You’ve probably noticed a decline in the quality of questions on this site, especially since the number of anonymous posters has flourished. The key to composing a quality question is to make it meaningful to both the asker and the answerer. Give people a reason for spending time to think about and write a thoughtful response. I tend to be drawn to meaningful curiosity or a true desire to move forward. Spark deeper thinking in the person answering your question. Show you’ve thought through the question before asking it, presenting what options you’re considering, yet showing openness to other alternatives. Don’t expect people to guess what you are asking, and treat people as individuals rather than lump them into groups and assume they’re all alike.
I am generally unlikely to respond to anonymous questions. I like to see people’s patterns of writing questions and responding to the comments. That way, I know if I want to invest my time or not. Asking whether a tomato is a fruit or a vegetable anonymously is just saying you’re playing games with people and don’t want anyone to know how disrespectful and inconsiderate you are. Some people only want confirmation of their rigid belief, while others insist no answer will ever move them forward, while others only want to complain and blame. These are people I don’t choose to respond to. Don’t bother to ask a question just to reinforce your limited perspective.
Though asking which color or outfit suits your face or figure is perfectly fine, asking how I or others look is a waste of time. The more dependent we are on external validation, the more insatiable and insecure we’ll feel. Asking what someone you know or fantasize about is thinking is also useless, as the only one who knows what that person is thinking is that person… so ask that person. Don’t waste your time asking whether someone likes you. Though we may be able to share patterns and trends, no one can accurately guaranty what another will choose to do or know what is behind their decision. Asking whether you should start a relationship with someone who abuses and cheats just states you feel too stupid to think for yourself. Unless you’re seeking stupid answers, don’t ask stupid questions (like “Is he married?” or “My boyfriend calls me names or abuses me… what should I do?”). If there’s no way we can know the answer, don’t ask the question.
Asking how you can change someone from who they are to who you want them to be is also a useless question. People are who they choose to be. Let them be who they choose to be rather than attempt to mold them into something they’re not. People are not lumps of clay, eager to be molded. The more we tolerate inappropriate behavior, the more likely they’ll continue that behavior. Move on if you don’t like what you see. Don’t give your time and attention to those who are inconsiderate of others, for that will only let them know they’re having impact and continuing their pattern will give them more of what they want.
There are people who seem to live on this site 24/7. They are quick to post meaningless responses, just to compete to be the one who has the most points. They will always be there to say they have no idea, push your buttons or shove their closed-minded agenda down your throat. Take what they say with a grain of salt. Responding to them will only reinforce their pattern.
Differences are necessary for growth. How can we grow, if we only interact with clones of ourselves? You don’t need to take on their beliefs as your own, but seeing things through the eyes of others helps expand our perspective. Maybe you’ve experienced working on a team project. Another person may come up with an idea you know won’t work, but hearing that idea might spark new options within your own head. If you just want confirmation you are correct, at least state that up front, so people don’t waste their time responding, believing you want to understand how others see it. I understand blocking others who are disrespectful, but what do we accomplish when we block everyone who disagrees with us?
We’ll only get respect and consideration when we give respect and consideration. Only insecure and low self-esteem people feel threatened by differences in others. If you don’t feel threatened by someone ordering a different menu item at a restaurant (without forcing you to eat it or criticizing you for eating something different), what is the threat to you when someone believes or lives a life different from yours (without forcing you to conform to their choice or criticizing you for being different)?
Show interest in expanding your perspective. There is no one right way that works for everyone in every situation. The more options we have to choose from, the easier it is to choose the one that works best for us based on the situation we are facing. Be curious and seek insight that might move you forward rather than look for ways to legitimize holding onto dysfunctional patterns. If you wouldn’t want your child to experience what you’re experiencing, don’t work so hard to hold onto that option. Asking people to share their favorite color takes you nowhere; while asking what moods might be triggered by different colors can give you insight. Complaining about your situation is useless; while asking for suggestions of things people have used or know of that might take you to a healthier place can be helpful. Don’t blindly believe whatever people claim. Do your research before attempting anything you read online. I could say “Everyone who sends me a million dollars will live forever.” Don’t be gullible and blindly accept statements that aren’t backed up by factual research.
There are plenty of self-help books that state “This worked for me, so it will work for everyone.” Everyone is different, so never assume what works for one will work for all. Let their experience trigger thoughts within you, but make your decision based on what truly makes sense to you (not what you fantasize might be the quick easy solution). The quickest way doesn’t necessarily lead to stability over time. Don’t assume the grass is always greener on the other side. I always found it odd how girls with curly hair wanted straight hair, and girls with straight hair wanted curly hair. Make the most of what you already have rather than waste your time attempting to be something you’re not. For every type of person, there are people who appreciate that type of person. It’s time to learn to appreciate yourself. Use this forum, and other such opportunities, to find ways to enhance the real you, for the real you will always be what has the greatest and most meaningful value.
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