I’m love with a straight girl who got married recently, what to do?

[Anonymous]

I need to write this down, I feel like crying and I have no one to confide in. Everyone sees me as straight woman. But I’m sooooo in love with another girl even though I don’t want a relationship with her or any other girl I know how my society will react and I always seeing myself as marrying a guy at the end.. so I might be bi I seriously don’t know. But this girl whom I’m so in love with has got married. I felt bad, cause I should be happy for her instead of that I’m crying.. I love her I don’t want to stop loving her, and surely I don’t want her to leave work leave me forever. She’s an old woman she married a rich guy that got everyone jealous. But I feel different I envy him he’s allowed to fall in love and propose to her, and now will live with when I can’t 💔
I should be happy I know, she’s a lonely child.. she need to have her own family but I want her and I can’t confess that 💔 moreover I’m scarred that she might leave work “that what everyone is saying” that mean I will never see her again 😭
What to do to stop being sad, I’m crying river and no one knows how sad I am.. It’s been two days since I stopped eating because I’m dead sad 💔

[caring__1]

When people truly love someone, they care more about the other person's happiness than their own. I'm sensing this is about you and your potential loss (though you never had her to begin with and aren't open to having a relationship with her or any other female). You can still be her friend and happy for her.

As far as work goes, are your concerns more about your potential loss or hers? If it's hers, give her examples of women who don't have challenges in their lives and how that has led to their self-esteem dropping. To keep our self-esteem strong, we need to regularly challenge ourselves and gain a sense of accomplishment. Ask her what her plans are to keep herself challenged, as you'd hate for her to lose herself.

Based on what you've shared, you have nothing to offer her other than friendship. You can be a good friend to her, or you can move on. You have the ability to do everything you'd do in a relationship other than the sex. Ask yourself if the sex is that important to you, especially since you claim you'll never experience that with a woman. The more you focus on this as your loss, the harder it will be to move forward.

[Asker]

I’m okay by being her friend although she’s older than me but we were too friendly to each other yet we’re still colleagues I mean if she left her job it will be hard to meet again , this will break my heart. Although I’m happy for her truly , but down inside me I feel sad.. I know everything will change now.
And regarding leaving work, I can’t ask her directly, she deserves to have family she’s 41 years old right now and our job requires lot of time and stressful.. she didn’t bring it up but I’m scared. Also she’s too successful woman in her job, she’s closed to get promoted to higher management which will require less stress work. But since her husband is rich, will she gives everything up.

[caring__1]

Age isn't an issue when it comes to friends. Is this about sexual attraction, or do you see her as a mentor? You can ask her what her plans are if she leaves the company and then let her know you'll miss her. You say you're scared. What are you afraid of? How much money her husband has is irrelevant when it comes to self-esteem.

[Asker]

Never been sexual, but sometimes I feel like it might be attachments issues I might get attached to people. But I also like when I’m around her, she’s sweet and caring. It’s started as crush 3 years ago but now it’s hard I’m aware of how much I love her.. I’m crazy over her
And she knows that I do, even when i never confessed to her. I can tell that she knows yet she treated me nicely.

[caring__1]

If you find yourself strongly attaching yourself to people, you may want to look into therapy. Though this woman is OK with your attachment, others may not be so accommodating. It can be helpful to understand who we are and what is in our best interest. Holding onto something that isn't ours to hold onto can create significant problems.