Should I ask the girl I’ve been 3 dates with why she’s been acting more distant recently?

[Anonymous]

I know this girl from work, and started going on dates a month and a half ago. After the first date I confessed my feelings for her and she said she felt the same. Before the third date she would show interest through obvious flirting and compliments, but after the 3rd I’ve noticed a steep decline in communication.

We both are taking things slow, and I only established proper romantic contact on the third date. In my opinion, it went really well and it was really intimate. We just held hands and made each other laugh for ages. She texted me afterward and told me she had a great time. I asked her a couple days ago when she’d be available for the next date, and she said that she can’t this week, but “should be good for a few days next week.”

We used to essentially text all day. Maybe a few hours between, but would regularly text late into the night. She used to text me “you better still be awake” just so we could talk to each other. It was really cute and I felt the same about her completely. I still do, which is why I’m concerned.

We’ve been texting much less after the 3rd date. She will message me quickly sometimes, then randomly dip out of the conversation for several hours even if I responded a minute later. I can read the signs. I know that her patterns have changed for the negative. I’m just worried she’s feeding me breadcrumbs and too nervous to tell me she’s no longer interested since we still work together.

I’m considering messaging her, telling her that I’ve noticed that she’s been distant over the past week and whether or not she still sees me the same way I see her. I’m happy to just be friends, but I would of course love to be in a relationship too.

Do you people think this comes off as too clingy? I just want to know if I should keep wasting my time with her :/

[Oliverlogan263]

Man, that's a tough situation. On one hand, I'd hate to keep wasting your time if she's not really feeling it anymore. But confronting her directly could also come off as needy or push her away further.

A few things to consider:

- Give it a bit more time to see if she starts coming around again on her own first. Maybe she's just extra busy lately.

- Drop some subtle hints that you've noticed a change in her behavior without outright accusing her. Like "Feels like we've both been so swamped lately, huh?" See how she responds.

- Suggest doing something low-key and fun, like getting ice cream after work one day. Make it clear the pressure's off so she feels comfortable opening up.

- If things are still off after that, you could bring it up gently like "Hey, hope everything's okay with us. Let me know if you ever want to talk about anything."

- Try not to overanalyze too much in the meantime. Easier said than done, I know! But don't wanna come off desperate.

Give her some space to come to you if she wants. Have faith it'll work itself out man. Just stay cool and see what happens - better than confronting and potentially blowing it, you know? You got this bro.

[strateguy632]

don't! it is not something to put in words, just try to be more interesting. surprise topics.