Why is it that alcoholic men have all kinds of women wanting to be the one to rescue them, but me who's friendless, just gets the cold shoulder?

[Bethany22]

I mean, being friendless is just as vulnerable a situation as being an alcoholic, so why doesn't one ever hear stories of people wasting their time trying to bring an introvert out of their shell in the same way you see people wasting time being obsessed with alcoholics who need curing? No one has ever tried to help me with my situation. They never think it's sad and want to help me. Instead, they ignore me or criticize me and make me feel even less motivated to try talking to them. Why doesn't anyone have genuine sympathy for shy people? Why do I always have to be responsible for the lack of initiative in a situation, rather than the others in the group?

[FunkyMonkee]

Darlin', I've been alone most of my life!! I'm an only child in a family of 6!! Nobody ever wanted to hang out with me or do the things I wanted to do, I always did them completely alone while wishing for a friend that I could share this stuff with! Most of the time that I DID hang out with the other kids it was because I wanted SOMETHING to do so, I just did whatever they were doing! Like, my brother ALWAYS wanted to play "war" and all the other kids wanted to play it to so, if I wanted to join with them, I had to play "war", too, as much as I hated it!!
Even when I was in my band, we'd play a gig and go to an after gig party and, everybody else would be talking amongst themselves in various rooms in the house and there I'd be sitting alone on the couch listening to records or playing records! every great once in a wile, someone would come over and talk with me and, within 5:00 they'd go off to another room and join other conversations. I'd try to get into these convos by, most often, they were about shit I either didn't know anything about or just didn't care about them! Sports, cars, drugs, getting drunk, girlfriends, etc..
AND, just about any time I'd GET a friend that I saw eye to eye with, I'd lose them shortly after!! Either they'd move away, die or I'd have to leave and would never see or hear from them again.
I'm still completely alone!! A few years ago, I bought a copy of The Beatles editions of Monopoly and Trivial Pursuit and, as of yet, still haven't found anyone to play either one with me!! I don't think I've even opened the box for Monopoly!! I played Trivial Pursuit by myself once or twice.

[DubiousIntentions]

They used to have some stores that you could go to to play games with others. They had probably every board game that ever was. You could sit down at a table and people would join you. The one I knew about closed with Covid, but the store is still there. Who knows if it is still in actual business. You could start your own get together for people who like to play games but have no one to play with. I'll bet it would do well.

[FunkyMonkee]

@DubiousIntentions It's an idea but, I'd need money to start it up. Especially now that most of the games I've had since I was kid are now gone forever!!!
But, it WOULD be nice to just have a couple friends over to play cards or to go over to their place rather than to have to trek a number of miles away to have the off chance that someone MIGHT wanna play me. And, there's still a LOT of people stuck in covid theatre!!

[nolabels]

I was extremely shy as a young man. Extremely shy.

One day when I was roughly your age, I realized that no one except myself could change that.

I took tiny baby steps in pushing myself out of my comfort zone, continuing to push myself further and further.

Within about a year I was a different person.

I'm still more introverted than not, but I'm no longer shy.

A therapist was of great help in my journey. I'd recommend therapy to anyone.

Only you can change yourself.

As far as comparing your situation to alcoholic men, just don't. There can be shyness and loneliness there as well, but there's more to it than just that. I know. I'm a sometime recovering, sometime not-recovering alcoholic. I no longer get trashed as I did when I was young, but that's a different subject altogether. Shyness and alcoholism have more differences than perceived similarities.

I wish you the best.

[DaisyM23]

I think it's the idea that if you're an introvert you choose to be friendless but alcoholics are seen as more easy to help because alcoholism is more of a problem and there are actual ways to help. Basically if both tried to solve their problems, introverts just have to go outside and make friends but alcoholics have to go through withdrawal, give up alcohol, get professional help etc

but yeah both require some sort of outsider help but i personally would get tired of trying if an introvert or an alcoholic show no signs of change unless they were a close friend/family

[Emiliamazing]

People like being saviors. Helping somebody out of alcoholism is a task that individuals can prop them selves up on. Family members are usually the first to get involved with alcoholics within the family, because they care for that individual and would like to see the cycle broken.
Breaking the cycle of shyness, or loneliness, it's a different type of problem. There may be those in your family or within your perimeter of friends. Think you may prefer to be shy and keep to yourself. A problem can't be fixed until it's made known.

[Chazmatazz269]

Loneliness isn’t recognized as a disease, even in its most potent forms. If you’re struggling, take steps to increase and improve your social circles. If necessary, seek help. Get started NOW. The older you get, the harder it is to make new friends.
You should also know that people trying to “save” people never works out long term, particularly when the person who needs saving either doesn’t think they need saving or they’re not working at saving themselves. If you want better friends, don’t target those kinds of people. They’re really just trying to save others in order to distract themselves from their own self destruction.

[Anonymous]

Alcoholism is in no way, shape or form the same as choosing to live an introverted, shy lifestyle. You don’t need to be rescued, or hand-held into socializing. You don’t need friendships rooted in pity, and sitting around blaming others for where you are in your social life will get you no where. It is not other people’s jobs to befriend you or take the initiative to create a friendship when you are the one seeking it. I don't know why you feel as though “all kinds of women” are jumping to save alcoholic men or why on earth you’d use that as your pity-party reference point, but in any case that is a sad comparison to your situation to even try and make.

[Opinion Owner]

Maybe what you’re trying to suggest is that you wish people made effort with you the way they make effort to help an alcoholic, I don't know, but that was just a terrible comparison to make.

[Bethany22]

Yeah that's what I meant. Curing loneliness is just as difficult to break out of a vicious cycle as alcoholism in my opinion, as when one is feeling ostracized, it's hard to have superficial conversations with people like you're supposed to in the beginning stages.

[FunkyMonkee]

I don't know that you CHOOSE to be introvert, any more than you chose e an alcoholic. If you get treated badly by people in your life, especially your young life, you just BECOME an introvert to keep FROM getting hurt again. With booze, you may CHOOSE to try it but, like with almost any drug, it CAN run your life for you and, the more you use, the more you want! There's a buzz that satisfies but, after a while, you start needing more and more to get that same buzz.

[Opinion Owner]

Bethany I get what you’re trying to say 100%, but unless you’ve been alcoholic then I don’t believe you are understanding these are two very different situations. Alcoholism isn’t always a direct effect of being lonely, there can be deeper catalysts, while you on the other hand are experiencing loneliness because you are shy and have a hard time creating friendships.

[Opinion Owner]

@funkymonkee that’s a good point. I know for a good amount of time I was introverted but it was developed as I withdrew from being social and my anxiety made building relationships and wanting to socialize harder. Alcoholism is a developed addiction and breaking free from drugs is a lot different than trying to get yourself out there and make friends.

[Opinion Owner]

I totally understand that it can really suck trying to create friendships when people are trying as much with you and yes having no friends can be very lonely if you can’t find comfort in your own company. But try to get off alcohol and live a sober like is difficult to the point of needing rehabilitation for many people. A lot of people really need support and motivation to stay sober, while someone who’s having a hard time making friends just wishes someone would try as much for them.

[rachel776]

Start drinking, sister.

[Guy13]

The missing element: She that is attached emotionally is attached physically. These guys are getting laid.

Do you have anything Fragile, Gentile, Wounded-Bird going on? If not then distant, unfeeling, maybe mead at men... but will never have sex

Perception NOT Truth as I have no clue as it relates to your relational sensitivities.

[Stoner710]

What? Being an acoustic is attractive? when did this happen I’m 2 year older then you. The only girl whom I wanted to Best give me from my addictions it the girl I fell in love with, that’s not going to happen. So give me a reason why I I shouldn’t follow Dan McKee Decide idea of reality

[Sixgunsound]

Feminists made it creepy and legally actionable for anyone without an immediately obvious business purpose to talk to each other. Add in the fact that one of the people involved has communication difficulties and you can understand how this poses a problem. the solution would be to kick feminism out if the equation and just live our normal lives.

[exitseven]

I was a real loner as a kid. I expected to live my whole life like that. I went away to college and the Air Force and sort of figured out that I wasn't the loser that people used to say I was. It wasn't hard after that to make friends. I even got a girlfriend.

[AlexEfron]

😂 I just replied to another question about how lonely it is after I moved to a new city and the very next question I find is this 😂

I don't have any answer or opinion to your question. I just found it amusing after responding to the last question.

If you have time then check it out 😂

So whats been going on in life?

[NathanDavis]

around 40% of homeless people in America are alcohol depending...

and the vast majority of them are men

homeless people are mostly people that were left out from anybody that once cared for them but they do so no more

and then... for the most part of it, and for both, making friends and defeating addiction, it has to come from you and within you, nobody else will be able to do it for you, unfortunately

[pizzalovershouse]

Cuz they want to feel they improve his life an cured him when it's about wanting to change the guy plus I would be your friend here i am caring about peoples feelings both sexes

[Paul_in_Indy]

Do you WANT people to take advantage of your weakness for their own reasons?

[Sparkie460]

I've never been a shy person. I'm the one who always tried cheering people up and motivate them. If you ever want to talk feel free to pm me.

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

I lived with an alcoholic and trust me it wasn't easy.

[Stevefiveo]

I'm not sure why it is that way. But if you need help, feel free to message me.

[PeterLegg91]

Fuck people darling people are selfish nowadays

[Bklynbadboy12]

Cause some women like to fix things that are broken

[Anonymous]

In dating bad men get all the benefits. Of course, shy girls can have a hard time but still, they get approached but nobody like a shy guy.

[spartan55]

You are shy to the point of having no friends?

[Bethany22]

yes basically. Or I have to keep taking initiative towards people even though they never reciprocate.

[spartan55]

Have you had any counseling to explore that?

[Bethany22]

No but that would be fantastic!

[spartan55]

I think that would be helpful for you.

[joeldalton]

So go make some friends.

[collie22]

I'll be your friend