"these guys she's hanging out with aren't her friends", "even if she is sexually liberated its probably better she doesn't tell everyone at the bar she works at about her exploits"
So the reason im asking is because an ex of mine called me telling me about some sad stuff that happened in her life and when she told me who it was i was like thinking to myself like yeah that checks out. This guy met you at the bar and has just been visiting you and he's "just a friend" and you tell him about our sexual lives because you are like a modern woman. I don't know i feel shitty saying it but i do feel like if she just listened to me and believed that men aren't her friend because she's sweet and makes a killer cocktail, if she was a little more modest about letting people know she's kinda a freak, and she stopped kicking it in private with dudes she didn't plan on being sexual with this would happen way less.
Anyway am i an asshole? am i right? Is there a good way to tell her if im right? I mean i care for her and i want to advise her on how to stay safe out there.
So the reason im asking is because an ex of mine called me telling me about some sad stuff that happened in her life and when she told me who it was i was like thinking to myself like yeah that checks out. This guy met you at the bar and has just been visiting you and he's "just a friend" and you tell him about our sexual lives because you are like a modern woman. I don't know i feel shitty saying it but i do feel like if she just listened to me and believed that men aren't her friend because she's sweet and makes a killer cocktail, if she was a little more modest about letting people know she's kinda a freak, and she stopped kicking it in private with dudes she didn't plan on being sexual with this would happen way less.
Anyway am i an asshole? am i right? Is there a good way to tell her if im right? I mean i care for her and i want to advise her on how to stay safe out there.
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When people create or engineer circumstances in which bad things happen to them, and it is foreseeable that the bad things will happen, the first question should be whether they subconsciously wanted to make the bad things happen. There are people who have low self-esteem and who have learned to punish themselves through inviting bad things upon themselves. If you are thinking that sounds rather fucked up, you are absolutely right, but it does happen. And if that is her, trying to tell her to change will be a waste of time.
Nah man. Just let her make her own mistakes. Any "advice" you give she won't listen to, and probably will be offended by.
You shouldn't be talking to your ex still anyway. They usually only call when they need some validation from a shitty experience. Just cut ties and focus on finding a woman for yourself.
Would you want your new girlfriend to be hanging out with her Ex and talking about this type of stuff all the time? I know I wouldn't, I would expect the same from them.
Or just go ahead and tell her. Who cares if she doesn't listen, at least you said your peace. She won't talk to you for a while, but then she'll call when something fucks up again trust me. I have dated women like this girl. Best to cut and run now.
The term "Survivor" is hyperbole and not applicable to people who are not victims of attempted murder or clearly life-threatening events that they barely avoided and that would have killed them if they hadn't.
Sexual assault does not fall into this category.
Feminists use the term 'survivor" to dramatize all sorts of things they don't like. Don't be that guy.
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