Why do I feel bad with myself when my girlfriend is on her period?

[alonrazmo]

I know that she will be fine and all but it kills me to see and hear her in pain and I dont quite know what to do and I want to help her so badly, and she doesn't want me to leave her so Im even more confused

[SteveSmith1985]

Dude... you're one of the good ones. This really made me smile. It says a whole lot about what kind of guy you are, and what kind of boyfriend you are.

I think the fact that you empathize with what your girlfriend is going through while on her period... means your heart is so in the right place.

I know what you mean when you say that you feel bad to hear and see someone you care about in pain... and feeling like there's nothing you're able to do to help alleviate that pain.

However, I'm a bit worried by the way you chose to word this. You said you feel "bad with myself" when she's on her period. Can you explain why you'd feel bad with "yourself"? In other words, I understand feeling badly for HER because of what she's going through... but I don't see how you should feel bad with "yourself". Is that because you feel helpless to make her feel better or is it something else?

Basically, all you can do while she's on her period, is to try to be there for her, however she needs you to be. So if she doesn't want you to leave. Then you stay with her. If she wants to be left alone, give her space (more likely she's going to want you to stay more often than give her space. Just do whatever it is she's asking of you at the time).

You are doing everything that any guy can do to help her. I know that, because you WANT to help her. You feel like you should be able to (you can't... not more than you are). So you're already doing everything you know how to do to make her feel as good as possible. And there are no "tricks" or "skills" or anything like that involved. Nothing beyond what you're native instincts are already leading you to do while trying to help her.

You have to accept that, you can't help her. You can't fix this. There truly is nothing you can do, to spare her from this. You have to stop feeling badly that you haven't been able to fix this. That's literally an impossible expectation you're setting for yourself there. You need to step back, and look at this situation. You're expecting yourself to do something super-human: To take away the pain, discomfort and other bullshit that comes along with getting your period.

You really have no idea, how much any woman (I don't care if she's 14 or 40) wishes her boyfriend would express exactly what you've expressed here?

What you wrote right here... is literally all any woman wants of her man when it comes to being on her period. They want some goddamn empathy and understanding for what it is they're going through. They're so used to guys (boyfriends or otherwise) dismissing pain and discomfort and inconvenience of periods as "not a big deal." That's like... a pretty much universal female complaint about men in general.

They don't understand what it's like to have a period. But they DON'T CARE TO either. They have zero patience or understanding for what a woman has to deal with every month.

The attitude you have towards your girlfriend and her period... is really... all you need to worry about keeping. You're already going to be doing all the right things as far as helping her (helping as much as anyone possibly can help). You're naturally going to do the right things... because of how you feel about this.

I get so distressed, so often at what some younger guys end up saying on here. There are some seriously messed-up views and attitudes about women that have become very popular among young guys (older than you... but like late teens early 20's). It's a world where a scumbag like Andrew Tate is actually looked-up to by young guys. It's really really messed up. It legitimately frightens me how twisted so many views are when it comes to women.

This was so refreshing to read... I can't even tell you. You're giving me some hope, that there's still good, decent guys out there who aren't getting sucked-into all that misogynistic bullshit. I don't know if you've picked up these values about women from your parents, siblings, or if you formulated them all on your own as you're going through life. Either way... Dude... the way you are with your girlfriend when it comes to her period is perfect.

Stop feeling badly about this. You're already doing a great job. The problem is you were expecting to "see results." You aren't going to see results. She's still going to be in pain, and feel like shit. But you are helping. A lot. In a lot of big and little ways. You don't have to worry about not helping... you can't help but help. Because of how you feel about this.

I am totally in ernest when I say that MOST guys my age (or between our two ages if you prefer) need to take a lesson from YOU on this. That's no joke. This is something I've never heard a guy express before. I have, however heard so so so many girls/women tell me that this is all they want from a boyfriend when it comes to periods: Empathy and understanding.

You may only be 14, but you've got this particular slice of being a great boyfriend 100% right.

You should be giving yourself a pat-on-the-back here. Not feeling badly because you can't successfully take all the pain away. 🙂

[SnowedIn]

Be up front with her and ask, "Is there anything I can do for you?" Go from there.

[msmissydc]

Note this is my personal opinion and experience what I like and know can help me. Everyone can be different so dont take it as perfect advice what to do with your girlfriend.

What you can't do:

• Help her directly to get better.
• Ignore your own timeplan completely to do things for her, as that won't help her as much as this maybe hurt you.

What you CAN do:

• be there for her when she wants you to
• prepare her things that help her and she asks for, or ask her yourself when you know she often does it herself otherwise (e. g. hot water bottle)
• be a source of distraction
• dont think you are doing something wrong because she doesn't feel good, this is not on you (same with her mood probably not your fault at all).

[Anonymous]

It just means you care about her and that's sweet. You can help her by giving her snacks (chocolate, icecream, salty stuff, etc.), making her a nice dinner, buying her a little gift, cuddling, just spending time with her. Heating pads or hot baths help a lot too. Fun fact, a guy's pheromones actually reduce period pain so if you can, let her cuddle up inside your arm or give her clothes that have your scent on them. It will help tremendously with lessening the pain of cramps.

[Guy13]

You’re a good boy. Too bad you’re not 16 Pamprin and Tampon boy.

[Nikki1989]

There is nothing you can do.

[Iron_Man]

She’s ok it’s natural