Girlfriend vents all the time

[Anonymous]

My girlfriend has a lot of stress in her life right now. Every day she runs from her 1st job to her 2nd job. She has no life…

I’ve been emotionally supportive throughout all this process, but I’ve had it. All she does is complain about her life or the lack there of. I get 15 texts a day about how miserable she is. It’s pushing me away. I can’t stand being around her anymore. I dread when my phone goes off…

I’m torn between trying to be supportive and telling her to grow the f*ck up and deal with life. Should I just tell her to grow up and stop being such a drama queen? I mean there are so many other people who are worse off than she is. These are her issues that she created. She needs to deal with them.

Sorry this is more of a vent… but I still don’t know what to do.

Updates

+1 y

I vented today because I got the "I'm holding back tears" text today. after I submitted this question I replied that she needs to make a plan, stop crying about it and sulking. I have not had a response in some time... We'll see how tonight goes after she's done working... I'll post an update if anything fun happens ;)

Updates

+1 y

It was all rainbows and sunshine last night..? Thanks for the answers kids. I needed a little tough love.

[Anonymous]

This is tough. Women often need a listening ear from their man, but as you've described? that's way too much.

and of course its not helping her...it digs the hole deeper, and now you're in it to.

Try to tell her, but be very sensitive and loving when you express it. if she does care for you then she probably doesn't realize it's bringing you down and she's caught up in her stuff. But also, people who do this sometimes don't WANT to grow, know what I'm sayin?

sometimes life is hard, and some people feel life is against them. They become mad at almost everything or they complain about everything, and they just want someone to boost them up and say, "poor poor you!"

The problem is that this is very self- centred when it's an ongoing thing. if it's just now and then, that's normal- everyone needs encouragement and support. But if it's all the time it could be a reflection of their attitude towards life.

Try to talk to her and point it out somehow. Maybe what would help is by describing one of your worst days, or naming all the negative things that made you annoyed but you DECIDED not to let them bum you out. you can paint the picture for her so she sees that actually, everyone, has their own trials, and then she might think that it's not fair for her to be complaining. You have your stuff, but you don't burden her all the time? Sometimes partners just need to see it from your standing in your shoes, not theirs.

Or maybe that won't help and you just need to say honestly and lovingly that you want to enjoy being together and you find it very challenging to deal with the amount of stress happening these days, and you don't feel its helping HER. then give her a bit of time to swallow that thought and own up or change the behavior in the next few days. If she flips out and lashes out at you, maybe you want to think twice about whether the relationship can handle 'life'. either way, it's pointing out something 'negative' about her, so it's a sensitive matter, but does need talking about so both are happy.

hope that helps. good luck

[carolinagirl15]

To be straight, she keeps doing it because you take it. Yeah, points for being a good boyfriend and being her shoulder to cry on and all that, but you don't have to listen to that crap all the time. My mom whines and bitches all the time, and I said something to her about it. Putting 2 and 2 together, she was basically beating around the bush telling me that she kept nagging and complaining at my dad because he sat there and took it. One day, he stood up in her face and told her what he thought about it. She backed down in the argument because she realized she had finally gotten caught. But it had become a habit, and she kept doing it. ...My parents have been divorced for 8 years.

Anyway, if you sit there and take every bit of what she dishes out to you, you ARE going to get tired of it. If you don't want to hit your breaking point and snap at her, potentially losing her, you need to sit her down and tell her that it does get annoying, but keep your voice calm and peaceful. Tell her that people really do have it worse, and that she chose to take both jobs, and see how it goes.

-hope this helps! (:

[fascination_streak]

I think you should talk to her calmly about the issue. I'd just let her know that you know she has been stressed however now it's having an effect on the relationship. As her boyfriend, I think it's important that you share this with her so she has the opportunity to address the issue. She can elect to listen and maybe consider some options so it's less stressful on the both of you. On the other hand, she might be the type of person who just vents but does nothing to change the situation. Nevertheless, discuss it and hopefully things will work out for the best for the both of you.

[MrScTi]

It's time to get real. You know you can't go another 5 to 10 years like this, so why let it continue?

Speak your mind. This "venting" she's been doing has become habitual to a point of spiteful, because her life is chaotic and she wants you to feel her pain. You've become her personal needle cushion. Nobody deserves to put up with that, because every relationship goes two ways. Now, your relationship is a one-way street.

So go ahead, tell her to grow up. Tell her to deal with life. That's how you feel, and it's only fair that you "vent" a little something in return. If she doesn't appreciate honesty or accept fault in her actions, you'll know exactly what to do. You won't need random people like me to tell you what this means for the relationship.

[MrScTi]

Glad to hear you were able to get this off your chest. Sarcasm or no sarcasm, all should be well... hopefully?

[armyguy176]

i know a lot of girls like this and I would never date them, they are too high maintenance and I don't like babysitting. There isn't much you can do unless you know how to put her in a good mood all the time, which will never happen.

[EllaB]

Talk to her! Tell her it bothers you, tell her she needs to deal with it, tell her she's being ridiculous, and most of all tell her to stop texting you FIFTEEN TIMES A DAY! Try not to lose your temper, but don't wimp out, either.

[wanacot]

Why does she need 2 jobs?