Should I be worried he is buying a house without me?

[sarahw]

My boyfriend has decided that he is going to buy a house with his brother and I am a bit concerned that he is doing it alone and isn't waiting for me. We are both in our mid - late 20's, have been together for a year and our relationship is serious. I have moved back to my parents at the moment to try to save money as I would need another year of saving before I could afford a mortgage (if I was buying with someone else) I'm not paid enough to get my own mortgage at the moment unfortunately!

I can't help feel a little worried that he hasn't spoken to be about where he sees us living in the future and that he has gone ahead and done this independently, particularly as I feel trapped in my own situation living at home. I imagined us both saving for another year or so and then doing this together.

If he asked me to move in with him to his and his brothers new house I wouldn't want to as it wouldn't make financial sense for me to be paying rent towards his mortgage because if we did ever break up I would be left with no money as I would have been paying it all to him!

Am I just being paranoid or are my concerns justified...would you be annoyed in the same situation and if so how would you bring up the conversation?

Thanks

[WaitingAtTheDoor]

The first thing I'll point out, is that in terms financial responsibility and how it's viewed in the courts, a man always looses the house in a situation where they are co-habitating with someone. No matter if you're married, engaged, dating, etc.

For him, it makes complete sense to buy a house with his brother, someone he knows isn't going to try to take it from him over an argument or other disagreement.

With you, especially only being a girlfriend, you could have one bad argument, and go file papers.

Well, he wants to protect his asset as much as possible, and probably found a really good deal on this house, and didn't want to pass it up. He can build equity into the house, sell it when the market is more stable, make a killing and then find the house he wants to buy on his own.

I'm sorry to say, but in today's world the only way a man can ensure he won't loose his home is buying it themselves, and not allowing anyone to make the payments on it except for themselves, all the way down to mailing the payment. That's right, there are cases where a man who wrote the check with his money, had his ex mail the check, and somehow a court recognized that as an act that 'gave her the right to the home.'

What you should be more interested in, is why him buying a house concerns you so much and why you have this fascination with money. If it's a relationship you're in with him, it should be about him and you, not who's buying a house and who's got money.

[DragonLord]

i couldn't say it any better I agree with you 100%

[DragonLord]

honestly I don't know but my best advice I can give you is talk to him about your concerns and your worry I'm sure he don't mind talking to you about your plans for the future I wish you good luck and I hope everything turns out OK with both of you

[gman794]

I don’t know how old this post is but this girl describes my position except I’m the male. She wants to but without me and wants me to pay rent if I love in her place.I’ve saved enough to buy with someone else but not on my own. I’m also living back at my parents too. I’ve been with this for for 2 years and I think this will end is.
We have always planned on buying together but as soon as her divorce and settlement came though she decided to buy without me.
If I did live with her it would leave me vulnerable and financially ruined.
deal breaker for me.
i either go on the mortgage or i walk away.

[Anonymous]

it's only been a year, buying a house s a huge deal. and no offense, but who knows if it's oing to work out with you guys, and then it gets sticky