I know nowadays, women and girls don't care about a guy's feelings. This is not a rant, this is more the acceptance of, chivalry is dead, improving yourself doesn't matter and love doesn't matter. A girl could have 10 options, she could have 3 options. But girls should not keep guys on the side for attention or for dating purposes. Because the more guys she talks the more she's finding her #1 choice. Which is fine to a certain extent. But if a girl assumes a talking phase can go on for 10 months and there are 5 guys all interested in her, well in reality there are going to be guys who get hurt so she's merely toying with his feelings, she's not looking for anything serious. Ladies, if your ideal man is someone who is 6'4+, 230pnds, makes over $100,000k per year, then why fake it with a guy whos 5ft10 making $65k/yr living in a condo a chance? A lot of girls these days are delusional, have an absurd/unrealistic vision of life.
Apparently, 10-15% of males are over 6ft+ in the U. S. and its narrowed down even further when you talk about his looks, your compatibility with him, his political or religious views, etc. Going forward to any female reading this, don't be friends with guys, don't give guys mixed messages where you flirt with him one day and act cold/distant the next its not fair to him. If you have certain likes in life because you feel you are better then most guys who approach you, then my advice is go on a dating app or in real life and find your ideal mate so you're off the market for good, simple.
What Girls Said
A talking phase that goes on 10 months? I certainly hope you've never put up with this!
I suppose there's no way you can determine if a woman you're chatting with or dating is also chatting up and dating 3 or 10 other guys. Maybe some are honest about it? If you find this out, cut bait.
Don't ALLOW yourself to be hung on a line, hoping and waiting. Move on. You're still young enough to find and date women who take men one or two at a time, at most.
There are also women who care about the men they're involved with and are seeking relationships NOT based on a ridiculous height requirement that barely 2% of American men meet. 6'4" is absurd. 100K? 13% of American men. The same percentage of men taller than 6 feet!
So, these women ARE deluded. Better to do group activities with a variety of people at Meetups, ask friends if they know anyone you might like, since they know YOU.
And DON'T WASTE TIME! Find women who want to meet you after a week or two of chatting. Do a coffee date to look a woman over and get an impression of her that can't be found online without in-person talk. If a date's possible, do it: lunch. Split the check. You're not a bank, and if she isn't gainfully employed, run.
Guys have to set standards and know when to call a halt to an endeavor going nowhere. Good luck.
Yes, I did this for 10 months, that's why im angry, I have slept around, and I dont want female friends in my life because I want to eventually make my wife one day to be my only female friend, my family and a few close guys friends as my social circle. This girl I took out on a coffee date, well we got burgers, paid like $40 for the both of us, gave her a rosey scented candle from a city she loves which was like $40 and she gave me mixed messages of wanting to meet up, wanting to do more. Back in October 6th, 2023, the date goes well, she says she enjoyed it and I made a great impression and she meant that truthfully. Week later she's like i dont mind meeting up again but im busy with work, go talk to other girls, there was kind of an argument and she basically told me 2 days later fuck you and blocked me while i tried apologizing if i offended 2 days before. Mind you this girl i didn't know she followed me on IG first, she gave me her #. It's hard for me to trust girls now. People are telling me she'll reach out to me again and regret how she acted but i just can't bother anymore with dating girls or going out on dates or wanting to be friends with a girl.
The coffee/burger date was with this 10 month talkathon woman? Look, the red flag was "I'm busy with work."
It sounds like she wasn't really impressed for whatever reason, though she said she was.
Don't give someone you've just met on a first date a gift. It's too much if you've just bought her lunch.
And the first actual encounter ended with a disagreement that soured her on you after which she cursed you out and blocked you. This seemed like all kinds of wrong.
If she was really impressed, she would not have suddenly been busy. She would have asked for a second date. What caused this disagreement after you'd spoken to each other online for such an extended period of time?
When someone blocks you, they WILL NOT REACH OUT TO YOU AGAIN. Forget that possibility. And if she did, you should NOT respond to her after her behavior toward you! heavens! Protect yourself.
But for you to swear off women after this one mishap is foolish. And being friends with a woman is a completely different ball of wax than dating someone. It's always good to have women friends to help guide you through the dating morass.
2023 was a tough for year for me --
Late January 2023: got laid off, including a bunch of managers and other colleagues as well
February 2023: My dad's health got worse so he had to go to the hospital, but some girl follows me on IG, don't know her, decided to DM her and she responds back by laughing because I can be funny and quirky to grab someone's attention.
In the months days, weeks, and months ahead we had a good rapport, she gave me her number, sent me memes, we called each other and talked for awhile, she even said would I be open to meeting up and going to the museum or art exhibit with her, I said sure.
Fast forward April 2023: My dad's condition is getting worse, she goes off on a solo trip for religious purposes and I wished her well and be safe on her travels. By April 9th, my dad passes away, around this time I'm finishing university in order to get into grad school to do a Masters, attended my dad's funeral on April 10th, which was my sisters birthday, I didn't have the desire to study but I pushed myself to study to finish this last exam but in reality I should have told the university to give me an easier option with the grief I had to deal with.
I messaged her around late April and told her what happened and when she got home around May she gave her condolences and said if I needed to talk to her she would be there for me. We talked more in May but out of respect for 40 days I didn't do anything because of my father's passing. Then by June I got a new job and I attended my grad ceremony, the week after she wasn't in the mood to talk to people because was dealing with a lot so I told her no worries and gave her space.
Summer goes by around August we start talking a little bit more and she was going on another solo trip to the same country for religious purposes. Im like when are we going to meet last wk of September/early October. She's like yeah early October seems likely so I said ok.
We finally meet up in October, we grabbed burgers, paid for dinner, the convo followed, no awkward moments, I gave her a candle (as mentioned) but it was from the city she visited twice and she's like wow this smells good, thank you for the gift, made her laugh on the date, I didn't hug her, didn't touch her because I wanted to be respectful. We took the train back home and we wished each other a good night and she wished me drive safely heading back home.
Two days later I get the flu, she's asking how I'm doing, I still felt awful. But I asked her if she wanted to meet up for a second date, she was kinda dodging it, and it was annoying even while having the flu. Finally not even a week has passed since our date on October 6th -- my whole thing is this, I've been talking to her and she's showing interest by messaging me, calling me, wanting to meet up, i told her i have a tough time trusting girls, and i dont want to be wasting my time, if there are other guys in the picture to let me know. She says there's no one pulling her in (sparking interest) which included me apparently, she tells me she'd be open to a second date but it wouldn't be til January 2024 because its Q4 season at work. Mind you I work two jobs right now and I was willing to meet up still.
But that kinda broke my heart so a disagreement occurs but she thinks im disrespecting her, i never blamed her, never swore at her, never insulted her, and thats how the night ended on that convo, next night she doesn't wanna talk, night after her and I talk for 4 hrs and it's really her saying this isn't going to work out and she doesn't see a future with me because I wasn't calm. Again, we were texting not talking on the phone or face to face. As a guy, its been 10 months I dont want to waste my time. 4 hours later she's like its getting late lets call it a night. Next day she says I only see you as an acquaintance, she'll keep my # and my follow my IG but thats it. Things got kinda heated because I admitted I liked her and she was more annoyed where it eventually led to her saying fuck you and blocking me.
I told my mom, my sister and some of my guy friends about this about her and they said, she seems immature, she seems stubborn, she doesn't understand, she's acting irrational. I apologized her after that 1st night, I apologized a lot on night 3 for 4 hrs worth... still didn't matter. My mom said she will regret her decision and I believe she will regret how she acted. But she broke my trust, she insulted me, she swore at me when I didn't insult her or swear at her. One girl told me it's not my job to know what triggers her if she doesn't tell me prior. She acts like a God-conscious girl but acts this way like come on man... haven't messaged her, haven't heard from her since. I gave her space when she needed, respected her when not to call, whatever the case may be I tried my best but she's super stubborn, I even cared about her family, her mom/dad, her little sister, her brother because I wanted a good rapport with them to. Some girls dont give a crap and yea, it sucks what happened to me in 2023.
She said she genuinely wanted to meet up with me, she said I was awesome, funny, guy, I asked did you find me creepy or anything she said no, if you did something stupid or bad I would have no issue telling you in a blunt manner but overall you're a proper guy. But girls like this it seems are lost in life. Now granted, her parents dont work, she takes care of all the financial stuff - mortgage, groceries, car payments, buying stuff for family, whatever the case is so I respect her for that. I just think she's going through something very stressful in life.
I don't think she's going through anything stressful. How old is this woman? She doesn't act mature or pleasant when annoyed. And she said, point blank: I see you as an "acquaintance." THEN you tell her you like her, not accepting her "friend zoning." So, she gets mad and cuts you off. Seems she's supporting her family entirely on her own and she has some religious obligation that regularly takes her out of the country, correct? Her plate is full. And she doesn't see you as a boyfriend for whatever reason.
There's no need to pursue it or consider it further. You ve spent too much time on this person. The simple fact that she said in October that she wouldn't be able to go out with you again until January was a giant red flag. Why keep you at arm's length? Because she wasn't interested. She's more interested in what she's doing now and she wants something else in a boyfriend than you.
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T's hard to realize this, but she was clear in her actions and in what she said to you. No one puts off "dating" someone for three months! She's busy with other things in her life: supporting her family, her religious mission, etc. She doesn't have time for you, except as someone she sees when it SUITS HER. . It's NOT ABOUT YOU. You befriend her on her terms or you get the "FUCK YOU!" you got.
I think you were so hurt because you're still grieving the loss of your father. See a grief therapist and work through these feelings. Use antidepressants if you need them. I needed them after my dad died and he'd been around for 55 years of my life. And I talked it through with a therapist too, then went on a surfing vacation.
Do good for yourself. It's not about "women." It's about THAT woman and your timing in pursuing her.
Next time chat someone up for weeks, not months. If it's not a mutual attraction after you meet, or you get red flags during simple conversation, move on.
This was a bad experience combined with another bad experience, your dad's death. Work on getting over them both. You'll come out better on the other side. Good luck.
She reacted that way by saying acquaintance and no future after that pointless disagreement before that happened she didn’t say that. I think she’s just emotional and I do think she will regret it. She was being irrational, rude and stubborn. She told me I’m an awesome guy but younger women today have these stupid absurd expectations with men and guys with this grass is greener mindset. I’m tired of women how much rejections do I have to endure. I admit I’m angry and broken. I’m in my 30s, 15-20 years of letdowns, rejections, hate, I just can’t deal with it anymore. I’ve tried to be the nice, romantic, funny guy, it doesn’t matter if a guy gives a girl space and everything she wants she’s still u grateful. People are telling me she’ll reach out one day to me but even if she does I’ll be indifferent because she broke my trust.
I should note, i am not some push over guy whos unemployed and has nothing going for him. I cook, I clean, I want to help others and make people laugh and ask them how they are doing. I graduated with a B. A/Honours in politics/economics, doing a certificate, will do my Masters later, got into law schools in England. I was a gentleman to this girl. On God's name I didn't do anything to turn her off. After explaining this story to friends they realized she's a loose cannon, she's emotional and immature. She claims to be religious but she talks to a guy, me, for 10 months when in religion it mentions that she follows don't talk to guys or men for fun and games and if you do, be serious about potential marriage and talk to your parents about it. Again, you have to remember, I didn't pursue her, she pursued me by adding me on Instagram. I think she's used to a toxic way of life with men/guys. It's not my responsibility to be her psychiatrist. She will regret what she did but I don't want to wait around for her. If anything she disrespected me more. I am not some ugly fat guy. I think im handsome, educated, patient, willing to compromise, working two jobs, active in the community, stays in shape by exercising and playing sports, have good family values for how to be a good husband and father, etc. Women like that act bitchy but raise their value thinking they are incredible and can act however they please, and that's not healthy.
im not depressed or need to seek professional help. I want to travel and do my own thing, I just take young women today for what they are -- rude, inconsiderate, unfaithful and I just gave up hope on them because they feel im not good enough when in reality they aren't good enough for me.
I made no assumptions about you being "less than " in any way. I suggest grief counseling over your dad's death because of how MY dad's death affected me and I never acknowledged it and felt low and dragging for so long. Denial is a powerful thing.
You're making excuses for her, too. Women OFTEN say nice things about men they aren't romantically interested in. And they also OFTEN contact men online for entertainment. If this woman is in her mid or early 20s, this behavior is fairly ordinary. Very young women try on a lot of hats. You were one of them. And her religious / religion values appeared to get in her/your way too.
People who cut themselves off from you are not going to regret what they did. Cutting yourself off means you want to stop interacting with that person. And how would you know how she was with any other men since you don't know anything about who she dated or how she acted with them? You may have heard her version, but you can't possibly know theirs.
You might want to consider dating women closer to your age. Very young women can be minefields. It has nothing to do with HER contacting YOU. If anything, that might want to make you MORE wary.
I didn't say you were depressed. But burning off that anger by talking about it with a pro is a good choice. A parent you loved who dies usually leads to some level of sadness and/or depression. I think that's natural and not a flaw.
The fact that you want to lump all young women today into rude, inconsiderate and unfaithful is unhealthy on your part and worries me. Going on a trip or vacation just relocates you and your anger. It doesn't work through it. WIsh you'd consider what I'm saying. Good luck, though.
Because I’ve heard many times that if someone had something good in their life and it’s gone they do regret it. Her and I are the same religion, the same ethnicity. If God intends for her and I to be together then I have to trust God’s plan. Again, I’m not waiting for her. But regret for women and girls happens when she rejects a bunch of great guys but she thinks acting immature and flirtatious is always going to keep rolling. Eventually we all get older and people stop caring and I’ve seen a lot of videos of women in their 30s and 40s admitting when they were in their 20s they were stubborn and hard headed. All these factors come into play.
Which is a good reason to avoid younger women who act the way she did. I didn't act that way with men because I wasn't raised to act that way. Dunno, but there seems to be some slippage with young women thinking they deserve to be fawned over and wined and dined. This is why I said, stick with women around 30. They've usually come to their senses.
Yeah I agree, what’s meant to be will be. I gotta work 2 jobs and go to school starting in January, brand new year, I gotta have a new mindset.