I haven’t always been popular but just recently I’ve started to hang out with the more popular group at school along with my best friend. I’m friends with one of the girls in that group because we have classes together and are close whenever we are separated from the whole group.
I don’t spend time with the girls all together outside of school, but sometimes with that one girl whenever she asks me to go out or tag along with her.
Feeling accepted in their friend group gives me some sort of security, that I’m good enough and that I’m worthy enough to at least be surrounded by them. I know this is like the worst mindset ever, but if you’re in high school you’d probably relate.
What ruins that sense of security is when me and my best friend don’t get invited to anything outside of school with those girls. From hanging out to parties. They talk about parties they’re attending right in from of us and sometimes I don’t even know if I’m invited or not because they don’t straight out say I’m not invited, I just know I’m not.
Like I said, I haven’t always been popular but I just don’t know why. When I bring up maybe hosting sometime they want me to invite them and since they have contacts they can make a party a good one quick, but when they host I’m never included. I haven’t expected to be, really. It’s just now that I’m with them every single day at school, every single recess, why would I be able to party with them?
I don’t spend time with the girls all together outside of school, but sometimes with that one girl whenever she asks me to go out or tag along with her.
Feeling accepted in their friend group gives me some sort of security, that I’m good enough and that I’m worthy enough to at least be surrounded by them. I know this is like the worst mindset ever, but if you’re in high school you’d probably relate.
What ruins that sense of security is when me and my best friend don’t get invited to anything outside of school with those girls. From hanging out to parties. They talk about parties they’re attending right in from of us and sometimes I don’t even know if I’m invited or not because they don’t straight out say I’m not invited, I just know I’m not.
Like I said, I haven’t always been popular but I just don’t know why. When I bring up maybe hosting sometime they want me to invite them and since they have contacts they can make a party a good one quick, but when they host I’m never included. I haven’t expected to be, really. It’s just now that I’m with them every single day at school, every single recess, why would I be able to party with them?
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That really sucks. I can totally relate to wanting that sense of belonging and friendship, especially in high school when everything feels so important.
It's super lame that they talk about parties right in front of you without inviting you. Like come on, have some awareness guys. I know you said you recently started hanging with them more, so maybe they just see you as more of an "at school" friend rather than a "outside of school" friend yet.
Some people can be kinda cliquey and want to keep their social groups separate. Maybe they just don't know you that well outside the school environment. Or they might just see you and your friend as kind of "hangers on" instead of actual friends. Not cool of them!
I'd say try inviting people from that group to do your own thing outside of school sometimes too, so they see you more as peers than just classmates. And don't be afraid to take your social life into your own hands - make your own plans without always waiting for their invites. Easier said than done I know. But trust me, real friends will want you around no matter where. You deserve better than feeling left out. Keep your head up!
Yeah you’re right? Is it wrong to ask to come to the party. I’m already too critical about inviting myself to stuff because It’s just something I don’t like doing but is it weird saying something like, “when’s that party you guys are attending? Could I tag along with you guys because I literally have nothing to do.”
They ask me to tag along at the mall but it’s only when they’re alone. But even when they aren’t alone they still ask me and my friend to join them wherever they are at school which confuses me.
No, it wouldn't hurt to ask if you could come along to the party - I don't think that's too weird or pushy. But I wouldn't go in expecting an invite for sure, since in the past they haven't included you much outside of school.
And if they say no, or make up an excuse why you can't come, don't take it too personally. Easier said than done, I know. But their actions show they may only see you as an "at school" buddy.
Them inviting you to tag along sometimes when they're alone is also kinda strange. Makes it seem like they only wanna hang one-on-one sometimes but not introduce you fully to their whole friend group or invite you to bigger events. Weird dynamic for sure.
If they keep you at arm's length outside of school, I'd just focus my energy on planning your own stuff, finding new friends open to including you. Don't keep trying so hard to force a connection that may not genuinely be there, you know? It'll save you a lot of headaches long run.
You seem like a dope and nice girl - don't settle for friends who don't treat you with the same respect. You got this!
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