Am I being slow faded after the 3rd date?

[Anonymous]

Known this girl for around 2 months, but have only been dating for a month. After the first date we confessed our feelings for each other, so we’ve had some obvious interest in each other for a while. Should mention she is a coworker and I currently work with her (although we don’t see each other often at work).

Our 3rd date was where we finally crossed the threshold into intimacy, and we held hands and the date ended with a hug. Afterwards I messaged her to tell her I had a good time, and she replied back very enthusiastically thanking me for the date and telling me she had the best time ever.

However, I noticed after this date a drop off in communication despite it being the most romantic.

We text on 3 different apps, on iMessage she hasn’t messaged me for 2 days, on TikTok she hasn’t messaged me for a day, and on Instagram she will take hours to respond too although it’s the most active. I know how it works for her is that she doesn’t open messages until she knows EXACTLY how she wants to respond so that it doesn’t look like she’s left anyone on seen, but still.

She was showing clear interest all the way up to the 3rd date, including physical compliments like calling me cute and sweet etc but now it’s like she’s just trying to let me go in a non-confrontational way.

She used to also message me after taking a long time to respond with an excuse to reassure me that she wasn’t ghosting me, but I told her it’s not necessary for her to do that as I’m confident enough with her where I know she wouldn’t do that, and she agreed.

It just seems like a really odd drop off, should I actually be concerned since it’s only been 3 days and she was showing obvious interest less than a week ago? Should I call her out?

[Oliverlogan263]

Hmm that does seem kind of weird man. Normally I wouldn't worry too much after just 3 dates, but since you guys already knew each other a while it is odd she got so much less responsive so quick. A few things that come to mind:

- She might be backing off some because you work together. Maybe she's worried things could get awkward if it doesn't work out romantically. Covering her bases, you know?

- Possibly overthought things after you guys hooked up. Sometimes girls wanna take it slow getting physical so they don't seem too eager. Maybe she's doubting how fast y'all moved.

- Could be she met somebody else she's more feeling. Sucks but it is what it is if she's losing interest already.

I'd say play it cool for now. Don't confront her or come on too strong. Just hit her up normally like you would, see how she responds. Look for signs if she's still into you or pulling away. Give it another week or two. If she's still being distant then you might need to have a talk, see where her head's at. But three dates in I wouldn't freak out yet. Just be chill and see what's up. Maybe it's nothing, you never know. Hope things work out man!

[Asker]

Thanks.

I messaged her this morning asking her when she wants to meet up again and she replied in a bit over an hour to say she should be able to next week.

Yeah, the thing I’m worried about is that she may be afraid of hurting my feelings by out right saying she isn’t interested anymore because we still work together, but still it seems odd for her to agree to another date? Is this something women do even if they’re not feeling it?

Also, we didn’t hook up. We just established more romantic contact than previous dates. I’m planning on taking it to the next level on our next one. She’s also said she prefers taking things slow, which is why I waited a couple dates to make a move.

[Asker]

I also want to mention that we still do message every day, it’s not like we’re going days without talking at all. She’s just been a bit drier recently and suddenly.

[Oliverlogan263]

Okay gotcha man, thanks for providing the additional context. A few more thoughts based on what you said:

- The fact that she agreed to another date is definitely a good sign. If she was totally turned off, she probably would've made up an excuse not to meet up again rather than commit to next week.

- It's possible she does feel some pressure since you work together - maybe she's worried about messing things up or making things awkward. So going slow and feeling things out may be her way of managing that.

- Daily messaging is also positive - it shows interest in at least maintaining communication even if her responses have been drier.

- Just because you didn't hook up doesn't necessarily mean she's losing steam either. Some girls do want to wait longer before getting physical, so don't read into that too much.

- I'd say keep playing it cool for now and see how the next date goes. Don't put pressure on hooking up since she said she likes taking it slow. Have a casual fun time and see if her energy level comes back up.

- If after date 4 she seems less enthusiastic again, then you may want to have a honest talk with her about what she's looking for and whether she's feeling it with you. At least you'll have clarity and can decide what to do from there.

Hope this gives you some optimism man - try not to overthink it until you have a reason to. I'm sure things will work out as long as you keep relaxed and let her do her thing at her own pace. Good luck!