Dear Mr Nice Guy! 🎩

[justbanANNAz]

Dear Mr Nice Guy,

Look at you.

Trying to fit it, when you already know you broke the mould.

It all started with a feeling, didn’t it?

That’s what turned you cold.

Once upon a time, you respected yourself.

You had manners, you were polite.

Being nice was still cool, being a gentleman was alright.

Your mama etched it so deep into your soul

that you couldn’t imagine living any other way,

until you broke, you were crushed, some days after days.

You got played, you got betrayed.

You had your heart tampered with,

and you had to pretend you were not swayed.

You got sized up, they measured you up.

“Too small, you ain’t no man.

Pathetic loser”, they said.

You got tested, she played mind games.

When you did nothing wrong, you still got framed.

You got the stitches pulled out of your heart.

You were told you were “too smart”

in a tone that suggested it was disgusting to be so remarkably well read.

You got beat up, physically and mentally.

He said “If you don’t become an alpha, you’ll pay the penalty.

You won’t survive”.

Like a sponge, you absorbed every word,

relished the pain,

and that’s when you changed.

I blame you.

You lost respect for yourself.

Head hung low, standards lower.

You had sex and you didn’t even try to get to know her.

The gym became your escape rather than your solace.

Humility left you,

and you thought you were flawless.

Your ambitions became easier and easier to achieve,

only because the list of your goals was cut down, and so brief.

I blame you.

How foolish, how blinded does one have to be

to realise that he is not loved, at least not genuinely?

Mr Nice Guy turned “Mr Bad Boy”- what an awesome name (!)

Too bad deep inside you’re not feeling the same.

Cuz you know.

You know that you are not this guy.

Change back.

We liked you better when you knew what real love was.

We admired you when you knew what strength was.

We aspired to be like you back when your dreams were so big they scared you.

When your morals were so grounded before you bid them adieu.

We loved the way you once carried yourself

before you placed that precious guy on the dusty shelf.

Don’t you realise, you idiot, that you were wonderful all along

and all you’ve done was waste your time?

You gave millions and millions,

you became a bitch, and a minion,

to people who weren’t worth a single dime.

Waste of time.

Dear Mr Nice Guy,

if by the end of this letter to you,

you are still not persuaded to withstand,

then I regret to inform you that you don’t have a clue

about what it takes to be a man.

---

I will not be elaborating on this myTake, because it's very self explanatory, just formatted differently. If it's offended you, I really have no intention of giving you what you want to hear #shotsfired . For anyone who found this useful though, I have 5 pieces of advice for Guys:

🚹 If you ever come to the conclusion that being an ass is better than being a nice person, you are a fucking douche. BUT, if you wanna be a douche, get ready to appeal only to other douches and bitches. If you're okay with that, go for it. It's your life.

🚹 Lowering your standards, self respect, and respect for others makes you WEAK. I can't stress strongly enough how hard it is for people to give you any kind of worth if you carry yourself like that.

🚹 Life is more than women, food, gym, money, sex, sleep. When you can open your eyes to that, you'll realise being a bad boy isn't worth it and that you can still be nice AND get the most out of life.

🚹 Enduring to be a nice guy in this messed up world takes PATIENCE and DISCIPLINE. This is how strong people, men and women, are made.

🚹 Nice guys finish last is a MYTH. If you believe that shit, I really feel sorry for you. Get out of that stupid mindset ASAP before it destroys you.

#stayclassy

Thanks for reading =]

---

~j.B🍌

[foreverloved14]

I hope that nice guys don't change themselves. The bad boys they just break me. I dealt with one. He seemed like a nice guy at first then he was verbally abusive. I didn't date him. I just really liked him. I'm still broken and I'm trying to be the person I know I am. I'm trying to still be nice towards him and not hurt him in any way. I'm trying to walk away. You're probably wondering why I'm saying all of this. I'm saying this because other people are broken and they can destroy other people too and hurt them so much that they become changed. I will never be like I was in 8th grade, but I know who I am. I know how I act. I know me and no one else knows me. I'm done listening to people. I'm me and I should accept myself. It's harder said than done, but I know my acts of kindness just one little act of kindness can change someone's day big time. This way I don't get hurt and I make myself happy and others. This way I can pull through the pain and heart ache. I'm going to pray for all the broken guys. They try and be strong and possibly even changes themselves. Changing yourself won't make you happy. I realized from all the years that I slowly changed myself for people. I slowly became more and more depressed. Now, I would rather be me and have many people hate me than not be me and have people like me or hate me even more for not being me. I will never meet people's expectations all the time, but I know I can be finally from all these years I can be truly happy again like I was when I was little.

[justbanANNAz]

I love this so much ❤️

[foreverloved14]

Thanks!

[VampireEmpress]

I <3 this too. and I bet no guys will reply to this, even though u can relate to the complaining ones so much. it's total truth. plenty of bad guys pretend to be nice, just like how plenty of bad people are socialites. no one can guarantee anything. I'm really glad for you that u worked through everything and made out really well!

[foreverloved14]

@VampireEmpress I'm still fighting every single day to be strong. So please look at this is a goal for me to get through everything to be me again, but thank you.

[CourtJester]

"Life is more than... sleep."

... how dare you? The... the... the amount of blasphemous content in this post is inconceivable!

-All bad boy sleepers out there.

[heavensgift2girls]

People need to stop telling guys to be nice. First of all it is a sexist ideal that men should have to be taught to be "nice" to women, meanwhile women aren't being taught to be the same kind of nice to men.

Should people be taught to be polite? Yes that is an important part of functioning within a society. Should people be taught to be nice? Absolutely not. Telling someone to be nice is asking them to be self sacrificing when they may not want to be self sacrificing. In other words it is teaching them to be a doormat. If you don't want to be "nice", then you shouldn't feel obligated to do so. Strong people, particularly the kinds of guys women are attracted to, aren't so insecure that they feel pressured into doing things for others when they don't want to.

"If you ever come to the conclusion that being an ass is better than being a nice person, you are a fucking douche" It is more complex than that. Guys are being taught that to be nice they are not allowed to stand up for themselves. Even disagreeing with a woman or refusing to let her use the man can make a guy look like an asshole in our society. This has confused a lot of young men into not understanding there is a difference between being strong and independent, or being an ass.

"Lowering your standards, self respect, and respect for others makes you WEAK." This I agree with this, but being nice when you don't want to be nice, is lowering your self respect. A guy choosing to be generous or "nice" is something he has to want to do, and shouldn't be expected of him.

"Life is more than women, food, gym, money, sex, sleep." Personally I agree, but it depends on the individual. If someone wants that kind of lifestyle there is nothing wrong with it. They just need to find an compatible partner.

"Enduring to be a nice guy in this messed up world takes PATIENCE and DISCIPLINE" I couldn't disagree more. If being nice is that hard, then you aren't being truly nice. You are just feeling pressured into doing something you don't want to do, and that is weakness.

"Nice guys finish last is a MYTH" Yes and no. While truly nice guys are sought after by women, what boys are being raised to believe is nice is actually being weak and subservient. Guys that are that type of nice do finish last because women don't want to date weak kiss asses. Most women want to date strong men, that aren't afraid to stand up for themselves, even if that means he has to stand up to her.

[Accipiter]

I concur

[TheGuyWasAMaverick]

You're a very good poet and this is generally a good take but the problem is it's written from a female perspective and that's where the problem lies. It's easy for you to preach this as someone who hasn't never been in the nice guy's shoes.

A friend of mine is a genuinely nice guy, he's had a horrid time with women, even the so called nice one's have hurt him badly and because he wears his heart on his sleeve it makes watching these car crash incidents even more unbearable to witness.

Most genuinely nice guys that become bitter and full of frustration and end up changing don't do so because the bad boy lifestyle appeals to them they become this way because they're chewed up and spat out multiple times to the point where they become disillusioned. Guys who see these men think "fuck this, I'm not ending up like this guy, I'm going to play the field differently" and there you have it. The same is true of nice women who are on the end of rejections and a lack of respect from men.

Men don't need to become bad boys, but they don't need to be doormats either. More men should be like me; nice up to a point and never tolerate disrespectful behavior.

[justbanANNAz]

Thanks, and while i understand that, i won't really let my gender deter me from writing to, for and about u guys. I dont need to be in a nice guy's shoes to understand that its better to be a good human being than change yourself because society tells you to. This is common among us all.

Lol id never condone being a doormat. Its all about balance. there's nothing in my take that tells men to surrender to being too nice.

Thanks for ur input.

[TheGuyWasAMaverick]

The problem is that women continue to tell nice guys to be nice and yet those same women are then in relationships with men who are the polar opposite or they're hooking up with men who are different (I'm not saying all women are like this), so you can forgive the nice guys for thinking "this old ball of yarn again" and shut down from the important message you make.

FWIW, I agree, I think changing who you are to get women is a stupid idea and it's false and any potentially great women who may like the turn coat may well be turned off by his behavior, attitude and lifestyle and it's a missed opportunity and the cycle of negativity continues.

I do think this nice guy v bad boy stuff is a bit too black and white in an area where there's a lot of grey matter.

[Maik567]

I'm not gonna talk about much about the actual subject cause it just doesn't interest me that much, but this really is a subject that has affected many guys a lot, even to the point where therapy might be needed, and if you actually want to change deeply rooted psychological issues like do you know what you absolutely don't tell them? "I blame you" or "It's your fault" that will only make them hate you even more, it will only make them think that you don't understand them at. I mean the ending was especially shitty, you acknowledge the fact that some guys have been told "youre not a man" maybe all their lives and then you go ahead and say it again.

For example you can't change a racist by calling them a racist and saying that it's wrong. You can only change it with compassion and being understanding while simultaneously explaining and showing them that maybe their ideas are wrong after all.

I mean if this was just a rant I guess its okay, but if you expect to actually change anyones mind with this then you have a long way to go.

[justbanANNAz]

Nah its not a rant. Its just expression that is emotive, incredibly calm, but aims to send a serious message. I don care if people here hate me, im not a psycholpgist. Im addressing an issue. That is all.

I respect that u put it so civilly though, and i thank u for that.

[Maik567]

I think you definitely have a point in your post, but I think its still wrong that you end in the idea that there is a correct way to be a man ("Then I regret to inform you that you don’t have a clue about what it takes to be a man."), I think thinking like that is the exact issue that started all this alpha beta bullshit. I think there should be only one requirement to "being a real man/woman" and that should be your chromosomes. When young boys/girls are told that "this is what you have to do to be a real man/woman" that just fucks them up and makes them follow those ideologies instead of being their own person, and making these decisions by themselves.

[Scrambledagain]

Sorry, but no. Reality check...

1) douche gets a certain type of girls, nice guy gets no girls. Ergo, douche gets a girl, not nice

2) you women (not me) tell men to lower their standards when their bar is high (I can find heaps of examples if you need them). in terms of long term this works, never casual sex... ever.

3) so if you take women out that means no companionship and kids (at an extreme). No family. No love. So what is the world open to then? Netflix? Travelling? No love is the core to all of societies ills.

4) no being a nice guy isn't conscious patience. It's a by product of parenting and your childhood. Passive men don't succeed, they die of mediocrity. And no man should aim for that.

5) Nice guys always finish last. In school, in college, in business etc.

The number one mistake you made with your really good poem (I mean it, you very talented, shit you play with words well, I would hire you as my lyricist for my music if I could), is that a nice guys heart was never tampered or played with: his heart was never approached at all to begin with as he watched the others go through all that.

[Bluemax]

I can't agree that nice guys get no girls. How do you account for the men I know who are good men and happily married? The same could be said that they have successful businesses, completed college, etc.

Passive and nice aren't the same.

[Scrambledagain]

@Bluemax ok... no it was extreme on my part. I was wrong, but business yeah, I know one or two good guys who are very successful (most jocks become sales reps lol) but not with women. They not "rain makers" in love like go getter, aggressive players.

[Bluemax]

Bur I know PLENTY of guys who are good men who are successful with women.

[justbanANNAz]

thanks for your opinion, but on that last bit, I'm not talking just about romance. this entire piece is about life in general. it could be friends, colleagues, parents. anyone.

ill take your critique of it since u put it so civilly and i appreciate that.

also very humbled that u like my writing, thanks :)

[Scrambledagain]

@Bluemax every player I know, the ones who take women off nice guys are not really the proverbial "nice guys". I'm not saying nice guys won't get anything (i was wrong there) buy nice guys are not going to be porn stars anytime soon.

[Bluemax]

I don't think being a player or porn star means you have a successful and fulfilling romantic life.

[Beaver19]

I get your point you mean to make and have a lot of respect for it, it's not as black and white as the post implies but I really do appreciate what you mean, like a light at the end of the tunnel for the 'nice guy' who kept on being nice if I understood it correctly, but it can be hard, some guys don't turn douchey just cold or disinterested, I myself am a bit like this, in highschool I only got pursued by plain Janes and got rejected by any girl I found attractive, I kept going even depressed and lonely, hopeful for college... then my father passed, going through that stress cost me my hair at 19, I have to shave my head bald now and I've been called ugly a lot (although I do pull off bald well actually it's clear the shaved head isn't popular) and I've had nearly 20 rejections and never even been kissed, I'm still a respectful guy, I still won't lower my standards on a girls looks or motives even if a gun was to my head, I inly want something real so to me high standards is a good thing, but even while I push forward, it's gotten to the point where I simply can't smile as before, I'm a very social guy, everyone's always loved having me around, but while I still have good values and goals, my general demeanor has changed given being 20 never even been kissed and all those rejections and comments about hair.

So while I'm still a decent guy, I'm not really positive anymore, school, dad passing, being called 'fugo' 'old man' 'eww' etc. and seeing a lot of people from my class in love and get married to attractive girls, it tolls on you. My point is a man has a right to be disheartened or depressed or even to decide it's not worth breathing anymore, but I agree, at no point should a man, boy, woman or girl think their pain justifies screwing with others.

[justbanANNAz]

I respect the way youve worded this opinion. The way you conveyed uour point is very respectable, unlike many guys here, and i appreciate that.
I know it's hard, and as impossible as it seems, i believe with persistence there is always a reward. Maybe not straight away, but eventually. As i said, it requires patience.

[xxcchhllaauu]

yeah being nice never got me anywhere. Kinda hate my mom for raising me to be nice cuz I can't turn it off. Its not like I ever thought being "nice" would make girls like me at least not in a romantic way from being called the n word to being called the 40 year old virgin my experiences dimmed my look on life I think most everyone the same exept for the one extremely rare nice girl that make me want to open up but what if she's the same as the rest and hence my spiral into depression and pessimism began

[sblad89]

From my point of view you are spot on. Being a nice guy isn't such a bad thing.. its not a lifestyle or anything like that.. more how you treat yourself and others in a sincere way. be that in work, family and dating or just life in general. Yes its been tempting to sway to the other side from time to time but I have never taken that fateful step as it would be up for debate if life would be better or not. I've been played a thousand times by different people I have encountered in my life. Did it suck? I would be lying if I said it didn't, thats what makes me human and me me.

At the end of the day I have a saying "Shame on those who think ill of us"

If someone said to me that I needed to be more of a jerk towards people, my reaction would be "If I told you to jump off a tall building, would you?" No one in this life should force us into doing or becoming something that we know is not true of ourselves..

for eg. in work if a collegue said to me "If you dont do this, then you will kiss your promotion goodbye" I would have to consider if what was expected of me went against my true self

[justbanANNAz]

My goodness, so well put. THANK YOU fpr understanding that mot everything you're told is what u gotta do and how u gotta live. Much respect 👊🏽

[sblad89]

And thank you for strengthening my faith that there are people out there willing to get on with the likes of me.. with patience and strength my hopes will soon become reality.

Its like when we are were in school. for so many years we are conditioned to find our way in this bad world. When teachers told us to do something just because that is what they believed in, then whos to say its right for us.

a classic example that happened to me recently was this: a girl that i was once close to, said to me.."I would prefer you if your hair was a different colour" I answered back. "if I was bald or had the hair colour you prefered, you would not of spoke to me so although I respect your view.. I prefer it this colour if you dont mind"

[justbanANNAz]

Wow, well its for people like this that writing takes becomes worth it.

Yeah thats a good example, if we let others decide how we live, then we really aren't living for ourselves.

[sblad89]

If you have ever seen the movie ' It's a Wonderful Life' then you will know as well as I, that somewhere along the line, we have meant something to someone, be that by that cheering someone up who had a bad day, or giving loose change to those who need and cherish it.

a few months ago I was diagnosed with anxiety with depression.. I had no where to run anymore.. anyways 3 people outside of my family took it upon themselves to basically become my safety net. they didn't do it because they were told to.. they did it because they wanted to support me in my troubles. I wouldn't be here without them but I also know they wouldn't of wanted to if I wasn't the person I am

[aficionado]

I have never called myself a 'nice guy'. I just do good and live my life in a moral and ethical way. And yeah, i respect women (and men too).

My dating life has been pretty much non-existent for years now, but I have no idea if it is due to me being 'perceived' as nice, and hence boring. But I refuse to change. Those who were my middle school classmates, tell me that I'm still the same jovial, happy-go-lucky kind of guy with a great sense of humour. And people always tell me that I have 'never changed', and most say that in an appreciative manner.

So yeah, I will always hold on to my core individuality, of being a good human being. I don't prefer to use the word 'nice', due to the stigma attached to it. If there is a woman who'd appreciate me for who I am, I'll be glad. If not, I don't mind remaining single all my life.

Like you said, Life is more than women, food, gym, money, sex, sleep. I have some solid priorities regarding my career and stuff, and I'll just focus on those. :)

Thanks for coming up with this. Your myTakes are always so damn sensible and valid. :)

[justbanANNAz]

i appreciate this input. as I've told others, please remember that the mytake isn't purely about dating or women.

i hope u do find everything you're looking for in life though, and it's a pleasure to write for wonderful people =]

[aficionado]

Thanks a lot!

Yeah, except for the dating thing, I always get appreciated by people for the way I conduct myself. :)

[circlebill]

A very interesting take! Lovely writing style and the poetic form and flourish were well done! The only weakness was in the content! Among women YOU may be very unique and special! Unfortunately, the overwhelming majority of women are NOT quite so special. Among younger women, almost NONE have any use for a genuine nice guy! What men are most younger women choosing?

They choose almost exclusively, men who are accurately described by terms such as: Bad Boys, Jerks, Ass-holes, Douche Bags, Thugs, Players, Womanisers... etc. As a general rule, ACTUAL nice guys are strictly limited to friend zone status! It's TRUE and women decided it! So when you admonish nice guys for trying to change into "Bad Boys", your content disintegrates into little more than beautiful nonsense!

Being a genuine nice guy instead of a "Bad Boy-Jerk" basically condemns a man to being a failure with women! This isn't my idea! Again, it's something women decided! True nice guys face a lot of rejection from women! You cannot blame these men for trying to change themselves to be more like the men women are choosing! This is not something to argue about! It's just the harsh reality that men must face!

You should continue your writing! I'm sure that you will eventually master a literary balance between poetic beauty and pathos! Peace!

[justbanANNAz]

That is awfully kind of you. My favourite constructive critiique of it.
Thank you, ill definitely keep writing.

[Mysterio421]

Another nice guy take lol. Here is what I am gonna say from observation, experience and reality. Nice guys get screwed over and everyone knows that. Girls generally go for the "a holes" until they want to settle down. Then they go for this "nice guy" who was becoming stable and getting burned by the same women over the years. Then the divorce or infidelity or whatever you have. That's a different can of worms for another day. So the nice guy should stay the way he is and change back to the nice guy if he no longer is one. This is called insanity. Take it from the brilliant Albert Einstein: "Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results." Obviously it hasn't worked for the nice guy so he learned and adapted as such. For me, respect is earned. I don't hand it out on a silver platter. People can say what they want, but at the end of the day actions speak louder than words. What I don't understand is how being an "asshole" to get laid is losing self respect and lowering standards. Sounds like shaming, but it works. In business you can't be subtle all the time. You need balls and have to take charge and out your foot down when necessary. Guys generally just want to get laid. Whatever works for them. Nice guys finish last? Some don't finish at all, some finish last, some may finish first. Varies on the situation. I think accepting reality and going from there will make you strong. Learning the first time from a "failure" and preventing that will make you stronger. Focus and patience are virtues that are also necessary. I think people, in particular nice guys should just stop caring what he said, she said, or they said. Girls who treat them like crap aren't even worth their time anyways. But why are some of them tolerating it? If people were more honest in life and would put their foot down more, this problem would not be a convoluted topic.

[TheSkaFish]

I thought it was a very good poem. I enjoyed the message. I especially related to the part about knowing inside that I am not a "bad boy". I have never tried to be one, because that personality has never fit me. I've always known better than to have a tough guy image with tattoos and all that, better than to commit crimes, do hard drugs, join a gang, steal, vandalize, et cetera. It's not that I'm a coward, it's that I've always known that these things don't make you a man and just aren't worth it.

I want to believe in this poem, I want to believe that nice guys don't finish last. The problem is that my experiences have shown me otherwise. The most attractive and interesting women I've known all wound up with "bad boys". It really shook my confidence to its very foundation, it really wounded what little I had of it, badly. It really brings me down because they're not lousy girls, they're actually very smart and interesting and alive. They seemed to like talking to me and would have really inspired me.

It's always bothered me how ever since grade school, the troublemakers, the jerks, the bullies, the druggies, the most violent, most rebellious, most selfish and vain were always elevated to the top of the social hierarchy, and niceness and friendliness were shamed as weak and "uncool". I never understood why everyone got behind the most unpleasant people around. I would hate to be around that kind of person. But so many people are into that, women especially.

I don't want to become something I don't like, and I know I won't do that. But I just wish I knew that I wasn't going to be single for life either, or stuck with someone who doesn't make me feel alive. I just don't know what to do.

[justbanANNAz]

thanks so much for your positive words. I'm so glad that you've just remained true to yourself.

it's very understandable that a lot of men don't see the truth in this message because their experiences don't coincide. if a girl doesn't end up following things through with you, that doesn't mean that the problem is with you, as attractive, smart or fun as she may seem. i never believed in the idea of blaming someone else or myself when we don't match. we just simply don't match, and that's TOTALLY OK. at least we gave it a go.

it is quite baffling, but i also love that tbh. why? because by the time all those people grow up, the nice ones tend to take on this 'dark horse' character who really outshine their once cool classmates. I've seen it SO many times among men. the 'geek' was the first to find a girlfriend, the 'loner' was the first to build up his body in the gym, all that kinda stuff. women tend to fall for this 'dangerous' element in men,

[justbanANNAz]

but i argue that men can be dangerous in much sexier ways. besides, if a woman can't appreciate the sexiness of humour, intelligence, manners, mystery, etc, then who wants her? only a man who doesn't know what he's looking for either.

i can tell you that you still have a chance. always keep ur chin up and face life optimistically. what u can do is continue to look for love with a different mindset. the mindset of not forcing love, but being the kind of guy that women just can't help but think 'wow he's different' .

[TheSkaFish]

@justbanANNAz , the problem is that I feel like I messed up with girls where I should have matched if I was better, and now I can only match with women I won't like as much who won't feel special to me. It won't feel like a win, I won't really be happy.

The "dangerous" thing is a problem too. This is why many women are attracted to delinquents. I just can't "wow" women with stories of drugs and crime, because I don't have any. The rebellious "tough guy" style of tattoos and swagger seems very shallow to me, but women love it. I don't know. I was never rebellious growing up, it always seemed like a blind alley. I always thought those people would wind up poor and addicted and were breaking their families' hearts with their rebellion. I didn't want to be like that. Also, I was naturally friendly and kind. Being dark, "edgy", aggressive, hostile, cocky, and domineering never appealed to me. But in the dating world I got left behind.

[TheSkaFish]

I'm trying to get away from this philosophy of "it's a bad boy's world, I'm just living in it" but it's been very hard.

I'm curious what you mean by this, though:

"men can be dangerous in much sexier ways. "

Do you mean men can create this same feeling of excitement and sexiness without being "bad" or rebellious? If so, how do you mean? I'd like to hear your thoughts on this cause it's my only chance. No matter how well I can talk to a woman I can't start up the spark.

"the mindset of not forcing love, but being the kind of guy that women just can't help but think 'wow he's different' ."

Yeah I definitely agree with this. I sort of think of it like in the job world - "be so good they can't reject you". I'm trying to work on some hobbies and my identity, trying to have more interesting things to show for myself and talk about. Those girls were interesting to me, so I need to be interesting back. I just wish I'd get a second chance.

[justbanANNAz]

no no no, never ever think of it like that, that's a poisonous mindset. you NEVER should feel that you need to adjust yourself completely for someone else. it's a matter or compatibility. if u work, then u work. if u don't, then it's fine! life goes on and there are over 7 billion people in this planet. at least half of them u have a chance with.

exactly. personally id say i don't know what self respecting woman would be intrigued by that shit, but whatever. not all women love that stuff u know. being rebellious isn't always an attractive thing either. I've always thought of the bad boy as a cover up. i don't believe those guys are TRULY bad, but merely convincing themselves everyday that they are, so they believe it and act upon it. it's quite a psychological thing.

definitely, 100%. for example, i find it a turn on when a man is intelligent. i find it super sexy when he's flirting with me in a way that isn't so demeaning, or he knows how to entice my mind.

[justbanANNAz]

charisma is quite dangerously attractive as well, in combination with gentlemanly order. but of course, many men in todays world look at this kind of thing and laugh because they think it's outdated. yet this is PRECISELY the reason why i find those men attractive as heck. they're different, they're unique, and i wanna find out more.

that's exactly right, u got it. it's all about personal growth. the second chance will come, u can be sure of that, but when it comes, don't force it. just be yourself and as cliche as this sounds, everything will fall into place.

[TheSkaFish]

It's not so much that I need to adjust myself for someone else, but that I had a lot of bad habits when I met these girls and I didn't quite know what to do yet, how to act with women. When it comes to social things, especially dating, I'm a really slow learner. None of my family or friends were skilled at this either. It just sucks because these were women I could talk to and saw myself having fun with, but they never saw me at my best because I haven't been my best yet.

There might be 7 billion people in the world but trust me, I already met the best I'm going to meet, the ones I would have liked the most. I just know it. They were the ones I'd always wanted to meet, they looked and talked differently from anyone I've met before or since, anyone else just wouldn't be the same. It would only ever feel "just okay". They wouldn't give me that sense of wonder I've been waiting for all my life.

I guess I'll try to be more intelligent/interesting. I feel it's my best chance.

[A-Guy11]

Who has decided that being a tad tougher has anything to do with lowering your standards or always acting like a shithead?

I can understand people that do change into a "bad guy" when nothing else works. You know, it's harder for guys to get a partner or someone to care about you, so if what he's currently doing isn't giving any results, then he has two choices. Continue his current path and rot alone for the rest of his life, or start changing. What's stupid is to apply the same method over and over again, somehow expecting that magic happens, that there will be a different outcome next time (which of course will never happen). _That_ is why people change, not a desire to become a bad boy per se.

Your argument that the bad guy shouldn't have changed because people liked and admired him when he was a nice guys is contradictory; because, if people truly did admire and like him, then why was he betrayed, tampered and sized up in the first place? A person that is often overrun and hurt by other people doesn't sound like a respected person to me. In reality these nice guys are often interpreted as nothing, someone that's easy to overrun and manipulate and _that_ is why they choose to change.

[justbanANNAz]

there is nothing contradictory about this. lol, you think that even when you're nice and people like you, you aren't gonna have anyone who isn't faking it? come on. life ain't that rosy.

[A-Guy11]

My comment was (of course) based on a generalisation, of course it's likely that you will meet people that are not genuine and who are faking, but what matters is how _most_ people treat you. If a guy experiences that a lot of people betray and tamper him during his life - especially through his teens/the formative years, then that is his basis of his view of the world and partnerships. A guy that is truly admired and _generally_ liked probably won't need to give in to "hardness"/becoming a bad guy as the women that betray him are relatively few and far between.

Thus, your argument still stands out as contradictory.

[Accipiter]

The problem with nice guys is they rarely have anything special to offer a girl, except for being nice. Anybody can be nice to a pretty girl (in fact she's probably used to it because society treats beautiful people better). And if he does that, a woman will take him for granted until he gets fed up with her stringing him along.

I'm a recovered nice guy. And I get fed up when I hear girls advising boys to be nice and they can have the girl of their dreams. I can tell you from the media and garbage young boys are fed though fiction, movies, TV shows, novels, where they see the main protagonist who is often a dork, a weirdo, a doormat, a NICE GUY, who somehow rescues the most beautiful girl from her antagonist meathead douchebag boyfriend, and she winds up falling in love with him. This never happens. In reality, girls may not like every quality about her meathead douche boyfriend, but at least he has more to offer than the nice guy.

Men who suffer from nice guy syndrome are head-nodders who are too afraid to have a different opinion from the girl they're hitting on. They'll agree with everything she says in hopes that she'll perceive it that she has everything in common with him. This just makes the nice guy boring. The bad boys take pride in their own opinions and don't care if a girl disagrees with him. His different outlook on life makes him more interesting to the girls he dates.

The nice guy looks at himself and sees how unsuccessful he is and suddenly tries to become a douchebag. He makes an ass of himself and fails. He can't figure out why girls don't like him. Then he goes onto G@G and demands that girls should start approaching men and asking them out on dates because he's thrown in the towel and given up.

[Beaver19]

Or a decent guy can have high standards not lower them, have opinions and still only want something real, you're assuming every nice guy is some nerd who's never talked to a girl, there are decent men out there who don't give into a girl, and still have high standards.

[HeroofTime]

I'm only nice to people who deserve it. The only sex I've ever had was with four prostitutes on August 2015. I only got to have sex for a total of less than 15 minutes. I got scammed. I should be bitter, but I'm not. Everyday, I'm dreaming about having an awesome sex life. I just want a girl that loves me back. But I know this dream will never come true in this lifetime. I know I will find love and happiness in the future, but I will not find it in this lifetime. I found my soulmate in October. I though I was going to marry her. But she ended up leaving me two weeks ago. I should be bitter, but I'm not. I don't think I'm a bad boy. I don't think I'm a nice guy either. But you can bet that I'm a superhero. I'm going to destroy the powers that be once World War III reaches the United States. After World War III, I will destroy the monetary systems of this planet. I will make the Venus Project and the Free World Charter a reality. I will gather all the innovators and inventors of this planet and unlock the true potential of humanity. I will die shortly after unlocking humanity's potential because I have no one that loves me and no sex life. I'm laughing and crying at my fate and pain, but as long as I die shortly after World War III, I'm okay with this path. I just want to be a free Spirit again. Peace.

[KDA20]

Nice take - I suppose I am lucky that I live so much of my life with my head in the clouds, that whole dilemma passes me by - I have more or less being the same version of the person I am now for the last 46 years - I won't lie and say I have had thoughts of changing myself to appear more "Mainstream" or "Normal" but they were only fleeting thoughts and could I look myself in the mirror if I did it - Anyways if you asked all my friends and family why they love me, I bet the answer would be "He is just Dave" so if I became someone else in the morning all that goodwill will be lost. I don't care what other people think of me (believe me I have enough inner demons analysing my every move, making sure I am good person). Am I a nice person or an evil bastard?, I don't know I have come through my own quality control and it thinks I am a good person and quite honestly I don't have the energy after that to prove myself to anyone else - To them I say, like it or lump it.

[justbanANNAz]

this was so well said, i really enjoyed that. keep being you!

[Dipsy]

Nice take! (Pun intended)
I like the way you wrote this take! :)

But i have a quick question. Would this guy be considered as a really attractive guy (personality wise) :

-He is calm and confident (you can actually feel the calmness and confidence due to the way he speaks (calm and confident voice) and acts)

-He is positive (sees hope in a lot of things for example, and just being positive in general)

-He is intelligent/smart

-He is warm (as in friendly/nice to everyone (maybe this is also called charming?))

-He is funny (can make people laugh)

Would this be considered an attractive guy to you?
Cuz this is basically what I'm aiming to be haha
Or do you have any things still lacking from this ideal? :)

[justbanANNAz]

oh to me this is definitely attractive, yes. there's nothing there any woman wouldn't like, but i believe everything requires balance.

i wish u the best of luck in pursuing your personal growth. aim high =]

[Dipsy]

Another few quick questions if you dont mind:
How do you mean balance?

So if a guy has these personality traits, would most women want a relationship with him?

And how much does a girl actually have to like a guy in order to want a relationship with him?
(Like: can a girl want a relationship even without having feelings for a guy, but only because he has attractive traits (confidence etc./he is a good potential mate) or does a girl automatically get feelings for a guy because he has confidence?) Never really known how this worked with girls ;P

Thanks!

[allahu_snackbar]

For now I'm pretty sure I'm happier not giving a fuck. I never claim to be a nice guy but I'm sure I used to be a better person... bitterness, resentment and flippancy are just part of the healing process. I'll change back when I feel like it, although I'm finding it weird that I'm apparently more attractive with this attitude than I was before and it doesn't look like they're all bitches, some of them have some blatant raw scar tissue and I think they're attracted to the same thing, although I could be making a mistake and maybe they're just attracted to asshats because they don't know wtf they're doing in life. I don't know, people are complicated.

[VampireEmpress]

I read the comments from the complaining guys and fyi people, no one forced you to get taken advantage of. if some girl used you over and over and you let her, then why wouldn't u want to take responsibility for yourself so that you can stop it from happening? most people at least pretend to act nice every day, so it's not like u did anything unique for her anyway. and some of u have said u have no sympathy for girls who date players (I think it's just jealousy) so why should anyone feel bad for u? u chose, what u chose.

to mytake owner, it's like I said before you have awesome writing skillz.

[VampireEmpress]

and I swear to god every guy I know irl acts nice to his girlfriend. for the ones who turned out to be abusive over the years, they @ least pretended to be nice in public. I've never met anyone who was nice that couldn't find a girlfriend.

[justbanANNAz]

Oh my gosh... I can't tell u how thankful i am that u read the comments. They were getting SO repetitive -.-
I appreciate it xx

[DanteSparda]

Fuck me :(

I wouldn't lie to you or go anonymous but each and every word of your take described how my life went.
But at least I'm glad that instead of focusing on getting girls, I diverted my mind on studies.

Marvellous Take , awesome work!!! :)

[justbanANNAz]

aww.
I'm sorry to hear that, but hey at least you wound up finding your way and staying true to yourself, producing the awesome dude we know today! :D

thanks so much.

[NearlyNapping]

Best take I've read by far. None others comes close.

Not all nice guys take this route from nice guy to bad boy, probably only a small minority. But it applies to all of them, like a window into the future if they cross the line. I think more commonly they cross the line into a life of bitterness and self pity.

The truly nice guys do get girls. Of course it takes other qualities. But needing other qualities does not mean being nice is wrong.

[justbanANNAz]

Gosh no way lol, thats too kind.

Yeah ur totally right. I intended to make my character a bad boy, yet i am addressing the nice guy inside. You do make a good point.

Omg, thank u for admitting that! So many men think its hopeless and that baffles me.

[Riverock]

Good work on the poem.

I gave up on even thinking about the whole Nice Guy thing ages ago. I'll base things off my own experiences. I have barely tried dating but if I do and I learn that I have to be more selfish to take care of myself, I will even if that involves treating other people worse. The real world is sh! t so I don't see why I can't respond.

[justbanANNAz]

Well i can understand this view. If this is what works for u, then it works. I guess from my angle, for guys like you, itd b nice to balance out those emotions with 'nice guy' qualities.

[Riverock]

I know. I'm not used to being social so I find it hard to strike a balance.