Why won't he sleep with me?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend dumped me almost 3 months ago because he simply lost interest and didn't want the commitment of having a girlfriend anymore. Last night, after barely talking and only seeing each other around our college's campus for 3 months, I went to his apartment because I was hanging out with his roommate. My ex was being a total jerk to me, most likely because he was extremely drunk, as was I and he was saying the truth, which I just didn't want to hear so I blew up at him, Later, he was trying to go to sleep but told me to sleep in his empty roommates room because he didn't want me driving home. I didn't want to (I wanted to sleep in his room) so I acted a little crazy and started crying (it was just the booze bringing my emotions out) so finally he was like "will you go to sleep if I let you come sleep in here? I don't even care at this point, I just want to go to sleep." So I went in there and laid next to him. I basically told him that I just wanted to be friends with benefits and didn't want him back and he explained that the reason he never tried to see or talk to me was because he didn't want me getting my hopes up, thinking he liked me again or wanted to get back together because it was over. He said he would be down to be friends with benefits though. I was falling asleep so he left and went to go sleep on the couch.

I don't understand, first of all why he would leave and go sleep on the couch if he was still down to be friends with benefits (just not that night, I was too tired). Is it really that bad to sleep in the same bed with me? We weren't even touching either. He said he just couldn't sleep and wanted to go watch TV but I don't believe that because the first time I slept in his bed (we had just met and I needed somewhere to sleep) he said if he didn't like me, he would have went and slept on the couch but instead he stayed and slept next to me. So, if he wants to be FWB, why did he go sleep on the couch this time? He obviously liked and was attracted to me at some point so wouldn't he WANT a hot chick sleeping in his bed with him? Also, he's a guy who LOVES sex, so why did I have to be the one to try to have sex with him. shouldn't it be the opposite way around? So confused. I knew its totally over between us but I don't understand why he's making it so difficult to be around each other.

Updates

+1 y

I texted him saying I was sorry for acting so crazy and stuff and he said I put him in a really awkward situation and that we shouldn't talk for a while and see what happens...for him, that means lets never talk again, I'm really mad at you and don't like you at all.

[Anonymous]

thats odd...may be he feels horrible being FWB because at some point he did have genuine feelings for you when you were together, he probably doesn't feel moral about it and doesn't wanna use you for sex probably feels unethical about himself mostly...whatever it is its a problem with himself...hes just confused in life and doesn't know what he wants.

i think its best if you just move on and let him be, if he said its over- its over. just back off and give him his space. men don't like women that are desperate and clingy and coming into their dorm room. I know that sounds harsh but I learned the hard way too and I'm just giving my honest advice. you need self respect and if he didn't want you as his girlfriend then you need to accept that he does not love you.

[Asker]

Not harsh, I totally agree. And he knows I'm not desperate or clingy and would never come into his dorm room if I wasn't drunk. We were both extremely drunk but he started sobering up about an hour after we were in bed so then he moved to the couch. I should probably just wait and talk to him next week when we are both sober. I'm an idiot haha

[Opinion Owner]

youre not an idiot just be wiser next time. don't talk to him next week just let him go. if he said its over he means it. if a man is willing to let you go he doesn't love you girl! you need to move on. just distract yourself and focus on school

[Asker]

He meant like, its over as in we broke up, no longer together. He'd still be down to be f*** buddies and to me, that's better than nothing from him. I can play his game too. Just use him until IM the one who finds a better guy, ya know

[Opinion Owner]

i think its a bad idea. it will only hurt you in the end. he will never respect you the way you and every woman wants to be respected and loved.

[Asker]

Youre probably right but I think its better to just do sex with then than have nothing at all. I mean hey, its college, everybody needs a sex buddy right? ha ha just kidding, but I do feel comfortable with him because he was my first and I just can't seem to do it with anybody else yet. I've tried, didn't work.

[itzcharlez]

Hes quite a modest person, id have to say. You rarely see that in guys. He cares for you, as a friend. Friends with benefits, maybe he's against that. He's quite a modest guy, maybe its better for you to move on and try for a different person who knows! it might turn out well. I understand you have feelings but sometimes its better to sit down and talk things out. Even if you're friends with benefits, its still isn't going to fill that void you have. FWB doesn't do any good, because honestly it does give the wrong opinion

good luck

[Anonymous]

Well you said you were both drunk, so there is a bit of booze in the whole thing...

Anyway, sex with a broken heart is painful and it sucks. I've made a self rule not to screw anything I'm mad at or hurt by just on general principle. No matter how hot you are, you broke him when it ended.

The whole FWB thing is probably to get you to sleep, but you got to understand, a man doesn't feel he has to love, or even respect, an FWB.

[Opinion Owner]

respond to update: Yeah, something snapped when he broke. I think he is kind of bad though not to give you something to learn from or bring with you from the relationship. Something you did when you were dating set him off, and rather than solve the problem with you, he chose to end it quietly. Try someone more expressive of themselves next time?

Anyway, sorry to hear about your pain. Remember, not all nice men are nice lovers, and vice versa :)

[Asker]

I honestly don't know what I did...the day we broke up I asked him a few times and he just couldn't tell me. All he said is that it wasn't anything I did, he just did not want a girlfriend. he doesn't like commitment and just wants to do what he wants when he wants and not be tied down. Then again when I was drunk in his bed the other night, he said the same thing. That is had nothing to do with me. I know there was no other girl and he still doesn't have any other girls so I honestly don't know...

[Opinion Owner]

His resolve against commitment is very powerful to push such rejection and heartache onto another person just for the sake of not getting close to them. The source of the strength of this resolve deserves investigation.

[yopyopyop]

Maybe that just how he feels it : that it's over.

Imagine that you were in his position : you dumped him, lost all attraction to him, and he suddenly comes out of the blue after a few months to have sex. What would you tell him ? That it's over and you're not interested ?

Maybe that he was ready to say anything last night just so you went to sleep, and didn't get behind the wheel.

[Asker]

Youre right, but he said he was interested in being f*** buddies so I don't know why he would leave me and go sleep on the couch. I know its over between us, but I don't know how he could lose all attraction towards me when he liked me so much and thought I was so hot.. and no, there's def no other girls in his life right now at all.

[yopyopyop]

Well I used to have an ex who was so hot and all, yet I wouldn't touch her for one hundred grands now...

Maybe he doesn't like you at all anymore ? Was your relationship chaotic, or dull ? I don't know.

And in my opinion, he must have felt you were out of your mind, so he just said whatever was needed to have you calm down. Take it for what it is, you'll still see how things evolve, but in my opinion he was just buying some quietness.

[Asker]

Our relationship was fine. No fighting or anything. He is just very immature and likes to smoke and drink all the time and wasn't ready for a girlfriend. He thought he was so we kinda rushed into things because he really really liked me at first but then one week just wanted to be single. How come you would touch your ex if she's so hot?

[yopyopyop]

Well as I told you, you'll see how it goes. Just don't wait for anything, as it might not happen. Maybe he just doesn't care at all. Why would you stay around someone like that ? Move on...

Regarding my ex, she was as hot as evil, so it's a no no no no no. Sometimes you have to make choices you know.

[Asker]

Why do guys feelings change so quickly? I mean I can tell you he cared so much about me when we were together. Would really do absolutely anything for me. I was his first girlfriend, he's a one night stand type of guy, but I really got in his head appearently. So, I don't understand how guys can suddenly not be attracted anymore? Especially when he told me a million times that it had nothing to do with me.

[yopyopyop]

People usually say whatever comes to their mind that can appear as the less hurting for the other one, when they break up. So don't focus on this too much.

And he probably didn't decide to break up out of the blue. This usually is the result of a process.

Maybe he realized after a while that you weren't for him, and it took him time to dump you since you were his first one ? If he's a one night stand guy, maybe he just wants that. But from other girls than you, now.

[martyfellow]

He's ambivalent about this FWB thing, you had to sort of talk him into that. He doesn't sound very enthusiastic, does he?

Maybe it's better to break things off cleanly instead of limping along in this half involved mode!

[iXenomorph]

So when a guy turns out to be NOT a sex-crazed cyborg it confuses women?

Fare thee well, world. Hope has departed from thee.

[sharktank]

I think he can tell you are obsessive and problematic.