I want the cold hard truth, should I move on from this girl?

[Anonymous]

I've known a girl since late January 2023, I didn't know her in the beginning, she added me on Instagram. I DM'd her few weeks later and responded right away. Lives in the same city, went to the same university. She responded to messages quickly for months, sent me tons of means, sent me video chats of herself, laughs at my jokes, asked me if i would like to go to certain places with her. But in the past month I haven't talked to her at all. She did mention in late June that she needed time to herself and she's dealing with stuff and said don't take it personally.

Her bday passed in early July, wished her a happy bday through text which she responded "thank you". Sent a message a few wks ago saying if she wanted to meet up if she was still interested, she said sure. You might be wondering if we met up yet, the answer is no. I admit I had to cancel plans in June on my end because I had a ton of stuff I had to get done for school (graduated uni) and work. I know people may think, maybe i haven't shown enough interest. I do like her, I even bought two small gifts (not expensive, just sentimental things she likes) that I have been waiting to give her. I do care about her but I'm not sure if she has started to distance or lose interest in me. Essentially should I move on or just be patient and see.

If you're wondering, why I didn't see her in March, April, May -- my father died in early April of this year and his health wasn't good in March so i've been dealing with my own stuff to. It's taken some time for my life to get on track but that doesn't mean I don't want to talk to anyone. I know women and girls think differently so end of the day I don't know where to go with this situation.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry and I wish you all the best.

[Oliverlogan263]

Here are my thoughts based on the details you've shared:

• This girl clearly lost interest in you over the past month. The lack of communication, not following through on plans, and delayed or one-word responses are telltale signs.

• While she gave you a vague excuse about needing time to herself, her actions show a lack of genuine effort or care. If she was still invested, she would make more of an effort to talk or meet up.

• Even though you've been going through a difficult time with your father's health issues, that does not obligate her to remain interested. People's feelings and priorities change.

• The fact that you had to cancel plans on your end in June likely further contributed to her losing interest. People value demonstrated effort, follow-through and consistency.

• Despite having gifts for her, gifts cannot build or sustain a connection on their own. True intimacy and closeness come from shared time, warmth, openness and trust - not material things.

• At this point, given her lack of communication and follow-through, I think you should move on emotionally from the possibility of a relationship with this girl. You deserve someone who chooses you with enthusiasm.

• While I would still offer her the gifts if you do end up meeting in person, do so from a place of genuine care without any expectation of reciprocity. Let her know you value her as a person.

In short, I think this girl has lost interest - but the lesson here is to value your own time, effort and care more highly going forward. Choose patience selectively for those who truly deserve your attention. I'm sorry for your loss - take all the time you need to heal.

[Miss_Pretty]

I agree with Oliverlogan. If she was interested she would make more effort, however, A woman also wants more effort from her man or a guy that's interested in her. We want to be put on a pedestal. We feel nothing should stop a guy from doing that. Personally I feel you should move on. If she reaches out, go from there. If not, u didn't waste time waiting.

[Asker]

I don’t know she did say let me straighten out my life and let’s do something. She works 60 hours a week, she told me her parents don’t work so she’s paying the mortgage. The last thing I wanna do is piss her off. I myself am busy, I’m going to school part time and working full time. Right now I’m only on at this hour because I woke up to check my emails and head back to bed. I finished work at 4:30. Fell asleep by 7pm, woke up at midnight and now heading back to sleep, heck even for me I’m tired. If something progresses great, I haven’t lost total hope but I’m tired of pursuing women. You mentioned on a pedestal, in todays culture guys who do that are seen now as “simps”. I’m an old school traditional guy, people on here don’t know me. The fact that I’m not one of those guys who’s just looking for sex shows that I am not one of those dudes. I think people are quick online to assume if a guy doesn’t meet right away he’s disinterested. That’s what annoys me where if an independent woman is busy — majority of the time society will tell the guy 1) she’s not interested or 2) give her space. Ok but what about me — I go to school, I go to work, I do chores, mentally and physically I feel exhausted at times. I don’t hear women say, maybe he’s dealing with a lot to. I mean I lost my dad 3 months ago. I don’t want to make a big thing out of the question I posted. I didn’t do anything mean to her, I didn’t violate her, I haven’t harassed her on social media, I haven’t called her. When she wanted time to herself I just said cool no worries. Because if I kept pursuing her the answers on here would be — oh dude you’re weird she thinks you’re a creep. I’m at this stage now where I don’t fucking care if I move to Nunavut and live alone. To keep up with all these different emotions and different perspectives it’s draining. After this post, I’m not going to post anything regarding her.

[WhitneySnow]

Just be patient. She’s not totally uninterested, just busy and working on her own thing.