Why don't women want to at least be friends with men who won't commit to them, and why does this hurt men so much?

[Bethany22]

I have heard more than one story of men who believe that they should be able to become friends again with their ex after enough time has passed, while the women who left them due to these men not committing say they just feel ill at the idea of having to be around these men again.

It's usually when the guy doesn't want to marry the woman he's been dating for a long time, and then the woman just completely cuts him out of her life.

Why are women so unable to just be friends with a guy who doesn't love them as much as they do?

Why are men so shocked that women don't want to at least be friends if things don't work out?

[Rosexøxø]

It’s like for guys: if one of them didn’t trust the other to drive his car for a favor.

example scenario:

guy A needs a friend to drive his car, say, while he takes some other vehicle or a ‘moving truck.’

Guy friend B offers to do just that. (Help).

Guy A says no it’s alright, while

Guy friend C simultaneously offers to drive it.

Guy A accepts Guy C to drive his own vehicle.

Guy B doesn’t MIND being friends.. but now he feels like he has no respect in his group and feels offended. Isn’t he “man enough” to drive? To perform?

It feels like he’s a defected (male) human. (This could seem like a poor example or over exaggeration, but it’s an example and close enough).

So

A Female who has psychology more with appearances (usually) than performance and functionality, she would feel defected and questionable, as a lady, if her guy friend rejected her and just wanted to be “friends.” With NO hope/potential/chance, of ever liking her.

- It’s not only “identity-crisis” type of things lol but if the lady liked him of course, the rejection would be hard. If it was liking him and being rejected casually and plainly, the lady would be both, heart broken, and questioning her value. Like a double knock out. 🥊

- A lady who can just be friends, would have to honestly not find him attractive in the slightest AND be confident in herself. Maybe even not equate her value with looks only, but performance and function, as well. Either way, she’s got to be able to accept herself and see other things with him she can like and benefit from, other than ‘hand holding,’ sex, or deep connections.

Some girls only see couple-related things with a guy, so to just be ‘chill’ or have a ‘small talk,’ could be hurtful/difficult/ complicated/ and hard for them to master.

so the reasons she may not be able to be just friends with him would be:

• romantic interest + heart break

• self worth / self image related to femininity
• Not capable of having any other possible connection or reliance on the relationship/ guy, other than couple-related connections/ topics.
  
  
  any of the feelings of hurt can translate into offense. *She could even be a narcissist or spoiled girl who is used to being likable and chased. Then she’d be offended for not having another specific guy’s attention/ interest towards herself.

[laly520]

being just friends with such type isn't an issue

[Effably]

This seems a common issue. Friendzoned. Datezoned. Whatever you wish to call it.

Personally I believe we categorize people early on and once we have added a descriptor we rarely want to remove it.

That is, after I have decided that to me you okay the role of a romantic interest and possibly partner, I will be reluctant to re-evaluate from the start and make you a potential friend instead. Changing someone's role requires removing and entering them back into the system. Which is rather problematic and rarely truly works.

This is all of course also why I believe setting expectations and making sure that your expected role in a social situation aligns with what you prefer is so important.

[nawtee_me]

I don’t understand why they don’t remain friends to begin with. Me and my ex did and are still friends today. It was a choice we made when we split up.

[NathanDavis]

not a good idea to force things...

if is not genuine from both sides... stay apart

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

I have no problem with commitment as long as she doesn't beat me up.

[FunkyMonkee]

I could ask the same about women.

[DextroShade]

We don't want to be your friends.