Ok. I have a question about an ex…. why is this happening?

[Danny_dan92]

Long story short. My previous relationship ended pretty sad. I deployed to be able to afford an engagement and she couldn’t handle me being gone so she left and moved on.


We have talked several times and recently she’s not only been reaching out to me more, but our conversations are much different than when we where together. Maybe because we’re both much older than back then, but we have talk about more “adult” things. Like mortgage, finances, etc. However she does ask me everytime if I’m seeing a new girl and or about my sex life… which I try to avoid because it’s weird why she even asks to begin with.


Here’s the kicker. She had a kid recently and with the guy she’s with. The guy cheats on her constantly even after she took my advice on what to change seriously and became the best version of herself, he still cheats.


I have kind of asked in an indirect way “for whatever reason when he hurts you, you reach out to me each time… I don’t know why. But I make you happy”


(For the record:

No, I would never take her back. Because she has a kid, given she didn’t have one when we where together. It’s just despite everything I wouldn’t wish her situation on anyone and I have some empathy towards her)

[etsylo]

it's okay to feel bad for her given her situation. She has a child with that man she's with that constantly cheats on her.

She has done this to herself. The one that doesn't deserve this treatment is the child. I'm really sorry that despite you aiming for a goal, she was never at your side for it. I know some people really can't wait at all but it just sucks when you loved her then.

Now all you can do is feel bad. She's reaching out to you and you guys talk, but I hope she's not looking for more from you. Not when she left you in the dirt due to being impatient.

[Danny_dan92]

Well I did make it clear one of the more recent times we spoke that when I got back to the US from my deployment that I wanted to take her back, despite everything that happened. But she didn’t like my conditions. So it didn’t happen, then over experiences with other men especially this recent guy with what has happened with him I feel it gave her a revelation about me. But like you said she did this to herself.

I told her I would probably consider taking her back if she didn’t have the kid. Cause when I was with her she didn’t have a kid.

I still care about her, just no where close to how it was before. I just want her to live the rest of her life stress free and without misery.

[etsylo]

i hear you. you still care about her and want her to be okay and that's kind of you. she might need to one up herself for her and her child. this isn't good for either of them.

she'll need to prioritize her child first for the sake of both of their future for now. doesn't mean she can't have any fun herself but it wouldn't be ideal to have a cheater around her kid.

some ex's tend to come back into someone's life, either by themselves or by the other person. im sorry about your situation.

[Danny_dan92]

Yeah exactly, I’ve always harped on her. Cause she used the classic excuse of staying with the dude for her son.

But I told her “don’t you think it will be bad for your son’s ethical development to witness his parents constantly arguing and his dad disrespecting his mom and see his mom essentially be ok with it by staying? Cause that’s how your son will see it. If you truly want to do what’s best for your son you need to walk away from this guy and as a bonus he won’t cheat on you again”

[etsylo]

yeah!! I get where she's coming from, she'd practically be a single mom after she leaves but there's nothing wrong with that. especially if it means saving yourself and keeping your son safe and away from such toxicity.

i guess all in all it's really up to her to make up her mind. she has made up her mind about you when she left, now it's her son who she needs to think on if she wants the best for him.

[Danny_dan92]

Yep, there’s nothing wrong with that. But knowing her, that’s exactly why she got into this mess… she cannot be single. I been single for the majority of my life so I’m personally used to being alone lol been single for 5 years now. And don’t even see myself dating anymore

[etsylo]

i get that. she really cannot be single? yk, i hear people say they just can't be single and i never understood why.

i understand wanting love but i always thought that came naturally instead of whining about not being in a relationship.

[Danny_dan92]

Hell no 😂 that’s why she got into the mess she’s in. She was swamped with school but she had to be dating, seeing someone, and or in a relationship. It’s a must for her. Look what that got her.

[Danny_dan92]

Basically textbook definition of a hopeless romantic. To be fair, I used to be one when I was younger. Difference is I didn’t get any girls pregnant and when it was time to quit, I did.

[etsylo]

GOOD!! I don't even think this might be a hopeless romantic but probably issues 😭. she seems to need a relationship as if it's a basic need to survive. it got her in a rough situation and now she has to make amends with it or change and grow.

glad you knew when to step back and weren't reckless!! saves people a lot of trouble just by being responsible, that's good

[Danny_dan92]

Yeah exactly, when it all fell apart I was devastated and depressed for quite a bit of time. But time heals wounds, and in retrospect I’m glad things happened the way they did. For me personally

[etsylo]

im glad you think so this way. if you one day want a relationship, i hope you'll be able to find someone worth your all.

[Danny_dan92]

If it happens that’s the only way. Cause I don’t want history to repeat itself

[etsylo]

yeah of course, i understand. I just hope that if it does happen then it would be good for it be a relationship full of good things. you seem like a good person with your head on your shoulders so i wish you nothing but the best

[Danny_dan92]

That’s sweet of you to say, thanks. I ideally want everyone to obtain that myself. But the world isn’t perfect, make the best of what you have

[etsylo]

yeah, that's true. nowadays it's hard to even find people worth investing you're all into. im so glad i got a good guy with me whom i love to death. i wish more people were blessed with proper love so the world wouldn't be so hurt or untrusting

[Danny_dan92]

Yeah but technology fucked all that up

[etsylo]

it did 😭 there's small hope though!! me and my boyfriend have been LDR but we're to meet soon. i guess I got lucky honestly, i would have been single if i hadn't met him. people drain me far too much honestly

[Danny_dan92]

I can relate

[etsylo]

fr. okay, I've talked your ear off enough. it was nice discussing this with you. i hope everything works out for you and i hope things get better for her too

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

She failed you when you needed her…

I am glad you are not taking her back.

She failed the test of loyalty and commitment.

There must be more suitable women out there. The ones who would stay loyal regardless of the time and distance.

As for your ex, she reached out because she realized she lost someone who truly loved her.

[Danny_dan92]

Yeah, but like they say everything happens for a reason. I feel bad that she’s in the position she’s in, but that’s the furthest it goes. I think you’re right honestly, cause all things point to that being the case

[BoopBoopBeep]

She sounds like an absolute train wreck of the train that was carrying baggage and dumpster fires. Good job dodging the bullet on that one.

[Danny_dan92]

Yeah, that’s what gave me the closure was the peace in mind knowing she’s kind of unstable

[BoopBoopBeep]

Nah brother, the 1940 Tacoma Narrows Bridge was unstable... this... this a whole different level.

[Dejtikcc]

Emotional support?