Girlfriend on period! Do girls get angry during their periods?

Question

Girlfriend is irrational, erratic, and hurtful during her period. How do I respond?
8 months together, she's perfect for me 3 weeks out of the month. she's responsible, loyal, calm, easy to talk to, loving, and I can really tell she cares about me as much as herself, as do I her. But damn, everything just goes downhill on that fourth week, she'll turn something I'd say that's trivial and not even remotely offensive to her into a huge fight, as in every comment I make about anything is an insult to her. She'll change her tone every other sentence (Ex: Ignoring > Angry > Quiet > Angry > Apologetic > Quietly angry) and I think what bothers me the most is she'll accuse me of completely irrational things, and then I feel both guilty and angry because while I feel bad for making her feel that way I know its entirely wrong. So what can I do? As a fairly level headed male I can't even begin to understand how someone can be this subjected to their hormones. I know this isn't her, she's a complete sweetheart and rarely gets angry at me, even when I deserve it. Can I blame her for this? Do I get mad at her and fight back when she starts this? Do I avoid her? Any detailed answers are greatly appreciated, but a Yes or no is fine too, so poll question: Is this her fault? Do I hold this against her?

Chassana · Accepted Answer

Hm...i consider myself fairlyyy? level headed, but when I have my period I'm just...well, I just lose my rationality pretty much. I get super sensitive...and for example, my friend made a matter of fact comment about my ethnicity, because he was trying to figure out something and was talking to me about it, and that kind of thing almost never bothers me, but that day I just broke down, and later I found out I was pmsing and felt AWFUL for making him feel bad x]" actually, while I was crying I was yelling at myself for crying so easily- and...yeah.

Whenever I don't suspect it, I'm super nasty on my period, but whenever I know I'm on it I really try to hold back, or I at least warn people that I'm super touchy.

For your girlfriend, I guess this happens even if she knows she's on her period, and she should have SOME control of it, but it's not fair to expect someone to fight back at a hormone change. It's like me asking you to be in a great mood while you have the flu. You can try to some extent, but there's no way you can completely control your body to do what you want it to do at your beck and call. DO NOT FIGHT BACK, she might be aware she's being irrational, but it's really hard to stop doing something you're not in complete control of. I'm supposing that if you avoid her, she'll probably bring it up during her period and lash at you for it (even if she knows it's for the best) but I do suggest doing that if you're touchy too so you both don't get into a pointless fight. Otherwise, if you're around her, make a note of what you say (during her period, specifically) that makes her explode and avoid those topics like the plague next time, maybe try not to talk too much and avoid talking about her and her condition?

TheMistressMinxxe · Accepted Answer

no, don't hold it against her but definitely tell her and make it really clear how it affects you. Honestly though, there are times when I could happily murder my boyfriend while I'm premenstrual, also I drop things accidentally and get disorientated walk into doors etc, even put the sugar in the fridge - you know silly things you'd never normally do.

she may not always be this way, there are tablets you can take to moderate periods but it all just really messes with your natural cycle. I find my period and symptoms have changed over the 23 years since I first got it. I see some of the young ones here saying they can control their emotions - it may not always be so. For eg: when I'm due on I'll believe every nasty sorry thing I say about my boyfriend and genuinely believe it to be true no matter what time of the month it is. As for the guys - you can't take advice from people who've never even had a period and do not recognise it in their own partners.

Personally, we agree now that I tell him when I start feeling pre-menstrual so that he can go away for the 5 days before I start as that's when I'm at my worst, this is also the time when I become super-horny so he doesn't want to miss that. Horrible to admit, but I have no control over the hormones emitted during my cycle and that is why I think PMT should be recognised as a disability for some women who appear to undergo a complete "Personality Change" at that time of the month.

Good luck understanding her, as I said after more than 20 years I'm still no closer to understanding or tracking my own.

saphirasilverwings · Accepted Answer

I voted A, but I think it's something in between. She is responsible for her own actions and she needs to be aware of how her feelings are making her behave and try to control herself. No amount of hormones gives a person the right to be hurtful towards another. But at the same time, it's normal to be slightly irrational at that time. I know what it's like to be overemotional- everything feels like a bigger deal than it is and it can be really difficult to take a step back from what you're feeling and look at the situation from a logical point of view. I know I've gotten super upset with my boyfriend over things he didn't really deserve to be given a hard time about during my period. So cutting her a little slack and trying not to take everything she says or does at that time to heart will probably help both of you remain sane.

I would suggest talking to her (at a time when she is NOT on her period) and telling her that you know she's dealing with a lot of emotions at that time and you sympathize, but sometimes she take it too far and is unfair to you. Ask her to try to reel in her emotions a little. Then if the craziness happens again, remind her of her agreement and ask her to try not to take her feelings out on you. If she really won't listen, you may need to just leave her alone at that time. It's nice to be supportive but you can't be expected to deal with complete abuse.

BeowulfNode · Accepted Answer

All topics have the potential to make my ex Girlfriend explode when she's PMSing. She can explode at what you don't say or do just as much as what you do say and do. Essentially with her you're damned if you do and damned if you don't.

To make matters worse she's an alcoholic and doesn't remember that we had an enormous fight the night before and gets upset at me because I'm still fuming from the night before, and we will revisit the same arguments because she doesn't remember any resolutions we reached previously. If we didn't reach an agreement I tended to limit my responses or outright refused to respond to her accusations because I remember from previous fights that nothing will be resolved. However this gets her upset too, for me ignoring her, not listening, not caring.

The biggest problem comes after her hormones return to normal levels when the guy isn't told what she really thinks about the things argued about and that the arguments were a result of hormones.

All the advice I have is don't move in with her even if you marry her. That way you can spend the time apart.

higherthoughts · Accepted Answer

I guess I should consider myself lucky. My girlfriend gets the opposite way as yours. She becomes more sweet and affectionate. She would be more aloof and less affectionate when not on her period then switches to be more sweet when she's on her period.

I would try to minimize contact with her if she keeps up that behavior. When she's off her period have a discussion with her. Say that you don't like her behavior when she's on her period and there is no excuse to treat you with any disrespect. If she keeps doing it just withdraw contact for her to let her cool off. Call her out calmly and tell her you are going to cut off contact until she's ready to change her behavior. No need to yell or get into an argument. No need to explain anything just be cool, and collected and then actually walk away from her. Being able to actually distance yourself physically from her when she does this will be a big help in having her see she shouldn't be acting that way.

Eiffelgirl21 · Answer

I picked A

I mean, we can control our emotions or most of them..She shouldn't be acting like that.

She can control most of her actions. The things we cannot seem to control (me anyway), is feeling lonely, being pessimistic about the relationships, and being very emotional.

Everything else, I am fine with. She is just making excuse in my opinion.

However, you can easily fix the issue. Don't hang out with her when she is on her period.

There, that is fixed. Tell her she is too mean to you and you would rather not be around her because of her attitude problems..and tell her YES she CAN control them..or most of them.

AmberChick · Answer

No offense but this sounds kind of ridiculous.  Now I don't mean to be rude but you said that your girlfriend is so sweet to you and she doesn't even get angry at you "even when you deserve it!"  but when her period comes she all of a sudden becomes a monster.  I am reiterating your question so I can tell you that yes you just have to deal with it.  That's what being with a woman entails sometimes so if you want her to be your girlfriend then you shouldn't try and change her because of her period.  And you are making an exaggeration it seems (so it's only one week this happens?)  Maybe that's when she feels most comfortable to tell you her real feelings?  Who knows what's going on but girls aren't so cut and dry like that.  If we were everyone would know when we are on out periods and people rarely do.

Stacyzee · Answer

Boy: You got your period?

Girl: Yes.

Boy: Ok, baby I'll be back in 7 days.

j/king

I get a little bitchy during my period too, but treating others nicely is def. something we as humans have control over. You should sit down, and have a talk with her, let her know how she makes you feel during this time. Ask what you can do to give her comfort and relaxation.

When she is on her period remain level headed (like you are) and choose your words carefully.

Hey-you · Answer

my sister is the same and tbh, I think you will just have to deal with some of it. because really, it's only for a week max and the rest of the time, her behavior is fine. talk to her about the bad stuff during an off week and about how you feel about her mood swings etc.

TerranceMurphy · Answer

Holy Crap! I just made the vote 50/50 again! But I believe that she's responsible for her emotions the entire time. Sure the hormones means she can be irritated easier than normal, but she'll only show it if you give her something to be irritated about!

bubblebee · Answer

Of course, during that "time" of month, most girls have crazy hormone issues and are prone to irritability. However, I have never encountered a single female who goes batshiz crazy during her period who wasn't just taking advantage of the surefire excuse of "I'm on the rag." It's entirely her fault, she's abusing the excuse and needs to put herself in check.

igoldilocks · Answer

You might want to talk about it with her (when she's NOT on her period, obviously). If anything, it might be best to give her some space during that week, but let her know that you are so she doesn't overreact to any sort of "lack of attention." And yes, it is normal for some girls to get like this during their periods... PMS is a lot stronger for some than it is for others.

Anonymous · Answer

If you really love her, you may want to gently suggest (during one of her okay weeks) that you go to her GYN for a medicinal recommendation. Most women get edgy during "that time of the month," but not out-of-their-minds-crazy. Extreme behavioral issues are usually the result of a major chemical/hormonal imbalance.

Whatever2929292 · Answer

No she should not take things that are out of her control out on you. She is responsible for her own self and soon as someone gets nasty to me and then blames it on something outside my control that is just no more for me. I will walk away form that person

yummyboi77 · Answer

You would be fighting a losing battle if you do respond. There is no right answer to an irrational person who is hellbent on hurting you. I am starting to think this is why men end up cheating on their girlfriend/wife. There is no excuse for that kind of behaviour. If you feel your self worth is being diminished due to this situation, find a girl who is willing to get her act together and stop acting like a brat.

timshrew · Answer

Holy cow! I have been dealing with this in my relationship for the past 3 years! I still have yet to find a way to fix it! Although, I have noticed giving space really helps avoid the arguments. If you know how to time it right, have plans in advance to be hanging out with the guys or family. Even though, be careful because she will end up mad that you are not with her. The hormone changes in women really do cause their emotions to be wild, but honestly, it is no justification for their disrespectfulness towards a significant other that they are trying to build a future with in my opinion. If you have not already, I would definitely talk to her about it and see if there is a way to calm her down when her emotions are getting the best of her.

Anonymous · Answer

I have been married to a woman with the same problem for 27 years. Three weeks of perfection then several days of hell. I decided long ago to put up with it. On one hand I understand that it is hormonal but on the other hand she attacks me personally and I know she has the power to control her emotions because she can slash me to pieces then be perfectly civil to another person or even our cat. It is as if she stores it all up for me alone. I have endured this 100's of times but I think women reading this should know that it has taken its toll on our relationship. We aren't as close as we could be and sometimes I get so depressed by being abused I wish I were dead. Not exactly a fun way to spend the end of the month. Ladies please think about what you are doing to your man and maybe try to take it out on something else.

ivarei · Answer

she's responsable for finding a means to take care of it if she can't control it on her own.  she should see a doctor because it sounds like she has PMDD

Ugliness · Answer

It's interesting in your polls that even the majority of girls admit that you're responsible for your own emotions.  I wish I could sell my wife on that idea.

larry69 · Answer

Men should be just kinder and more considerate to women PERIOD no matter what time of the month it isl

dudeman · Answer

dude, get used to it, that's just how some women get around that time of the month, learn to just not pay attention

Anonymous · Answer

Well it's not her fault lol. periods make us psychotic lol. Has she tried going on the pill. I've heard that helps.

Anonymous · Answer

just take it, never hold her feelings against her, if she is doing some irrational like hitting you then yes.. you shouldn't put up with that...

raineydaygurl · Answer

i lean more towards A, but really there should be a middle ground.

chainjuss · Answer

ahahahahahahaha that's life just leave her be

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