What has your time on GAG taught you about yourself?

[AmandaYVR]

This image is not exactly relevant, but I've been wanting to use it somewhere for a while now.

I was going to make this a spontaneous question for all, but I was running out of characters so I'm switching over to a MyTake instead. This was not my intention, so please treat this as a question and answer this yourself. I'd love to hear your take on it.

I'm going to go deep and be perhaps revealing here.

The things I've learned probably relate to other things along this same timeline in my life. I haven't only learned them from gag, but there are some things that have merged, and solidified in my mind lately.

I Needed Some New People in My LIfe. It Wasn't That I Couldn't Find Anyone Interesting Anymore

I have found interest in people again. Those of you who know me at all know that I am often digging for something deeper, more honest, more meaningful. Superficiality doesn't do much for me. I think there is potential to find more understanding, more fulfuillment by going beyond the surface. I can get something, actually a fair bit, out of polls and surveys and seeing where the general population (the zeitgeist, as I say) sits on things. That's informative. But what has more interest to me is the individual stories, and how a person's experiences and backgrounds shape them, and more significantly if they can overcome their past histories. I've come to be reminded that hearing things in overarching generalities, where culture is going and how it is shifting, is only satisfying to a point. We lose the real connection to people. It's distanced, abstract. I thought I wasn't interested or curious about people anymore, but part of that was because the relationships with people I used to know, or have known a long time, had changed, or all the good had, in essence, evaported, and they were no longer interesting to me. I'd explored those people and relationships and they had become unfulfilling, stale. The past became the past and nothing more. People change. People grow apart. Paths diverge. That's life, it's alright. But it was giving me the impression that there were no people I really wanted to know anymore. People were a disappointment. Stage left: enter gag.

Come As You Are

I've come to meet some interesting, and a couple great people here. I am absolutely aware that I only know a small piece, or pieces, yes, fragments of most, but they are living entities out there, more than just in the ether. Far away, yet breathing, struggling, sometimes thriving, but going through life, trying to make their way, searching... to find something that satisfies. Many of us are. Sometimes you can up with nothing. But I do know one thing, the thing I have said more than once before. You are more interesting when you 'come as you are'. No pretense, no facade. Gag is not about cultivating an image. It is probably guilty of too much honesty, too much bluntness at times, but at least it's real. It's not about creating the impression of a better life. And as Cuba say, "I dig that about you."

I'm Finding Better Ways to Deal With Conflict

Many years ago, I read somewhere, or maybe saw it in a documentary, that racism is mitigated one mind at a time. By the one-on-one interactions, and relationships, and bonds are formed, not so much en masse but individually. A guy meets another guy who he thought he didn't like, would have nothing in common, no respect for, even, yet he is surprised he actually likes him. Maybe they become friends, maybe they work on a project together, maybe one does a random act of kindness for the other, maybe they share some laughs over drinks and deep late night conversation... whatever it is, these personal interactions apparently have a greater impact on thinking, than all the reading, listening, watching from afar does. Now this doesn't apply to me, I knew this already, and I am open to talking to whomever, but what has changed for me is about conflict and disagreements.

A Lightbulb Moment Here and There

I'm going to be honest. Before a lot of you impressed me, you pissed me off. Okay, mostly it's not the same people, it's different people, but still. I saw a lot of you be crude, and rude, and bigoted, and aggressive, and passive-aggressive, and cowardly, and attack other users for very little reason or justification. I didn't think I would stick around long. Few really attacked me, but I saw it, a lot of it. I started blocking people. At first, I thought I was blocking from seeing them, but then I realized that wasn't how it worked. Then I liked the idea that it was blocking them from commenting on my questions, because I thought we should all have a choice who we hang out and associate with. Why let them f up my house. I made it nice, cozy, welcoming, supportive, and they're goona shit all over it. Spread lies and misinformation, be so negative. I've seen them do it many times before. The internet, just like society, is an ecosystem in itself, and it can only stand so much. Eventually it can crack under the weight of itself. And this happens one person at a time. But until a few weeks ago, I could see all the comments from them. I wasn't exactly trying to monitor them, I just happened across them often, so I often read their stuff. And I started seeing some interesting things. I saw some things revealed. Maybe once, in a weak moment, a rare admission, a vulnerability, a instance from their past, but there it was, now 'in ink', never to be deleted. Lightbulb moment. "Oooh, that's one of the reasons they act like a little ****er." Hmmm. Doesn't excuse them, but hmmm.

It Snowed Today. But I Am No Snowflake

I'm not saying this happens all the time, or even often, but like for instance in the past couple of weeks, there are a couple of male users who I unblocked months ago (because I read a comment or two from each of them that showed another side of them, and I was impressed, and I thought they deserve another chance.) One of them started being a much kinder, nicer, gentler person (no, not a simp, just a nice human being) and guess what - he just got a girlfriend. He's happy. Someone appreciates him. I knew something had happened. Anyway, that's just one example, but my too-long point is that I have changed my ways and my thinking these past months, well not that long after joining, and I have learned to not be so quick to dismiss people. And to make a real concerted effort to withstand the differences. As long as people are not rude or entirely unreasonable in how they express their opinions, we must all learn to withstand some of the brunt of it. This is part of the reason why I get so frustrated with so many people on here talking obstinantly about how they won't change for anybody. They know damn well when this topic is brought up it's not about changing the core of who you are, your values you hold dear, your favourite or most important things about yourself. It's about compromise, to be in the lives of others, and adaptation for yourself and the greater good. And challenging your own stubborn, biased ideas about the world.

I'm Not Such a Judgy Bear

So I've learned that I am a lot less judgmental than I thought I was. I used to say, reluctantly but honestly, that I was judgmental, and quick to judge. But, turns out I'm a lot more accepting of flaws and people than I knew. And that feels good. And I will continue to find exceptions out there, challenge my beliefs, be open to different ideas, and allow myself to be surprised. Ok. It doesn't happen often. I'm a good judge of character. My ideas about people usually turn out to be right. But negatives can turn into positives. And people can change. And people can have a bad day. And be set off by someone else. And people deserve a second chance, not to be written off after the first mistake... or two.

I Want What I Want When I Want It. Oops

The flip side of this is that I think we're all addicted to doing what we want, when we want. There are no responsibilities or expectations online. We do, and often, say as we please, come and go as we please. We turn you on and turn you off. (Yep, that's a double meaning.) I think we're becoming more selfish, with all this self-directed entertainment, etc. etc. But too late now. The internet and technology and computers in our pockets are here to stay. I'm just like you. I engage when I want to, and not when I don't. Still, there are those I am more accessible to, have more of a soft spot for in my heart. You know who you are.

How the Blocking System Functions

Anyway, this is not meant to be another discussion about blocking or censorship. My own conclusion is that categorically ostracizing people is probably not going to work. I thought it might eventually right some behaviour, and it would most definitely create a more peaceful and kind experience for people like me, but now I'm not so sure it's the best thing in the long run. I do not, nor never have, set my account to Private, or 'Allow PMs only from people I follow' or 'Hide messages from people I block'. None of that stuff. I rarely post anon. I'm not hiding. And it hasn't been a problem for me. But I do not like seeing missing comments all over the place. I think that's not right. I've messaged the site about the design of the blocking system, questions about how it is supposed to function, bug reports, my opinions on the design, etc. To me, it's not intuitive, and it doesn't function as I would expect. And they keep making tweaks to it. But for anyone who's interested, here's the info I've gathered directly from tech support:

- If you block someone who has not blocked you, they will not see any activity. You may or may not see their activity depending on your settings.
- If you both block each other, neither user will see the other’s activity.

Does that mean that me and the other person can't see our comments to each other, but everyone else can still see them, and make comments on them? And same, if it is my question? Yes. Currently, if you would want to see the opinion/reply of a user who blocked you, you would need to sign out and view it that way. (I use a Chrome Incognito window.)

You can tell if you are blocked by the question owner by things like...
- You won’t be able to upvote/downvote his opinions
- His profile will say it’s private
- You’ll get an error message if you try to pm him

Anonymous people cannot be blocked. This may be why so many post anon. They circumvent that. There are no consequences for them in this case.

I've Made a Decision

So I've decided to unblock everyone, and start over, clean slate. I'm going to make a note of who they are and if I continue to have problems with certain people being very unreasonable I may start blocking a few here and there again, but for now i'm starting over. We shall see how this goes. I've had a pretty pleasant experience these past recent months, so it could be a mistake, but philosphically, I think it's the right thing to do. (But p.s. I don't believe much in anon'ing, so I will continue to post most of my questions without the option.)

Kurt Gets the Last Word..

I'm going to end this with a song. You'll see the reference above. I chose the rehearsal version here of Nirvana's MTV Unplugged Come As You Are. In this day and age, we are often looking for authenticity, something real, something honest, no pretense or manipulation or distortion of facts. There is something to be said for polished final products and beautifully well-produced art (thank you to all the artist and technicians out there), but in this context of gag, that is not the draw. The raw is more interesting.

Judgy Bear. He's had a tough life. Cut him some slack.

Surprised Bear. What the heck did he just see?

AmandaYVR

Goodnight, all. Sleep well and be happy.

[Lliam]

Thank you for your honesty and vulnerability, Amanda. Your open heartedness is an inspiration.

Where I live, I mostly know people who are older - between their 50s and 90s. They are great people and I have quite a few friends, but most of them are like minded. I often find myself being the outlier because I tend to challenge the status quo and the official narrative. I don't fit inside a box.
I also spend a lot of time on Facebook because my news and information comes from the amazingly bright and informed friends I have accumulated over the years. They share information that I would never see otherwise. But it is mostly about serious issues and a steady diet can become a bringdown.

GAG is interesting because, 1) there is very little censorship, 2) there is are a wide variety of people here and 3) all kinds of topics come up.
It's kind of fun. And what I enjoy is the ability to interact with people of all ages and walks of life on a wide variety of topics.

When people interact in person, they immediately assess each other's appearance. They see age, race, gender, etc. In my case, I see younger people discriminating based on age. There was a time when I did that, too. I thought I was cool and bitchen and older people were automatically out of touch fuddy duddies. My attitude started to change when I reached my 40s. It still helps if I see photos of people when they were young and listen to stories about their lives. I came to realize that we are all the same. All that changes from generation to generation is technology.

I have rarely run into problems with agism on GAG. It's a bit like The Voice where contestants are initially judged by their ability and not their appearance. I can have wonderful interactions with people of all ages here. One example that stands out is a 17 year old woman whose level of wokeness blows my mind. There are many other amazing people, as well. There are examples of discussing topics of sexuality with people of all ages, including 20 somethings. I could never do that with someone in person. It's really validating and refreshing to be treated as a peer.

So GAG taught me that I have something to offer to, and to learn from, people who treat me as an equal. It opens my horizons beyond the narrow scope of people I know in person, who I increasingly find to be up-tight, buttoned down, politically correct, conservative (not politically) and boring. On GAG, I can be my true self and have fun discussing a wide range of issues with interesting people.

[AmandaYVR]

I can always count on you, Lliam, for some insight and honesty and a good read. You rock.
Thanks for sharing.

[Lliam]

You're welcome, Amanda. You ask questions that make me stop and think. On this one, I decided to say screw it and come out of my comfort zone to admit to something I usually avoid. I'm kind of in denial, actually.
But agism is a real issue. Young people often look down on older people and vice versa. It's one more of those things like racism, sexism, nationalism, religion and politics that divide people. It shouldn't be so.

[AmandaYVR]

Your last comment reminded me about my idea of posting an Implicit Bias test (s) by Harvard. I have thought of it from time to time, sometimes decided it would be too controversial/heated, but today I feel up for it.
Spoiler note: we all have biases. The interesting part, for me, was that the majority do have the same biases (but it's not that we all vote for ourselves. It's more like we are reflecting what we know 'society' thinks, as a whole. Scratch your noggin' over that one.)
Regarding ageism - I thought I had a bias towards older people, because I'm one of them now (especially on platforms such as this) but turns out, I resulted in the opposite bias (along with most people.) Go figure. Surely it's not the case in all cultures (some used to really be known for having ultimate respect for their elders, right.) Anyway, I'm also glad to see that I've felt GAG more inclusive to us than I expected, which is nice. Turns out words really do matter. Society has to be made up of alll ages, demographics, etc. doesn't it? Balance. Balance is the key.

Here's my q that relates:
Do you have any implicit biases? ↗

[Lliam]

Your comment on agism and differences in various cultures reminded me of experiments where certain institutions for the aged bring in young children and let the young and old interact. It seems to benefit both groups.
And yes, in traditional cultures, multiple generations live together. It seems to be beneficial to everyone's mental health.
A while back, a question came up about he optimum age for women to bear children. My answer was that, physically, it's best for women to have children at an early age. But young women aren't mentally or emotionally mature enough to be the best parents. They don't yet have enough wisdom or experience. They are still practically children, themselves. That's where a multi-generational household works to the benefit of all. Grand parents can help to guide and assist the young parents and provide example and knowledge to the children. As the children grow, their parents are close enough to them in age to relate to them and to engage in activities together. At the same time, the elders provide stability and continue to provide valuable wisdom and perspective. The elders are loved, valued and respected, rather than being seen as out of touch and irrelevant as they often are in our society. Of course that only works when the family members aren't dysfunctional.

[Jamie05rhs]

@Lliam you bring up a really good point about the multigenerational household. I think I agree with you. I never experienced that myself, though, because my grandparents lived very far away. I didn't even have any aunts and uncles in the area.

[Lliam]

Thanks, Jamie05rhs. When I was growing up, my family visited my maternal grandparents almost once a week. They really had a lot to offer. I loved them very much and learned a lot from them.
My paternal grandmother died when I was young. We sometimes visited my paternal grandfather but my mom had a problem with him. Looking back, he's probably the one I would have been able to relate to the most when I reached my later teens. He was actually a pretty hip guy in his later years. But at the time, I was a bit prejudiced by my mom's attitude.

[Jamie05rhs]

@Lliam I'm glad you got to spend the time with them that you did.

It's a shame that your mom had an issue with your grandfather. But I guess that's the way things go sometimes.

[LightEnd]

Wow, I would probably have been one of the guys you blocked. Or maybe I was. I gotta say that was a great article. I love how you use a song to illustrate your point. I totally need out on song lyrics and I rarely find others who do as well.

I won't be blocking anyone no matter what they say to me. Everyone has a right to love me or hate me and I'm not just going to turn them off because I dont like what they are saying.

I found out not that long ago that the worst lies are the ones we tell ourselves. Now that I am honest with myself. I tell myself things that i dont really want to hear or think about.

I think a person who has undergone this change is also more able to be brutally honest with others and sometimes that brutal honesty is taken as an attack l, when it's really meant to be honest and helpful. Even if it is unpleasant.

Anyways great article.

[LightEnd]

I think a lot of people are living in an illusion of "what they think should be" rather than "what is". I found out that even tho the world is flawed. It's much better go live according to what is rather than the collective dogma or ideals.

[LightEnd]

Thanks for the MHO

[AmandaYVR]

You're welcome.
I've never blocked you. I haven't done much of that in months, not long after joining. But I've also never seen your u/n before. I think I would have remembered it. I'm big into lighting and light as a symbolic metaphor in writing.
You sound like a reasonable fellow to me. I hope. So see you around, maybe on other questions of mine, if you like. (Your last paragraph reminds me a bit of my recent q, 'Who is the most complete person you know?' There's some stuff in there that may pertain.)

[msss98]

It thought me im a lot meaner than i thought towards people that piss me off or irritate me when i can hide behind annonimity

[AmandaYVR]

I commend you for your honesty.

[jgirl99]

With advice from people I've learned to think about my actions and take a step back from a stressful situation

[AmandaYVR]

That's great, good for you.

[N192K001]

• I may have my problems, cons, disadvantages, and weaknesses; but so does everyone else.
• I really do love researching & citing sources more than most.
• The major elements of my convictions are so uncommon, finding peers is rare, even in the Internet. Even among those with convictions close enough, there are differences, even major ones.
• Despite that, I'm not alone: peers do exist. Even with people holding radically different ideas, pleasant company can still be shared and things can be learned from each other.
• Seriousness is good, but a little playfulness and/or lightheartedness is also a necessary counter-balance in life that should be learned. (Just not too much, though.)

[loveslongnails]

This is a nicely done introspective take, Amanda. The two things I'm thinking about most from it is are accepting people as they are, and about judging.

I kind of chuckle when I hear "accept someone as they are". I think to myself... do I have any other choice? Can I say "I reject you as you are"? What does that mean, other than I don't want to have anything to do with you? You are... what you are. My only choices seem to be to accept your "actions and behaviors" because I like them and maybe let you into my life if you want in, defend myself against them, if I deem that I must, or remove myself from their influence.

Which ties hand in hand with "judgment". When you think about it, unless you have real power over someone, our individual judgments don't mean a damn thing to the one being "judged", unless they allow it. As individuals, we are constantly making judgments about other peoples actions, words, behaviors, motives, intentions, and more. That's how we form opinions about people. But we are often told to separate THOSE opinions from judging the "person", as in "judge not, lest ye be judged". However, I think when folks get defensive, they will say "don't judge me", when sometimes it's the behaviors that are being judged.

I totally agree with you that we're all flawed in some way, and I can't understand how anyone could think otherwise unless you have certain mental issues (parties to remain unnamed). But certain flaws, like "stupidity", I find easier to accept in a person, than "ignorance".

Whatever we are each ignorant about, and that's a VAST amount of knowledge, is available to us to learn, especially with technology as it is today. What I don't respect is any opinion from a person who is ignorant on a subject, yet thinks they can speak on it with authority. If I learned anything, it's been to resist "judging" this individual to be 'stupid', which is a lack of brainpower, intellect, intelligence, the ability to reason, etc. I first have to accept they're ignorant on this subject, if I indeed am not and know that they are. Am I judging or being judgmental?

I think a person is stupid when they are presented with facts, knowledge and valid information, yet can't bring themselves to arrive at a sound, logical conclusion. This could because they just don't have the brain function to do so, or they simply choose not to do so. My favorite example of that is when a person who is indeed ignorant on topic gives out information, that I know to be incorrect, in the form of an opinion. When I prove they are incorrect, I will often hear "well, I still think I'm right, and I'm entitled to my opinion". How often have you heard that? To me, that's a stupid individual, as well as an ignorant one on the subject.

Anyway, thanks for the take and maybe you made it through this ramble. :) Stay warm!

[13IsALuckyNumber]

I have learned so much.
I haven’t been in GAG that long, I think i started beginning of August, maybe end of June.
I’ve learned a lot about the world in these few months, and it has been really interesting communicating with all these people, hearing their opinions and sharing my own.
Overall, GAG is really great and I’m glad I found it.
The main thing I would take away from GAG though. Literally everyone is different and unique, and often hide behind a mask of some sort. We probably aren’t who we seem to be on this site. We probably have told a few white lies about things. We may have even told a few bigger lies. But also, we reveal deep secrets that we wouldn’t tell anyone in real life. GAG is a place to be open, but it is also a society. That means that the people in it aren’t perfect, and you may not meet up and talk to the best people, but each one is different. Each one helped you in some strange way.
GAG is awesome and I urge everyone to unveil their true selves and admit something that they really want to just get off their chest, or something that would just make them feel better to say.
Me first.
I haven’t actually told anyone in real life I’m aromantic or that I’ve broken up with my girlfriend because I’m not ready to tell them, and with Valentine’s Day coming up, it is stressing me out like hell how people are going to talk to me about it.
Anyone else who wants to share, share. I won’t judge you, and no one else should. You don’t have to, but if you want to, do it.

[hellionthesagereborn]

It has shown me that I am an idiot, that I consistently choose to try and reason with those who's singular goal in life is to avoid reason. Its taught me that I am fixated on something that will never ever change, the acceptance of truth will never occur and its a waste of my time and energy. Its also showed me that I clearly have issues because I keep fighting a battle that cannot be won and I don't know why. Maybe its an outlet to waste time so I don't have to fix my own life, I don't know. Its also taught me that I have had way more faith in people then they deserve and that when given the choice people will always choose what is most convient to them and never EVER accept facts if they don't like them and never EVER be consistent with their values only holding onto them so long as they provide the desired outcome. I must be a god damn masochist to keep putting myself through this trying to fix things that people don't want fixed, they just want to live in their little worlds and drag the whole world into hell with them just so they don't ever have to own up to their own screw ups and their own insecurities and their own flaws and failures.

[JohnDon9]

Can relate to it completely , so many people come here in a hope to be heard , to open out , to know how different opinions can cater towards a better perception of people around you , perception about life , to make new friends , to have an upliftment from their past. I owe big time to G@G for making this happen. Spendig less time on people showing about how amazing their life is and more on how they feel and percieve life, love, friendship, hate. It won't hook you up with someone 🤣 but surely you percieve the world and people living in it in a good way. Only if it worked out this way in real life, the world would have been a better place. But hey G@G is the closest it can get. ♥️

[AmandaYVR]

What a nice sentiment. I'm sure this would make the site owners/designers/developers feel good if they read this.

[JohnDon9]

I would like to work with G@G team if i get a chance hehe

[1stranger]

Amanda, thank you for this beautiful mytake.

I blocked a guy here too. His nickname, I guess, COMMODORE...
But I don't know why I block him.
I'm likely to have thought of something stupid. Because I don't really know and remember why I blocked him.
Then I forgot I blocked him.
When I answered a question about blocking a few weeks ago, I unblocked him.
I realized that during this time he rightly bloked me, because I blocked him.

I apologize for the stupidity that I made from him.

[AmandaYVR]

Ah yes, the retaliatory block. I've gotten a bunch of those.
But we can always change, turn over a new leaf, can't we. Nothing is set in stone. Humans are fickle, emotional, sometimes even volatile, but we can change for good just as quickly as for bad. There can be some comfort in that.
Commodoreii's a good guy. I'm glad you're giving him a second chance.

[Jamie05rhs]

@COMMODOREII

[1stranger]

@Jamie05rhs
He probably doesn't see them for blocking me.

[Jamie05rhs]

Oh. My bad.

[shimmeryns]

What has my time on g@g tell me about myself... that is a really good question and I have to think a while for the answer.

One of it is, no matter how kind and respectful I am, a bigot will always be a bigot and there's nothing much I can do about it.

I always like to assume the best of people, but I learn that is certainly not applicable on g@g.

A user has taught me how to deal with rude people on the internet. By asking the right questions, I can discover the reason behind their uncalled behaviour. I live on "do unto others" but again -- a bigot will always be a bigot. It is less about how I treat them, the problem is within themselves and not me.I also learn how blessed I am in life. G@g teaches me to be more thankful and makes me appreciate my life more. They say the grass is always greener on the other side. But naaaahh, not really.

[AmandaYVR]

Nice. Well said.

True, all, except that phrase, "the grass is always greener" is meant to be a warning, not a fact. It's a reminder that we often long for what we don't have, while not appreciating what we do.

[shimmeryns]

Thank you for correcting!

[serious]

Well, the fact that there are lot of good, nice, sweet, caring and understanding people but at the same time there are lot of members here who are judgmental, the say and post comments deliberately in order to provoke the question asker or the member who posts an opinion, just to create some arguments and debates for the sake of it or to satisfy their ego.

I have understood that if I am here then I will not be very sensitive and will ignore such people and will only care enough about people who are genuinely sweet, nice, caring and understanding and keep contact only with them.

[Randomawkwardness]

That my worth isn't dependent on others. I don't need to have a romantic relationship to feel wanted and I don't need to have as many friends as I can to feel seen. I can just be me and that's okay. Also, not only to me but just how weird life truly is. Over here we have someone battling their inner demons and then the next post is someone with a pee fetish. I had always thought life would turn out to be mundane and this app has proved me wrong over and over.

[AmandaYVR]

This made me laugh. And it's very true.

[pizzalovershouse]

That people here can be just like in life mean or nice an that I have had both here but I enjoy the nice people an i realise some mean people will never change in life they rather keep hurting people to feel good than hesl there pain an ve nice to others you get what you give I'm not perfect but I'm not going to cut good people's words down if it's not said right the problem with some of these mean people here is they like to use the words of the site against people like proper grammar correct your spelling 1st but there is no button here to let you have it correct or let you correct it after you write it

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

I can get along with Younger people and they make me feel great inside
they don't put me down for being shy of turning age 52 this Sunday coming
they can accept the opinions i give them and not come back and call me
a creep cause i been on websites where Younger people would call Older
people creeps for no apparent reasons.:/

[just_a_potato]

I would have to say something I've learned from G@G, which kinda correlates with your 3rd passage, is problem solving and resloving conflicts. It's hard to keep an open mind and to be unbiased about the person you are arguing with, but it's like a practice run for me. So I try not to take any of the debates I get into too seriously, nice take ma'am 😀

[Drumlin2001]

I realise how far i've come in the last 3 years. How many people feel the way i felt for 15years before i finally reached out for help. How tolerent i am compared to to so many on here. How open and honest i can be, albeit with anonymity which the site gives (i dont hide behind anon but no one knows me on here)

[Rangers]

I've grown a ton from a keyboard warrior who can't find themself to a man who knows who he is on the inside. I've done great and I'm glad I've stayed on here as long as i have and plan on continuing. It's taught me that we are very divided, we are not one, and we won't be, but that's okay, we aren't supposed to be.

[DanOh2018]

Hmm I've learned that some people just don't understand what polyamory is even when you explain it. It just makes some people go bannanas.

I've also learned that few people indeed can actually hold a conversation.

[AmandaYVR]

What's your theory on why few people can actually hold a conversation?

[DanOh2018]

Hmm well a lot of time women seem to want to have the man in the conversation jape and jest and shower them with attention, whilst simultaneously being hugely boring. I imagine the hotter a woman is the worse this often becomes.

When it comes to men it can turn into irritating conquest bragging which I find painfully masturbatory before long.

[AmandaYVR]

Interesting.
Yes, well, I wonder myself why people don't put more effort into their communication/conversations/comments. Some do, many don't. I see it with men too.
I wonder if it's because females get approached more, and they don't initiate much, they are already on the defensive, thinking, "What does this guy want. Probably just to sext. When is he goona hit me with a penis pic." I'm not saying it's right. But maybe they don't want to talk. Or they want an actual conversation that won't lead to sex but much of their experiences tells them otherwise. But if they do want to talk, they should put effort into contributing something. Some people do think the party revolves around them but that is unlikely the case.

[DanOh2018]

I mean, why not have an actual conversation, and sext, you know alternate.

Little bit of right brain left brain.

Honestly giving chase gets boring after a while.

[AmandaYVR]

Most females aren't on gag to sext.

Girls, what are your main reasons for using G@G? ↗

[DanOh2018]

Technically sexting count's as information exchange. I think you're not accounting for the secret shameful pleasure factor.

[AmandaYVR]

"I disagree with your policework there" Dan. Privately sexting one-on-one falls into a different category than publicly writing about sex, exchanging sexual preferences in a group setting.

[AmandaYVR]

Forgot...
Are you saying that you've sexted with a bunch of girls who happily do that, but cannot carry on a conversation about non-sexual topics? And if that's what you're saying, out of curiosity, how many times has that happened?
What I was referring to is girls not contributing to a conversation, and maybe that's because they're acting cagey because they have experienced so many guys only primarily wanting to sext.

[DanOh2018]

Hmmm bit of both tbh. Honestly I'm getting bored the whole sexting thing with the exception of a few special friends.

As for how many times it's happening that a woman likes to sext and nothing else, dozens of times.

But what I am really getting at is that beautiful people are usually dull speakers for whatever reason. Probably because they don't have to be persuasive to get what they want in life.

[AmandaYVR]

Here you go. Inspired by our conversation, I'm getting to the bottom of it. I asked this question:

Ladies, do you want the guys of GAG to sext with you? ↗

That was before I saw your last reply here. Dozens, eh.

I'm mulling over what you said about beautiful people and lack of effort. I know that's a common thought.

[DanOh2018]

I feel that I know better than most because I used to be hot and then chunked out after a crippling leg injury. People treat me way worse after and I actually have to press my points to get anywhere.

[Chobitsmaster]

Dont be ashamed of what I may want in a relationship or otherwise. It may not be what is considered normal, but what will matter most is that we love each other and both enjoy the roles we have in that relationship.

[Samantha_17]

I managed get a lot of good friends, including you :)

[AmandaYVR]

That's sweet, thanks Samantha.

[Gedaria]

I enjoy talking to people, and if I could help in any way. And there have been times, I really enjoyed being part of their lives. Exchanging experiences...

[Purplemonkey24]

I'm still a gullible, vulnerable fool. I have no back bone, hate hurting people's feelings and I just suck.

[AmandaYVR]

I'm sure you're alright.
This is a good place to learn about people. You'll get better.

[FatherJack]

You do NOT " suck " ... at least you try to be kind. Malicious , spiteful individuals truly suck... and there are far too many of those. A backbone can be grown !!

[Purplemonkey24]

@FatherJack thank you. I really needed to hear that ❤

[HOAAH]

That i am lucky to be married and have a good husband.