Do you think she is asking me to stay at her house on friendly terms or more?

[Anonymous]

She had a breakup about a month ago and we went out together after that happened, we've gotten closer since then, barely knew each other before, but I'm still unsure where we stand

She literally told me one of the issues with her ex was he didn't like to sleep in her bed with her cats also so he would often just go to the couch or she'd go at times with her cats, and that "what was even the point of staying over if we're not gonna sleep in the same bed"

That same night we went out she asked me if I wanted to stay over and I politely declined because of work, but really because I barely know her and she had just had a breakup. I do feel like she became a little distant after that night but we still talk and flirt and hangout a bit. Now this week my apartment was being fumigated and she told me I could stay at her place. Since I'm still unsure about where her head is at I said thank you and I'll think about it. She said at least twice "you let me know.."

She's very touchy with me at times, this week in particular "scaring" me from behind by poking me but at other times becomes very distant randomly. This week was mostly positive, even heard her talking to a friend about how I always mess with her, and giving huge smiles when I saw her. She constantly comes to talk to me during a very long cooking class we have, and at times hang out afterwards, usually at her house to smoke before work. But I've asked her to lunch a couple of times before this week and she either cancels or says she can't. I just don't know what to make of her and if I should make a move on her or not

[OlderAndWiser]

YOu have done some things that she interprets as possible rejections and she is afraid to put herself out there and declare her interest if she is going to be crushed. . . especially after her recent breakup. If you see her as a potential romantic partner, you need to assure her that you are interested and your earlier actions were only because you don't want to go too fast and be nothing more than just a rebound for her. She will respond by telling either that she is not interested in you as a romantic partner, or she will repeat her offer for you to stay with her.

[Asker]

That's precisely what I'm afraid of that she thinks I rejected her, scares me more than her rejecting me honestly. But why does she then decline or cancel my invites though? I feel like that shows that I'm interrested in her at the very least, and every time she comes to talk to me or she needs something or wants me to walk her home safely I'm available. I'm literally trying to be there for her just not go too fast as you said, but it's confusing

How can I reassure her of my interest? I've been wanting to have a conversation but it's hard to bring it up organically. Better for me to be crush than disappointing her

[OlderAndWiser]

She may think that you are just reaching out in a platonic way.

[Asker]

And say no because of that? Damn, this shit is confusing. So I reassure her by just telling her I like her? I suck at communicating how I feel so I know it may sound like a dumb question

[OlderAndWiser]

Just walk up to her, begin a conversation, grab her hand, and tell her that you would really like an opportunity to take her out for a date.

[Asker]

Straight to grabbing her hand? What about her arm and see her reaction first?

opportunity to take her out on a date, I hope she likes that

[OlderAndWiser]

Holding her hand is usually perceived as a signal of romantic interest.

[Asker]

I guess my fear is she will not like me grabbing her hand. Like pull back or something. But you said I gotta reassure her that I'm interested in her so I guess that shows I am?

[OlderAndWiser]

Yes, grab her hand and tell her that the only reason you said "no" earlier was because it was too soon after her breakup and that now you would love to have the opportunity to take her out for a date so she can see that you are interested in her.

[Asker]

Ok so to show that I'm interested, I gotta get over my fear. Opportunity to take her out I really love that phrase

[OlderAndWiser]

Yes, forcing yourself to do this is how you develop self-confidence. If she says "yes," obviously you build confidence. If she says "no," you learn that the earth does not open up and swallow you, life goes on, and you stop catastrophizing about the "what its."

Basically, you gotta take a chance if you wanna find romance!

[Asker]

Gotcha! I guess it just feels more difficult with a friend you see every day, but I gotta do it anyway, thanks!

[FilmGuy93]

You’ve done things that make it seem like you’re actually rejecting her. You gotta clear up those mixed signals. Just go to her house, play along with the flirting, be open and comfortable with her. Don’t push anything, but also don’t be afraid to do more romantic things, like put your arm around her.

[Asker]

How do you suggest I clear that up, talking to her or being more romantic with her like you say? I don't know if she will invite me to her house again, she might but I can't count on that. I am afraid of doing things like putting my arm around her though, I gotta work on that

also if she thinks I might have rejected her why decline cancel things I invite her to?

[FilmGuy93]

You’re asking. For a rational explanation to something that isn’t rational. Just be kind, loving, joke around with her, be flirty, smell good; treat your visit to to her home like it’s a date, except don’t make assumptions about her intentions. Just let her feel things out

[Asker]

So just assume when I'm with her that it's a date and continue flirting with her, feel it out and then ask her out or tell her how I feel? The touching part is the most difficult for me but I gotta get over that

[FilmGuy93]

If she has a great time, she will let you know, and that’s when you ask for the next date.

[Asker]

Ok, but touch her and show I'm interested in her to make that happen

[FilmGuy93]

Touch her if she seems like she wants to be touched. She’ll make it easy for you to touch her if she wants to be touched. Just be observant of her behavior and don’t force anything.

[Asker]

Like if I'm walking her home and just talking, laughing, would that be a good moment?

[FilmGuy93]

Could be! That would probably be a good time.

[WhitneySnow]

She’s into you but scared cause she just went through a breakup

[Asker]

What can I do to make her be less scared? I've invited her out twice and I'm always available for her, good and bad days

[WhitneySnow]

Just be patient with her. And accept her invite to stay over.

[Asker]

I've definitely been patient with her and will continue to be, but at the same time I worry I could be tooo patient and lose her. I will accept her invite next time she tells me but who knows if she will

[WhitneySnow]

When you accept her invite see if she gets romantic with you

[Asker]

Such as? When we went out and to her house she was a bit touchy with me and we went to her bed but nothing overtly romantic

[WhitneySnow]

Touchy is good

[Asker]

Should I touch her back too?

[WhitneySnow]

Yes.

[Anonymous]

She wants a guy in her bed with her and will literally do anything sexual for you if you will give her that.

[Asker]

ok..

assuming you're right, what should I do?

[Opinion Owner]

Go for it if you want the sex.

[Asker]

Ha I suck at this. It's not that I don't want sex but I do want to get to know her better first, which has been hard to plan outside of our cooking class together

[scott04sa22]

She into you

[Asker]

And what should I do? Her behavior confuses me

[scott04sa22]

Just be yourself

[Asker]

Myself feels like waiting until she tells me otherwise, and I have doubts that'd be the best move

[scott04sa22]

I was myself went I dated my ex girlfriend and she always wanted me to be myself then being someone else

[Asker]

Thanks for that reassurance! She did ask me out and always seeks me out so she must like me for myself right? But should I tell her how I feel about her? That's not very "myself" but it probably should be

[In_Trance]

wants to smash

[Asker]

I guess that's possible but why decline my advances then?

[In_Trance]

staying at her house doesn't seem like a decline to me.

[Asker]

But she declined when I ask her to go to this place we talked about, and cancelled a lunch after saying yes. I'd love to stay at her house but I lack clarity