Why do I feel better when away from my girlfriend?

[es20490446e]

When I see my girlfriend I feel love and attraction. But I also feel anxious. Like very anxious.

When I do things I enjoy by myself, or with most other people, they feel more fulfilling. As my girlfriend usually judges them as teen stuff, and she doesn't really seem to enjoy most of them. She's just there passing time.

This doesn't seem with specific things, but most things. She seems to like activities where you are passive, rather than active. And social rather than creative.

Paradoxically she also seems to dislike engaging with most people, where I like to exchange with persons of all kinds. She likes to live more isolated, and I like to find my neighbors and talk with them.

She loses most friendships where I have very long term friendships. She says I only have friends because there are friends from school.

The bad part about this is that my girlfriend usually want to drive me away from the things that I like and enjoy most. Even from my work, she finds it unappealing where I'm highly passionate about it. It looks rather a lack of an appeal for everything that is not just buying stuff, dining out, and cleaning the house.

So it has reached a point that being away from her makes me feel good, and being with her makes me feel like I'm selling my life cheap. That I should completely change myself to be as this woman wanted, and that is exactly the opposite of what I enjoy.

Match or not match?

This is normal stuff that shall be worked out

This is a clear sign of incompatibility

[hahahmm]

The fact you don't like being around her is a BAD sign. But you should make sure this isn't just because YOU have put her in the position of being some kind of top level authority figure and you feel bad simply because you're not doing what she wants. I wonder if part of you is used to simping for women and now you are trying to get out of that mode. The exact same woman will act very differently depending on how you act.

See my Mytake On Needing Women & Love in the Modern Age and also Equality in a Relationships & Leadership --

[hahahmm]

So for your poll, I would pick "it depends" if you had that option

[hahahmm]

But since you aren't married.. I'm not saying you have to stay in this situation either. You should make sure you don't have an issue that is going to affect you in your next relationship, if nothing else.

[es20490446e]

Thanks for your points 🙏

What I have learned is that a man shall never dance to a woman's tango, but he shall stay true to himself, and let the woman in as long as this is still compatible.

Because, instinctively, the woman searches in the man a point of reference. Now if that point of reference is moving, according to her mood swims, the woman never feels secure.

And actually, when you see it this way, it's the easiest position to be in. The position of doing nothing. You only need to be you, and let the woman figure out how to attract and complement you.

[NathanDavis]

there's a few problems with this...

first, she doesn't support your passion...

second, she doesn't even care to understand your passion (and line of work, I assume)

third... she's trying to kill your passion by keeping you away from it

you already know this on every level of your being, your mind, your heart... and now is your body telling you "don't ignore it"

so, don't ignore it... see it for what it is... you two are no match at all and this will only get worse before any possibility of getting any better even happens

[es20490446e]

Thanks. I will keep a close look at this.

[NathanDavis]

best of luck with it

[Damaged00]

Love is blind. It will allow you to put up with a lot of things you normally wouldn't. But your body's reaction however is not blind to love and if you're feeling very anxious around her and happy when you're not around her then there is a reason why. Listen to your body. Don't let this love change you into someone you're not. You'll end up hating yourself when this relationship ends.

[es20490446e]

Good point. I have decided to stay true to me, without exception, and see if she feels comfortable with that.

[Damaged00]

That's a good strategy. If she doesn't like the true you then you know she's not the one for you. Know your worth and don't waste your time and energy on something or someone. Good luck hun!

[Alli112]

Dude you clearly can already see for yourself that your incompatibilities are making you uncomfortable and possibly insecure. Like, I'd say have a good conversation with her, but I suspect one or both of you would have to change pretty radically for you to feel more comfortable, and that's not worth trying to achieve. Politely end it and move on.

[es20490446e]

Thanks. I have decided to decide to spend my attention and time essentially as I normally do, and see if in a small period of time it evolves to something we can share or not.

[lightbulb27]

sub conscious mind raising flag. opposites attracted and you get to figure out if you are willing to make the changes to make it work.

[es20490446e]

Thanks for your comment.

Maybe the only change I need to make is to stay true to myself.

[kylee2437]

Sounds like lack of compromise on both of your part. You don’t personally have to be the same and enjoy the same things, but both of you should definitely learn to compromise to each others lifestyles. I’m quite opposite of my boyfriend and I’m more like your girlfriend, but I 100% support my boyfriend’s interests because that’s what love is all about.

[es20490446e]

Thanks for your feedback.

It's more a vibe that I get. I don't expect anyone to be passionate about the same things as I am, but I do expect them to appreciate that I have passions... beyond mundane leisure.

[PeachyPie93]

Sounds like you really aren't compatible. If you want to avoid someone it is a clear sign it isn't going to work.

[es20490446e]

Thanks for your comment.

This is a possibility, but sometimes I get the impression that what my girlfriend needs is just to stay more true to myself. Otherwise she doesn't really "get" what is important for me, or who I am.

[OhLongJohnsoning]

Some people, while they still want love and affection, are just simply loners.

You might just like being alone, better than being with someone. But, that doesn't mean you still don't enjoy having a girlfriend, too

[es20490446e]

I enjoy people a lot. But at the same time I prefer to spend nearly all my time on productive things which, by chance, require me to be alone. As those are things that nobody, but me, can execute.

In particular, professionally, I program. My girlfriend knows nothing about computers, isn't interested in computers beyond watching Instagram and videos. And she doesn't understand English, which I spend most of my time with.

The rest of my day I like to do exercise, that for my girlfriend is just too hard to perform. Or to do task that for most people, including my girlfriend, are just too challenging or require a big deal of patience to perform.

I also have a schedule that is way early morning that most people in my country, and adapting to theirs absolutely destroys my sleep and day.

So the gap I have with people, usually, is a gap of competence.

[Yannae]

You still ask us why? I mean you know why man xD
You should find someone who likes what you like.

[es20490446e]

The problem I have is that I feel that would be hard for most people. Because I have an abnormally productive life, filled by hard to perform activities, at an usually early morning schedule.

[Yannae]

Also in the 5:30 gang? Let's gooooo 💪

[es20490446e]

media0.giphy.com/.../giphy.webp

[Juxtapose]

If the woman couldn't be your best friend if she was a man then don't deal with her, period.

[es20490446e]

It feels kind of weird for some reason.

Like she isn't really motivated to spend time as I do. She rather prefers doing basic things like watching social media, watching movies, dining out, traveling.

And I'm more productive focused. Like doing work stuff, exercising, watching learning content, improving the house.

[WhitneySnow]

This is a clear sign of incompatibility

[es20490446e]

It's a possibility.

I decided to spend time focused on what I usually do, productive stuff, and see how well she resonates with that.

[WhitneySnow]

Good idea