Does she like me or are we just friends?

[JosephPit]

There is this girl which I've know for over 10 years. We never dated or something like that, because as a teenager I didn't have a single clue on what I was doing with women. So I became a good friend of hers until I couldn't hold in my feelings anymore. We all know what happend then -> Friendzone.

So I stayed friend with her, and started dating other people as well, just as she did. But in the back of my mind, it seems that I never completely forgot about her. There was a time where we almost didn't hear anything about each other, but since the beginning of the COVID-19, we got back in touch.

Since then we have been texting quite a bit, but I've cut this back big time because I like to spend more time with her in person. So that's what we have been doing. We have been going on walks ever since, and always enjoy each others company very much.

So 2 weeks ago we went on a walk and after that she came over to my place to have a drink. We had a lot of fun and just kept talking and talking, when suddenly it was 12:00 pm, which meant she wasn't allowed to drive home anymore (we have a curfue here at the time). So she stayed over.

So we kept on drinking some alcohol and talking. This girl really opens up to me and tells me a lot of personal stuff. At some point in the conversation she started crying because it was an emotional topic, so I hugged her. When she stopped hugging me she kissed me in the neck, not really a kiss but more like a peck, but it sure was intentional. This happend again another time as well.

We talked up until 07:00 AM before going to sleep. She was going to sleep on the sofa, so I went to get some blankets and then fell alseep on the sofa as well. Before falling asleep she was scratching my head and then when she thought I was sleeping she kissed my head.

Everytime I see her now she gives me a real tight hug and kisses me on the cheek (which is not to common where I live).

Are these clear signs she likes me, or am I reading into this to much?

Updates

+1 y

I do want to add that when she came over and spent the night I was still in a relationship. I did ask my girlfriend first if it was okay, and it was. Since then that relationship ended for other reasons.

So maybe she didn't go for a real kiss when she kissed my neck because I was still in a relationship? I am aware I overstept a bit because I was still in a relationship, but I didn't make a move because of the relationship, otherwise I would have kissed her myself.

[bobalife]

It was super cute until you mentioned being in a relationship while being emotionally and physically drawn to her... 🙄 and how she hit on you multiple times while you’re still taken... those things were wrong. Yes she’s into you... but I feel bad for your ex.

[JosephPit]

I do agree it was wrong of me. My past relationship wasn’t going well for about 3 months already because my ex girlfriend kept focussing on the negatives in our relationship and couldn’t see the positives anymore. I didn’t cheat or something but I do agree I might have been emotionally invested a bit to much already, which is wrong as well.

[bobalife]

Not many people can admit it was wrong, so I do give you props for being honest with yourself and here. But question is... were you honest with your ex about what happened? It's definitely scary and something to be guilty about, but honesty, respect, and trust is so hugeeee in relationships. Maybe she was focusing on the negative, but do you think you actually cared about her enough to wanna uplift your relationship and make things better at the time.. or was it because you were too emotionally into someone else? Truth is, relationships will always take effort and commitment. I know sometimes we can't help who we fall for.. but if you knew that you were already so into this girl.. it would have been respectful if you were real with yourself and your ex from the beginning when you knew this because it was always gonna be a lose end for her. But you kinda waited until your feelings grew and she was making moves on you. Plus, you low key were making moves on her anyways by how much you were talking, late night talks, and spending time with her.. you may not cheated physically, but emotionally and the attempts of your cognitive intentions were there. So, I do feel really bad for your ex esp if she doesn't know anything. As for your current girl crush, it looks like y'all might have a chance... but I don't think so highly of her to be making moves on you while you were already in a relationship.. I have no respect for people like that. But I mean thats the girl you want... and thats what you want... so you do you.

[bobalife]

by the way its called emotionally cheating though...

[JosephPit]

I must admit I did really want to fix the relationship. But she was giving me the feeling she wasn’t happy anymore since she started talking to other guys via text and hanging out with guys as well. I did not like this very much I knew it was not okay to be overly jealous and to not let her have any friends. Anyway since she started hanging out with guys, I started hanging out with the girl I wrote about. She didn’t seem to want to save it anymore so that’s where everything started. I do think I might have had to call it quits a bit sooner

[bobalife]

I'm sorry to hear about how your last relationship went and how she started talking/hanging with other guys. I would be sad and frustrated too :/ But personally wouldn't do the samething back to her because its just as bad as it is from her. It takes two to tangled as the saying goes. Maybe it was for the best that you guys ended since it sounded like you both gave up and were focus on other people than with each other. It wouldn't really be a healthy, loving relationship. It actually wouldn't be relationship in general. Hopefully your next relationship will be better and you guys can meet each other half way.

[JosephPit]

Thank you for your honest opinion, even on the things I did wrong. I’m trying to learn from the situation as much as possible, so it’s good to hear it from someone not related to the whole situation.

I got a date planned with the other girl on Thursday to make dinner together and have a bottle of wine. I guess it’s up to me now to go for the kiss if the signs are there even if it risks her not reciprocating and maybe losing her. I’m tired of overthinking every single thing that happened. Thanks!

[bobalife]

Your welcome, I hope it was helpful. But I know it must be a toughie to read what I had to said because the situation wasn't really right. It's okay, honestly, we all make mistakes and the biggest thing we can take from that is just learning from it and how to be a better individual/partner. You do seem to give a nice guy & honest vibe and wanna right your wrongs.. so I do wish you the best of luck in love and relationships! I'm sure you'll find it. We will never know how things will go until we shoot our shots :)

[JosephPit]

It wasn't all to hard because as you already said I'm being very honest with myself and already knew I went wrong there. I just wanted to get some reassurance on this website about the new girl and that the things I'm seeing and thinking, is not just me pretending there might be something, but that there might actually be something.

It's just very confusing. She told me she had a friend of hers where she was really close with in the beginning of last year, and that he got feelings for her, but that she didn't feel the same. She told me that sometimes when she went on walks with him, she wanted to take her sister as well, just for the sake of fun, and that he didn't want that. But with me, she never even suggested to take her, so I'm guessing it's to be alone with me.

I think I just need to see where this goes, and if nothing happens, just let her go forever and completely, because if I don't, it will keep standing in my way for the rest of my life.

[bobalife]

Gotcha, tbh I’m guilty of being an over thinker myself 😂 we just think about every small thing if it means anything when it actually is right infront of us.

I can assure you that she has been giving you hints and more direct signs that she’s interested. She made it obvious that this other guy is more like just a friend while with you is a little more than just that because she wants to have 1:1 time and she would do things with you that she wouldn’t with him.

She spent a lot of time texting you. Sounds like you guys were kind of like acquaintance before, and so it’s kind of out of the ordinary to keep texting someone so much when you haven’t really seen them.. and depending if the texts were just on friendly terms vs friendly flirting.

She took multiple walks with you. <= girls we don’t really do that unless he’s just a really close friend or someone we’re interested in getting to know/building closer bond with.

She literally and pretty sure purposely stayed over your place as late as possible KNOWING it’s locked down by midnight.. and spent the night at your place while yalls still talking in the AM. No platonic friends would do this ESP if he has a girlfriend that she don’t really know and would not wanna give the girlfriend any type of bad vibes. Plus, girls we love our beauty sleep... LOL!

She gave you neck kisses... that’s like seduction, hooking up, or wanting to kiss you vibe. It wasn’t even cheek/lip kisses, but neck kisses.

She suddenly is giving you tighter hugs than normal right? She wants to be more closer to you and happier to see you. I love giving hugs to people in general too, but everyone knows we all give a certain interest a more special type of hug Lol.

Yalls have a date on Thursday.
She’s really down to see where things can go with you~

Now it’s just up to you guys on your date if you guys will continue to hit it off romantically or whatever your intentions may be. And I agree with you that if it doesn’t work out, you really need to push

[bobalife]

Yourself to move on because you wouldn’t want to have one person be a barrier to your future romantic relationships/interests. It won’t be fair to yourself or another girl.

[JosephPit]

Well we don't text constantly, but I do hear her daily. The conversation keeps going, but I do notice that she doesn't really put things asside to text (which I don't really expect).

I must say I am a bit affraid of just being the really close friend she goes on walks with. Since I've been there when times were bad, when she broke up with her different boyfriends over the years, but we indeed never hung out 1:1. She even told me she never really cried in front of her ex boyfriends just because it didn't feel good or something, but it seems that when she is with me, she is not affraid to cry. That's how the kissing in the neck happend. She was talking about something that hurt her really bad in the past, and apparantly I'm very good at asking tough questions and getting her to open up over those kind of things (she told me herself). So she started crying, and that's when I hugged her because it seemed appropriate to do this because she was sad and I wanted to comfort her. When we stopped hugging she went for the peck in the neck.

Concerning the hugging in general, we actually never really hugged each other in the past. It's only since we started meeting each other again that we started doing this.

I don't really even know if I should call it a 'date' on Thursday or just hanging out and making dinner together. For me this is something I wouldn't really do with anyone if I wasn't interested, or just as friends, but maybe she thinks differently about this.

[bobalife]

what do you mean she doesn't put things aside to text? As in she's a slow texter and get really busy? Maybe she's like me... I am also a bad texter even if I am interested in a guy unless he shows me consistency and we are developing more. The key is she is still texting you everyday :) and hopefully with good effort in return.

I think you are feeling unsure and insecure. But don't doubt too much. I learned if there is not a reason to doubt, then you shouldn't doubt :) I understand why you kind of have your guards up because you don't really know for sure what is her real intention and feelings w/o confirmation... but it does sound like your relationship with her is progressing from what it used to be and she does seem to be interested in you. Thats a good sign. I just hope she's pursuing you with the same reasons as you are with her. It sounds like she is comfortable with you and you seem like someone who can be a good emotional support, which are all good signs esp if she mentioned she was unable to do with her exes and she could with you.

It is a date! Lol. Don't second guess yourself. Be confident that aye you asked her out, she said yes, and you have a fun date plan ahead of you :) Try to enjoy it, get to know her better, and eventually see if you guys are on the same page romantically. Like you can always ask her at the end of the date how is it going for her?

Have a fun date tomorrow! :) Hopefully all goes well, and don't doubt yourself too much.

[JosephPit]

Yeah so just that she might read my facebook message, but wait like 12 hours to answer. It doesn't bother me to much since she might be busy or just not have the time to answer, but maybe she deliberately waits to answer.

Well there are indeed a lot of signs she might like me, but I'm indeed a bit unsure and have my guard up.

We'll see what the night brings. My main goal anyways is just to have fun together, which it actually always is and should be, and we'll see what happens. I don't think I will ask her anything at the end of the date, I'm just going to look for some signs she is interested, and if this is the case, just let things happen naturally. Because at the end of the day, all women want to be in a love story, and I don't think just asking 'how do you feel about me' is that romantic or something that will spike attraction.

[bobalife]

Whoa 12 hours? Lol I didn’t know guys actually count the time... so you guys text every other day, correct? Hmm there could be many things... but if she’s already showing interest signs yet still give you slow responses... she probably just waits to answer, have a lot going in her life, and might have other options. But as long as she keeps it going and it’s still a good conversation will still be okay. Unless she’s just not a texter... which you can always make a low key joke about it if you kind of wanna know the answer indirectly Lol.

Lol I wish all guys are this romantic 😂 I think it really depends on the girl if she’s the type that like assertive and directness or more romance and would rather see a natural flow~ I don’t think there’s a hard to ask how the date is going for her or how does she feel about you. But if it’s not your style nor something you wanna hear is totally okay too. Yesssss just have fun and let it naturally unfold :) update how it goes!

[bobalife]

Harm*

[JosephPit]

Okay so here is a quick update. I do for a fact know that she is not really a texter, because when we are spending time she doesn’t text back anyone else either but still 😅

She just went home from our date and it went okay I guess. She seemed to be really looking forward to it and she really had a lot of fun.

She bought me a present (some little bottles of gin), because of the amount of drinks and food she consumed here lately.

We made dinner, which was fun, and after that we just chilled on the couch.

I put my hand on her knee in a subtle way because I wanted to try to get some touching in, and she didn’t really bother. She changed positions and I took my hand away, but she put it back on her leg.

After that we were still hanging out and she kept showing stuff on her phone so I had to get closer.

When she left she gave me a big hug and 2 kisses on the cheek.

So these are all good signs, but I’m starting to think she likes me more than a friend and I don’t know how to handle that.

At some point we were talking about a book that I was reading and about a sign a girl wants you to kiss her. Apparently it’s when the guy looks at a girls eyes and then her lips, and then back to her eyes and lips again over a few seconds, if the girl looks at the guys lips at some point she wants to be kissed.
So I had to explain this, and actually tried it a bit as well, but there wasn’t a clear sign she was watching my lips.

I don’t know if I should have just kissed her or not.

I do have some leftover snacks that we didn’t consume, and she told me she would come by next week, and that she didn’t care if I wanted or not 😅

Ugh, I’m confused...

[bobalife]

wait, why are you confused? Lol this is what overthinkers like us do when we like someone though.

Okay to be clear, even though you gave her that big hint with that book reference to when someone wants to kiss another person... she may NOT have gotten it or just waiting for you... Like when a guy does that to me where he looks at my eyes and my lips, I don't always look at his lips, I'm just watching him to see what is his next move lolz. I think she is just waiting for you to make the kiss move... she even kissed you twice on the cheek before she left and she made it clear she still wants to see you. So if you see her next week and the mood is there, just go for it! Lol.

[JosephPit]

Yeah maybe I’m just to blind to see, I don’t know 😅

It’s just in the little things as well. She told me that in the past people asked her who her best friends were, and that she then told them it was me, but that she wasn’t sure since we never saw each other.

Well now we see each other every week and do text each other a lot, but I’m not sure.

She asked me multiple things about the book, and one of the things I told her is that a perfect romantic date in the book was the same as we were having, to which she agreed that she would find it a bit romantic if a guy does that for her, and I’m just sitting there thinking like, dude wtf I’m doing this for you 😅

I do admit I the president of overthinkers.
The moment she walked out the door I thought to myself I should have gone for the kiss just to know where I stand. Now I probably will be in the same unknowing state of mind for the next days as well...

[bobalife]

LOL ahhh idernoooo 12 hours consistently is a long time if you ask me... unless she doesn't work or go to school, so she wakes up late or that busyyyy? Thats odd tbh. I only do that when I am super busy (which I normally am), still seeing how things are playing out, too many guys to get back to, I don't know what I want/feel, or not really that interested. Well if I like a guy or dating a guy, if we are spending quality time, I don't touch my phone or text others much either because it is respectful esp in the beginning stage. But I mean if you're content about this aspect, I guess that's all it matters lol.

Oh, she considered you a bestie? Was she a bestie to you too? I thought yalls were acquaintances in the same peer group previously Lol.

Tbh if I were you, I probably would overthink and have gotten disappointed about the kissing and dating references too. LOL. HOWEVER, I don't think she meant it like that. It sounds like you both are giving each other clues and you both aren't fully getting it lmao. You could of said something romantic and charismatic to sweep her a bit when she made the romantic comment because thats her hint she likes a guy who is romantic aka wants you to continue being romantic.. I do that to guys I am seeing too hahahaha. But I guess some guys dont get it while others do Lolz.

LOL! Okayyy President of Overthinker, your assistant of Overthinker here would wanna reassure you that its okay to take it all in and process what happened Lol. You're probably just really into her, still getting used to the adjustment of your friendship developing into something more romantic, and not wanting to mess things up. I mean you dont have to wait til next week, if you wanna see her on the weekend, just hit her up ;) Lol.

[JosephPit]

Yeah I’m just not trying to look into the texting thing to much, because I do know she does this to other people as well.

I don’t know about being besties, she called me that in the past, that’s true but as she said she reconsidered this because we never really saw each other and it seemed like more of a texting friendship. The thing is that in the past either she or I was always in a relationship which made it impossible to be something more. In the very beginning as teenagers it just started out by talking to each other through Facebook, and I’m quite sure she was not interested then, and that’s how I ended up being friends with her. I guess that was my stupid tactic as a teenager to be friends first and then we’ll see what happens...

I do know she has plans in the weekend already so I don’t think I will see her then. I’m just going to wait a bit now to hear something from her, and then try to set the next get together.

It’s just crazy that when we are talking to each other, we are so aligned on almost every topic, that at certain times I’m thinking like, why is it only that we notice this now, and does this girl see this too.

In my opinion we would be great together, I think we would have the best time, but I don’t really know what she feels or if there is any physical attraction.

There was some physical touching yesterday as I wrote about already, but not really from her side, for example when we were sitting on the couch. I’m looking into al of this waaaaay to much, I’m going crazy 😁

[JosephPit]

I do know she was seeing another guy in the past, and she talked to me about this as well since I still was in a relationship so at that point I was just a friend and wanted to be there for her. She has told me that's all over now since he doesn't know what he wants and she isn't interested in that.

She told me about a girlfriend of hers who tried to set her up with a collegue of hers, but then she said she wasn't interested in him either, and then showed a picture of him asking, do you think he is my type? To which I replied in a cocky way, 'no not at all, he doesn't look anything like me', to which she didn't say that I was wrong or that I'm not her type. She just laughed and smiled a bit. I'm guessing this is a good sign as well.

We'll see when I hear from her and what the future brings :)

[bobalife]

I know what you mean, texting can bring unnecessary anxiety... 🙄😂

Awwww yalls story is so cute and romantic, it’s like I’m reading a romance novel or watching a movie... 🥺 I know the feeling... it reminds me of my gag question post about “right person, wrong time” Lol.

You don’t count the double cheek kisses and her putting your hand back on her leg as physical? Lol. I didn’t think touch matters that much esp on a first date besides a good hug... 🤔 interesting.

Girlfriend is playing her cards in the right directions about telling you of those guys and her flirting game! Lol. That was a good confident and flirty answer you gave her lmao 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

I know, sounds like someone is crazzzzzzy in love 🤪😂😊 hopefully everything works out next week! But you’re waiting for her to reach out? I think it would be a good idea to just text her and check in to remind her you’re thinking of her. We like that type of stuff. I didn’t know guys wait for girls to initiate texts after first dates lol.

[JosephPit]

Well yes maybe I should count all those things as physical stuff.

I was also looking at some YouTube videos today about female body language, which I did before already as well, but realised that almost all the signs were there, so I guess I missed my shot yesterday.

I’m not going to wait eternally for her to reach out though. I haven’t heard from her today, just to maybe let everything from yesterday sink in for her as well and maybe get her wondering a bit about me 😛

I do plan on reaching out tomorrow just to check in with her and then maybe schedule something new as well.

I wouldn’t say crazy in love but starting to crush more and more is a correct assumption because it’s al getting a bit real.

Next time I see those signs as she is touching me and showing me pictures on her phone to get close I need to go for the kiss.

I did indeed think I handled her showing the picture to me very well. At another point, I don’t know how we came to it I just said it would be easy for me be together with her, and she asked in a bit of a flirty way like ‘oh do you now’, to which I confidently replied ‘yes for sure’. After that she told me it then was the key to keep her as well, to which I also confidently replied that would be an easy thing, but she didn’t really go further into that.

I must say I’m wondering if she would reach out or not if I didn’t text her now 😛

[bobalife]

Looool you did your hwk 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 but I did mentioned that she was giving you signs and just waiting for you to make the kiss move 😅 she made a lot of initiations lol.

Loool ouhh look at you with your flirting and texting game... teach me your skillsss 😂 did she text you today?

Hehe I know I was just teasing you because you’re actually crazyyyy in crushland 🙃😂

[JosephPit]

Yes and I do know it needs to be the mans fault if something like a kiss happens. So it’s time to man up and go for it, when I see her again 😛

To be honest, I don’t have a single clue in what I am doing or if it’s actually working, so I’m not sure I would be the best teacher 😂

I did not hear anything from her on Friday, and I know she is going to be away (so busy), the whole day on Saturday to go on a big walk with a girlfriend of hers and their 2 dogs, so I’m not really expecting to hear from her today either. She might just send some Snapchat, but I’m not sure what to think about snapchat since that’s something more general that you send to multiple people at the time.

Anyways, we’ll take it day by day so we’ll see!

[bobalife]

LOL yassss there you go! Well I think confidence and assertiveness is always more attractive to us girls. Most of us would prefer the guy to make the move Lol.

You should text her and check in. Even if she is busy, you should follow-up but I know you also wanna respect her space and not bother her. I think if we dont hear from a guy after a first date is kinda off putting after 1-3 days... but I know you're trying to be considerate of her. I recall last year I once went on a first date with this guy where he knew I was gonna be out of city over the weekend, so he didn't even contact me until the end of the night of my weekend hoping I had fun. It was sweet, but we would wanna hear from the guy a little bit more if we had mutual interest. Its up to you what you wanna do tho!

LOLLLL I believe in you Teacher JosephPit. Actually, can I message you for a couple of advices? I feel like you might be insightful given our conversation here so far.

oh, wow, I didn't know people feel that way about Snapchat... cuz I friggin love Snapchat LOL! I think you can try thinking of it in a positive way is that if she does send you a snapchat, it means she is thinking of you and wanted to share her weekend adventure with you :) I actually don't even care to send guys I may be talking/seeing/dating any type of adventurous things I'm doing unless I am feeling more connected and invested. So, it might be the same for her. Because its honestly super easy to just send snapchat stuff to your story just like Instagram or Facebook. But actually directly sending to someone a part of you day means a little more... esp if you know it is just for you too :) !

[bobalife]

However, I forgot to add.. I guess it also depends how she uses her snapchat if she is the type to spam most of her friends the same stuff... including guys she previously was interested in.

[JosephPit]

Sure you can message me with some questions!

Well yes i might just check in with her later today to ask how her day and the walk went, and then a little later in the convo try to set up some new get together.

I don’t really know her Snapchat behaviour. Because when we made dinner on our date, she did make a Snapchat video of the food, and i was partially in the picture as well. You didn’t see my face, but my arm and all was in there so to other people it was clearly visbible that it was a guys arm. She sent this one to 4 people including me, but I don’t know if the other were guys or girls or a mix.

I must say I do know that she still uses tinder, and is open to that; but she tells me she sees it more as a game for when she is bored. I’m not letting it get to me since I don’t own her or am not her boss, and I actually don’t even know for sure if she is actually interested.

I must say I’m doubting myself a little bit because I might think that when her interest was as high as you say, she maybe would have texted me already?

[bobalife]

Thanks! I tried messaging you, but you may have to change your setting from allowing people who you aren't following and may not be following you to message you.

Yes, check up on her! :) whoop whoop date two in the makingggg hehe. What are your ideas?

Hmmm interesting, I actually pulled a lot of the same moves as she does from your stories. So I can say most girls are not that bold to openly tell guys they are interested in that they are talking/seeing others. I don't want to make you feel doubtful, but she told you very casually and nicely that she still have other options until and if you guys ever want to be exclusive, or she simply has other options if she chooses. Sometimes, it's a way to test a guy's reaction and what he will do next. But I am glad she is also being honest with you. Kind of shows where she is at and she is being real with you. It's good you aren't letting it get to you to show your confidence and focus on just the two of you.

I think it will be smart to keep your guard up a little bit since you don't know her true intentions yet. But still stay open and authentic. She can still be really interested in you, but keeping her options open incase you guys don't progress. I do get the vibe she might be talking to other guys, hence her slow text responses. Or maybe she really isn't talking to anyone else, but she's keeping it open.

Did she also put you on her story? Or only show friends? If its story, I think that's a good sign she is comfortable enough/boastful to mysteriously show she's on a date with you. If its with friends, its still a good sign since I am sure they know about you and the date hehe.

[bobalife]

Oh no, dont be doubtful... I'm not sure why some guys have the logic that if a girl really likes him, then she will text him first after the 1st date because most of the time we would not text a guy even if we are really into him. LOL. I'm sorry, but it's the truth. It's because we wanna see if the guy is truly interested to continue to pursue us, get to know us, and put in that effort. But I mean some girls may send a thank you text for the fun date too. I've been on both ends. There is always a debate about post first date texts. It gets confusing & complicated lol.

[JosephPit]

I changed the settings so you might want to try again.

The doubtful thing is just the way I am 🤷‍♂️ It’s the overthinker that takes over, but I’m quite good at hiding it. Up here I’m just completely honest about everything since i won’t get the best advise when I’m lying or leaving things out.

I’m quite sure she gets messages from other guys all the time, but I’m not going to look into it. I changed my mindset to ‘if she won’t have me, it’s her loss’, which I actually think as well.

She didn’t put it on her story but just send it to a few friends. I don’t think I would have liked it if she put on her story because I just want it to be between us for the moment.

That’s another thing that’s in my mind all the time, and maybe in hers as well. I just came out of a long relationship, so maybe she also thinks I won’t be ready to commit again. I must say that I’m as good as over my relationship already since we were broken up a few times already and I felt it coming a bit as well so I’m not really suffering but I still would want to take things slow.

Another thing is that I have seen my ex over the past time, but I haven’t done anything with her. She is very regretful and now sees what an amazing guy I am and what she let go. As well as the little things I did for her which she did not appreciate. I don’t want to hurt my ex by being together with someone else to soon, but I do feel like i need to try with this new girl since it might be my only shot.

The girl does know that I have seen my ex, because she asks about it but I’m not planning on meeting up again with my ex.

[JosephPit]

And concerning the second ‘date’, there is not all to much we are allowed to do over here right now because of lockdown and all. Last week she sent me a list of movies she watched recently, and 1 she thought that was really good and she said she would watch it again immediately. So I told her that she should come and watch it with me since I didn’t see it yet. We were supposed to do this on Thursday as well but we didn’t get to it.

So I might just invite her over for that movie, but I’d like to do something else first, like getting something to eat.

She also told me when we were cooking dinner that she really looked forward to it and that it tasted so good, and she knew a good recipe as well, so then I told her she had to come and make that next week, so that’s another option, that I just ask her when she would like to make that 😛

[bobalife]

Okay, I’ll try after this lol. I’m probably just gonna ask for one situational advice for now since I’m getting sleepy.

It’s okay because it just shows you really like her and want this. I’m guilty of it too. But I have to learned that we gotta redirect our focus on what if “it can work out” 🙂 and the impossible can be possible! Yessss, I think it’s good to also know it won’t be a loss for you /if/ she somehow don’t choose to be with you. It will be unfortunate, but there will be someone else more worthy!

One of the things I like about what you guys have so far is being able to have such honest conversations even if it’s slightly awk and hard topics, but you guys are so open and respectful of one another. It’s a good building of a potential relationship!

Well girls we can get as much msgs from guys, but what really matter to us is actually the one who we like and if he’s reaching out or making effort... if not, then may give other guys more chances. The important thing is she’s showing she is interested, being honest, and wants to see you again!

I’m glad your ex came to the realization of what she lost (that’s right! 💁🏻‍♀️Lmao) and seem more empathetic towards you. But yeah she is a little too late and you did gave her chances... she didn’t wanna try at the time. How long were yalls together? It’s kind of sad how sometime people only realized what they had until it’s gone... it’s nice you’re sensitive to your ex, but I agree, it’s good you’re focusing now on what makes you happy and this is something you’ve been wondering/wanting for a long time that’s finally here.

[JosephPit]

And one extra thing I’m constantly breaking my head about is that she went through her hair a lot Thursday night. She told me it was greasy and she needed to wash it, so that’s why she was going through it quite a bit.

But one clear body language sign should be playing with her hair. Does this count as playing with her hair as well or am I looking into it to much?

[JosephPit]

So I just sent her a message on Facebook.

I told her ‘Enjoy your day walking 😉 and when was it that you were going to come over to eat the rest of the snacks I bought? 😜’

Let’s hope I handled it right

[JosephPit]

Okay so she answered that she had a great day, and that she would like to meet up next week. I asked her when she was free and her answer was “I’m free the whole week except for the weekend” which I find a bit strange since she normally only has one or 2 free days 😂

So we agreed to meet up on Tuesday. The details are not set yet, but we did set a next get together. I did fumble the football a bit by texting ‘will you make me your legendary pasta dish then?😇’ instead of being confident and just suggesting that...

[JosephPit]

So she sent me a message that she can’t make Tuesday because she was going to exercise with her sister already.

I told her it’s nice of her to let me know, and to let me know when it would fit in her schedule.

I’m going crazy because I’m overthinking every little thing. I need to find something else to do in this lockdown because I’m getting my hopes up to much and I don’t want to be in an emotional rollercoaster anymore, especially for a girl that actually didn’t really deserve it yet.

She didn’t reply on my message yet and just left me on read. I hate it that I can’t find out how she feels about me and what she is thinking. Maybe the waiting to text back is just a game to make me more crazy, maybe she is just busy, but I just don’t know anymore.

I hate this situation. I should have just kissed her on Thursday so I know where I stand with her

[bobalife]

Yeah it’s hard not to overthink and be disappointed when she suddenly cancelled on you with a lame excuse. I’m sure she has other options that’s why. Exercising only takes up 1-3 hours. She has enough time to still get ready for a date.

Well how long has it been since she last responded? She might just be busy and need to think when she should be available. Maybe you can keep yourself distracted and busy with things you enjoy. Exercising releases stress. Talk to your friends who you’re comfortable with about it and see what they think esp if they also know her. Were your texting with her were good before she cancel?

Even if you kissed her and you guys make out, it doesn’t mean she won’t cancel that second date. You don’t really know her intentions yet as I’ve mentioned before. I’m sure she’s interested in you, but I already could tell she’s pretty bold and know what she’s doing with her dating game. I think the best you can do is just let things play out. Don’t let this make you feel insecure and hopefully she won’t cancel like this continuously in the future. Or that’s a red flag.

[JosephPit]

Well it’s been about 3 hours since she read the message. It’s not unusual for her to take that long to answer, but it does bother me that I didn’t wait to long to reply her previous message since it was to tell me she couldn’t make it.

We weren’t really texting at all. I replied to her message that she was going to make that pasta with me on Tuesday at around midday. After that her cancellation message came at about 18:45 pm.

I’m now just going to wait for a reply, but I’m not going to act myself. I’m thinking the best thing I can do is to let it be for now, and just see what her intentions are.

I don’t know if it’s maybe best just not to reach out anymore in general, and let her do the reaching out from now on. That way if she doesn’t reach out I know she has no interest and I can let it go.

I do think that if things don’t work out, never talking to her again would be the best option, but we are not there yet so let’s see tomorrow.

[bobalife]

Since she normally takes a while to reply, do you also take a while to reply? Has she responded back yet? I would say if she don't reply with a new available date within 3 days-1week is a bad sign or kind of a red flag in my opinion. Before she said she was free during all the weekdays except weekend* So, she isn't following her words if she have not come up with a new date meaning she is seeing other guys for sure or maybe there was a vibe she got that she was not feeling. I've cancelled dates before, it's usually one of them. Or third reason is it could just be her own issue. Another thing you can do is pick out the days and see if it works for her if you still want to try. But I have been in your position before where a guy say he has a whole week off for me and then didn't follow through. I gave him a chance, and then decided to leave him unread at the end after calling him out because I knew he is just BSing me with excuses. If someone wanna see where things go with date plans, then they will make time, keep their words, or at least make up for it as soon as they can.

I think waiting for it to play out by taking a step back to see where she is at is a good idea to be safe. She could still be interested, but you dont really know what she is thinking or feeling since she cancelled. I'm not sure of her intentions either because its alittle off to me.

Since you guys have been friends for so long, is it really worth dropping a friendship over? or can you move on by keeping your distance? I feel like if you guys were good friends, why throw it away? I can never understand why guys do this type of thing because its honestly hurtful if you are friends...

[JosephPit]

Well yes I'm just going to wait a while now. I send her the message that she could let me know when a better time would be, so the ball is on her side of the net now. I'm probably going to wait a few days and maybe, just maybe after that contact her again if she hasn't reached out.

I my opinion, if she had high interest she would have just asked for another day to meet up, which up until now she didn't.

I'm not sure if it's worth losing the friendship over or not. But this girls gets in my head so badly. And it keeps comming back. After all these years, it just feels like a weak spot for me. At some point in the past I didn't really hear anything from her anymore, also because I was in a relationship, but I did notice I still missed communicating with her. She told me she didn't really contact me as well because she was afraid of what my girlfriend would think of it.

I'm just confused I guess, but I do feel that it's something I won't really ever get over since I've know her for this long already and those 'crush' feelings keep comming back. It wouldn't be that bad if the interest was mutual, but I'm starting to doubt this. I can't deny that there were a lot of signs she liked me when we hung out in the past, but now I'm starting to doubt this.

[bobalife]

Sorry I meant since she /normally/ take a while to respond, do you /normally/ do the same back by taking a while to reply? I hear you and I do agreed with you that she could of suggest another day when she cancelled.

I would not jump into conclusion so soon that she’s not into you, but it might be that she doesn’t know what she wants... or who she wants more in particular because she obviously could be talkin/seeing another guy she might be really into as well. Plus if she keep having her weekend not be free... it’s kind of a given it’s because she’s seeing someone during that time. I think she’s just being single just like any single guy is. The only thing you can do in these situations is try to be confident with yourself and what you have with her, and in hope she sees/feels the same way... or go for exclusive talking/dating when ready.

Unfortunately all you can do now is wait and see if she will say anything. I hope she does.

Oh, I see. It’s a little eye opening hearing from another person in that perspective because someone said the exact same things to me before and I felt really hurt after a long time friendship. So since she seem like someone who kept knocking on your mind or heart, do you feel like it’s best to closed the friendship in order to move on or do you think there just needs to be some boundaries while keeping her as an acquaintance in order to move on yet be faithful to your future love interests/relationships?

[JosephPit]

So you can scratch your comment that it looks like reading a romance novel or watching a movie :D

[JosephPit]

I do wait a while to answer to her as well, but not always. When I'm just sitting there watching a movie, and my phone lits up I do answer a bit sooner, but when I'm working or I'm busy, I don't reply immediately.

She did tell me the reason why her weekend wasn't free. She told me she was going to go to a female friend on Friday to celebrate her birthday, and she would be hungover all the weekend, so that that wouldn't be a could time to meet up. I do know that when she says this, it's probably true, and that it's just her way of saying "I don't want to make promises for the weekend because I might feel really shitty and don't want to cancel". But since I'm writing this now, she cancelled on me for Tuesday so I don't know anymore :D

Concerning the friendship, that's just my mindset right now. It feels like I'm to emotionally invested after all, and I don't think this is a healthy way of living. When I was in my first 2 years of my relationship, it didn't even bother me that much that I didn't hear from her all to often, but then I remember some of my friends telling a story about her (something she did or messed up), and then I always would feel a bit sad or dissapointed because I care quite a bit about her. And I feel like this will keep happening until I cut off all contact and move on, but maybe a bit later down the road I will feel differently.

[JosephPit]

I do want to thank you for all your feedback already. It's been good talking to someone about it, because I don't really feel that's possible with my friends or family at the time. It really helps! So still, if you want me to answer some of your questions, you can message me! :)

[bobalife]

Aw, it makes me sad you're saying that... don't say that.. we don't really know what's going to happen yet. I think for now it will be okay to be a little cautious, but you can always give her the benefit of the doubt for open opportunities ahead. I'm sorry that I also have to tell you what I told you, but I wanted to be honest and just looking out for you. Romance novels/movies/shows always have their beautiful beginnings and some challenges along the way~ We will see what will happen. Don't doubt yourself too much yet.

I wanna say keep your options open as well, but I am sure you only want her. So you do what you feel is best for yourself and your situation. I do admire people who can still pursue only one person these days since in modern dating many people do NOT do that at all until exclusivity haha.

I can see what you are saying about her weekend and trying to be considerate of you. It's not a bad point, although I feel like she can still make Sunday happen at least. I will give you my personal experience example.. Um I remember someone wanted to go on a date with me kind of last min, and I was superrrr out of it since I just got home from traveling the night before... but for some reason I really wanted to see him. Normally I value my self-care time a lot if I'm not serious yet lol. Right away I went to get ready to see him tho lolz. I actually had plans much later the evening time with another guy though. But I ditched guy2 for guy1. I don't know I guess we just do crazy things for people we really want even if we dont realize we really want them at the moment, but for sure I knew we had a really great connection and amazing times when we did hang out together that's why I chose to go on the date with guy1 over guy2. Turned out, I did have an amazing date and guy1 much later told me since our first date he was falling for me and I eventually was feeling the same way. Interesting how life works.

[bobalife]

I did told guy2 after that first date that I wanted to be honest I might be falling for someone else, so he understood. Therefore, maybe she just isn't in the same level of interest yet. Like for sure she's interested, but she's still climbing her way to match your level and that's okayyyy!! It takes time to develop things. You did like her for a very long time, so you may be more emotionally invested more than her right now. It's a given.

Sorry earlier I meant if it was ongoing that she has her weekend being full w/o making space for you would be something you should be cautious about if yalls are progressing. However, as long as she is making time and effort is what matters. Well, we don't really know what's going on with her. But we can speculate that she is seeing other people. Exercising was a bad excuse... but I get the feeling she is trying to figure herself out. Just remember to assert your standards while respecting yourself and her at the same time when that time may be needed. But as I said, it's probably better to just be cautious yet give her the benefit of the doubt. I agree reaching out after a few days to check up will be a good idea if she didn't reply.

Regarding the friendship, it sounds like it is hard for you to separate your emotions and friendship... so even when you were in relationships in the past, when your mutual friends bring her up... do you feel like you care for her in a friend way or was it more romantic? If it was more romantic, I can see why you feel like it might be best to cut off ties because it won't be fair to you and your future partner if will still be a barrier emotionally... I dont think anyone deserve to be with someone who will still be thinking of another person, so I agree I guess it might be option you might to take in worse case sceanrio unless you can separate it. Well why do you think you're so fond of her for so long? Is it more like a long crush you never had a chance with?

[bobalife]

Aw I am happy to know this seemed to be helpful for you! I am always happy to listen and try my best to help people with whatever I can :) I think thats part of the GAG community is having a place where you can just be honest, ask for advices/opinions that you may not be able to get with those in your life or w/o their bias opinions, and you don't necessarily have to reveal who you are if you don't feel comfortable. I'm not sure why you aren't able to talk about it with friends or family now, but I hope you are able to reconnect with them and confide in someone that you feel like you can trust :) It is always good to surround yourself with good support and having them be there for you whether it is listening or advices depending on what you are looking for. Thank you! I actually messaged you situational questions I needed help on, but I'm not sure if you knew I msged you or how to access it ^^;;;; Lol. There should be an option that states "messages" on here.

[JosephPit]

Well to be honest, here where I live (Belgium), it's not really common to be dating different people at the same time until you decide to be exclusive. What happens most of the time is that you meet someone, and most of the time you are focussed on them right away. It's something I really want to step away from, and get my options open.

I'm not really that good with women, and the relationship I just got out of was my first very serious one. The rest of my jonger year I was single all the time without even dating someone. This really cut into my self esteem hard. I'm not really bothered with it right now. I do want to date different people at the same time, but due to lockdown it's not really possible at the moment. And indeed, right now only this girl is on my mind, which I don't like either.

I will follow your advice about being cautious and just wait a bit to see if she reaches out or not. After all she still has a cup where I put the leftovers of the food of Thursday in for her to take with her, so at some point she will have to reach out to return it to me. (I didn't do this on purpose).

I do think it's maybe a long time crush where I never got my chance with, so I do feel as that it will stay like that until I get my chance or cut off all contact. I don't think it was like a romantic interest when I was in a relationship, because at that point I'm able to tell myself nothing can or will happen because I'm not available, and I'm not a cheater. So I think that mindset helps.

As you say, and what I need to keep telling me as well, is that she might be interested, but does not know how to feel yet. And that I cannot speculate about anything unless I know for sure. She might even be backing away because she is afraid that she might start to feel something, but this are all speculations ofcourse.

I will just wait for now to see if she reaches out.

[Iron_Man]

After 10 years Wouldn’t you know by now if she liked you or not

[JosephPit]

Well it might be stupid but in those 10 years we never really hung out together while being alone. There were always other people involved. So it was more like a texting friendship, which was very bad on my end. And most of the times she was in a relationship, and now for the last part, I was still in a relationship.

[Dongtai]

Ask her out on a date

[Avicenna]

Yeah, there is some interest on her part

[teamvic]

Sounds like she likes you.

[Gedaria]

No , she seems to be warming to you...

[Anonymous]

What is she doing for 10 years?

[JosephPit]

What do you mean?

[In_Trance]

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