I still have feelings for a deeply closeted man who dumped me and I can’t get over him? Can someone tell me why?

[Anonymous]

I believe there’s a lot of clues that tells me that he’s deeply in the closet but I can’t help but have feelings for him still…

maybe it was the rejection, maybe my self esteem is low but all I want to do is talk to him but he discarded me and it hurts..

I don’t believe we stopped talking bc I “believe “ he’s closeted… maybe he feels he can do better I don't know

but I just can’t seem to get over him

[Anonymous]

It's a painful feeling. I understand. Everyone says give up, leave him alone, move on, don't force him, etc. But don't listen to them. I may suggest you being desperate. There's nothing wrong with you showing him how much he means to you. Your rejection feels painful to you and keeping all feelings to yourself and not explaining him would make situations worse. I don't tell you to force him. But explain your feelings to him. Have the uncomfortable conversation with him and let yourself express your pain, feelings to him without expecting love for him. You're doing this for making him understand you and give him a chance to rethink if you could be a right match for him. Rejection often happens due to many reasons. Few of the reasons are he doesn't think you love him truly. Other reasons might be helpful may feel that you might cheat on him later or because he is insecure that you might leave him after he gets attached to you. Give him reassurance that you are the girl who doesn't cheat or someone he can trust with all his heart. Tell him why you are unique than any other girl and what he could benefit by being your boyfriend. Explaining him all this could help him understand and rethink if you are the right one for him. If he still doesn't seem to accept you, understand that he isn't worth your love and understand that you kept all your efforts and don't feel guilty moving on angry hit up next best man as soon as possible to let him know what he lost and never cheat on the next best man if the relationship happens with him after all trials with your first man. First put all efforts for working with first man and only choose the second option if first option doesn't work so you don't break your heart and keep a great backup man

[Anonymous]

sorry but you are the one who said no to him so why should he reach back to you? This is nonsense completely! He already expressed his feelings what do you want more are u dump? If he has said to you NO then it's NO.

Black or white. accept the denial and move on come on!

[Summeroflove]

If you had sex with him you created a soul tie to him. Someone can be a axe murder and if you had relations with them, you’re going to feel some sort of a attachment to them whether people admit it or not. I think you need to pray and repent of it. Especially if you feel ashamed for the way you feel. It means you aren’t totally gone. It means you made a bad choice whether you were meaning to or not having sex outside of marriage.

Maybe you just didn’t understand or know better. But now you see the consequences of doing it. If you pray and repent it’s very possible that God will bring a better man into your life whose not closeted and won’t hurt you like he did. But at the very least if you can get that tie broken and move on that’s the best thing for you at this point.

[Asker]

We never slept together….

[678987]

exactly so If nothing happened between you and never dated alone it's all in your head

[Asker]

Calm your nuts. I’m salty about it because of how it went down

[Summeroflove]

Okay, well. I think he was someone that you cared about and maybe even loved. To be dumped. It’s normal to feel hurt by this. I think you’re just a good person who needs to allow yourself to grieve.

It’s hard to see the truth about some people unfortunately especially if they seem like a good person.

I don’t know the whole story on how things went down. Maybe he’s not bad and maybe you’re not bad. Maybe it’s just not meant to be. Ifs better for someone to be honest (respectfully) then string someone along.

[Summeroflove]

There is romantic love that’s different then sex 678987. I think a romantic bond is a strong connection. Breaking up isn’t something that’s always easy

[Summeroflove]

Yes asker. Depending on how it went down. If he was shitty about it. Frankly he did you a favor. He shown his true colors and be glad he isn’t with you anymore.

But like I said. Some people just aren’t meant to be together. It doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you or with him. Some people are just looking for different things.

Like if someone is wanting to stay home with the kids and someone else isn’t wanting that type of relationship.

[678987]

You're absolutely right. Just because there wasn't a kiss or a formal date doesn't mean there wasn't a real connection. There's a whole spectrum of love, and romantic love is definitely about more than just physical intimacy. Aromantic bond is about a strong emotional connection, understanding each other, and wanting to build something special together.

It sounds like maybe he didn't clarify his intentions, which can be confusing?

Perhaps he has preferences about where he wants to live that didn't align with yours, or maybe there were other factors at play? But this need introspection from both parts. It's tough when these things aren't clear from the start and when there is NO open communication.

Owner of the question: did you ask him about what he wanted as an outcome of this "relationship"?

[Summeroflove]

A romantic connection. Such as kissing or a formal date is a romantic relationship. Maybe some people just aren’t ready to jump into bed all of the sudden.

But maybe that’s the case. I really don’t know since the asker didn’t provide those details

[Asker]

I told him in the beginning that I only wanted to be a placeholder and that I wasn’t looking for sex or a relationship. I was protecting my emotional wellbeing at all cost.

He asked me what’s the safest way to interact with me

But I ended up changing my mind because I liked him and he told me that I shouldn’t punish everyone and he understands if I’ve dealt with certain people.

In his closure he said he didn’t want to invest his time if we weren’t going to eventually be intimate. He said he didn’t want to go back and forth bc I misunderstand what he says and he has other priorities

[Summeroflove]

Then it’s just what it is. You shot him down and he lost interest. I just think you should allow yourself to grieve this and move on.

If he means intimate as in sex… If that’s all he’s wanting then he kind of did you a favor. If he meant something else like more of a romantic connection. Then he want someone who wants to be with him. Not a placeholder

[Summeroflove]

I mean if he is looking for a relationship and he isn’t. Even if you came back around and changed your mind. Some people simply move on. It doesn’t make them bad. I’m sure you have lost interest in someone for some reason or another.

[678987]

why would you ask him to be his placeholder? Of course he got out of this situation. Why would invest time in someone who doesn't take any position? He feels super bad about this.

Just let him alone and move on or explain the things. and be honest with him

[Summeroflove]

Yeah that’s my thoughts

[Asker]

That isn’t at all how the situation went down but it’s too long to go over

In the end he said he wasn’t ready for a relationship on the date then later on he says he doesn’t want to invest time if we aren’t going to eventually have sex..

On the date he wanted to know when I was last intimate and he told me I should listen to my body bc I kept asking if all he wanted was sex

[Summeroflove]

I understand what you mean. Well then it’s just for the best I feel like. I mean I think most people want to have sex after marriage. But if that’s all he’s wanting them he doesn’t really want a real relationship.

Maybe he thinks all a relationship is, is sex. Maybe it’s more nefarious that he sees you as a person to conquer and a challenge and instead of finding someone whose just interested in sex, he wastes someone’s time who doesn’t just want that. Or maybe he just meant after marriage, though I doubt it.

[Summeroflove]

Yeah it seems interesting. I feel like you should stick to your morals. If you’re wanting to wait until marriage don’t let people gaslight you into having sex before.

I know people make dumb reasons like “oh try it before you buy it” whatever. I feel like if when someone gets married and they are deeply in love with one another genuinely, then they should be able to love one another after marriage.

It’s not to say people can’t talk about certain subjects before marriage. Things like boundaries and other intimate things.

[coachTanthony]

We want what we can't have in life. Why would you want someone who discarded you so easily? We can't be everyone's cup of tea and to think so is just arrogant. Think about it.

[Asker]

Because I don’t understand why I am so easy to discard

[coachTanthony]

Why do you believe EVERYONE on the planet should give you a chance as if you are compatible with everyone? Haven’t you just looked at someone and said nah not my type and didn’t give them a second look?

[Asker]

lol it’s not like that tho…. It’s hurtful when you’ve actually invested time into someone and they do that to you. It hurts when someone made you feel safe enough to open up and make it seem like he wanted to help you heal …just ugh

[coachTanthony]

Well there is no context at all here so nobody here knows about any of that all we can do is comment on the information given.

[supercutebutt]

Sometimes a lady will accuse a gentleman of being closeted but the reason the dude isn't into her is because he caught a whiff of her unfortunately stinky private area :(

[Asker]

lol 😂

That’s not the case

[Whitey_Johnson]

Preach, sister. The candidiasis is real.

[JacobJordan]

So you assume that what because he didn't want you he must be gay and in denial? Not every guy wants every girl that is in front of him that doesn't make him gay

[Asker]

No I have proof

[JacobJordan]

Proof or assumptions based on what society equates as being "gay" ?

[Asker]

Old tweets about gay jokes
Following a trans woman’s porn page… her penis still attached and bouncing

He uses he/ him pronouns which is sus bc we know who you are

His dating profile doesn’t add what he’s interested he left it blank

[JacobJordan]

None of those are signs he is gay. He does however sound like an idiot for participating in the "my pronouns are" delusion

[Asker]

Well bisexual

He’s something

[JacobJordan]

Is he or are you just placing that on him to make yourself feel better?

[Asker]

Nooo I don’t want it to be true!!

[Asker]

I did state that the reason we stopped talking has nothing to do with his “sexuality “

[JacobJordan]

I am not saying it did I am essentially asking if he turned you down and as a result you are trying to cope that he is closeted gay. I am not judging you if you are. It is actually very normal for the brain to try and rationalize why we were rejected in a way that doesn't hurt our feelings

[Asker]

Oh no, he doesn’t think I know

But he said he didn’t want to invest his time if we weren’t going to eventually be intimate. He said he didn’t want to go back and forth with me because I misunderstand what he says and he has other priorities lol ouch

[JacobJordan]

So when it comes to intimacy was he about it and you were against it? Or vica versa?

[Asker]

I wanted to wait until marriage but I was just saying that because I felt like that’s just what he wanted even though he said it’s not

[JacobJordan]

So you wanted to wait he didn't. Sounds pretty clear that he isn't gay and just wants what he wants. You could always change your answer if you don't actually want that of course.

[Asker]

That doesn’t mean anything… plenty down low men are married with kids lol

[JacobJordan]

Sure it does. He could be one of the guys that sees how absolutely hosed men get in divorce court and wouldn't be committing to a girl for marriage in a short time frame could be multiple years if at all. That very much changes things

[Asker]

Yeah possibly that too.. he’s 37 tho…

But he dogged me so it’s whatever. He deserves a trans woman. That will probably be perfect for him

No straight men would even look at a chick with a dick.

[JacobJordan]

Or he just wasn't wanting to wait potentially years for sex with a woman who has a 70% chance of divorcing him and stealing half his shit. I mean honestly dear your reaction to being rejected is proving that he dodged a bullet. Initially it would have made sense that you were cope applying things to him but you are firm that you aren't meaning you are just being defamatory. While yes most straight men wouldn't look at a man with tits some will. People are weird

[Anonymous]

Well if he is in fact a closeted gay person, then there you have it! No need to take it personal! I can see why you would still feel rejected though. One reason could be that you miss having him being part of your life.

[LadyKitty]

If he is closeted then you need to move on and stop dream what could be etc.

[KittygosMeoWW]

Lmao bruh you sound delusional as I did when I was trying to work things out with an abusive closeted man…. Find someone else.

[Asker]

And I will. Just expressing feelings

[KittygosMeoWW]

He’s my bd so just be careful, don’t fuck raw too risky Sti wise.

[Asker]

We never had sex… he kind of rejected me bc I didn’t want to.. we only went on one date… but we talked for a few weeks

[WhitneySnow]

Maybe you guys can be friends. Try reaching out to him.

[DreamLife7]

Your self esteem and self worth is low, you're weak and desperate. You're not mentally stable nor attractive enough to meet anyone.

[Asker]

And you’re a miserable, emotionally abusive person.. who probably doesn’t even have a man herself.

[DreamLife7]

You asked a question I answered. You were dumped yet you're sitting here crying about a dude that doesn't give a fuck about u. Are u retarded?

[DreamLife7]

Something is wrong with you

[Asker]

Alright you’re absolutely right. I’m retarded as fuck for that shit.

[DreamLife7]

I can never like someone who mistreated me. Like are u ok? Thats weird

[Asker]

That’s true.. I need higher self esteem fr

It’s just something about him

[DreamLife7]

Something about him? Dude doesn't like you, doesn't think you're good enough, doesn't think you're pretty yet u still like him? 😆 you're a sad individual

[Asker]

How do you even know what he’s thinking?

[DreamLife7]

You can't be serious lol I see why he dumped you. You're a weak desperate gal

[Asker]

I’m not weak and desperate. He made me believe something that wasn’t true. I set my expectations too high and I admit that.

He made me feel like he wanted to love me.

I don’t think I was ugly to him..

[nawtee_me]

Sounds like there hasn’t been any closer and that is why you haven’t moved on past it. Questions with no answers….

[msc545]

The best cure for this is another man who will treat you decently.

[Pterodon]

Closeted? How?

[Asker]

I won’t go into details but I truly believe he is..

[Pterodon]

As in a closet queen?

[Asker]

like possibly gay

[Pterodon]

Yeah and you think you can flip him straight?

[Asker]

No and I never said I was trying to. I just stated I have feelings

[Pterodon]

It probably won’t ever work if he is indeed gay

[Gabriel-Chicanito]

Meet someone "new".

[Anonymous]

😆😆😆