What Should I Do For This Situation?

[Anonymous]

I met a girl, we helped each other and I made her quit from wrong relationship with strongly effective technique, I feel love for her, she let me explain it with flirty talking and after asking about the reason behind quickness she said she sees me as a friend and I ended communication.

But after that, she became so stressed and I realized that she got confused and she gave a reaction to my happy situation and asks hilariously unrealistic question on website and she answered my happy post with unsatisfied answer (hidden user). So I decided to talk with her again and she reacted closer than ever but she still play flirty games and even she seems to be afraid for losing me and gives/talks/informs me about everything she does in that day, she calls me buddy and trying to make me jaelous. I don't understand this situation, might it be the reason behind this is insecurity of her?

Updates

2 mo

I am about to quit from that relationship if she will be doing this again because it is so distractive

[StarWarGirl]

You are her comfort zone, so she simply like playing around with you as she is free and feel safe around you. If you would stay there you may gain nothing but you just would be end up being as an option and even your freedom maybe restrain somewhat.

You love her, it's fine. But she has clarified to you that she doesn't see you like that. So now you should accept it and move on. After this no matter how she react to anything of your reaction you are not responsible. Everyone has to deal with their lives, their weakness their own. If she can't accept it it's her problem not yours. You are not bound to what she feels, she gets disturbed or whatever. No body can be responsible for other weaknesses. Handling others person is really very much energy consuming so this right is reserved for only one person with whom we see our whole life together not to anyone else no friends not even our children.

You are a good human being so you are thinking about her that how she is reacting to your actions. She gets disturbed or whatever. But clearly it's not your headache. You can't be forever handling her she needs to handle herself.

Before anyone start thinking about yourself this is what I would suggest you.

[Asker]

Thats correct and I realized that this can be a problem in my life so I decided to limit my interaction with her so clearly. I thought she is a good person but I must think myself too and I must stop this relationship. If she wants me she should make a clear move like I did to her.

[StarWarGirl]

Yes definitely

[IslaTheWitch]

From my perspective, she is probably interested but unsure. And she seeks your attention. Did you think about talking to her openly? Describe what you see (prepare examples of her specific behaviors) and ask her what is happening and what she is looking for.

She probably would be more informative than any of us on this forum.

[Asker]

I love her but she must know that I am not available as a friend for her and this is very stressful issue for me to giving my attention continiously when she makes it mysterious.

[Asker]

I have social anxiety and I have very high processing capability of information which makes me stressed and she already knows that I have one. I should do this to protect my peace because she is too unsure and she even told me about all of the her previous relationships and one of them has been resulted as betrayed for her... But I tried enough to catch her up and this game is not I am looking for. If she wants me, she must be clear and direct for our relationship I can't let her do this ridicilious games

[IslaTheWitch]

Listen, what she knows and how she feels are two different things. Talk with her openly and ask her all your questions, but talk about yourself, your emotions, and your needs, and don't attack her.

[Asker]

I have doubts about whether or not she is toying my feelings and this situation is dangerous. If I ask her directly, there is huge amount of possibility that will most likely to lead my stress go up and I told her this situation

[Asker]

I am not attacking her feelings but isn't she supposed to be respectful for my feelings? I give her clear picture but she is continiously claiming "buddy" and securing herself in the friend zone while flirting. For someone who has perfectionism and and seeker of the truths based on social anxiety, this is too stressful even if I am about to be cured.

[Asker]

Even if she is not toying my feelings, she must be declaritive about our relationship

[IslaTheWitch]

ehhh... do as you please. Why do you even ask questions if you have your opinion and don't even read what others write?

[Asker]

I read and I discuss these but the answer in this question which aims to mark the good point that is about the responsibility for ourselves. I can't risk my psychology for trying to impress her even when I opened my feelings already and I am trying to help her at the same time right? She seems to be happy with me and I am happy with her when she is clear.

[Asker]

I am really confused and I limit my interactions with her to let her understand something wrong about her decisions

[IslaTheWitch]

you can't expect her to guess why you do things if you didn't explain it to her, but it's your life and your relationship.

[Asker]

The puzzle is completed. I didn't ask her but with carefully looking our platform, I could've catch enough information:

1) When we firstly stopped communication, she asked a hidden question that contains I am ideal partner in her mind but she couldn't have any feelings for me but also missing me

2) She posted fake question in order to make me jaelous and when we started talking again, she is much more flirty and informative for me
3) She afraids of stopping our relationship again because she feels safe and happy with me
4) She posted a question (hidden but I caught) about whether or not her boyfriend would return to her because it ended up with anger and tough unstability. Moreover, she told me that some foreign number called her but she didn't open to focus her work.

So what is the outcome? I used a some kind of thinking technique to make her understand that her relationship is deeply unstable when we were friends.

[Iron_Man]

Are you sure you did the right thing by telling her to give up her last relationship now you’re quitting on her

[Asker]

I tried everything and I didn't give this advice as a lover, I gived this advice as friend when I had no crush on her

[Asker]

I have a life too and I can't try to balance her feelings with sacrificing mine she must be clear and there are too many very strong reasons to trust me if she really wants to.

[californianjoe]

Nevermind