Should I respond to her text?

[ManOnFire]

Alright, everybody. Sorry for my lengthy details, but gonna need some advice here. So a female friend I had a falling out with last year has reached back out, but I don't feel like giving her another chance. To make a long story short, we fell out because she acted really, really shitty, because she didn't like that I wouldn't tolerate her disrespecting me one night, because she's used to talking to people however she wants. At that point I'd had enough and told her about it. She tried to gaslight me for it. Around New Year's she tried to call but I didn't really want to answer, so she left a long text basically blaming me for her shitty behavior and barely apologizing, then saying she was done and didn't want to hear from me anymore.

Fast forward to yesterday and I get a message with a 'how are you?' Part of me wanted to say something snide, and the other part wanted to just leave her on Read. But I decided not to even bother opening it and felt better coming to that decision. I get no proper apology and she was the one who wanted to end it, but now she wants something or misses me and reaches out. Nah. Just not cool with it when women do that.

To be fair, on occasion I will miss her and think about all the good times we had, but honestly since we haven't been friends anymore things have been somewhat more peaceful. And I came to realize how problematic she really was. But what do you guys think? Should I bother saying anything, and if so, what?

Updates

10 mo

Thanks for all your help, guys. In the end I never opened the text, I just decided to delete it without reading. Normally I'm pretty good at handling these situations, but I guess since it was someone I was very close to and things didn't end particularly smoothly, it was somewhat hard for me to figure out how to approach it or NOT approach it. At this point I just don't think there would be any benefit in reconnecting with her.

[blueonblack22]

I know you want to get closure and speak your mind. But in your own words she’s too selfish and egotistical to own up to her bs. Even if she does it won’t be genuine. We both know that’s stereotypical female behavior. We talked about this extensively.

I was in a similar situation with a former female friend a few years ago who ghosted me then tried to reach out two years later on LinkedIn of all place (because she blocked me on FB/IG).

I responded (mistake) and acted pleasant at first because I wanted to see what she was going to say. She proceed to act like nothing was wrong. Her fakeness infuriated me and I messaged back calling out her fakeness and calling her every name in the book. Then I immediately blocked her. Never messaged her since nor do I plan to. Good riddens.

Anyway sure it felt great to vent. But I was still giving her in her own twisted world a sense validation because it was attention. No attention is actually more painful for most women then negative attention. I should just blocked her when she messaged first and that would of given her a taste of her own medicine.

Have the self discipline and leave her on read. The will burn her more than you realize. Men are more used to being ignored, ghosted, left on read, etc. However it throws women for a loop and this is a scenario where she deserves it.

[ManOnFire]

That's what I'm feeling like, yeah. As I think about it more, I really have nothing I even want to say to her. I feel like she's somewhat irrelevant at this point.

"No attention is actually more painful for most women then negative attention." - I keep telling this to other dudes too. It's also the reason why women enjoy telling people about men who are into them that she isn’t into, more than talking about guys who are into her and she likes too. It doesn't matter what kind of attention it is, even if it's negative like you said, a woman likes knowing she's being centered on.

[blueonblack22]

As guys we are used to taking action to get things done. This includes giving attention to work, sports, hobbies, etc. It’s called the “illusion of action”.

I know a part of you wants to ventilate. I know you want her to own up to her bs. But she won’t. At least not genuinely.

The only way men can fight back at modern women is to deny them their life source: attention. It’s depressing that our society has come to this. But it’s the only thing that REALLY gets to women: being ignored. It might force her to do something she rarely does and be intro perspective about her behavior.

[blueonblack22]

Also this would be different if she initially messaged saying “hey I am so sorry. You were right.” but she didn’t do that. Nor does she plan to.

[DaveJord]

Okay here is the thing... there is only one question you have to ask yourself...

What's it worth to you?

I mean was she cool enough back in the day to be around for a day or two for some passionate sex?

Seriously dude, I have been with these types of women... and when this situation comes up, you just know that you will never be able to get back to the long-term relationship thing with them. Like there is no way she has completely changed or grown as a person. But the problem we have with these types, is that despite the fact they are completely bat shit crazy, they are actually a lot of fun and they are usually the best fucks.

Like for initial week or two you and her can get back to having a lot of fun together and that in and of itself is worth something. But you just got to guard against the crazy, and not let yourself get too attracted or attached to her... because you know what's lurking just below the surface of that sex, and attractive appearance.

So are you the type that can flirt with danger and life to tell the tale or are you going to be the one that crashes and burns... but at least you got laid first. Because you know it could be a shit ton of fun, and I yes, I have woman out there in the world right now... that if they contacted me again, I would totally do it for the fun and experience. Because a few weeks of pure pleasure and fun... is totally worth the drama... as long as you can isolate your feelings and stay focused on what you are doing.

So, it you think it's worth it to see if you can get sex and fun... then go for it, text her.

If you are not interested in the sex... then hell no, never respond to that text.

[ManOnFire]

"But the problem we have with these types, is that despite the fact they are completely bat shit crazy, they are actually a lot of fun" - Dude, that is gold right there. So true. She was a lot of fun to be around and we could have great talks, but she has issues that I'm sure are not really resolved.

I feel like she's only reaching out because she wants something or misses me and the good times and wants that back, but doesn't want to invest in seriously repairing a friendship.

[DaveJord]

Then you are stuck on the one question, "whats it worth to you?"

If you got to have it all, friendship, emotional bond, serious investment... then don't do it.

Look man, even my best freinds in the world pisses me off. But we are dudes, so we get pissed, say fuck and few days later we back to chill'en like nothing happened. There is none of this, back forth between me and my best freind, about were or not he is truly invested in me as a freind.

Thats be cause we are dudes, and bask in the greatest of being men, and we are fucking proud of it. So why does this woman have to be invested in you, as long she is willing to fuck and hang out?

If that's not enough for you then... don't do it.

[Anonymous]

I don’t believe that a man and a woman can be friends. I believe that they can be great colleagues or lovely acquaintances. The reason why I hold this belief is because innately men and women are two entirely different species who were designed to be together. So if you throw friendship into that mix they’ll be flirting, crushing on each other, getting attached to each other, and sometimes it ends up becoming a friends with benefits situation.

this is why a lot of people befriend people who have the same gender they do. Doing this makes life easier the friendship that men cultivate can stay entirely platonic and it can even turn into a brotherhood. And it’s the same with us women we can create platonic sisterhood friendships with other women. But once you start trying to do the same with the opposite gender then you might as well just date that person because y’all will catch feelings, you’re gonna start liking each other basically y’all are dating without the title. Because romantic relationships start off as friendships, Some even end up hooking up it’s not advisable it’s a risky!.

[Opinion Owner]

Hence why I say men and women make lovely colleagues or acquaintances not friends or best friends. Unless if your are siblings or family members.

Otherwise, Platonic close friendships on earth only thrive among people with the same gender. So do be careful when befriending the opposite gender you are risking.

[ManOnFire]

So I do somewhat agree with you on the idea of men and women having difficult friendships. Although most of the friendships I've had with women have been good. I think it really is about what you're looking for.

With her, in the very beginning when we met I was into her, but some time later on I met my now-ex and the feelings I had for my friend were completely forgotten. Even after things ended with my ex, the friendship with my female friend still remained a friendship. And unlike most situations people have with the opposite sex, the more time I spent with her the less and less I had any feelings of being attracted.

However, I do believe that SHE started getting attached but pretended that wasn't so. She even asked me one night how come we never dated. Even though she was the one very early on who made it clear she wasn't into me. I think what happened is that over time she started getting into me, and the opposite was happening for me more and more. As a friend she was cool, but wasn't attractive to me for sex or a relationship, even though she is a pretty girl. Her personality is somewhat masculine and she has a tendency to be rude.

[kylee2437]

I just went through something similar with an old guy friend and I think you need to weigh out the pros and cons of being friends with her. Personally I see here that you aren’t too fond of her and clearly if you two were to become friends again, stuff would have to be talked out like mature adults in order to semi get anywhere. Ask yourself if you are capable of that conversation? Ask yourself if you feel like she is? If you feel like it can be worked out, then work it out, if you feel like it can’t, then don’t

[ManOnFire]

Right, that is exactly what I'm feeling. I feel like she just wants to try to sweep everything under the rug and not be responsible for her shittiness and how she ruined our friendship. I'm just not cool with that. Part of me even thought of responding like that, but I get this idea that if I do, she's just going to try to gaslight me some more and say how I'm still holding on to shit, because she doesn't want to make it right.

Yeah, I totally feel like it won't work. Of course I miss her and the good times we and the places we went, but it won't be the same. I am a person who grows and improves with life, she just keeps staying in the same places in her life. Always whining about some guy she slept with, how lonely she feels and constantly asking me how to stop feeling lonely, and even wanting me to do all the driving when we went out. I don't want all that back.

Sorry for the rant lol.

[kylee2437]

@ManOnFire sounds like a super one sided friendship on her part. You probably enjoyed the company but didn’t actually like her overall personality. Most people that I have had in my life but don’t anymore kind of went like that. Don’t settle for shitty people just because you miss the company.

[ManOnFire]

"You probably enjoyed the company but didn’t actually like her overall personality." - I think you're right about, cuz in the weeks leading up to that fight, I even started feeling like I wasn't sure how much I really liked her anymore, thinking about how she was. Yeah, I think you hit on something there.

[LazerBean]

I hate people like that. I and a lot of my other friends befriended one girl who was like that out of pity, but by now all but two of us have disowned her. I would either leave her on read, or let her know that you're no longer interested in any association with people of her character and then ghost.

[LostandFound__x]

she should apologise and take responsibility for her actions. It’s not fair to be rude to your friends like that and then expect them to drop everything when you feel like it.

[ManOnFire]

Right. She only wants something, but not to make things right.

[LostandFound__x]

Everyone makes mistakes. But it takes a certain level of shittiness to do something very disrespectful to a friend. It taken even more shitiness to never own up to it and expect people to be ok with it.

[AviatorTom]

Your second sentence answers your own question "I don't feel like giving her another chance." You've moved on, just ignore her text. Do not respond.

[ManOnFire]

Thanks, Tom.

[RealMarek]

You said yourself that you don’t want to get involved with her again. You can either ignore her or simply say you don’t want to be in contact with her and ask her to respect your wishes. Anything else would be working against what you want.

[BoopBoopBeep]

NOPE. I feel ya brother and there are women from my past that i miss from time to time, then I think about how shite they were in the end and I'm just like "keep rolling"

[RyanK9b]

She doesn't respect you if talks like this. You got her in check and received points.
Don't take her serious she belongs to the streets

[Anonymous]

Quote: but I don't feel like giving her another chance.

I didn't read past this because this seems to be the end of the story.

Should you text?

Yes, it is better that people know where they stand.

[ManOnFire]

That's the hard part. I haven't texted because when everything fell apart I texted her one last time so she knew where I stood, and she never read it. So thinking to give her the same treatment.

[Opinion Owner]

The same treatment?

What the fuck is wrong with you?

[JesseP1nk]

Nope. She is a narcissist that hoover over people.

[Sixgunsound]

If you made the decision that she is an ex Then honor your own intuition and self respect and leave her as an ex.

[Libidononexistenteww]

You need to share w ur girlfriend or it’s wrong and perhaps they’re testing u

[Vegasrunner]

@ManOnFire Is thos the same girl u asked me about last year?

[ManOnFire]

Yep, that's the one.

[Vegasrunner]

@ManOnFire Not to brag but I did tell you that she would reach back out. Also in that situation I usually respond by saying. "Hey was just thinking about you. How are you" However I understand and respect your decision as to why you took the route you chose.

[ManOnFire]

Yeahh... I just can't tolerate a woman who can't show me respect.

[Lalalalmeagain]

Hey, I think you made the right decision by cutting her off. by the way, I wanted to ask your opinion on something, could you message me since I don't enough to do so?