I feel that I messed up and might've emotionally unsettled a girl I really liked. How can I go about apologizing?

[freeman_slavoca]

So for context, this past summer I have been in a summer program for my new college that is for students to take classes on campus. It involves kids like me who graduated and is now transitioning to college life. So story, there was a girl who I found quite attractive in the program. I never spoke to her because she was in the school of engineering and I was in the school for arts and sciences. About midway, because of mutual friends, her friend group and my friend group start hanging out so I'm around her more often. In essence, we both had a crush on each other. Sounds perfect right? Well not exactly. So in short, this girl really really liked me. She double texted me, ask me to hang out, etc. Another important point is her only other relationship ended in her getting cheated on, and this showed on me as I would quite often be approached by other girls. She showed she was not too happy about it. The issue is, after the last party one night, I danced with one girl who was on me and cuddled with her in her dorm the night after. After that night, the original girl has been going out of her way to ignore me in person and hasn't answered two of my texts. I understand it is possible that she may have just lost interest, but I don't think that's the case with the timing of everything. I asked my sister and my friends about the situation and they said me lacking to show interest towards her and her probably hearing about the other girl made her turned off from me. They also said I should speak with her to clear things up. I understand while even though me and her weren't dating, I wasn't considering her feelings when I messed with the other girl. I would like anyone's opinions on the situation and what I should text her to try and just speak with her and to not at least lose a bond. If you need any more information I can explain in a comment. The program ended one week ago, and I go back for my fall semester in one week from now. I want to talk before the fall semester.

[yucychan]

Your actions are a little confusing. I'm not sure what is it you really want.

You said you really liked that girl but yet you went around cuddling another girl, in her dorm room no less. You said you both were each other crushes but somehow it's usually her that is making the first move, texting you and such, whereas you would be more lackadaisical towards her.

Maybe you feel that as you both were not dating, you are free to see anyone you fancy. So, if she dances and cuddles with another guy at a party and later brings him back to her dorm room, you will be fine with it?

If you want to apologize, you can just go ahead. I'm just not sure what is it you expect from her. Do you want to be in a relationship with her or do you just want to remain good friends?

[freeman_slavoca]

I believe I was somewhat confused in what I want. I didn't want to jump into a relationship right before college started to be honest and take things slow, but I guess me and her were on different pages and I never really communicated this to her. I left out some information because of the word limit on the post. The "cuddling" was really just, it was 3 A. M. and me and the girl were just talking about life and we both kinda fell asleep on each other until I shut things down and took her to bed and left because I knew something didn't feel right about it. So I feel that the word cuddle makes it sound worse than what really happened, but you know how rumors spread. Also, yes, my thought processing was me and her are only talking, so I already set myself with the expectation that if I found out she was messing with another guy I wouldn't be too heartbroken. It was pretty much me putting up a defense mechanism which was really stupid and while that thought process isn't really wrong, it wasn't what I really wanted. Also, it's not exactly about apologizing, it's seeing if she's still cool with me. I don't know what got back to her, but it must be something bad for her to go out of her way to ignore me like this. A relationship right now with her isn't my main goal. If it happens, then it happens because it's something me and her build, not by me chasing. I first however do want to get in contact, see how she's feeling, and maybe get to the bottom of why she was ignoring me and move past it and see how things go from there. I also want to reassure her that it wasn't my intention to play her or anything even though that is how it may seem. If she chooses not to engage with me, I don't blame her but I don't want her leaving me without knowing my intentions if that makes sense. If you can provide anymore advice I would greatly appreciate it since I feel you have a good understanding of the situation so far. If you need anymore information from me please ask. Thank you.

[freeman_slavoca]

Also I would make plans and show interest in her, but looking back, it was obvious that I wasn't keeping up at the same pace she was. I knew I liked her but I guess I didn't want to show too much interest too quick and too early.

[yucychan]

@freeman_slavoca
I see, ok. You could maybe try calling her to ask how she is or catch her when she is free, since you and her haven't had much contact. If she responds warmly, good for you. However, if she responds coldly to you, I think it is better you don't push it and just let her be.
In the first place, technically, you didn't do anything wrong nor do you owe her any explanations for your actions. If she wants to be mad over nothing, then it's on her, not you.

[Anonymous]

The first thing to do is ignore any advice you will read on here. Jeez!

[Guy13]

Do not worry about it. Embrace it once you both settle back into school. Do not act like it was a big deal. She's the one who has gone off the deep end. Live your life, be gracious NOT A PUSSY, and engage her. this is her Issue. It is NOT her.

Either she grows the hell up or she let's a good thing pass her by... You have NOTHING to fix or apologize for here. This is not a woman who is mature enough for a relationship. Do not push it... it will be IF it is to be. ENJOY SCHOOL !!!

[freeman_slavoca]

Yeah I'm not stressing it too much, I'm still having a fun summer and completing my goals, but obviously it's something in the back of my head that I don't know how to solve. I do feel that it was somewhat my fault, but I do agree that I don't want to push anything. So you think I should just let it pass and try to see her during the fall semester and embrace it and try and move past it?

[Guy13]

For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction, however, within the Chain there is both synthesis (Combustion) and Decombustion. A Reaction over Time must be considered.

[Guy13]

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[Guy13]

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😎
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[Guy13]

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[Truthatanycost]

Rule number 1... stop asking your sister for any advice about girls and don't ask other women either. If a girl wants to ignore you, let her... it's her loss. Do not apologize, and do not explain anything.

[Avicenna]

I doubt she will be receptive to explanations, TBH

[freeman_slavoca]

Yeah I agree and I'm not expecting her to, but I feel at least trying to clear the air instead of me and her both ignoring it wouldn't hurt.