Been in a weird state of flux recently with a girl I'm interested in, she was super friendly out of the blue last week now randomly cold and blunt?

[Anonymous]

When we met we were going to go with a friends with benefits situation then that evolved into us talking about dating, then she got cold feet as a previous guy re-entered the picture then left. We've kept as friends but said if it feels right we'll revisit dating.

Cut to last week we were in a voice call with a friend and she asks for me to join her on a late night 4 hour walk which we've not really done in two months, we talk about sex relationships friends everything she was pretty bubbly, she even says that she's not really looking for a relationship just wants a bit of fun and I similarly say the same. We then go back to hers smoke some weed but didn't go further than that as i had to be out of town early next morning.

Got back into town three days later and she says to a friend that she's scared about dating over some guy she brought up to them the day before when i was away, she then proceeds to go in a private call with a different friend playing something, I ask after if she wanted me to come as well as they wanted me to play a game too but she said "Maybe" coldly, which ended up not happening. I was told by a mutual friend that it's 100% not me, but if she's scared I won't put it past her to lie.

Since then i don't really know, it's been fairly weird with her we've not like directly spoken privately or anything aside from once, and I just get a off blunt vibe with her in group settings. I sent her a message earlier asking if she's okay as we've not spoken in a bit, she was high so i don't really expect a message until tomorrow at best to be fair. All i really was told about this guy is that he's older and lives relatively close to her which is very similar to me, but i won't say that it's definitely untrue.

Do you think that she actually had feelings for me here, or not?

[Oliverlogan263]

Dude, that's a super weird and confusing situation with this girl. The way she's been going back and forth between being super friendly and open one minute, then cold and distant the next, is really throwing me for a loop.

It honestly sounds like she might have some legit feelings for you, but she's also got some major hang-ups and insecurity holding her back. The fact that she initiated that late night walk with you, got all deep and personal, and then talked about just wanting "a bit of fun" - that's a pretty clear sign she's into you on some level.

But then the whole thing about her talking to your friend group about some other guy she's scared to date, and the way she's been acting all distant and blunt with you lately, makes me think she might be trying to put up some walls or create distance. Could be she's just not ready to be vulnerable and commit to something real.

I wouldn't put it past her to be lying about this other guy either. The details you mentioned - that he's older and lives close to her, which is similar to you - that's super suspect. Seems like she might be using that as an excuse to create some space between you two.

Ultimately, it's hard for me to say for sure if she actually has feelings for you or not. Based on the whole rollercoaster of a situation, my gut tells me she probably does, but she's just really scared and insecure about it. The mixed signals are so real, dude.

My advice would be to try to have an open and honest conversation with her about it when you get the chance. Don't accuse or make assumptions, but let her know you're sensing some weird vibes and you want to understand where her head is at. See if you can get her to open up about what's really going on.

Just be patient and don't take her bluntness or coldness too personally. Insecurity can make people act really weird sometimes. As long as you approach it with empathy and care, hopefully you two can get on the same page. Who knows, maybe she'll surprise you and admit she's actually into you after all.

Hang in there, bro. This is a tricky one, but I'm rooting for you. Just keep being your authentic self and don't lose hope. Good things could still be in store.

[Asker]

Appreciate you dude, i did reach out yesterday asking if she's okay as we've not spoke in a while, she replies with "Yeah, umm, i'll talk to you at some point" I replied with if she's happy for me to give her space let her reach out, she replies with "Yeah i'll reach out once i figure out what to say"

So yeah, i don't really know. I do think it's highly likely that she's saying to them it's not me when it is to throw them off as she's told me before that she doesn't want our friends involved if we were to date, she does strike me as someone that's very insecure about getting hurt again, plus that I introduced her to the friend group It will prob add to her worry if things dont' work out long term and she believes our friends will turn on her as she speaks to them more than me currently

Like the late night walk just still sticks in my mind as something that felt so out of the blue, as far as I really know I've been the closest to her since she stopped seeing her last guy even the first she's invited round to her flat. I could be wrong though again she doesn't tell me everything she very well could have, but even last month she said there was someone standing outside her door listening to her on a call with us, she told me and my friends out of everyone she trusts me over her last guy the most, and told me in a off-hand comment on that walk that she only really talks to me and this friend group, so thats a really positive sign right?

[Oliverlogan263]

Dude, it sounds like this chick is really sending some mixed signals. The way she responded when you reached out - the whole "I'll talk to you at some point" and "I'll reach out once I figure out what to say" - that's definitely not a good sign.

It seems like she's really pulling away and creating distance, which is super frustrating when you thought you guys were connecting so well before. The late night walk and the intimate conversations you had made it seem like she was really opening up to you.

But now, with her being all cold and blunt, it's clear something's changed. And the fact that she's telling your friends it's "not you" when you suspect it might be is really sketchy. It's probably just her way of trying to protect herself and keep you at arm's length.

You're probably right that she's really insecure about getting hurt again, and that's why she's being so guarded now. Even though she said she trusts you more than her ex, it sounds like her past experiences have made her really wary of letting someone new in.

The positive signs, like her only really talking to you and your friend group, are good. But ultimately, it seems like her fears have gotten the better of her right now. She's clearly going through some stuff that she's not ready to open up about.

My advice would be to give her the space she's asking for, at least for now. Don't keep pushing her, even though it sucks. Just let her know you're there whenever she's ready to talk, and try not to take her coldness personally. Hopefully, with time, she'll come around and you two can figure things out.

It's a tough situation, bro, but try to be patient and understanding. She's obviously dealing with some stuff, and forcing your way in probably won't help. Just be the supportive friend she needs right now, and see if she comes back around when she's ready. Hang in there, man!

[Nikki1989]

She is probably dealing with personal problems or stress that's affecting her mood and interactions. It happens, sometimes life just gets in the way.

[Asker]

Yeah most likely.

We did talk briefly last night with some friends, nothing major though so this morning I sent her a message saying hope she's okay bit concerned how we've not spoken

She replied with "Yeah, umm, i'll talk to you about it at some point" and she'll reach out once she figures out "what to say"

Safe to say though it doesn't really ring good news in my eyes

[Anonymous]

Hot/cold behavior means mental health problems, manipulation tactics or she's already in a relationship and having an internal debate. All of this is something to avoid.