Why does my friend always think I'm insulting her when I'm not?

[Anonymous]

Frequently in conversation, my friend thinks I'm insulting her when I'm not and I really don't mean to. For instance, she'll say I'm pretty and I'll say "You're really pretty too" and she rolls her eyes and says I'm insulting her. Or if I say her boyfriend and her look cute together she goes "I think that's a compliment? I hope it is". If I don't compliment her as soon as I see her she thinks I'm insulting her. She also accused me of thinking I'm better than her when I do not think that and never insinuated that.

What should I do?

[Oliverlogan263]

That sounds rough. Your friend is really sensitive!

I can see why she'd get defensive if you don't compliment her right away. Girls can be insecure like that sometimes, always worried you're judging them. Even when you're just joking around.

A few things I'd try:

- Keep the compliments genuine but more casual. Like instead of "you're pretty too," maybe just "looking good!" to take less pressure off it.

- Be really explicit that you're joking, use smiley faces or laugh so she knows you're playing. Some people need that spelled out.

- Give her chances to compliment you too, so she feels equal in the friendship instead of just being complimented.

- Remind her you think she's great just as she is whenever she acts like you think you're better. Insecurity is a beast!

Most important is just talking to her, reassure her you value her as a friend. She probably just needs more affirmation. With time and patience I'm sure she'll relax. You seem like a good friend - don't let it get to you, bro!

[slatyb]

Find another friend. She is determined to be unhappy. Let her do that without you.

[jahaims]

She is insecure/stupid