I have seriously lost all respect for my girlfriend!

[Anonymous]

Im not the kind of guy who sleeps around with strangers although I've had the opportunity to do so. I'm not religious or anything, I just find it appauling that people can actually have sex with strangers like it was nothing. I believe firmly that sex is an intimate act shared by two people who know each other and care for one another. The 3 women I've slept with were all my girlfriends and although we're not together anymore, I don't resent them or hold ill will towards them, I'm still friends with two of them in fact. I have a new girlfriend now and I thought she was perfect. But I was looking at her Facebook pictures recently and I stumbled upon pictures of her in cancun partying with some friends of her. Then one of her friends told me that my girlfriend had a one night stand with one of these idiots and it just killed me. I'm so mad at her, I though she had more respect for herself, it just hurts that she's one of those slutty girls who I look down upon. I just want to break up with her, and I think she knows I'm pissed at her because she keeps asking what's wrong. How do I tell her she lost my respect without hurting her? Or should I just go have a one night stand so we can be on a level playing field?

[candlewax]

...wait what?

Did she do this during the relationship or before you two got together? If it was before you got together, you really don't have much room to be all butthurt. I get that you'd be surprised/a bit disappointed, but the past is the past. Unless you start seeing repeating behavior during your relationship, I don't see why you think you have any room being mad.

However, if it was during your relationship, it's more understandable to be upset. To still try to even things out by sleeping with someone in return is just stupid and immature. You have every right to be angry, but how you want to handle it is ridiculous.

Also, if this was PRIOR to your relationship, why in the world do you think you're justified doing the immature thing of "levelling the playing field" just so YOU feel better about your high and mighty attitude?

You sound way too immature and self righteous to be judging her based on past experiences of her.

[Asker]

Well I just found out about it, I'm really upset. I just want to feel like I'm okay with it.

[candlewax]

It's understandable to an extent. I was just about to add that I didn't mean to ream you, but you should hear yourself. It's kind of ridiculous. However, let yourself calm down, wrap your head around it, and see how you feel about it in a few days. I know it can be a bit of a mind eff when you find out something surprising/shocking about someone's past. Just let yourself mull over it a bit and let the initial surprise subside before you bring it up with her.

[Asker]

You're right I shouldn't try to level the field, I don't know what else to do. Should I make her apologize? She's always saying she's really happy and loves me but I'm just socked she did that.

[candlewax]

Did she do it before your relationship? You never specified.

[Asker]

It was before we were together

[candlewax]

Then no, she doesn't owe you an apology. I don't understand why you think she owes you ANYTHING for something she did prior to meeting you. It didn't involve you then and it doesn't really involve you now since it's in the past.

[japanblitz]

Because she acted like a cheap f***ing whore? Why shouldn't people be held to account for their past

[Anonymous]

I know how you're feeling. The idea of my now-ex hooking up with random girls just made me angry inside. During the relationship though, we were so good for each other that I overlooked it. I know there had to be things about my past (maybe not sexual) that could've made him angry as well. I chose to remember that he did those things before he met me, and that meeting certain people can cause you to change your views and beliefs a lot.

During the relationship, things were great, and I'm so glad I had that relationship. That being said though, as soon as we broke up, he slept with a girl he just met that night. THAT made me angry, and I saw it as a totally different story. That was an insult to our relationship, and showed me where he was at in his life now. What someone does before they meet you is a lot different than what they do after.

[candlewax]

Agreed. It makes you wonder about a lot of things in the relationship. "Man, did they ever do anything outside of my knowledge?" I learned a lot of interesting stuff about my ex and his going ons after our break up and some of it left me "wow." Totally different than the guy I saw in our relationship. :/

[Asker]

But don't you think it says a lot about the kind of person they are if theyre able to just have sex with someone they dot even know? It makes me think that at the core we're completely different.

[candlewax]

I think you shouldn't be in a relationship if you're going to be this judgemental. You're being really irrational.

[IdontWantToBeMe]

Was she with you when had the one night stand ? and maybe you should confront her about it either way if it's bothering you, I mean give her the oppertunity to show her side.

I agree with you though, I feel the same way about people sleeping around but then again that's your feelings and how you see things, you can't expect everyone to see things that way or act that way.

I'd say just calm down, talk to her about it and go from there.

Also a one night stand would make you act exactly how the people you resent act, so that's not really a good idea if you want to be taken seriously about your morals in the future

[Asker]

Youre absolutely right, I just don't know what to do about it. I don't want to ask her because she'll probably confirm it and itll just hurt really bad. I think if I do it ill be more accepting of it, I just don't want to have it bother me anymore.

[IdontWantToBeMe]

I think it will bother you until you get it in the open, at least give her a chance to explain her side of the story.

i'm not sure if that that will make it better or not but lots of things can go on in your head when you don't have the full story or when you are upset about something

So at least it may you give some relief to talk to her about it, I hope everything works out and it gets better for you soon

[honeyltsme]

Well if you do it now it would be cheating. Unless she is much older than you she must have been very young when that happened. Some girls do silly things.

Look at it the other way - presumably she's better overall than the other 3 women (otherwise why would you be with her) - it's not like she's blaming you for having had sex with those "inferior" girls?

[swiftsaver602]

"it's not like she's blaming you for having had sex with those 'inferior' girls" ...right? My thoughts exactly!

[Asker]

Yes I thought she was better, but when layla told me about it I was just blown away by it. Besides I've never slept with any strangers, I just thought she had the same morals as me. I mean its not like I expect her to be a virgin or anything, I'm just surprised she's so...easy.

[honeyltsme]

An acquaintance of mine is married to a hooker. A former sex worker, I mean. She is stunning - I could only imagine how much she must have charged. They don't keep it a secret from friends and as you can imagine neither of them has self esteem issues. A lovely couple.

Ask yourself if the girl such as she is RIGHT NOW, is one whom you love and trust, and one who loves and trusts you. If yes, stay together and shut up and be happy. If not, don't waste her time, and yours.

[Asker]

He married a whore!? Whoa id never do that. That's disgusting id be ashamed to introduce her to my family and friends. But you're right I have to wait and see if I get over this.

[shadowarrior99]

NO. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A LEVEL PLAYING FIELD.

Do not cheat on her! That is not the answer. Was this before she was with you, or while she was dating you?

[pr3ttybr0wn]

so you automatically believe her friend? how do you know her friend isn't a lowkey jealous bitch and said that to cause discord in your relationship? its kinda alarming that you feel so strongly and your feelings changed so fast about something that you HEARD from another girl. you also sound very hypocritical. you talk all that mouth candy about how your so morally above casual sex, and then your thinking about having a one night stand to get back at her and level the playing field. psh

[Asker]

Well she's a good friend of ours, I don't think she meant to harm our relationship. But ill admit we've always had a thing for each other.

[candlewax]

Wait, so you're judgmental of your girlfriend, but here you are, admitting you and a good mutual friend of yours have a "thing" for each other? :/

[Asker]

Yeah but id never act on it

[Anonymous]

You both have very different ideas on sex.

You're a prude.

She isn't.

You two should break up.

[peace-love-couture]

Obvious troll.

You've asked various versions of this before.

Cheating =/= promiscuity in the past

So no, to answer your question.

[Asker]

What? I've never asked this before. A troll? You don't know what I look like, if you're toing to I sult me then don't bother trying to help me

[peace-love-couture]

uh lol

[PANDAmonium]

Leave her then she deserves better