Girls, Y would she day it wasn't a big deal?

[Anonymous]

So my girlfriend of almost a year hung out with a guy friend last month. I said it was okay since she asked and they have been friends for a long time. However, something happened and she told me that he touched her more than once in a way she didn't like after repeatedly telling him to stop. I was worried about her at first since she seemed pretty shaken up about it and I don't y I got so mad afterwards, I guess her saying I shouldn't be angry and it wasn't a big deal set me off and we ended up arguing about the whole and said some stuff pretty harsh, Her whole attitude to the entire thing kinda pissed me then she started tying me into the loop saying the reason I was so mad because I thought she was dirty and didn't wanna be with her anymore because someone else touched, of course, I didn't want her to think like that but I got so mad after she compared me to that asshole and I would never make her do anything she was uncomfortable I'm pretty big on consent and I kinda threatened her. I feel so bad for what I said, I told her I wouldn't believe her unless she striped and I have no idea where I was going with this, I just said it without thinking about it much and when I registered I already really hurt her feelings and she was about to cry but before I could say anything she said I wouldn't believe in her then and left she got home safe thank God. She didn't talk to me for a while and I waited until she did 3 weeks later, I was cold to her, she's still saying it's not a big deal and I think it is but y. Her attitude to the whole situation and the situation just pisses me off so much. I just feel she deserves someone better and I don't wanna get back together cause I don't trust her to not let it happen again. She's the first person I've liked in almost 4 years and it just hurts, I regret liking her sometimes. Her hands were so scratched up the last time I saw her, think I made it worse.

Updates

+1 y

I have been giving her space, I've tried to see her the last few days since she isn't really answering my calls or texts. Her mom says she's feeling under the weather and doesn't wanna see anyone rn. I guess she doesn't want anything to do with me to still hurt from our argument. I'm really sorry about what I said, I doubt she even goes outside just to avoid me. The situation still pisses me off and so does my reaction to the whole thing. I just wanna see her and make sure she' 's okay.

[SueShe]

If your (ex-) girlfriend told the guy to stop and he did not, that should actually be a big deal. The fact that she thinks it is not a big deal are totally opposite reactions. Either you tell someone to stop because to you it is a big deal or then you say it is not a big deal because you don't mind that he touches you. There are no double standards here.

The fact that she tends to favor the "no big deal" leads me to believe that she did not mind that much him touching her. This contradiction alone is a no-go and a red flag.

On the other hand, you flying off the handle is not the appropriate reaction to her dilemma and in your case, I think it is best for both of you that you end this relation because you have 2 totally opposite views of what is acceptable and not.

It seems that you did overreact and that you hurt her verbally by saying those things that you should have best kept for yourself. I understand that you are upset but there was no need to act the way you did.

You are clearly not made for each other.

[Kerrim23]

She said it isn't a big deal because she doesn't want you to get into trouble. She probably thinks you would go hurt him to defend her, and she doesn't want you to be arrested, or taken away from her. You should have a conversation with her saying that it's not okay when he does that, and she shouldn't go near him anymore, and if it happens again to call someone and leave. You shouldn't have said the hurtful things you did, but words can't be taken back. Just apologize and try to move on, if you want any future relationship with her. Platonic or romantic.

[dustybiker]

Yes. You know it was pretty harsh how you treated someone who was hurt and needed comforting. She needed you. Best thing you can do is give her space.

[Anonymous]

You know you were the asshole here, right?