will admit I am bitter and frustrated about being single, getting rejected and teased and led on too many times, but I have every right to be pissed off about it

[BoobMan]

You're right dude, you have every right to be annoyed at how the world is. BUT that won't actually change anything. Much more constructive to understand how the world works, learn from it, and adapt your approach. Girls aren't going to change anytime soon.

Besides, you're not looking at the upside of this arrangement. It's true that it's work to build and project confidence, but at least you CAN do it! Think about all the ugly girls out there: there isn't too much they can do. And they're probably bumming that guys are attracted to "hot" girls.

It's actually tougher for girls as a group. We have a LOT more control over the things that attract them then they have over the things that attract us.

And the other thing to consider is that the personality qualities that most women find attractive are actually good for you in their own right--not JUST to attract women. So in that sense, they're doing you a favor. They're giving you YET ANOTHER reason to be a better man: so you can get with better women.

[Asker]

like I'm not saying that having confidence is a bad, negative thing, it's not something I hate having, it's something I hate developing because it is very very hard, I wish I had it but like I said, it's not easy, it's very difficult to be comfortable and content, to not be desperate if you have been single for a very long time

[BoobMan]

Then fake it till you make it. See Belgie's comment below. Find something else to focus on. Because the more you think about how you lack confidence and how difficult it is to develop, the harder it will become. Fortunately, as soon as you stop thinking about it as a big deal, it's pretty easy. It's all in your head.

[Asker]

yeah but can't girls easily sense and tell when a guy is faking, pretending he has confidence? and that turns them off?

[BoobMan]

No. Frequently they can't. And neither can you! That guy you think is super confident and who's nailing the hot chick you want so badly? He very well could be faking it. Plus, once you fake it a couple of times you'll start having more success and your confidence will grow. Just like when you learned to drive a car. Only with more sex. . .

[Asker]

yeah, it really seems like women have higher standards, because us guys are not supposed to "try too hard"

[BoobMan]

Yeah. You shouldn't try too hard. But you should also just be social in general and things will go more smoothly. Also, resist the temptation to put all your eggs in one basket. You should work on talking to lots of girls at the same time. Try to get several numbers and set up dates with multiple girls. That way you have options. Since you never know if any one in particular will pan out you need to do this. It also makes success more likely with any given one.

[Asker]

yeah but how do I not "Try too hard?"

[BoobMan]

Practice. For one thing, the more experience you have dating girls, the better you'll get at recognizing what works and what doesn't. For another, if you have more options, you'll be less likely to put too great an emphasis on any one situation so you'll be more relaxed and "cooler."

[Asker]

well what if I have no experience?

[BoobMan]

Well, you've got to start somewhere? I'll never understand why everyone recognizes you need to work your way up to every other challenge slowly (like say, ski jumping) but think that for some reason they should be total experts at dating from day one. What's up with that? Ha! Seriously, just start by being social and holding a conversation with someone. Then work on flirting, then asking for a number then going on a date, etc., etc. Sounds like you need to start with just conversation.

[Asker]

thanks, easier said than done, but how do I learn from my mistakes when it comes to failing with women? because obviously women are not going to literally tell me what I am doing wrong

[BoobMan]

I doubt you need to worry about mistakes right now. My guess is you aren't even talking to girls on a regular basis right now. So for now, just focus on starting conversations.

[Asker]

thats what I f***in' hate, for us guys, we have to know how to talk to girls, meanwhile girls don't need to know how to talk to guys, a guy's social skills are far more important that a girl's social skills

[BoobMan]

Yeah, OK. Rage against the machine. What do you want to do here? Improve your results with girls or bitch and moan about them? Cause if all you want to do is bitch, then there isn't too much I or anyone else here can do to help you.

[Asker]

improve my results with girls but with how I want it, not how girls want it, unfortuneately it does not work that way, what I hate most about starting conversations is having to prevent all the pauses and awkward silences, it being one-sided

[BoobMan]

Well, give girls what they want and they'll give you what you want. Just relax and have fun with it. And you should probably work on your ability to hold a conversation with anyone--guys and girls--so that you'll have it when you need it.

[Asker]

yeah starting one is not so hard, keeping it alive is the hardest part

[BoobMan]

Well, now you know where to start. Start a few conversations with strangers--guys and girls--and see how far you can go before they crap out. Note what works and what doesn't. You'll get better at small talk. That's a HUGE first step since it's hard to get anywhere unless you come off as an interesting guy in conversation.

[Asker]

this is how I see it, for the most part, most guys are not born with the ability or skills in order to get a girlfriend or date, it takes practice for most of them, I'm sure there are very of them that were successful with girls from day one, meanwhile for girls, they were able to get a boyfriend from day one, they didn't need or have to practice anything

[frustratedchump06]

because if guys were just as picky and choosy as girls are, the human race would die out in no time

[lv4lv]

This.

[peace-love-couture]

It's funny how all of the sad, pathetic, woman hating dudes on this site band together. The second a chick might call you out on your pathetic bs attitudes and makes it known why you're single she's a bitch, but misogynistic posts like this are praised.No wonder y'all are single

[Asker]

I agree with this

[GleeLover]

Many people believe guys are more picky than women. Yes, women care a lot more about personality, but men care more about looks. While anyone can change their personality & become a better person, not anyone can look good. Only 2% of the population is actually considered good looking, so it is actually men who are more likely to kill the human race.

[frustratedchump06]

not really

[Anonymous]

Because a confident guy is confident in his sexual abilities, can take control, & makes us feel safe. Confident men also stand up for themselves & for us when the time is needed. It's a huge turn off when a man lets people walk all over him, we love guy who stands up for himself. It shows he can stand up for us if we really needed it. Plus, it's really difficult to hear a guy complaining about his insecurities. I mean, you can tell them a million times they look fine, but they won't stop whining. I know it's hard to be confident sometimes, but it's just a quality that is necessary in order to successful in this world.

[Asker]

why can't you girls be more independent?

[frustratedchump06]

bitch

[leonia]

Confidence is not about the looks or how strong you are. Confidence is loving yourself (not being narcissistic), the fact that you can laugh about your own imperfections and don't care what people think about you, being confident makes your couple feel comfortable with you, knowing that nothing from the outside can change the situation between you, that you're not going to change when you're with your friends or dump her if he hears a rumor about her.

[Asker]

it's hard to love yourself when you have little to no friends, and you struggle to make friends

[leonia]

Maybe that's what you should start with, try meeting some other guys and become friends. And if you don't love youself try making little changes to start liking how you are or look more. Just go slowly and don't push yourself.

[Asker]

why it is more important for a guy to have friends, to be outgoing and have a social life than it is for you girls?

[leonia]

It's not important, but as a person you need friends, people that loves you and that you can rely on, then it doesn't matter if you don't have a lot of friends or you're not popular and loves partying ans stuff. At least I wouldn't care about that.

[Asker]

well it's more of a must-have for guys than it is for girls

[karla1527]

I just love confidence on guys because I don't have it, and I find a man with confidence really interesting. I guess I just wanna see how it feels to have confidence, and with the right personality, it's something I can't resist

[Asker]

you f***in' bitches have it so easy

[GleeLover]

A guy doesn't have to be oozing in confidence, but confidence is a nice quality. When you love someone, you don't want to hear them constantly down on themselves, & you want them to believe in who they are. It's women who say they don't like confident men that you need to worry about. Because nothing is worse to deal with than low self esteem.

[Asker]

but guys are punished more for it

[Belgie]

Confidence can be faked.

But it's hard to pretend you're confident, when you are so clearly a pissed off angry little man, who doesn't know whether he is angrier at life, at women or at himself.

Talk about unattractive qualities.

Guys like you are your own worst enemies.

No girl is going to want to date a guy who hates all women, hates himself, and hates life like a bitter little pill.

[SashaSilent]

I want a guy to have confidence because I don't want to constantly have to be stroking his ego. I don't mind a little bit of vunerability, that can be very sweet and endearing.

But if the guy is *constantly* needing me to reassure him that he looks good, or that I'm being faithful or that I'm not going to ditch him for someone else...then that gets old VERY fast.

[Will_Phoenix]

Thanks, I needed that bit of advise.

[Asker]

I'm not saying that I lack confidence up to that point, like I don't need or want a girlfriends to pamper my like I'm a baby

[SashaSilent]

Is that sarcasm Will?

Fair enough QA, but I was just weighing in with my opinion as to why I personally like my guy to be confident.

Now I'm going to go celebrate my first ever negative rating. Cheers! :)

[Asker]

it's like you expect us guys to be so independent, it's like we are not supposed to want a girlfriend

[BoobMan]

Wanting a girlfriend is fine. Needing one is a repellent. Not knowing the difference hurts too.

[Asker]

yeah but if a guy tries to hard, needs one, it's a turn off, but if a girl needs, tries hard to get a boyfriend, it's okay

[Maia24]

Honestly, a guy who has to prove his masculinity by beating up another guy is very unattractive to me. Confidence CAN most definitely be faked. Ask any "confident" guy. And as far as girls not needing to be confident, that's complete bullsh*t! If a girl is constantly questioning herself, guys find it unattractive. It's human nature to find confidence attractive.

[lv4lv]

Confidence can not be faked...

And how the hell would you know what a guy finds unattractive? I love girls with low self esteem that need little bit of help.

[Maia24]

I'm one of those girls with a lot of guy friends... I'm one of the guys with them. Which means I get to be included in guy talk. I've heard from plenty of them about how they thought" this girl was cute but she didn't have confidence in herself and it was unattractive". OK so SORRY for not saying "SOME" guys. My bad, dude!

And how the hell would you know confidence can't be faked? I've heard from plenty of guys that they have to fake confidence when they pick up chicks. I also know women who

[Maia24]

fake confidence. When I've gone into job interviews, I've FAKED confidence. It's the same in the dating world.

[Maia24]

:)

[hALLDAY]

No offense, but faking confidence will only get you so far in life. Sooner or later you will be exposed. Why try to change who you are? All those guys that have low confidence need is one or two girls to give them a little ego boost to get them up and going.

[Maia24]

If you fake it long enough, eventually you'll learn that you do have a reason to be confident. Everyone has a reason to be confident in themselves... that's not to say they should become cocky, which is a completely different thing.

Why look for confidence through others? That's false confidence as well. As soon as those girls leave, is that confidence really going to stick around?

[Maia24]

And I never said that anyone should change themselves in order to become confident in themselves. I think everyone should love themselves enough and have enough self respect to have confidence.

[longrodvonhugendong]

Guys like girls who are a bit insecure, but there is a point where it gets annoying. We like it when they get nervous around us. We like it when they need our reassurance about reasonable things. What we don't like is constantly having to tell you you're not fat. I guess we like it when they're confident because of us.

[SashaSilent]

I can't believe how many negative votes you got...I completely agree with you Maia and see where you're coming from. I have more male friends than female friends, and live with male housemates, so I'm included in the guy talk too.

Confidence can be faked, I've done it myself and infact just then asked my male housemates if they have too and they looked at me like I was a dumbass and said "of course".

They did admit they like a bit of insecurity in a girl, but only a little bit.

[Maia24]

I was a little surprised myself at the negative votes. Oh well. I'm not saying that girls aren't allowed to be a little insecure. We all have insecurities. You can still have confidence while having insecurities though. It's not all or nothing... I guess I should have made that distinction :)

[Asker]

I wish I can do that to take out my anger and jealousy of a guy that has a girlfriend that I'm attracted to, I would say this to him:

link

[Maia24]

HAHA! Well I'm sure that would get a rise out of him. But that's not confidence... that just cockiness. There IS a distinction.

[Asker]

well I could prove to her boyfriend that I am more masculine than him

[Asker]

animals do it, why not us humans?

[Anonymous]

It's very attractive & it shows us he believes enough in himself to go after his dreams & to stand up for himself. There is nothing more unattractive than a guy who is insecure & whines all the time. We don't want to hear the whining, it is such freaking annoying.

[Anonymous]

because a lot of girls are insecure and feel they need to depend on guys, which I find kinda bratty

[moviedude714]

because girls enjoy being spoiled

[Anonymous]

I guess we know why you are single?:P

[Asker]

yeah duh