I usually start my MyTakes with 'Today has been a good day' or something like that. I'd be lying if I said that today. Today so far has not been a good day. At all. I woke up with the really bad joint pain I get because of my disability, and that makes me slower, my limp "worse" and my balance poorer- so it took me longer to get ready so I missed the bus (and today it was on time for once) so I had to wait for the next bus and I was late for college.
And I don't like telling people about it, in real life, I'm telling you guys on here because none of you know me in real life. But my Law teacher seemed really annoyed at me for being late, so I felt like I had to explain to her and I hate doing that. Plus, all the 'anxiety' I guess you could call it was going on in my mind about people looking at the way I'm walking, and seeing me as some 'disabled girl' and some even smiling out of sympathy- it just makes me insecure.
Anyway, lunchbreak soon came and I thought 'thank god' and I ate my lunch, headed to the library because I always go to one when I'm upset, and I decided to log on to G@G to talk to one of my friends on here because none of my friends from school were online...
And just when I thought I'd made peace, and that weight was finally off my chest I see myself invited to another MyTake by some dude who accused me of 'cyberbullying' and 'trashing' the person I was talking about on my MyTake yesterday: Calling It Peace: Let's Be Civil
I don't understand how I've done so, I included some opinions of theirs which I found racist towards me and others- those were just a few I could remember but I could have pulled up many more comments.
Those opinions I pulled up weren't to 'trash' that user, they were to show how I feel how I'd been hurt by them.
I just feel like I have always got some kind of defence up on here. If I'm not defending myself for being Pakistani, I'm defending myself for being Muslim and vice versa. Or I'm defending the Pakistani or Muslim community and then the people who I am defending myself against have the nerve to make it out like:
"Ohhhh Muslims and POC have it soooooooo easy"
This person accuses me of 'playing the victim' and if that how it comes across to them, then that's how it comes across to them- but I feel like I'm just constantly defending myself.
I've been told (by various users):
"I hope this spidermanfan gets raped"
I've been called a hypocrite for following someone who I didn't know had some disgusting opinions, the minute I found out I also called them out for their disgusting opinions and blocked them, but when it comes to people speaking about the same issues as me and following someone who wished rape upon me, they don't get called out for being hypocrites.
"Because you are Muslim I consider you to have no humanity about you"
I've been told I am a "product of inbreeding" because I am Pakistani.
I've had an acid attack wished upon me.
As a British Pakistani I've been compared to a dog born in stable.
And the list could go on.
So I may be a little defensive when I mention I'm Pakistani and someone asks me if my parents are cousins.
I used a term once which I regret using and I will not repeat it. It was an offensive term and I didn't know that because I see that term widely used in the media- and if it's offensive the media shouldn't normalise it, and I apologised for using that term and have not used it since.
So all I am asking is:
A) I just want an apology
B) Can we all please stop this? It's like one person stops then another starts.
C) Can we call it peace?
Thanks for reading guys.